[quote]CargoCapable wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]CargoCapable wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]CargoCapable wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]CargoCapable wrote:
@ pangloss:
In a dating/relationship scenario (never an interest) she would order for you. Dress you, direct your life in general.
Sexually I have no idea what her whole sexuality encompasses but I’d say we were in between your examples. I was not tied up and totally helpless and while she was “responsible” for her own orgasm, she was responsible for mine too and as mentioned it wasn’t a tease and denial, prolong the pleasure thing. It was a power trip for her to refuse activity leading to mine. Ultimately I got off but I would bet her “boyfriends” eventually lose that “privilege”. It was highly irritating.
@ Frankie:
she was hot, the sex was frustrating as mentioned but ultimately ended well. There won’t be a repeat and a relationship was never considered.[/quote]
How big is she? Maybe I’m not able to generalize beyond my own experience, but all of the men I’ve slept with have had a considerable strength advantage over me. I may, and often do, start out in the role of aggressor or tease, but at some point generally the dominant option is removed if I’m teasing or lingering too long. Or talking! Sometimes that happens. lol
Couldn’t you just…take over, and get off when you were ready?
[/quote]
Petite. And yes, I could but again this wasn’t a tease and denial scenario. Legitimate “no” lines would’ve been crossed. Maybe she’s in to the rape fantasy (i’m not) and missed it but considering her relationship parameters I doubt it.
Whatever her issue is, it did not settle my ennui ;)[/quote]
So, are you saying that in the middle of it, if she declared “oh no, you’re not doing that right now,” or however she verbalized her control, and you said “oh yes I am,” she would have removed her consent and declared the situation nonconsensual?
I can only imagine that this would, if anything, worsen one’s ennui. It would mine, if I had both random hookups and a general sense of dissatisfaction with life. But of course these two things feed one another, so I don’t have either one. :)[/quote]
In paragraph one, yes, exactly.
I disagree random sex creates dissatisfaction in life however, it merely satisfies a natural urge. Unless you encounter a highly irritating personality clash.[/quote]
I’m not suggesting that it creates dissatisfaction, but rather that it does nothing to create satisfaction. Random sex itself is neutral, however the pursuit of it requires a focus of energy in a direction that does not increase emotional well being. It’s a masturbatory exercise to some extent.[/quote]
Well this is certainly an interesting perspective. I never thought about the energy used to get to a relatively neutral place. I don’t understand how it would lead to dissatisfaction though, considering the satisfaction of sex, excepting this particular, irritating woman.
Edit:
I also think when you’re horny and unsatisfied you are on the negative side of your personal satisfaction line and even if getting neutral is all casual sex does for you, it is a positive step.[/quote]
I was thinking about neutral vs satisfied in the car this weekend and what I mean when I suggest that random sex leaves something out. The analogy I came up with is eating. I love eating. I never, ever miss a meal and I always enjoy them. Sometimes the food is exceptionally good or exciting (take-out Indian! yay!) but either way, rarely do I encounter bad food. After all, it’s food! I’m a decent cook and don’t mind doing it, but when I’m cooking for myself alone I go for quick, easy, and lean. Make it, enjoy it, clean it up, forget it. Two hours later start thinking about the next food.
On the other hand, meals with friends and family are rich in pleasure and meaning. To cook with people I care about makes it an entirely different thing. Under those circumstances there really is no effort too great, because the joy is in the companionship…but the food is still food, and therefore good as always.
Imagine cooking with strangers…where is the comfort or joy in that? I’d be all “oh, did you need the vegetable peeler? sorry.” Sort of awkward and polite, though we might have some laughs/fun, too, since we’re there together and both like to cook. But there wouldn’t be any in-jokes or the good rhythm that comes from working together long term.
Same thing meals out. A good meal and a book = pleasure. A couple of friends and a bottle of wine = joy.
Sex is good. I like it. In and of itself it is a positive. But for me the joy is in the intimacy of falling asleep all mashed up together and of having ongoing teasing banter. “What I’m going to do to you” is a big theme in my relationship. Some of it is real, some of it is completely over the top. But it adds an element of fun (and of the hunt). I don’t see a casual sex partner handling some of the sex threats I make well. And what if he got excited?? ~shudder~
And then there’s the deep satisfaction I get from serving up something, whether sex or food, that makes someone I love moan with pleasure. I really, really like hearing the people I care about make happy noises. That’s what gives it all meaning.