What do you say to people to get their attention or warp their minds? I know you’ve got some after reading some of these posts.
one of mine
“This is more fun than group sex with small reptiles”!-when they pause and look at you say-“Unless it’s cold, then they just stiffen up and lay there…like my first wife”!
…
I make a lot of AIDS jokes.
Great. Story.
let’s go to the cemetery and dig us up a party
If theirs grass on the field, go out and play 
Scene: In the car on the way to the bar
ME: Oh shit I forgot my knife back at the house.
FRIEND: What? Your knife?
ME: Yea, I always get laid when I bring my knife
So, has anybody here ever had sex with a random guy?
to no: Would you like to?
to yes: Would you like to add one to the list?
Yeah, that’ll go over like a turd in a punchbowl.
…happier 'n a two peckered puppy.
…luckier 'n an outhouse rat.
These are my personal favorites I heard growing up in my podunk hick town in the middle of nowhere, Iowa.
[quote]elano wrote:
If theirs grass on the field, go out and play ;-)[/quote]
…if there’s not, flip it over and play in the dirt?
[quote]duece wrote:
elano wrote:
If theirs grass on the field, go out and play
…if there’s not, flip it over and play in the dirt?[/quote]
(BARFS)
Boom! There goes the dynamite.
… and Robert’s you father’s brother.
Upon seeing an ugly woman, I wouldn’t bang her with your dick!
[quote]Makavali wrote:
duece wrote:
elano wrote:
If theirs grass on the field, go out and play
…if there’s not, flip it over and play in the dirt?
(BARFS)[/quote]
in Oz the quote goes like this
‘if there’s grass on the wicket its time to play cricket’
[quote]aussie101 wrote:
in Oz the quote goes like this
‘if there’s grass on the wicket its time to play cricket’[/quote]
LOL, I used to say that a lot.
[quote]streamline wrote:
Upon seeing an ugly woman, I wouldn’t bang her with your dick![/quote]
When someone would say that to me I’d reply with “thanks, you’re obviously a good friend.”
[quote]WxHerk wrote:
streamline wrote:
Upon seeing an ugly woman, I wouldn’t bang her with your dick!
When someone would say that to me I’d reply with “thanks, you’re obviously a good friend.”
[/quote]
Always thinking of my buddies.
Not sick or twisted, just funny. one of my female friends loves this retort…
“My mouth isn’t open like this to emulate a blow-up doll for you, just so you know… just mocking shock.”
her demolishing drunk come-ons with that line is so priceless, I can’t even describe it. Bewildered, lost, hurt, and ego shattered all in one.
“You’ve got a better chance of seeing the virgin Mary than you do fucking that girl…”
“Go eat a fuckin’ meatball”
I have better ones that just aren’t coming to me right now…