I caught some drunk sorority slut banging my friend in the ass…IN MY SQUAT RACK! Fuck strap ons. Fuck that and he shouldn’t have been wearing my handicap card either.
He was mad so I thumped his head against the bar a couple times to calm him down. Then I told that stupid bitch she was just a hole to me and I didn’t want to see her anywhere near my bench.
Stupid cunts in my weight room.
Hey Stronghold, sorry about your head dude, don’t be a bitch about it though.
[quote]new2training wrote:
I caught some drunk sorority slut banging my friend in the ass…IN MY SQUAT RACK! Fuck strap ons. Fuck that and he shouldn’t have been wearing my handicap card either.
He was mad so I thumped his head against the bar a couple times to calm him down. Then I told that stupid bitch she was just a hole to me and I didn’t want to see her anywhere near my bench.
Stupid cunts in my weight room.
Hey Stronghold, sorry about your head dude, don’t be a bitch about it though. [/quote]
What are you talking about? I hurt my knee.
[quote]Stronghold wrote:
new2training wrote:
I caught some drunk sorority slut banging my friend in the ass…IN MY SQUAT RACK! Fuck strap ons. Fuck that and he shouldn’t have been wearing my handicap card either.
He was mad so I thumped his head against the bar a couple times to calm him down. Then I told that stupid bitch she was just a hole to me and I didn’t want to see her anywhere near my bench.
Stupid cunts in my weight room.
Hey Stronghold, sorry about your head dude, don’t be a bitch about it though.
What are you talking about? I hurt my knee.[/quote]
lol
Try some wraps, you got to keep those joints warm.
[quote]dk44 wrote:
DUDE you better have dropped that deuce ass-to-grass, or I will have to drop a deuce on your deuce.[/quote]
DEUCE OFF!!!
starts slow clap
[quote]UtahLama wrote:
dk44 wrote:
DUDE you better have dropped that deuce ass-to-grass, or I will have to drop a deuce on your deuce.
DEUCE OFF!!!
[/quote]
A lot of people don’t know this, but that Kiss song “Deuce”, it’s about 2girls1cup.
Dude, my dad owns a dealership.
At MY gym, they don’t have a chalk stand/bowl… So i bring MY own.
I’ve gotten a personal trainer ask me “hey are you gonna vacume that chalk?”…
I was confused. All i could reply was with a sarcastic “Yeah…”. I wish i could take that situation back and say “No, i’m not going to vacume it. Are you ?”
[quote]imasri wrote:
At MY gym, they don’t have a chalk stand/bowl… So i bring MY own.
I’ve gotten a personal trainer ask me “hey are you gonna vacume that chalk?”…
I was confused. All i could reply was with a sarcastic “Yeah…”. I wish i could take that situation back and say “No, i’m not going to vacume it. Are you ?”[/quote]
I know what you mean. Sometimes, word choice can make all the difference in the world when you’re trying to convey maximum dickheadedness.
DB
Did you write this, DB? So funny. It made my day.
[quote]dollarbill44 wrote:
So, this being January and all, I’m naturally pissed when I hit the weights because of all of the new posers in the gym trying to improve themselves to fulfill some pointless New Year’s resolutions. Anyway, I’m in the “Basement” crashing out some Zercher Front Squats, that 99% of people couldn’t do correctly, even if they weren’t afraid to try, when this little dude comes in. When I say he was half my size, I mean, he was literally half my size. He plops himself down on MY bench. Well, I wasn’t using the bench at the time, but in most of my sessions, I use that bench.
So I tell him, “yo, are you using that bench?” This little dude must have balls the size of Texas, cause he looks at me and says “yeah, I’m sitting on it watching you struggle.” So, I growl at him and hit a front double biceps and say,“Yeah bra, you wanna know what a real man looks like when he’s throwing around some iron? Just watch this next set.”
I unrack the bar and get set up for a set of breathing single leg zercher squats. No sooner do I get set up, but in stroll these two cuties, who proceed to sit down with you-know-who. Now, I’m pissed, cause I got the weight on me and they’re distracting me and they’re sitting with this gym runt. I mean, these are BREATHING SQUATS! Not some sissy-boy adductor machine reps. Not to be deterred, I refocus myself and start banging out the reps. One of the girls starts making goofy faces at me while the other one goes and starts taking plates off the floor rack and dropping them on the floor. And I’m not talking the little ones, I mean the big plates, the ones with the 5 on the side.
At this point, I have to say something, so I tell her to stop and that she’s going to hurt someone, but, since I was mid-rep, it came out more as a yell. This chick gets scared and runs out of the room. I keep going - 16, breathe, 17 breathe…Then, the dude gets up and picks up the biggest dbs in the area and starts swinging them back and forth in some sort of curling motion. I can’t make this shit up! I’m really at my breaking point at about rep 40 (breathe, breathe) when I tell (yell at) him “Dude! Put down MY dbs and use the next smaller size, the purple ones with the 3 on the side, little man!” The remaining girl just giggles and points at me and says “you’re face is red” and I’m like “wtf? Get out of here you Lilliputian!” She just looked at me all confused, like she had no idea what that means.
Well, this must have set off some lunk alarm or something because in comes the assistant manager and she’s pissed as hell, screaming at everyone to get out. I figure my set is blown anyway, so I glare at her before I rep out a few more - 83, 84, 85, before reracking the bar, making as much noise as I can, all the while, my veins is popping out in my calves. In between my half-breaths, I turn to her and say “Lolz, haterz will never get it. I’m gonna hit the showers now sugar tits, in case you want to join Mr. Hyoooge.” She just laughs me and says “I don’t think so Schwartzenegger. And apologize to our kids for the way you just treated them.”
WTF! Like I need that kind of attitude in MY gym.
DB[/quote]
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Did you write this, DB? So funny. It made my day.
[/quote]
He IS good isn’t he?
So good I’d like to… nah - no homo.
[quote]dk44 wrote:
DUDE you better have dropped that deuce ass-to-grass, or I will have to drop a deuce on your deuce.[/quote]
Assuming you follow your own advice and go ass to grass you would get his deuce all over your ass.
“Assuming you follow your own advice and go ass to grass you would get his deuce all over your ass.”
It would be like a box squat then.
I’m still convinced his 9 year old son writes all of his material for him.
My vote gets: No, DB didnt write this.
[quote]rrjc5488 wrote:
EmilyQ wrote:
Did you write this, DB? So funny. It made my day.
I’m still convinced his 9 year old son writes all of his material for him.
My vote gets: No, DB didnt write this.[/quote]
The original post is chocked full of such sublime genius that there is no way a 9 year old had anything to do with it.
[quote]Renton wrote:
He IS good isn’t he?
So good I’d like to… nah - no homo.[/quote]
No, no, go ahead! You can say it. This is a safe place, Renton.
Go on, so good you’d like to…what?
best part of this thread are the ppl who dont get the reference and are making serious posts
[quote]UtahLama wrote:
So me and my 4 bra’s go into the campus gym to go toss it around a little ya know’ and there are these guys benching…I mean little guys, ya know’…so I was like “dude!?!” “MY BENCH BRA!!” and my friend was like “dude!!!” I mean WTF was that dude thinking sitting there??
So the kid looks up at us and was like "duuuude? 
"
This pissed on my homeskillet and he was gonna’ ya know, fuck up that dude. So I picked him up and screamed “DUDE!!!” but he would not stop. So I smashed my best bra’s head into the ground until he stopped moving.
I tried to tell him it was a joke.
Fucking New Year’s resolution dudes.
True story.
[/quote]
Cha, bro.
[quote]dk44 wrote:
I was fucking maxing out on the leg press with four thousand million lbs and this asshole comes over to the squat rack next to me and starts doing some puny ass-to-grass squats with 225, I say to myself “oh fuck no, this little bitch is trying to show me up,” so I go and get a shovel and dig a fucking hole right there under the squat rack and them proceed to do the best set of ass-to-Earths-Mantle squats in the history of mankind, on one rep I went so deep that I came back up with a fucking tyrannosaurus rex fossil.[/quote]
Best fucking thing I’ve read in a while.