She had a snatch like a wizards sleeve.
Me: Jeez - I gotta watch out this week, my sisters got her period.
Other: How do you know?
Me: My dads dick tasted funny.
My mate Robin whilst driving through town: Holy fuck, would you look at her.
Me: She’s like 14
Robin: Give a shit?
[quote]streamline wrote:
When I want some lip from you I’ll rattle my zipper.[/quote]
I giggled.
For very hot women-
“I’d drive her like a go-cart”
For doing something stupid-
“Like a monkey fucking a football.”
For something stupid that is done-
“Who gave the chimp a machine gun?”
When I’m pissed off but amused at the same time, in my best Yosemite Sam-
“God damn sonofa-bitchin’ motherfucking rabbit!”
My favorite, when something won’t go where it needs to no matter how hard you hit it or how big the hammer-
“Hit it with your purse, ya tranny!”
When timed well usualy has people in stitches.
There are a lot of others that pop off like a reflex, but I just can’t think of them now.
this ones if someone you dont like butts into a convo “If I wanted to hear from an asshole I’d fart”
“If the river runs red take the dirt track instead”
“sweating like a jew in berlin!”
(sorry to any jewish T-Men)
How do you know when your roommate’s gay?
When his cock taste like shit.
SUCK MAH BALLS!
Whats good about having an 8 year old girl in the shower?
You can slick that hair forward, bend her over, and pretend its an 8 year old boy!
Guy says “blow me”
Girl says “If I did, you’d stop using animals.”
When I was a kid, if someone called me a motherfucker.
“If your mom didn’t come over, then I wouldn’t fuck her.”
Another saying when I was a kid, if someone was being a dick: “I would have been your dad, but the guy in front of me had the exact change.”
“If you want to loose 8-10 pounds of unwanted fat, just cut off your head.”
If someone ever disses you with a “yo momma” joke, you should be all like:
“HEY! Lets keep my momma outa this and ill keep this out yo momma!”
*Grab cock while you say it *
If somebody says this to you, simply reply with “suck mah balls,”
“I’d pee in her butt”
And it means “that girl is hot”
Someone gives me attitude: “Man, somebody’s yeasty today.”
Someone whining for no reason: “Take your middle child tantrums somewhere else.”
Someone getting confrontational: “How about you go fuck yourself and call it a day? Take a load off.”
To “What the fuck are you looking at?”
Me: “I haven’t figured out yet!”
Cute girl gettin snappy: “Your pretty face don’t match that nasty attitude!” (from an Afroman song)
And one of my favorites: “You’re sweatin like R. Kelly at a girl scout meeting!”
“I gotta piss like a race horse!”
You could start off a sentence with, “So I took the biggest shit yesterday…”
You can respond with, “…And you like penis in your mouth.”
This really works well when talking about football. “That was as open as a Asian whore.”
[quote]streamline wrote:
When I want some lip from you I’ll rattle my zipper.[/quote]
Oh yes!! oh yes!!
I will exhaust this saying to no end.
[quote]msd0060 wrote:
“I’d pee in her butt”
And it means “that girl is hot”[/quote]
I’d lick her ass after she had diarrhea
or
I’d eat the corn out of her shit
“I hope you wake up pregnant.”
This thread is working “slicker than owl shit”
“I can tell you’re circumcised…I can see your ears”
“dumber than half a cup of dirt”
“hotter than a fresh fucked fox in a forest fire”
I have yet to meet this woman but if my avatar, Dogwitch, was real…
“she’s so hot I’d crawl through a mile of broken glass on my belly stark naked just to eat the peanuts out of her shit”
[quote]ukrainian wrote:
Boom! There goes the dynamite.[/quote]
HAHAHAHAAAA
I just watched that episode now at lunch.
oustanding.
I make a lot of super gross sexual comments; even around my family.
EX:
A girl in our friend group who I know has had anal bends over and I shout at her ass:
“Hello…Hello…ello…ello…!”
[quote]ukrainian wrote:
Boom! There goes the dynamite.[/quote]
You mean, “And . . . boom goes the dynamite.”
upon seeing a pregnant chick I’ll say …
“Wow…what got into you ?”
[quote]eic wrote:
ukrainian wrote:
Boom! There goes the dynamite.
You mean, “And . . . boom goes the dynamite.” [/quote]
Yeah, I did mess up on that, but oh well.