Enough with the self-pity folks!

Off Topic
1

All right folks (carefully climbs up on soapbox). Ol’ Demo has had enough. Lately, all I am seeing on the Off-Topic forum is a giant pity party for singles who can’t seem to get nekkid with someone. While I have sympathy for folks whose dating game is impaired by a weight problem, lack of self confidence, or less than ideal looks, I simply cannot sit back and listen to the constant bitching and whining anymore. Look people, the number one must have weapon in your dating arsenal is SELF CONFIDENCE. Guys, how many times have you lost interest in an otherwise attractive woman when she turned out to be meek and mousy? T-Men like a little fire in the britches of their Vixens (but not so much that it requires a trip to the clinic, if ya’ know what I mean). Likewise ladies, how many of you find spineless guys just plain irresistible? Not many, huh? I think you guys and gals need a little tough love.

Here is my advice: Find something about yourself that you like, and think about it a lot. Develop some pride in SOME aspect of YOU. Draw upon that and allow yourself to feel GOOD. Instead of posting repeatedly about how depressed you are, about how you don’t make enough money to get women’s attention, or about how your lack of a chiseled jaw and/or a perfect rack is keeping you out of nooky-land, try TALKING to that man or woman that you wish to spend “quality time” with. Speak to them as if you are interested in more than seeing then drop trou, and be polite. Show genuine interest (but NOT in sex, at least not right away), and watch their body language. If they don’t take the bait (so to speak), re-evaluate your strategy and move on. Rejection is not the end of the world. Above all, if you’re lonely, QUIT FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF. You have food, a roof over your head, and Internet access, so things can’t be all that bad. “But I’m LONELY, Demo!” And my guess is that you telegraph that to the opposite (or same) sex in every action you take. Think about it this way: No one wakes up in the morning and says, “Gee, I sure hope I meet someone who’s horribly depressed and insecure today. That would be wonderful!” Get rid of the self-pity, as well as the desperation. They are only holding you back. (Carefully climbs down off of soapbox…shakes TP from shoe).

2

come on now be fair… men have feelings too whether T-men or Nsync. Some of these guys lately got their hearts ripped out and hell if you did too you’d want some support, even if its virutal (isn’t “virtual” kinda of a gay word? its wussy… T-men should be all real wtf?). So give em a break…

3

I agree with freebie. Who’s to say whats self pity and whats true sadness? Sadness has a purpose, and these “negative” feelins are there for a reason. I’ve been trough all this before and it was part of the process that lead me to were im at today. Honestly i think it takes a real man to express those kind of feelings, most of us cant do it, because we are condioned from early on that a man doesnt cry and bla bla bla, thats all BS to me, and i dont mind at all that people use this forum to vent these feelings, sometimes one cant do this anywere else and speaking about it does help.

4

I don’t think he is referring to the incidents where the guy got crushed by his girl, but the posts about the guys/girls who keep saying that they can’t find a girlfriend/boyfriend.

5

I have to agree. Wipe the tears from your eyes, the snot from yours nose, and grow a pair. What is this? The Oprah show forum? It seemed ok to give the religous posts a hard time; therefore, it’s only fair that the pity party posts to take some heat. So, I’m hoping that others here will step up and sound off. I’m not trying to instigate, but I swear, I’m going to vomit at the next crybaby post title I see!!!

6

As one of those whiners, I fully accept and embrace Demo’s statements. He’s completely right. On the other hand, “find something good about yourself” is something of an ontological argument, especially for the more mercurial of us that radically reverse our self-images all the time. But ultimately, what Demo is saying is the most practical advice: get off of your ass and do something.

7

I read the off-topic on not just this forum but also the off-topic at a computer nerd forum too. I would think that the BB & irongame community would have better luck/skill/ability at attracting the opposite sex. Perhaps I assumed too much. This board couldn’t possibly imagine the similarities between the “Women, Jerks, and Poor Me” posts there and the “Women, Jerks, and Poor Me” posts that showup here. Maybe there is more commonalities between computer geeks and weight lifters than people realize … hmmmm.

I am one to speak because I have ignored and/or conditioned to ignore the intricate dance we call the 'courting game'. It was just a year ago that I was fat, slow, dumb and basically waved the white flag and surrendered to not meeting any females. Is it possible that geography & choice of college, raw bad luck, and stupid stupid mistakes could ruin chances of just hanging around members of the opposite sex? HELL YES!

But suck it people, SUCK IT UP! IF you have a drivers license, if you have a car, if you go to a college with more than a 33% female populace, if you have more than 3 females in college class size of 26, if you didn’t live on a all male dorm floor, if you didn’t grow up in a sheltered conservative household that didn’t encourage meeting others, and can’t drink alcohol because your body breaks down the alcohol into sub-compounds that make you ill (a known asian genetic defect), …

then you have it better than I and I try to see females every day.

I don'thave too much sympathy for those that are in a better situation or have more advanages than myself. I can't change where I go to school (I graduate in may), I can't change my genetics so I can't use inhibition liberating alcohol to "get the courage" to talk to a girl (sometimes I see alcohol as a crutch). I don't have much money because $25,000 a year on college will kill your wallet. And perhaps the worst part I can't change is the god awful male:female ratio at this school. 66% male to 33% female sucks something fierce. Practically every female around campus gets cluster fucked ( a group of guys hang around them at all times).

If you have it better than I, if you can get to see more than 15 females walking on your way to a college class, if you have anice car or the $$$ to strut your stuff, if you can use the crutch of alcohol without life changing repercusions, then
MAN UP!
MAN THE FUCK UP!

and take a breath, view it from another point of view and this time do something about your so called sad state of affairs.

Why??
Because I take what has been given to me and I try to do the best I can with what I got.

Agree?? Disagree? hit reply.

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I only brought it up because of Valentine’s day. I’m usually fine the rest of the time.

9

Demo has a point – simply feeling sorry for yourself doesn’t do jack. You have to sack up, step up to the plate, and brave rejection in order to actually get what you want. No pain, no gain, so to speak. I would add to his advice that you should not allow yourself to be a push-over – have an opinion, don’t twist yourself in a pretzel trying to avoid offending anyone at any and all times, step up to the plate for what’s important to you, and know what you want. To quote a little Shakespeare, “To thine own self be true,” because before you believe in yourself and stand up for yourself, no one else (especially no ladies) will take you seriously.

10

Yes! Thank you Demo! How much you work on your body isn’t going to change ONE THING about your social self confidence. It has to be addressed directly. Get some books – How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie), How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People (Les Giblin), The Five Love Languages (Gary Chapman), The Art of Understanding Your Mate (Cecil Osbourne). Use them!

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James, if your college has 66% male and 33% female, what’s the other 1%? I know, I know, you meant 2/3, 1/3 but I still had to bust your balls. It was still a good post. Drax, your reply to Demo was more pathetic than your lonely hearts post. Suck it up (as someone else said) and just start talking. If you find that too hard, go take a Dale Carnegie course. Just do something. Mr. Nephorm, thanks for sending me to my Webster’s to look up what an “ontological argument” is. Please don’t start one of those here. We have only so much space on the forum and that would take it all up. And to all you lazy buggers out there, NO I will not tell you what an ontological argument is…go look it up yourselves. As for you Dr. Demo, your girlfriend is making me fat with all the pizza deliveries. lol :slight_smile:

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Avoids, don’t blame me, you were fat already!!! LMAO (and STOP trying to get me in trouble!!! LOL)

13

Well spoken Demo. I guess that summarizes it all. But it shouldn’t keep anyone from posting if they feel down and need help.
And James, technically we are all nerds here - sitting on a computer and communicating over a forum. Only real chat rooms are nerdier than that. Real men don’t know how to operate computers, and if they did they would probably break the keyboard while typing and shoot the mouse… :))) On the other hand - go ahead and try calling us nerds if you dare (more :-)))))
(guess I’m not all that serious today).

14

AMEN.

15

Yea, it’s getting a bit much lately, but I can stand it. Really, I find it quite entertaining reading about other peoples fucked up love lives. It sure beats a novel. Besides, I might need it some day…You can always stay in the other topic areas if you don’t like other people’s laundry…