LOG #545
High volume PPL
Squat:
185x10
185x10
135x20
135x20
225x10
135x10
SLDLs:
135x10
135x15
135x10
125x15
Legs (burner set)
Single leg presses:
135lbs 25 reps each leg
Compound rows:
Single arm:
135lbs 15 reps each arm
Both arms:
135x15
135x10
125x15
Single arm:
125x10
125x10
Push downs:
~75lbs, 2 second pause
x10
x10
x10
x10
x10
Hanging leg raises:
3x10
That looks brutal. I couldn’t keep up.
It’s quite uncomfortable. Sometimes I develop muscle cramps a couple of hours after and have to down a bit of salt just to calm down everything.
Since I’m new to your log, mind sharing your goals? As in, strength, size, fat loss, or just staying sane in a crazy world or fighting your demons by pumping iron?
I’ve been slowly leaning out for what seems like a good while now. Not because I can’t do it, but because I often have to keep an eye out concerning my mental health and the whole notion of losing weight.
In general it’s not a bad thing. Leaning out, losing fat, etc, but for someone with the specific mental health issues I have, not being vigilant can easily become a big issue. My main goal currently is to just see how lean I can get, while continuing my recovery, and staying as strong, if not getting stronger in the process.
I’m still very much into pursuing my strength goals. I don’t follow strict powerlifting setups like I used to, nor have I competed anymore. My goals since then have changed. Right now I just like training because I can, and because it helps in situations like these. It all started some time ago in aiding my first recovery process, and since then I’ve always trained. I wouldn’t mind doing a few cycling trips in my area though. Me being strong is for me though. Physically and mentally.
Some nice squat volume there. Good work,
Update:
I ended up taking a leave from work. I’ll be away for 2 months.
It’s been nearly two weeks since I’ve had a single day where I wasn’t in tears. It’s not solely one thing that’s bothering me either. A lot of it is just past experiences, that really strike deep within me, and I find all I can do is cry, because while the situation has passed, I can still feel exactly how I felt at that time.
I only talk to my mom, my husband, my stepdad, and my biological dad. A lot of past issues are coming up, and I’m realizing I have a major problem with internalizing a bunch of things. Even if no harm was intended I still do it. So as of late it’s been me crying, while also doing my best to communicate the issues at hand to my family and my husband. We end up reaching a point of understanding and moving forward, but the process of getting there greatly disturbs me emotional well-being.
The other thing is more spiritual than anything else. I don’t feel like a lot of people on here believe in the same thing I do, so I often times withhold expressing myself on here, because I kind of feel like I won’t really be able to connect with someone on that level. But essentially, the many well known principles I believe, constantly clash with the principles of this world. Often times I find myself alone, fearful, hopeless, angry, sad, etc.
I don’t wish to withdraw from the world though. I can’t. I don’t really want to either. But it’s difficult. I see why it’s easy for concepts like nihilism to be so readily accepted by many. I really do. I completely get it. But to live a life and believe in the exact opposite, sometimes feels like someone is dragging me across a rough terrain. Life is filled to the brim with meaning. We all have a purpose. We are more than what any number could quantify, our mind, our will, and our emotions are more than mere chemical reactions. We experience inner phenomena that can’t be measured by means tangible to space and time. I’m constantly thinking about things like that. And I fully believe it. To which I find myself an outcast amongst many people, once the deeper topics begin to be brought up. People think I’m crazy, they think I’m stupid for my belief in God, in Christ , they think I’m misguided, I’m a follower, I chose to not think for myself, etc. To which I again…just feel alone most times. Outside of my family…I find it hard to find other individuals who I can interact with. We don’t have to believe in the same things, in fact, most times I encourage it. It teaches me how to understand, and listen, and connect, on a basis completely indifferent to how I feel. Yet I can never find others willing to do the same. I end up feeling afraid to speak. Or even share. To which I get social anxious on a deep level. Most times I do well with just casual gatherings. Have some drinks, laugh, etc. But I’m a person that likes connection. Past casual interactions.
All of this is just fuel to the perpetual fire I’m dealing with. Don’t know how to express yourself properly? Eat. Feeling lonely? Eat. Wonder why the vast majority of the world is so selfish? Eat. Upset? Eat. I can easily just use food as a solution to everything. I have. Hence why I’m here today moving hell and high water to recover.
My job is a very big trigger as well. I don’t do well in fast paced environments. That I fully acknowledge. I don’t do well with people talking to me in any other tone other than calm, engaged, and respectful. I don’t do well with long bouts of multi-tasking, I don’t do well with being crowded or tight spaces, and REALLY don’t do well with having copious amounts of food just in front my face constantly. Everyone at job has been paying me a lot of attention because they’re genuinely confused. Usually I’m pretty happy go lucky, and mostly cooperative at work. Lately I’m either completely shut off, or irritated with a short fuse. The last straw was me completely breaking down and crying somewhere in one of the offices for a very long time.
In essence…I’m not okay right now. But at least I know that. And I give space and awareness to the fact that I’m not okay mentally or emotionally. I do feel like I’m coming undone most days as of late. But I find this feeling to be what I call…not entirely consuming. Deep down I still remain hopeful. And with this time off I WILL slowly gain the tools necessary to return back to being me.
Of course this won’t be easy really. Stuff like this never is for anyone. I don’t care how many times I have to cry to get through it, but I’ll get through it. I’m tired of just welling up with tears almost completely randomly on the outside, but I’m not tired of the inside reasoning as to why. That part I like. I heard a very important message from a sermon I was listening to from Chuck Swindoll. He said:
“To Resist the pain, is to miss the purpose of it.”
And by that alone, I start to feel less overwhelmed, less anxious, less everything that is…otherwise contrary to how I live my life, and what I believe in, and who I believe in, and every nuanced little thing that follows.
LOG # 546
Heavy Big 3
•Squat:
Work the groove:
100lbs x15
135x7
225x10
Working set:
275x3
275x3
315x2
315x3
315x3
•Deadlift:
*Note: for whatever reason, more than likely due to increased focus on hamstring strength/force output, I can’t pull sumo without stuff hurting. Conventional feels freaking amazing, some years ago however, I remember conventional being a stance that I couldn’t really pull without being in pain. I think whatever weaknesses I needed to address I ended up doing, but for a different reason.
Working set:
135x5
185x5
185x5
225 straight set of 10
•Bench press:
Haven’t benched consistently in almost a solid year, give or take. However I’m very happy that I can still handle 135 for a decent amount of reps.
Work the groove:
95lbs straight of 10
Working set:
135x5
135x4
135x3
135x4
135x5
•Push ups: 3x10
•Sit-ups: I put something soft under my lower back because that’s a sensitive area for me.
1x25
1x15
1x30
——————————-
I didn’t give myself enough time to recover from the previous high volume training session I had earlier this week. I’m feeling extremely banged up, and everything from my waist down is tight and sore. Sooooooooo the next two or three days I’ll probably hop on the trails or hit the pool for a bit. Or a combination of both.
LOG # 547
30 min lap swimming.
Mostly freestyle and butterfly
I dont know what to say other than just breathe.
Cant think of anything more awesome. Sumo is only for IG models like @guineapig and @littlesleeper anyway
Aye, you leave @guineapig out of this. 
I’m doing my best to. I’m not gonna say I just can’t, but it’s just…difficult you know?
Squat 225x10? You’re stronger than I am.
I’m glad you took off from work. Consider what you’re going through it could offer you a reset. Especially glad you can confide in your hubby.
But a caution, if I may: having a job can push you out of your comfort zone and make you socialize, which can be good for you. Maybe it was too much right now, so taking a break is good, but it mustn’t last forever.
Anyway I’m not one to offer advice but I hope things get better soon. You can get thru this! I think @alex_uk should read that post because he could probably say something helpful about living your faith in the real world.
Best to you!
All in the legs bruv. Lol
And more than likely you’re stronger than I am. Most guys are just by default.
That would be great! I don’t engage others much anymore. I figured we’re all doing our own thing. I might make a comment in various places, or lurk around a bit.
LOG# 548
AM swimming
~30 mins
Firstly, hi planetcybertron! Don’t think we’ve interacted in here before! Just a couple of things about the above, firstly I would say don’t worry about holding back on here regarding your faith, it’s actually the reason I joined the forum, I saw guys like @jackolee, @losthog (both left forum now unfortunately) and @Frank_C Talking openly about their faith and everyone was respectful, no mocking, no arguing etc. I’ve talked openly about my faith here and everyone’s been great, even if they’re not in the same place they sometimes engage or just ignore which is both great, the internet can be such a vitriolic place it’s amazing to find a group of people with a shared interest that can be respectful and disagree well.
Also this is your journal you get to choose what’s in it, feel free to get talking about it all in my log as well (I even torture people who step in my log with Jesus music in the background of my training vids!).
Regarding the real world, this might not be the thing you want to hear, but what you feel actually demonstrates that you’re on the right path, read the high priest prayer of Jesus in John 17 ( I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. 15 My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one.)
And Hebrews 11: All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. 14 People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. 15 If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.
Your principles are going to be different, that’s ok, it’s not comfortable, but it’s part of picking up our cross. One of my jobs is a fire fighter and I’m the only Christian on station, those guys are all filthy (also worked on building sites so I’m a glutton for punishment) - it was super awkward at the first Christmas party, they’re all getting really drunk and just having a wild time whilst I’m drinking a coke and trying not to look too out of place. The guys are all great and we get on well and they’re used to me now, but I’m not really like them and I just have to accept that, I’m not living for this moment.
Anyway I’ll stop rambling in your journal, but if you ever want to connect and have conversations feel free to hit up my log or “@” me here.
Thanks for the tag @jdm135 Appreciate it and hopefully @planetcybertron Does too.