[quote]strungoutboy21 wrote:
I have one really good chick friend who I have known since we were kids. She has a boyfriend and we still hang out. Her boyfriend is very cool and I hang out with both of them sometimes too. I have no intentions of sleeping with her ever. I think out friendship is a little different than most male/female relationships because we have known each other for like 28 years.
[/quote]
People who knew each other since they were kids are highly unlikely to have sex with each other.
[quote]strungoutboy21 wrote:
I have one really good chick friend who I have known since we were kids. She has a boyfriend and we still hang out. Her boyfriend is very cool and I hang out with both of them sometimes too. I have no intentions of sleeping with her ever. I think out friendship is a little different than most male/female relationships because we have known each other for like 28 years.
[/quote]
People who knew each other since they were kids are highly unlikely to have sex with each other.
There are Kibbuz studies on this.
Probably an incest prevention mechanism.
[/quote]
Probably because they think of each other as family lol, no need for science on that oneā¦
[quote]strungoutboy21 wrote:
I have one really good chick friend who I have known since we were kids. She has a boyfriend and we still hang out. Her boyfriend is very cool and I hang out with both of them sometimes too. I have no intentions of sleeping with her ever. I think out friendship is a little different than most male/female relationships because we have known each other for like 28 years.
[/quote]
People who knew each other since they were kids are highly unlikely to have sex with each other.
There are Kibbuz studies on this.
Probably an incest prevention mechanism.
[/quote]
Probably because they think of each other as family lol, no need for science on that oneā¦
[/quote]
Yes there is, because what constitutes āfamilyā?
[quote]strungoutboy21 wrote:
I have one really good chick friend who I have known since we were kids. She has a boyfriend and we still hang out. Her boyfriend is very cool and I hang out with both of them sometimes too. I have no intentions of sleeping with her ever. I think out friendship is a little different than most male/female relationships because we have known each other for like 28 years.
[/quote]
People who knew each other since they were kids are highly unlikely to have sex with each other.
There are Kibbuz studies on this.
Probably an incest prevention mechanism.
[/quote]
Probably because they think of each other as family lol, no need for science on that oneā¦
[/quote]
Yes there is, because what constitutes āfamilyā?
Why do we not fuck āfamilyā?
Well, most of us.
None of this is to be taken for granted.
[/quote]
We donāt fuck family because those who live in proximity during the first few years of their lives become desensitized to later sexual attraction. See my link above.
[quote]strungoutboy21 wrote:
I have one really good chick friend who I have known since we were kids. She has a boyfriend and we still hang out. Her boyfriend is very cool and I hang out with both of them sometimes too. I have no intentions of sleeping with her ever. I think out friendship is a little different than most male/female relationships because we have known each other for like 28 years.
[/quote]
People who knew each other since they were kids are highly unlikely to have sex with each other.
There are Kibbuz studies on this.
Probably an incest prevention mechanism.
[/quote]
Probably because they think of each other as family lol, no need for science on that oneā¦
[/quote]
Yes there is, because what constitutes āfamilyā?
Why do we not fuck āfamilyā?
Well, most of us.
None of this is to be taken for granted.
[/quote]
We donāt fuck family because those who live in proximity during the first few years of their lives become desensitized to later sexual attraction. See my link above.
[/quote]
I know, but he believed it to be self evident, which it really is not.
[quote]strungoutboy21 wrote:
I have one really good chick friend who I have known since we were kids. She has a boyfriend and we still hang out. Her boyfriend is very cool and I hang out with both of them sometimes too. I have no intentions of sleeping with her ever. I think out friendship is a little different than most male/female relationships because we have known each other for like 28 years.
[/quote]
People who knew each other since they were kids are highly unlikely to have sex with each other.
There are Kibbuz studies on this.
Probably an incest prevention mechanism.
[/quote]
Probably because they think of each other as family lol, no need for science on that oneā¦
[/quote]
Yes there is, because what constitutes āfamilyā?
Why do we not fuck āfamilyā?
Well, most of us.
None of this is to be taken for granted.
[/quote]
We donāt fuck family because those who live in proximity during the first few years of their lives become desensitized to later sexual attraction. See my link above.
[/quote]
I know, but he believed it to be self evident, which it really is not.
[/quote]
Sure there is reasons that can be defined by research but intiutively it is still obvious, You donāt need analysis, facts, and diagrams to know about life lol
It looks like there are two main schools of thought here: 1) a kind of free-market approach that is supported by mutual trust between partners and 2) the approach that argues prevention is the best deterrent.
comes off as definitely more alpha. Competition is good to the extent you are constantly working on your relationship and performing regular āmaintenance checksā on the state of your partner, yourself and your relationship.
makes sense intuitively and makes you feel better but as some posters have said, you may just be giving yourself a false sense of safety because you cannot control everyone who comes into contact with your partner. Youāre also indirectly stating you donāt fully trust your partner by banning friends of the opposite sex, even though you may explicitly trust them but feel more comfortable not having to worry about intimate interactions with people other than yourself.
Iāve seen a lot of fights in bars and nightclubs of dudes getting into fights because some guy decided to hit on another guyās girlfriend. Take your girlfriend to a nightclub to test out how you react to her receiving attention from other men. If you feel uncomfortable and over-protective then you may need to re-examine yourself and how much you trust your girlfriend.
[quote]DoubleDuce wrote:
People are naive to think marriages fall apart because of physical cheating. Physical cheating happens because the relationship has fallen apart. Adultery doesnāt begin with sex, it results in it.[/quote]
Yea I was one of those people.
TMI time: I sort of āstoleā this one girl from her boyfriend when I was in college. We started out as just being friends for a while, but we were talking on a one on one basis just like the OP mentioned and things progressed from there. It actually got serious and we dated for two years until I graduated from college and got a good job at which point we got engaged and eventually married (I let her push me into it which was mistake number one). We were very attracted to eachother, the sex was great, and our personalities went together very well. I thought being āin loveā was good enough even though we didnāt have very many common interests. About a year and a half into our marriage I started noticing how aloof she was about returning texts and calls and such and how often she was away from home. We just started drifting farther and farther apart.
There was a male friend who had way more common interests with her than I did, and she started confiding in him rather than me and confiding in him about me. I had never even met this guy. I noticed all the usual stuff. I could see on the phone bill that she was texting and calling someone else way, way more often than she was talking to me. She would be out all the time and sometimes āstay at one of her girlfriendās housesā. This went on for another few months along with more lying than I thought any one personās conscience was capable of handling. I was almost more offended by how stupid she evidently thought I was than I was about her cheating on me. Anyway about a week before our 2 year anniversary I found it all plain as day on her phoneās text messages she had forgotten to erase. The moment I really knew shit was over though was when she didnāt even apologize. She just got mad at me for looking through her phone. Iāve already revealed how stupid I am when it comes to women, so I wonāt bother leaving this last part out. I didnāt even end it right away. I bought into marriage hook, line, and sinker, and there were times when I thought she was trying to work on it as well. As you all would have guessed though I later found out she was still talking to this guy and nothing had really ever stopped. He even changed his number, and she got a separate phone and all that shit. In hindsight it almost seems like she meets the medical definition of a pathological liar. Of course I had to pay for the divorce though.
It wasnāt like I cheated on her or hit her or had a drinking problem or whatever. It was small stuff that didnāt even seem like a problem until it had built up into a problem and slowly degraded the relationship, which she felt more comfortable talking about to her āgood friendā of the opposite sex.
I like to think Iām not all bitter about it though. Hopefully nobody thinks Iām like Orion Jr. lol. I certainly learned a hell of a lot. Although between that and more than a couple chicks who were not single literally throwing themselves on me (one of them was even fucking engaged), I guess I did lose a lot of faith in women to keep themselves from cheating via their own merits as opposed to me having to keep them in line with āgameā. Maybe once they get older itās not as bad. I hope.
So ya OP, either donāt let her have one on one male friends or PIIHB or both. Coulda saved me a lot of trouble.[/quote]
Sorry to hear man but I think youāre definitely better off now
[quote]strungoutboy21 wrote:
I have one really good chick friend who I have known since we were kids. She has a boyfriend and we still hang out. Her boyfriend is very cool and I hang out with both of them sometimes too. I have no intentions of sleeping with her ever. I think out friendship is a little different than most male/female relationships because we have known each other for like 28 years.
[/quote]
People who knew each other since they were kids are highly unlikely to have sex with each other.
There are Kibbuz studies on this.
Probably an incest prevention mechanism.
[/quote]
Honestly she really isnāt attractive at all. If she was super hot that might be a different story, but who knows.
[quote]adamhum wrote:
How appropriate is it for your wife or girlfriend to have male friends which they talk to on the phone? Not gay friends, regular guys.[/quote]
It is not appropriate even if they are gay. [/quote]
why?[/quote]
Because, the best way not to commit infidelity is to avoid the occasion of infidelity. Are you an alcoholic? Avoid places with an abundance of alcohol is probably a good start.
[/quote]
The grocery store has an abundance of alcohol. I wouldnāt tell an alcoholic to avoid the grocery store.
Many people donāt consider a woman hanging out with a man who prefers the company of other men to be an occasion of infidelity.[/quote]
For most people hanging out with the opposite sex alone is like an alcoholic hanging out in a bar, not a grocery store.
Thatās because most people donāt know what an occasion of infidelity is.
[quote]Gettnitdone wrote:
It looks like there are two main schools of thought here: 1) a kind of free-market approach that is supported by mutual trust between partners and 2) the approach that argues prevention is the best deterrent.
comes off as definitely more alpha. Competition is good to the extent you are constantly working on your relationship and performing regular āmaintenance checksā on the state of your partner, yourself and your relationship.
makes sense intuitively and makes you feel better but as some posters have said, you may just be giving yourself a false sense of safety because you cannot control everyone who comes into contact with your partner. Youāre also indirectly stating you donāt fully trust your partner by banning friends of the opposite sex, even though you may explicitly trust them but feel more comfortable not having to worry about intimate interactions with people other than yourself.
Iāve seen a lot of fights in bars and nightclubs of dudes getting into fights because some guy decided to hit on another guyās girlfriend. Take your girlfriend to a nightclub to test out how you react to her receiving attention from other men. If you feel uncomfortable and over-protective then you may need to re-examine yourself and how much you trust your girlfriend.[/quote]
There seems to be a lack of understanding in this thread.
Men are made to be confrontational in nature. If a man is not, I find him suspect (read: he is passive-aggressive).
There is a difference between not trusting and being jealous.
There is a difference between not trusting and wanting respect from your SO.
One, if a man is confrontational I see no issue with this. If he canāt control himself and goes crazy, that is an issue. But, merely confronting and getting in a fight (or, being aggressive) is inherent to maleness. Weāre made to protect and provide.
Two, if a man is flirting/hitting on your SO, and you confront him about it. That is a healthy romantic relationship with your SO, and if you say your SO should handle itā¦yes, that is great that she can handle it, but do you lack the back bone to stick up for your SO? Again, if you break a bottle over the dudeās head because he bought your wife a drinkā¦might want to go see a shrink. But, if you get in a fight with your SO because of a dudes actions, even though she acted above reproachā¦thatās not a healthy romantic relationship. You have trust issues to figure out and probably should not be dating her. If she didnāt act above reproach, egged on the other manās behaviorā¦that is on her and getting upset about it again is not unhealthy.
Three, if your SO insists on spending time one-on-one with the opposite sex and investing in them, there is an issue. If your SO is investing in them, then it doesnāt seem like she is committed to you. Why would she put effort into a relationship that should end when you get married? If your SO is serious about your relationship, meaning that youāre discerning if you should get married, then she should be investing in you not other relationships that are going to lead to a dead end (read, with the opposite sex).
The responsability first relies on the guy who is hitting on a woman who is in a relationship.
If she does not put clear limits at some points, responsability is on her.
If she cannot see that her relationship with that guy is hurting you / she cannot see that the guy just want a romance with you => she is not mature enough. You will eventually suffer OR you have to stick up for her and show the guy the limits yourself. Some girls are actually trying to obtain that. That does not mean getting into a fight.