I need a guy’s opinion about two phone calls and hiding a cell phone.
Six weeks ago, my boyfriend and I were in bed, and his cop co-worker called and said he had my bf’s ex pulled over for drunk driving. My bf told him that she’s no longer his girlfriend and to give her a ticket. The next day my bf told me he called her to inquire why she dropped his name. I let this slide, but did say that I felt there was no need for him to call her.
Yesterday, I borrowed my bf’s cell phone. He ususally has it on “silent” in his car. I made my call, and, yes I snooped and looked up missed calls and his ex’s number was there. I asked him why she was calling him, and he told me she didn’t. He kept insisting that he hadn’t talked to her for a while. Later, he said he remembered why she called, it was last week friday and she called to invite him to her daughter’s (NOT their child together) 7th birthday party. I asked him why he lied about talking to her and he said he had just forgotten, and that he had no interest in her because she’s a crazy stripper. I said that if he had nothing to hide, then he wouldn’t have to hide his cell phone all the time when I’m over and he wouldn’t have lied to me about them talking on the phone.
Although I believed his explanation yesterday, it’s bothering me today. Aside from this stuff, he treats me very well and our relationship has been otherwise wonderful.
Should I continue to believe him and be sweet to him and go on with the status quo, or should I cut his balls out with one of his fighting knives and feed them to the dog?
Relax a little. He could have just forgotten, and there’s no real hard evidence otherwise,…yet. Trus is a very key ingerdient in any relationship, and your snooping tells me that there is already a minor trust issue. At this point don’t make it into a major trust issue without firm ground to stand on.
It could be just that he has a history with her that he can’t simply turn his back on, so they still communicate (although he DID tell his friend to go ahead and ticket her).
Maybe he is trying to keep the remnants of his life with her separate from his life with you, because he knows the two won’t mix well.
Perhaps he is trying to save you from needless jealousy, because he knows the knowledge that he still is in touch with her will make you jealous and prone to viuolence against him.
If he treats you well, maybe you can cut him some slack.
Not to belittle the subject…I’m really not…but the new Chinese movie entitled “Cellphone” deals with this subject…it’s a dark comedy and a hit in China.
Anyway…whatever you do, don’t do anything drastic yet, IMHO. If you feel a suspicion, keep your eyes/ears open DIS-CREETLY…if that is possible, that is…but I really don’t think it’s a big deal yet…but keep your eyes open for other clues…
Jason
PS: DISCLAIMER. It’s just my opinion and I’m NOT in the situation so…well, your choice is your choice, you know? (just covering my butt…) =)
I would say that he denied speaking to her because you might go crazy. His subsequent confession was probably due to him not wanting to keep anything from you and felt guilty. I say chill out a bit, but get him to delete all numbers, e-mail addresses etc as a sign of respect to you and your feelings.
I think that you should ask yourself if he should be mad that you were snooping through his phone-list. Would you be mad if he did that to you?
But anyways, IMO, having conversations with an ex isn’t bad, it’s not good, but it isn’t bad, it’s a gray area. And as for me, I forget people who called 5 minutes ago let alone days ago.
So I would just take a step back and look at the situation, you are worrying over something minor, and you should be talking to him about it. If he cares about you he will be honest if you approach him in an unthreatening way.
Its not like my cell phone incident. I had just broken up with my girl friend but I didn’t know that she had written down all the numbers off my cell phone one time when I wasn’t around. Found out I had a date and then called the girl the day before and had a “pleasant conversation”.
If it was so pleasant why was my hot date then saying “Never call me again!”
One of life’s experiences I suppose. How about a cell phone with a phone list lock feature… Mine’s probably got one I guess I gotta look it up in the manual.
I’d keep an eye on things, but not let it become a big/reoccuring issue unless other “reasons” come up. Aside from that, based on what you’ve presented of yourself to all of us here, and that you’re not “a crazy stripper” I’d say you don’t have much to worry about. As was said before, trust is an integral part of any relationship.
BTW, while it’s completely none of my business, did you 2 ever discuss why he and his ex broke up? Has he dated alot of strippers? Yeah, I know it’s not good to stereotype but, it would help you form a better understanding of where you stand. Most likely nothing to worry about, besides it’d be his loss:-) So stop worrying about it.
I realize I’m not a guy but wanted to respond anyway. You can take what I say to heart of tell me to fuck off - whichever you prefer.
Scenario A:
He’s cheating on you, you feel it in your gut and are now being driven to determine for yourself that this is really going on.
Scenario B:
You’re a loon.
GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF AND YOUR INANE INSECURITIES.
Why can’t women be more like men?! Why must they always feel there’s some hidden agenda whenever there’s contact with an ex?! Why must they second guess the FACTS of a relationship with the POSSIBILITIES of a hyperbolus, theoretical, hypothetical scenario?!
He didn’t mention talking to her because he knows you’re insecure/paranoid enough to make an issue of a nonissue.
He didn’t mention talking to her because IT AIN’T NO BIG THANG and it slipped his mind - hell, he probably has fifteen million other things to keep straight in there why bother with something so trivial?
He “confessed” to it later because you jogged his memory about it and he knew you’d freak if he decided to let you in on a little secret - that it’s his fucking life and you should get your own so you won’t be so wrapped up in the minutia of his.
And good god almight Stucross… WTF does his respecting her have to do with him deleting aspects of HIS LIFE? What ever happened to HER respecting HIM - his privacy, his choice of friendships (doubt he needs another mommy to make those decisions for him), his fucking choice of what ring tone to set on his own damn phone? Oooh, these things don’t matter much, do they? Nah. Just go ahead… Just delete portions of your life if someone uses it as fuel for their jealousies/insecurities. Yeah, good idea.
Karma - I agree his privacy was breeched and that sucks - but china found what she was looking for so her suspicions were correct. I don’t see it as erasing part of his life because that’s impossible he will always have memories that can’t be erased. But if they are brocken up and there is no real reason for contacting the ex (eg joint child, etc.) what does he need her details for? I say by deleting the number he is showing china that he has no need for the number as well as easing her mind - don’t get all high and mighty about shouldn’t be jealous etc - if you love someone your emotions are on the line, therefore being suspicious is sometimes inevitable (unfortunately) and as she found out justified.
Paralysis by analysis. Don’t worry about it. Don’t over think the minor things. Just remember what I told ya the other night. It’s probably nothing, but don’t let your guard down.
-Doogie: Maybe I am not a man, but I talk to ex’s because they are still cool people, and just because it didn’t work out I don’t want them gone forever. SOMETIMES I want action, but if I am with a new girl, then no, they are not there for play… just friends.
-Stucross: If your Ex went to the same gym as you, would you move to a new one to ease your new girlfriends fears? I know I sure wouldn’t.
-Karma: why can’t more women be like you??? And live in Regina??? WE NEED MORE COOL CHICKS WHO ARE HOT!!!
Tough situation. Maybe I am unlucky, but my past couple of girlfriends have raving lunatics about the fact that I have had contact with other women. I could talk to a random girl at work and they would freak out. It was absolutely insane! So, I started hiding the fact that I even knew other women existed (yeah, why the fuck did I do that?). Maybe he had similar past relationships and it is just a conditioned habit (he did say she was crazy stripper woman).
With me it was. My current girlfriend is not a lunatic, and she does not care that I talk to and hang out with other women. At first I would hide the fact from her out of habit.
I’d say you should confront him and find out if he has had that pattern in his past. Then confront yourself and see if you are one of the women that fuels this pattern.
Doogie - Some of us aren’t quite as ‘one track minded’ as you would have us assume. I keep in contact with a number of my ex’s and have never rekindled any form of physical relationship with them. Others, I’ve enjoyed as fuckbuddies while between relationships. Humans - especially male ones - have more uses than their penises.
Stucross: I’m glad you at least see his privacy AND HIS TRUST IN HER were breached - but what did she find that confirmed her suspicions? All she found was that he is A) hiding something intentionally for any number of reasons; or B) has enough crap in his life going on not to bother mentally cataloging minutia. What good did this do her? Where’s the smoking gun?
And please, just so we know where we’re coming from - this is not me getting [quote]“high and mighty”[/quote] - this is me offering an alternative view of how relationships could be handled. Yes, when someone is in love their emotions are on the line. What of it? Does that mean that personal responsibility flies out the window? Nooo… And I disagree with your statement [quote]" therefore being suspicious is sometimes inevitable (unfortunately) and as she found out justified."[/quote]. Jealousy IS NOT EVER inevitable, it is a choice and what she found was addressed above.
