A couple of things: I think it bears mentioning that not all platonic male/female relationships are created equal. Work pals and casual acquaintances are not the same as someone you go out for drinks with alone on a regular basis. A whole bunch of people socializing in a mixed gender group is not the same as a woman calling a man late at night to have a long talk about life and love.
Long standing friendships, particularly those originating in childhood are different from more recent acquaintances. As rds points out above, there often simply isn’t any sexual tension in these relationships. I think it has something to do with the incest defence mechanism mentioned earlier.
As an example, my boss’s daughter has known me since she was 6 or 7. Recently some of the girls she knows at the club we both row out of saw me talking to her and commented that I was attractive (the lighting must have been bad). The “EWWWWWW!” response on her part was visceral and immediate. I find it easy to believe that we just don’t tend to see people from our early childhood in that light.
As rds also points out in his side-story, seeking to renew acquaintances originated in HS, after we reach sexual maturity, can potentially have very different connotations. This is where FB can become a problem IMO. I have seen more than one spouse get trade in for the idea of an old flame or the one that got away. My wife has some casual male acquaintances she has had for years.
She keeps in touch through FB and would go for coffee to catch up if she crossed paths with one of them. This is obviously cool. If she started calling one of these guys on a regular basis or having one on one meals, cocktails etc, this would be uncool. I’m not sure if this is because I find it to be inherently uncool or simply because it would represent a significant change in her current pattern of behaviour.
As another example my ex had a LOT of male friends. Every time she switched jobs she would immediately get super friendly with all the dudes working there. She was pretty hot and she derived much of her sense of worth from the power she exerted over guys. She actively cultivated sexual tension with almost every guy she came in contact with and crossed over personal boundaries all the time. I was cool with it because I was, well cool and oh-so-secure. At that time I very much had the attitude that she was gonna do what she was gonna do. My lack of response caused her to escalate her behaviour, since she was looking for a reaction.
I honestly don’t know if she could help herself. It really is like a sickness/addiction with her. However I was 21 and I was with the girl ALL the dudes wanted to be with and in my ignorant cock-surety I figured I had life by the balls as a predictable result of my undeniable awesomeness. Naturally cheating ensued. Twice. Of course, we had gotten together while she was with another guy and we had developed a “friendship” at work. I expect it is a pattern she will repeat throughout her life barring some significant personal breakthroughs.
I couldn’t have changed her actions and I’m grateful we’re not together, but I might have seen things for what they were sooner and invested less time and emotional energy. We very nearly got married which would have made the whole thing much more complicated and painful to sort out.
In no way am I implying that this is the OP’s situation. I don’t know anything about him or his GF. My point is simply that not all guy/girl friend situations are the same and, when we want to, we can very easily fool ourselves into believing something is one thing when it is, in fact, another.
