Oh dear. I think you’ve misunderstood how it all works.
Yes, because pretty is nice to look at, so we all seek to do so, and because “in shape” offers evidence of positive personality traits, such as perseverance and willingness to work toward goals.
Long term I suspect these traits are correlated with relationship success, but on the other hand, as we know anecdotally from reading these boards, the obsessive piece for a lot of serious lifters (or any sport) can be relationship-interfering, particularly once kids come into the picture.
That “oh yes I do!” made me laugh aloud. (In a good, friendly way.)
This the gist of what I said to you 15 years ago, though you were a much higher caliber of angry, disenfranchised guy.
In the end, whatever the gender, externalizing the problem IS the problem. The solution is to stay in your own lane, doing the things needed to make yourself someone you like, and wait for someone to come along and also like you. If they are someone you can like in return and they happen to share your values, great! A solid relationship.
A crumbling society (which I may now agree ours is, but for reasons having nothing to do with the sexual revolution) may even be positive for the success of long term relationships, as it offers an anchoring “us vs them” world view.
I don’t really use TikTok much, but a gym friend sends random clips to me occasionally and I can end up doing a little bit of scrolling. The reason I mention this is that even without a proper algorithm prepared for me, at least a quarter of the videos I’m shown are usually one of two things;
Men talking about how women are so easy to predict and deciphering them with psychological “facts”. You shouldn’t bother with them because of “this”. Encouraging us all to be selfish and if they leave you then it’s their fault because of biology and they aren’t capable of real love anyway.
Or it’s women shunting responsibility, boasting about “naughty” things like cheating, because no matter who they are as a person or why someone left them they still always deserve better. The whole queen/princess thing.
So yes, externalizing the problem is the problem but i can only see it getting worse. This stuff is so dangerous. I’m 34 and just about manage to disconnect myself from this stuff and stay critical. The young teens and earlier twenties guys going through their first heartbreaks though? They’re all being programmed to be cold towards eachother. It is really, really sad.
Speculating- I believe they’ve become accustomed to asking google instead of just jumping in to the mix, which creates a false sense of security and knowledge, but also provides ample opportunity for confirmation bias and navel gazing.
I rarely venture outside of the “Training Logs” or “Bigger, Stronger” sections of this forum anymore. This thread is a good reminder why. The original question may be one of the dumber ones ever posted here. I think the OP should lift and find out for himself if it makes him “mean”…
The most irritating amongst the PUA’s/Red Pillers is this guy Richard Cooper. With his non-stop obsession and merciless bashing of women, wondering why he even “coaches” men to get them is sensible.
You make it sound like marriage is the only option for wanting someone. People have kids and don’t marry or live together all the time. People have relationships and don’t live together and aren’t married. How is this some revelation?
I would NOT get married today legally but I would possible have kids and just live seperatley. No marriage. No common law. None of that bullcrap. “Together-apart” Sort of deal.
Easy to say now without a woman, and as someone I suspect doesn’t like women. If you hold to this thinking, I hope you do not get a woman. A decent woman doesn’t deserve to be with a guy that thinks this way about a relationship with her. It shows you don’t plan on loving her, because if you did, you would be willing to consider what she wants.
I sense from some of your other posts that you seem to seek validation from women. IMO, it is like smoking a cig. It lasts a short time, then you want more. Getting that validation from women (not necessarily sleeping with them, but attention, them flirting with you, making looks at you, etc…), can make you feel resentful while in a relationship. It is kinda one of those things that most guys desire (to be a guy women want). I question if it actually makes us happier in the long run.
You didn’t tell me what is your aim after I asked twice. You’re obviously not obligated to answer my question but it’s a sensible one in such a conversation.
Why would you want a disjointed home with children involved? Are you aware of what this does to children?
I think you just want the fuzzy-wuzzies and goodies from women but not the actual obligations and responsibilities that come from an actual life partner.
I also think there is a cope going on in some womanless men (maybe not the OP). They don’t have women in the first place, yet want them, but then say they don’t want commitment or marriage. So it’s a sort of winning-by-losing cope.
“I don’t have a woman but want one. But hey, they’re annoying and phony, and I don’t want to commit or invest in one or kids anyway! And divorce court! (Legitimate concern actually.)
I win!”
Just lulz at this. Who are some of these fellas kidding? Like I’m supposed to believe that if a gorgeous woman who paid them attention said to one of them, “I want your babies and to marry me,” and then undressed herself, that they’d decline!
And eventually, it’ll make the rest of your life harder.
We all want validation to an extent, but not at the cost of building a strong relationship. I had a relationship before where we both got in a cycle of constant validation seeking after both going through tough life circumstances. It was horrible. That sort of insecurity on one side is bad enough, but both sides? Oh geez.
Most women don’t really care tbh, I get more attention from dudes trying to get big than girls looking for a hookup. I get more glances than I did before, but that is usually the extent of a woman’s “move” anyways.
What, you want them to like you because you’re an Acquarius?
Oh, and I was always an asshole. Now I just have the looks to pull it off better
The “men going their own way” thing is mostly this from what I can tell.
I think some of these guys have a skewed view of women. Perhaps it is because many of them don’t have a personality women want to deal with.
I think because they’ve mostly given up, they aren’t actually out there talking with real women. They miss the down to earth, kind, caring women that they could meet.
I think perhaps people don’t realize that this is a trade-off. I don’t think I always recognized that.
It’s a tough thing to get past (feeling insecure). Validation from others fixes it for a short time, but isn’t a cure. Perhaps those of us in relationships need to be giving validation to our partners regularly. I think the validation from a partner slows down as the relationship gets older. At least for me, I don’t feel like I get as much validation from my wife as I used to. That I don’t feel as desired as I once did. Perhaps I am wrong, and confidence has to come from within? IDK?
They dare not comment on what 15.11 FFMI looks like because it would be insulting folks like OP would get offended and start watching Andrew Tate (again) to cope.
If I was getting pushed around by a stiff breeze, I’d be pissed too.
Do you know the definition for that word?
