Sunday, September 21
Weight 146.6
CG Max day 41/50 - sumo DL squat, alternating chest press, paused hip thrust, single arm row, banded RDL, shoulder press - with 15 minute/1 mile cardio warmup. I found this long, but probably waited too long to start it and wasn’t adequately fueled.
@Friedrich thank you!
A woman after my own heart. 
I appreciate that you being perspective back to me when I need it.
Monday, September 22
Weight 146.2
My weight has moved!
CG Max day 42/50 - stability ball rollout, diagonal raise, fwd tilt rear step lunge, single leg bridge, rear delt fly & sweep - with a 10 minute cardio warmup. Lotta glutes here, so today’s hike is going to need to be relatively level. So 3 miles of that as soon as I get changed and go do it.
I had it in my head that I needed to get “truly lean” for once in my life. Call it 15%ish body fat. Not stage ready, but close.
During this cut, that “why” was getting thin. Energy levels, food noise, and other health symptoms have been getting louder by the week. I finally started to ask myself questions. Who am I doing this for? Why be that lean? Just to hang my hat on a number but be in the dumps physical and emotionally?
My hubby flat out told me if I get leaner I might be disproportionate. My upper body is so broad, and my lower has started to lean out. He loves how I look now, sure, he doesn’t want me to rebound, but he also understands that a little bit of fat will come on with muscle.
Last week, life provided a deload. I had a cold/flu, something nasty. So I took the week off the gym, running, and a calorie deficit. I ate to hunger to let my body get better. And my goodness guess what happened? My mood swings are gone. My feet aren’t perpetually cold. I didn’t panic when my plate was empty. I tried a new restaurant without guilt. I had a pastry at my favorite coffee shop WITH a latte and I loved every calorie. I wasn’t sitting there wondering if I needed to run an extra three miles to “earn” the coffee cake.
On top of this I ran into Elyse Kopechy, coauthored (along with Shalane Flanagan) Run Fast, Eat Slow cookbook. She is big on healing your body through nutrition. I re-read some of her cookbook and nutrition ideals and remembered just how scewed I am getting.
So to answer your question, I’m shifting my identity to building health and flexibility through nutrition. I want to run far, lift heavy and not feel like I got hit by a Mac truck all the time. Looks will stay because as @QuadQueen put it “I’m far too paranoid to get fat”. Partially because of looks, partially because I LOVE movement. And that requires food. Mentally, I need to be able to try a restaurant or get a pastry and not “work it off”. Right now, I want to get stronger and build muscle. Luckily, that allows us to get away with more food. Hell, it requires it. After this cut, I’m done cutting for the foreseeable future. Like you, I want to get back in tune with hunger signals, eating responsibility, and focusing on performance and feeling good. Being 15% body fat won’t help be run up mountains or squat hundreds of pounds, so I no longer care about it.
You heard me!!!
This is EXACTLY where I am, though of course the specific wording would differ. When I say “enjoy my family” I mean, lean in to every bit of it. Columbus Day weekend is Applefest here at my house. We have four baby apple trees, which will be picked and hand-milled into cider. There will be enough to give everyone maybe a pint to take home in addition to whatever we drink that day. We’ll have dinner and eat the “apple-y things” everyone brings, baked stuff. I will try to make good choices about quantities, and will make sure I protein ahead of it, but I won’t allow it to be an anxious thing.
I feel best if I move also, and to move at the levels I want to be able to requires that I maintain a base of fitness. You don’t get to enjoy a beautiful day hiking in the mountains if the uphills are kicking your ass. I prefer to be where I am now - during the gorgeous weather we’ve been having, I’m practically purring through my weekend hikes, which can be steep (for the Northeast) or rugged. When my heart rate does go up, I’m happy about it, because it’s hard to even get into zone 2 walking the dog, much less 3 or 4.
I’m having to make peace with my age as well. I need more rest days, and more rest in general, and am needing to take it despite the voices in my head (which have names you’ll recognize from these boards, haha) telling me to push through, do more, sleep less. I love those voices for their inspiration and view into my choices (I get to see what 100% looks like), but have to harness them.
Tuesday, September 23
On the above note (moderation, feel good), I went ahead and took 25 minutes to do some light cardio and stretch.
Andrew Huberman has mentioned a number of times that they use the expression “as quickly as you carefully can” in his lab. I think that’s what I’m attempting to do in terms of my cut. Losing weight is good for me - my doctor would like me down a bit - but I have to do it in a way that does not sacrifice my wellbeing.
The family stuff speaks to other goals. I want a happy husband, not one who never gets to eat dessert out because his wife has been on a diet for twenty years.
This conversation has been really good for me. 
Wednesday, September 24
Weight 147.5
CG MAX DAY 43/50 - squats, upright row, bridge, pullover, heel elevated squat, chest flies - with a 5 minute cardio warmup and a 2 mile walk/run with Louie.
I have to finish the workout when I get home from work tonight - I only did just over half of it, but husband is out of town, so I had to save enough time to walk the dog. But oh my goodness, did this all feel fantastic.
Alarm was set for 5:15. If I’m going to both walk the dog and train, it’s going to have to be a 5:00 wakeup.
Editing to add that I finished the workout and added another 15 minute walk.
Thursday, September 25
Weight 147.8
Two mile walk with Louie in the pouring rain. It was kind of nice! There are houses around me, but all of the houses are on at least a couple of acres, some much more, so there are fields and woods and stone walls to look at, and of course those are cool and different the different weathers. It was still pretty dark when we went out, though not for long. That’s not ideal, because we all drive like lunatics on our hilly, winding roads. I guess I’ll get a reflector of some sort as it gets darker.
I was thinking as I walked that I really like this current “me.”
That’s awesome!
That is a good idea. I almost tagged a jogger earlier in the week. It was dark, rainy, and she was wearing a grey tank top, black shorts, and a grey hoodie wrapped around her waste. Our resource officer basically said: No problem! She was wearing no reflectors, and ran out in front of me in a cross walk. Still it scared the crap out of me. College students.
Of course! Because if you’d hit her and she’d been hurt, it wouldn’t have mattered one bit that she’d been careless.
I’m aware of cars and move over to the side, but still. I don’t like that I may be startling drivers, who may see me only when they get close. So I’ll do something. We have a couple of vest things for when we hike in hunting season. I’ll see if any of them are reflective.
When I plugged it into amazon, there were a lot of cool options. I think I got something like this from the hospital when I worked there, which is probably good enough. I think I saw 3 cars this morning, so not a lot going on where I am. I’ll have to look for it.
I like the other ones because they change colors. Very trippy at 420 in the morning.
I have one of those from doing traffic stuff. Now you need one for Louie too!
I’m ready to try this hand-me-down on him. I think, given the speed and enthusiasm with which Louie moves, it’ll be a lot of fun.
(We both had Covid that day, and sound funny.)
That is awesome! Especially with happy doggy face!
I think I have typed this before, beautiful property.
Friday, September 26
Weight 146.6
CG Max day 44/50 - paused and regular banded hip thrust, hammer press, static lunge, staggered RDL, pushups, front raise - with 15 minute/1 mile cardio warmup. This kicked my ass, and shouldn’t have. I’m almost done with the program, and am itching to complete it, but I’m either starting to get sick or maybe need a deload. I’m a fragile flower.
Husband was out of town for a couple of days, so my eating was extra consistent this week. I’m going to log a day, because I’m pretty interested in what others eat, so thought I’d share, too. This is yesterday, Wednesday, and Tuesday.
Breakfast
-2 whole eggs
-3 egg whites
-light (100cal) whole wheat english muffin, dry
Lunch
-homemade beef veggie soup (broth, canned diced tomatoes, round steak, non-starchy vegetables)
-1/3 or so cup cooked jasmine rice
Snack
-1/2 premier protein shake
Dinner
-7 oz grilled chicken breast
-1/2 cup cooked rice
-maybe 2 cups cooked non-starchy veg
Snack
-90cal triple zero yogurt
-maybe 1 cup strawberries and blueberries
I’ve actually eaten close to this all week - I’m finishing up the veggie soup right now - but switched around a bit, e.g. chicken for lunch and soup for dinner. Made the soup Mon and ate it for dinner, Tues was the chicken prep and dinner day. I think I might have had pretzels and 2% dark chocolate chips in place of the yogurt one night, and I didn’t have a snack one of the nights. The protein drink snack is unusual, but I spent a lot of time working out and/or active this week and needed something to get me through my afternoon sessions.
Weight is stagnant, but I’m feeling hungry and good, so I assume I’m retaining fluid or whatever and will see the drop eventually. I also keep noticing new muscle definition, so maybe I’m one of the recomp unicorns and am building. The other day I reached for something in the bathroom and my tricep surprised me in the mirror.
