A Greek-American man. There were plenty where I grew up and went to school.
Probably John Stamos.
EDIT: I would date John Stamos.
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This was entirely my point. I also enjoy drinking and eating, and used weed immoderately when I was young. I use it very occasionally now and when I do, enjoy it very much. A gummy hike in fresh snow is joyous. My point is that all of these are enjoyable, but as for myself I prefer moderation. I like sex as well, and am not without a history, but I view it as something important. To me, it’s a furthering of already-established intimacy. I’m selective about what I put inside of my body. I don’t engage in tequila shot contests, I don’t eat Spam, and I like to know the men I have sex with. I don’t think that’s puritanical, because I’m fine with others making choices for themselves, and if I wanted to, I’d bang a stranger. I mentioned two healthy-seeming women (financially stable, intelligent, enjoyable to talk to) who prefer hookup culture to relationships in that same post. I certainly respect their decision to treat it very casually.
I don’t see it as being very different from chronic overeating, which I wholeheartedly believe in people’s right to do without being shamed for it. Their bodies, their choices. I view chronic drunkenness a little differently as there is greater risk to me than with sex or gluttony via drunk driving, but want to stay home and be a total slobbering, pissing in the corner alcoholic? Yeah, go! Have at it! I’m not going to suffer type II diabetes, cirrhosis, or STDs from other people’s choices. But really, it’s mostly just that I seem wired for monogamy and like men like me. Same way I choose active men because I like to be active.
I’m not sure what you see as puritanical about my stance. Is it because I think promiscuity signals something? Yet I make no effort to stop it. When I’ve worked with young women I teach them how to say a clear “no” (very difficult for many of them) and when young men, I humanize the girls to them. That’s all. Am I cockblocking? Only for those who are ambivalent in the first place. And I’m very comfortable with that. My overwhelming experience has been that teens girls get lost in this and badly hurt, both from the lack of fidelity shown by the boys (against all odds they expect him to still be there afterward) (of course some are, just not enough of them) and then they become labeled sluts at school and wind up in my office, suicidal.
Agree completely, and I also enjoy light drunkenness under certain conditions. I most definitely enjoy the glow of a couple of drinks. I just see sex as similarly fine if it is and problematic if it is. Perhaps you and I define promiscuity differently. I view it in a conversation like this as indiscriminate sex, something of an itch that can’t be scratched as with alcoholism or addiction, as opposed to having drinks or getting high at a bachelor’s party.
Again, no problem here with healthy people having healthy sex. I have friends who were more promiscuous than I was, and friends who are married to their first or second sexual partner. All of them seem fine, and almost all of my close friends are married to their first husbands.
Have you spent much time among poor people, @Njord? There’s a lot of child sex abuse and assault and addiction, and the brokenness of all of it is seen there, and I suspect it colors views regarding outcomes. My more “promiscuous” friends in my late teens and early 20’s were not the same kind of promiscuous I saw working in children’s services in community mental health, where the girls are starting at age 12 with 17yo boys.
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This probably has to do more with her parents than her.
My parents said “Asian or Jewish”
Actually, this goes back to a previous point that @Andrewgen_Receptors (I think?) brought up about marrying into families.
My parents would strongly prefer that, if I marry, I marry a Chinese guy. I don’t think that will happen. Why? Because marrying a Chinese guy means that I will have to deal with Chinese in laws.
AKA, loud and large family gatherings, possibly going to some village in the countryside every year, pressure to produce grandchildren, lack of ability to express my opinions without coming across as “disrepectful”.
I’m not dealing with that
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Let me be the one to say it, then. I want a kind, funny, caring man who is intelligent and driven. As these are all attributes that I demonstrate, I’m not sure why I should worry how that makes me look.
I mean, my husband has some sort of verbal learning disorder and so botches the English language horribly and I am a dweeb who walks into walls, but we’re good earners with professional jobs.
I like men like me. It astonishes me the degree to which posters in these threads discount that it is THEY who determine the types of women they will draw close enough to get to know. If you don’t imagine a woman capable of bringing status to the relationship (only hypergamy), a high status woman is not going to have a second conversation with you. If you believe women need rules, you will attract women who won’t be insulted by this. I can think of a couple of reasons why this might be, but none of them are confident, capable, or looking for a true partnership.
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I believe i read something about a correlation between age of a female’s first sexual encounter, and her future promiscuity/infidelity.
I can dig it up if you’re interested, but it sounds that it’s just verifying that you already said.
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Maybe? I don’t think i hold a strong stance on this either way, but I’m also not opposed. IDK, i may have said something along these lines at one point. @BrickHead and I are like 2 peas in a pod about most of this stuff.
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It’s the same with drugs and alcohol.
Twelve year old girls should be taking ballet classes and playing soccer and having giggling sleepovers and resisting the urge to pull their Barbies out one more time to play with in secret. They should still be kids.
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Ive seen quite a few ardent feminists (read: misandrists) that stopped being so insulted by this, once they met a man whose rules they were happy to comply with.
Speaking in generalities, i think women prefer men who can lay down the law (not in the most literal sense). This correlates with common female fantasies in BDSM a la submission and men in positions of authority. No pun intended.
Going to further clarify.
It doesnt mean all women want to be subjugated, but it does mean many women fantasize about this frequently. Some of this behavior seeps outside the bedroom too.
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That might have been true for some. The ones I grew to with were very tightly knit.
She socialized with Greeks and visited Greece every summer. Her boyfriends in her younger years and her husband were all Greek.
You shouldn’t worry. I think people shouldn’t apologize about what they prefer or don’t prefer.
My point was that it seems as if men who discriminate regarding numbers of partners are in some cases looked upon as having some sort of problem or are being unfair while and I think women would be spoken of as unfair if they state their own stipulations.
As I said, I don’t think anyone is hurt by being rejected for whatever reason.
I agree with all you wrote in the your post. I mean, similar people with similar life aims make good matches.
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I already posted a definition.
I know you think you’re clever by asking for a number but I have one.
When it becomes unhealthy, you have the number. I bet you didn’t see that coming smarty pants.
I think you might be referring to my thought of marriage being not only a thing partnership of two individuals—thought it primarily is that—but the connection of two families, accrual of resources and ties with other people.
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She probably wouldn’t have known who that was.
I think if I were to make your generality more accurate from my perspective it would be this:
No slimy passive-aggression, no mealy-mouthed indecision. Just “no, I’d rather not,” or “I’d like to get to the beach early.” I would call that strength of will. I don’t want a dominant man and I don’t want a submissive man. I definitely don’t want to have to top from the bottom! I want someone with the courage to disagree with me, and also with the integrity to admit he was wrong as appropriate.
If you look at romance novels over the past few decades, you’ll see men change from sometimes-abusive bullies (bodice-rippers) to strong, honorable men who speak their mind, but also listen to the women who’s caught their attention with not only her looks, but her personality and her mind as well. As far as sex goes, it’s very sexy for men to show physical strength in this context, so physical dominance if you’d like. I like physical dominance when it comes to lifting heavy things as well. And I think he similarly wants my softness. But it’s not my mind that’s soft.
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No, I was refering to the conversation about parents making decisions about the type of partner
IN my example, my parents and I have different ideas of what type of families we think are ideal.
They love large, loud ones that gather frequently. I want a small one that leaves us alone.
I would not be happy if my parents chose the type of family that was considered “good”
you did clarify later that your daughter would be part of the conversation though. So we reached an understanding
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@mnben87 I listened to Psychhacks’ video. I think he makes good points and appreciate the stats he provided, though like he said, his examples are extreme. Like, I don’t think an ordinary guy is going to have to worry about some woman’s pro-ball-player ex considering such a woman is likely not going for an ordinary guy.
He’s one of the few who I can watch all the way through.
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Right. And I wouldn’t be some tyrant about it. Really, I primarily seek to make sure a man will have good intentions and that two families can get along with one another.
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Same here. I think he really is a sincere, moral man, not just an entertainer. I unfortunately missed an appearance of his in NYC this season.
You would love my parents. 
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