My scale is trying to suck me down into it, I can tell!
I’m giving it the silent treatment again today.
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Thursday, September 11
Weight 149
This fucking scale!
I’m feeling grumpy this morning. I was supposed to be a lifting day and I got up early for that, but I was doing documentation for work (notes that tell what went on in sessions along with billing stuff) and realized writing a really depressing one that I needed to reach out to the guy’s medication provider/psych NP. So then I had to write a depressing email about a guy I deeply dislike and saw for free on Tuesday because he’s not doing well. So that took time. I could have rushed through the workout, but decided to go out with Louie instead and clear my head. I have 3-4 new clients, and they have a tendency to come in because of problems, which are usually sad to hear about and often make me worry that I’m not going to be able to fix whatever mess with my mind and my optimism.
I don’t think I’m particularly worried about the weight - sort of - because I actually feel pretty good in terms of clothes fitting and such. So it’ll drop back down. But it still messes with my head and plays into feeling irritable and tired. I just want to call in sick and watch rom-coms in bed.
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Do many people stay in therapy when things are going good? I have always been one to go when things are tough, and then leave when things are better.
Make crafty things and listen to a kitty cat mystery 
Sort of, yes. Some very functional, but very anxious, people like the sounding board it provides. I’m like you - I’ve dipped in for brief spells when things have bubbled up, then have gone years before feeling like I needed to tackle the next thing. I have people I’ve worked with for 10 years now. Some because the issues are really just that profound - typically a great deal of developmental trauma or generational poverty that leaves them needing to develop a completely different way of being a person - and others who have a core injury or difficulty that has them, like me, needing to return occasionally because a life shift has left them feeling uncertain. Ending relationships, problems with kids, whatever. I work with a 15yo I’ve had since age 5. Her life is very complicated - addict parents, a teacher who took her into foster care and has been a helicopter parent, a physician at our medical center, whom I worked with, who would not acknowledge her as his son’s child until the son did two years ago, whose wife, the grandmother, works at the kid’s school, and managed to look right through her for 8 years despite her STRONG resemblance to the grandfather. Anyway, yeah. Some have cyclic issues - in and out of the hospital, which we try to prevent as best we can, accept when we can’t prevent it. I also seem to draw a certain kind of young adult - phoenix-types - who need to figure every single thing out because they were raised by wolves. I have a couple of young women who had me as kids, who are now “friends,” which means we catch up maybe once a year, generally when they’re struggling with a decision. Another type I have a couple of are people who for whatever reason - autism, agoraphobia - have no one else in their lives. I provide non-family human contact, and also help them navigate the world safely.
It’s a weird job.
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Thanks for that
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I think you and I are floating in the same boat.
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How long before we sink it?? 
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According to my husband, the average American woman weighs 176#. So I mean, when you look at it that way …
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That’s with an average height of 5’3.5" as well, according to Google.
Emily, if I remember correctly, you are taller than that, which puts you at WELL below average weight.
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So, You sound like the Serenity Prayer in action, which is great. Way better than angrily mumbling it at stuff you don’t like.
To accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
.
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Friday, September 12
Weight 147.3
CG Max day 37/50 - low weights high volume, heel elevated squats, sweeps, stupid stability ball rollouts, lateral raise, bulgarian lunge, rear delt fly - 5 minutes cardio warmup. This was a nice workout. Going to the fair today, so I’ll get plenty of steps in.
I have a lot to say about a lot of things, including the past couple of comments in here, but I had to come to work to see a patient whose schedule I mixed up this week, and now have to go have fun immediately.
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Scale’s moving again
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Monday, September 15
Weight 147.7
CG Max day 38/50 - hip thrust, bent over row, sumo squat, diamond press, fwd tilt curtsey lunge, upright row - with a 2 mile/40 minute dog walk warmup. We’re moving pretty quickly for our walks, I would say 4mph, but my dog is a prodigious pee’er (“Louie was here”) and we have to stand at the end of Coco and Kita’s driveway for a good long time hoping they’re outside and will come jump around trying to initiate play while Louie stands enthusiastically near them and then pees some more (he doesn’t seem to know how to play - he just stands near whatever friend he makes, wagging furiously).
I loved today. The weekend was a bonanza of festival and fair food and I was sure my weight would be significantly up, but by some miracle it isn’t. The weather is beautiful, my workout was terrific, and I feel really good and happy about it all.
Progress-wise, I can now flex my quads slightly and thought I looked really athletic doing the curtsey squats once I sorted out my balance and got into a rhythm (I was using a wedge to elevate toes).
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I feel like you have been saying this a lot lately and I am so happy for you!
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Still Monday
Another 2 mile dog walk, because it’s insanely nice out and because Louie can’t get enough exercise. Because he’s only 9, and has a lot of puppy in him yet.
@unicornsandrainbows thanks, and I agree! I’m in the groove. In part thanks to your contribution to my motivation.
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Tuesday, September 16
Weight 147.4
15 minutes of cardio, which isn’t really worth posting, but I think I had kind of a seminal moment this morning. It’s a rest day, and Louie is going to be in the woods with the husband all day, so no need for a walk. I slept in until 6, and was goofing around online while I drank coffee. Then I thought…should I do something, even though I don’t have to, schedule-wise? Which took me like 10 minutes to decide, which stole some of the time I needed for a reasonable 30 minute effort of whatever sort. But still. I think I may be ready to start doing stuff for the joy of it. Because it was a pretty joyous 15 minutes. Not every time of year works for this - sometimes more sleep wins over everything else. But that’s not currently the case, so I think this may be a good time to hit it a little harder.
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That’s where I am too! Wonderful feeling!!!
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I felt the same way this morning.
Sometimes the air is just perfect.
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Wednesday, September 17
Girvan Max day 39/50 - banded bridges, pushups, pullovers, staggered RDL, Arnold press, frontal raises - with 25 minute cardio warmup. This one was pretty wacky because we did sets of pushups throughout, which makes an already up down up down up down workout even busier and more chaotic. I definitely enjoy this program, but I’m still trying to decide how I feel about it compared to Iron, which is mostly an upper/lower split (1/5 days is full body) and moves at a slower pace. I guess we’ll see when I return to splits after I finish it.
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