So, this being January and all, I’m naturally pissed when I hit the weights because of all of the new posers in the gym trying to improve themselves to fulfill some pointless New Year’s resolutions. Anyway, I’m in the “Basement” crashing out some Zercher Front Squats, that 99% of people couldn’t do correctly, even if they weren’t afraid to try, when this little dude comes in. When I say he was half my size, I mean, he was literally half my size. He plops himself down on MY bench. Well, I wasn’t using the bench at the time, but in most of my sessions, I use that bench.
So I tell him, “yo, are you using that bench?” This little dude must have balls the size of Texas, cause he looks at me and says “yeah, I’m sitting on it watching you struggle.” So, I growl at him and hit a front double biceps and say,“Yeah bra, you wanna know what a real man looks like when he’s throwing around some iron? Just watch this next set.”
I unrack the bar and get set up for a set of breathing single leg zercher squats. No sooner do I get set up, but in stroll these two cuties, who proceed to sit down with you-know-who. Now, I’m pissed, cause I got the weight on me and they’re distracting me and they’re sitting with this gym runt. I mean, these are BREATHING SQUATS! Not some sissy-boy adductor machine reps. Not to be deterred, I refocus myself and start banging out the reps. One of the girls starts making goofy faces at me while the other one goes and starts taking plates off the floor rack and dropping them on the floor. And I’m not talking the little ones, I mean the big plates, the ones with the 5 on the side.
At this point, I have to say something, so I tell her to stop and that she’s going to hurt someone, but, since I was mid-rep, it came out more as a yell. This chick gets scared and runs out of the room. I keep going - 16, breathe, 17 breathe…Then, the dude gets up and picks up the biggest dbs in the area and starts swinging them back and forth in some sort of curling motion. I can’t make this shit up! I’m really at my breaking point at about rep 40 (breathe, breathe) when I tell (yell at) him “Dude! Put down MY dbs and use the next smaller size, the purple ones with the 3 on the side, little man!” The remaining girl just giggles and points at me and says “you’re face is red” and I’m like “wtf? Get out of here you Lilliputian!” She just looked at me all confused, like she had no idea what that means.
Well, this must have set off some lunk alarm or something because in comes the assistant manager and she’s pissed as hell, screaming at everyone to get out. I figure my set is blown anyway, so I glare at her before I rep out a few more - 83, 84, 85, before reracking the bar, making as much noise as I can, all the while, my veins is popping out in my calves. In between my half-breaths, I turn to her and say “Lolz, haterz will never get it. I’m gonna hit the showers now sugar tits, in case you want to join Mr. Hyoooge.” She just laughs me and says “I don’t think so Schwartzenegger. And apologize to our kids for the way you just treated them.”
WTF! Like I need that kind of attitude in MY gym.
DB
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