Let’s assume that with the best possible program of diet and exercise you will never gain a significant amount of muscle.
Why not just try to keep things in perspective? Maybe forget about trying to see significant muscularity in yourself. Maybe just do a sensible, balanced, moderate program of exercise and try to be satisfied that you will have more strength and better health at any given age than if you just sit on the couch and watch TV?
I would suggest that if your frame of mind is reflected by what you have written, you would be better off not messing around with steroids.
<< I hit the weights, start actually eating right, >>
… that’s good, keep doing that …
<< and low and behold, That F#CK3R from 20 years ago resurfaced, this time with a twist. Yeah,this F#CK3R is skinny again, 30" waist with a nice 2 inch roll around it, but i’m in at 165lbs. Same damn arms. >>
… eh, things could be worse (and they probably will get worse if you drive yourself nuts about it) …
<< I hit the gym until i would leave shaking, be dragging myself into the car. Protein shakes, before, during and after, with the right Carb balance, creatine, glutamine, fish oil, muscle milk, fried rat, pig intestines, whatever, YAH YAH YAH, BULL$h^T! >>
… just keep doing it, but not quite as hard, and try to get some satisfaction from maintaining decent health and decent body composition, even if you don’t have beautiful big muscles and the best aesthetics …
<< I have done it all in the last 20 years, i have hit the weights so hard, while watching these Bozos with sloppy form, do a few pushdowns and walk out of the gym with thier triceps 3 F#CK^N inches bigger. >>
… so what; I have watched people who don’t have half my brains make money hand-over-fist without half trying; am I going to quit working and go live in the gutter?
<< How about some Steroids? My goal is measly. I don’t aspire to be a big freaky freakshow of a freak. I’d like 15 pounds of solid muscle, and 2 or 3 inches on my arms. I like my weight now, I am going to be happy with it because i have to, im stuck!, I need 2 inches on my arms to balance out my porportions. I have heard (mostly from the book Juiced by Jose Canseco) Steroids can change the Chemical makeup of your body. IE: change your body type from ectomorph to mesomorph? IS THIS TRUE?
CAN I PUT AN END TO THIS BULL$H^T ONCE AND FOR ALL BY GETTING ON THE VITAMIN S? INTRODUCING MR NEEDLE TO MR BUTTOCKS? I’m a Ecto Pu$$y, probably never ever get enough balls to stick that thing in my ass anyway. TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK PUHLEEZE! >>
I think you should introduce Mr. Perspective to your thinking. (I hope that doesn’t come across as too sarcastic; just trying to throw some humor in here and lighten things up a little.)
It also wouldn’t hurt to pray for some perspective.
Good luck to you and try not to do anything rash.