[quote]VealChop wrote:
Yes, this guy IS a textbook stalker, and what I’m saying is…BIG DEAL. She set a boundary, and he crossed it by what, sending her another email??? LET’S KILL HIM!!![/quote]
Granted, I haven’t read every response, but I don’t think anyone suggested a lynching. Although…
Look, a majority of people on here are all for contacting his wife, getting him fired, bring the police into it, getting restraining orders, basically ruining his life. A restraining order for someone you haven’t had eye contact with in over a year??? I mean come on people. They work in the same place, and they haven’t crossed paths in a year? This guy sounds like the laziest stalker ever. But yeah, let’s get the police, HR, and his wife involved, buy a gun, a taser and some pepper spray, and call up Uncle Jimbo to threaten him with his shotgun, lest he leave another voice mail.
That does seem like a lot of work. It would be easier to just take him out. Thanks.
Stick it in his pooper.
[quote]VealChop wrote:
Look, a majority of people on here are all for contacting his wife, getting him fired, bring the police into it, getting restraining orders, basically ruining his life. A restraining order for someone you haven’t had eye contact with in over a year??? I mean come on people. They work in the same place, and they haven’t crossed paths in a year? This guy sounds like the laziest stalker ever. But yeah, let’s get the police, HR, and his wife involved, buy a gun, a taser and some pepper spray, and call up Uncle Jimbo to threaten him with his shotgun, lest he leave another voice mail. [/quote]
lol, you’re thinking the same as I am. Ignore it completely and move on, he’ll fall off. I still support letting the police know the situation though. And, a woman like Debra should be armed somewhat, no?
really, the only way to get rid of a stalker is to pretend they dont exist…no hope leads to no chase.
[quote]VealChop wrote:
Look, a majority of people on here are all for contacting his wife, getting him fired, bring the police into it, getting restraining orders, basically ruining his life. A restraining order for someone you haven’t had eye contact with in over a year??? I mean come on people. They work in the same place, and they haven’t crossed paths in a year? This guy sounds like the laziest stalker ever. But yeah, let’s get the police, HR, and his wife involved, buy a gun, a taser and some pepper spray, and call up Uncle Jimbo to threaten him with his shotgun, lest he leave another voice mail. [/quote]
Well all I’ve done is contact HR. If they find he has done anything worthy of losing his job based on the facts they have then they will do so. If they told him not to miss work work and he did it repeatedly then they would have to evaluate that also. If your boss said do not contact person x or you will be fired and you went ahead and did it, wouldn’t you be the one who got yourself fired? If they fire him and they don’t have grounds he can sue. No one is making anything up however and everything is based on the facts and if the facts lead the company to conclude this guy has to go then that’s what the facts lead to.
I get what you’re saying and each of these things seems very trivial in isolation but I just want to go to work and not have to worry about some freak following me around. Yes he did follow me and I only know this for certain because he admitted to it. And that he’s irrational, delusional and taking great risk to his career JUST to send me stupid e-mails.
You don’t really think I’m the one causing the problem here, do you? I mean you ‘joked’ earlier about my professional demeanor but trust me, I am nothing but professional at work and it’s a rare day I even show my arms in the office, never mind dressing or acting provocative in any way. Otherwise HR would have had words with me by now. But it is something I’ve wondered about–did I somehow bring this creep onto myself? But I can’t say that would be the case and my co-workers don’t think so either.
But honestly I would rather have done nothing at all because I don’t want to aggravate the situation but I don’t think I had much choice.
Also when I say I haven’t made eye contact that doesn’t mean we haven’t crossed paths. That means I have pretended he doesn’t exist anytime we crossed paths, even though he manages to be in my space at every turn at increasing frequency until he acts up in a more concrete way and he gets a talking to.
Edit: I also have not contacted the police but I will tomorrow just to get their advice. Again we will only be discussing the facts so if there is nothing wrong going on then everyone can live happily ever after.
[quote]VealChop wrote:
Look, a majority of people on here are all for contacting his wife, getting him fired, bring the police into it, getting restraining orders, basically ruining his life. A restraining order for someone you haven’t had eye contact with in over a year??? I mean come on people. They work in the same place, and they haven’t crossed paths in a year? This guy sounds like the laziest stalker ever. But yeah, let’s get the police, HR, and his wife involved, buy a gun, a taser and some pepper spray, and call up Uncle Jimbo to threaten him with his shotgun, lest he leave another voice mail. [/quote]
It’s a funny thing about reading something. I just had tore-read and compare the original post with your interpretation of it.
It makes me wonder if you have ever been subject to reprimand or firing for similar acts.
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
[quote]VealChop wrote:
Look, a majority of people on here are all for contacting his wife, getting him fired, bring the police into it, getting restraining orders, basically ruining his life. A restraining order for someone you haven’t had eye contact with in over a year??? I mean come on people. They work in the same place, and they haven’t crossed paths in a year? This guy sounds like the laziest stalker ever. But yeah, let’s get the police, HR, and his wife involved, buy a gun, a taser and some pepper spray, and call up Uncle Jimbo to threaten him with his shotgun, lest he leave another voice mail. [/quote]
It’s a funny thing about reading something. I just had tore-read and compare the original post with your interpretation of it.
It makes me wonder if you have ever been subject to reprimand or firing for similar acts.
[/quote]
YOU ARE THE FUNNIEST PERSON EVER!
YES! He’ll fall off in time, even though she still may get a random email or voice mail here and there. Again, BIG DEAL. There are a few women that will still random call or email me after YEARS! This is just how some people are. I delete and move on. Now of course I’m a guy, so I don’t worry as much about the consequences of stalkers, etc. I have that luxury, most women don’t. I understand that.
So yes, any woman should be proactive about protecting herself. Carry some pepper spray, and actually know how to use it. Practice the art of kneeing a guy in the nuts. Whatever, if it makes her feel better, let the cops know, I don’t know what good they’re going to do anyway. But restraining order? Christ. I just don’t see this situation being anywhere near as critical as some people on here are making it.
[quote]VealChop wrote:
YES! He’ll fall off in time, even though she still may get a random email or voice mail here and there. Again, BIG DEAL. There are a few women that will still random call or email me after YEARS! This is just how some people are. I delete and move on. Now of course I’m a guy, so I don’t worry as much about the consequences of stalkers, etc. I have that luxury, most women don’t. I understand that.
So yes, any woman should be proactive about protecting herself. Carry some pepper spray, and actually know how to use it. Practice the art of kneeing a guy in the nuts. Whatever, if it makes her feel better, let the cops know, I don’t know what good they’re going to do anyway. But restraining order? Christ. I just don’t see this situation being anywhere near as critical as some people on here are making it.
[/quote]
I probably shouldn’t say because I haven’t actually consulted anyone yet but I can’t imagine anyone can just walk into the cop-shop and get a restraining order just because the felt like it. If there isn’t cause for a restraining order then I don’t see how one can be filed. So it doesn’t matter if a bunch of people say go for a restraining order because wishing for one will not make it happen, but the person the order might be against is the only one who can really make it happen.
But if you are talking about counter-harassment or non-legal means of dealing with the guy then that’s different but if we’re talking about pursuing this within the confines of the law then I don’t know what the problem is if I’m just an irrational female with delusions of stalkers, then there won’t be any facts to support any action of any sort.
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
It’s a funny thing about reading something. I just had tore-read and compare the original post with your interpretation of it.
It makes me wonder if you have ever been subject to reprimand or firing for similar acts.
[/quote]
Yes, it is a funny thing about reading something. Some people comprehend what they’re reading, and then there’s you.
Not knowing the Canadian way, here someone would swear under oath to a magistrate (available 24/7) the circumstances, and if they met the right legal criteria for a protective order, it’s issued. Of course, it’s not actually in effect until it gets served on the “accused” though.
[quote]VealChop wrote:
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
It’s a funny thing about reading something. I just had tore-read and compare the original post with your interpretation of it.
It makes me wonder if you have ever been subject to reprimand or firing for similar acts.
[/quote]
Yes, it is a funny thing about reading something. Some people comprehend what they’re reading, and then there’s you. [/quote]
now you are the funniest person ever!
[quote]debraD wrote:
Well all I’ve done is contact HR. If they find he has done anything worthy of losing his job based on the facts they have then they will do so. If they told him not to miss work work and he did it repeatedly then they would have to evaluate that also. If your boss said do not contact person x or you will be fired and you went ahead and did it, wouldn’t you be the one who got yourself fired? If they fire him and they don’t have grounds he can sue. No one is making anything up however and everything is based on the facts and if the facts lead the company to conclude this guy has to go then that’s what the facts lead to.
I get what you’re saying and each of these things seems very trivial in isolation but I just want to go to work and not have to worry about some freak following me around. Yes he did follow me and I only know this for certain because he admitted to it. And that he’s irrational, delusional and taking great risk to his career JUST to send me stupid e-mails.
You don’t really think I’m the one causing the problem here, do you? I mean you ‘joked’ earlier about my professional demeanor but trust me, I am nothing but professional at work and it’s a rare day I even show my arms in the office, never mind dressing or acting provocative in any way. Otherwise HR would have had words with me by now. But it is something I’ve wondered about–did I somehow bring this creep onto myself? But I can’t say that would be the case and my co-workers don’t think so either.
But honestly I would rather have done nothing at all because I don’t want to aggravate the situation but I don’t think I had much choice.
Also when I say I haven’t made eye contact that doesn’t mean we haven’t crossed paths. That means I have pretended he doesn’t exist anytime we crossed paths, even though he manages to be in my space at every turn at increasing frequency until he acts up in a more concrete way and he gets a talking to.
Edit: I also have not contacted the police but I will tomorrow just to get their advice. Again we will only be discussing the facts so if there is nothing wrong going on then everyone can live happily ever after.[/quote]
No I didn’t mean to sound as though I think you may have done something to deserve this loser harassing you, you probably need this like another hole in your head. You look like an attractive woman, obviously in great shape, and if there’s a village idiot in the office, it’s probably a shoe-in that you’re the one he’s going to latch on to, and I’m sure that’s what happened. My point is just weigh everything out, and act accordingly. Only you know just how bad his actions are when taken as a whole. Do what the little voice in your head is telling you is the smart thing to do. If you feel as though you are in danger, go to the cops, if you feel like you just can’t work like this, talk to HR.
I haven’t read all the responses, but I would go to the police with as much evidence as you can (emails, voicemails, whatever). Document this shit with them, so they know up front that he is being stupid. I understand your work has to take the politically correct position, but with the police you don’t have to go that route. Good luck with this all.
To sum up: Everything WolBarret said on the first page was right.
[quote]VealChop wrote:
…A restraining order for someone you haven’t had eye contact with in over a year???..[/quote]
No, a restraining order for someone who:
-“…has been bugging me for over a year now.”
and
“It started with weird e-mails at work, then he was following me to work in the morning and then following me home, then weird messages on my work voice mail.”
After telling him to stop then sticking her boss on him:
-“…he kept following me around and leaving voicemails (‘calling just to hear my voice’-ack!)…”
Then HR told him to stop or he’d get fired and he still:
-“…starts sending me weird, unsettling (delusional!) e-mails to my personal gmail account which I have NO idea how he got a hold of because only a handful people have it. I’ve talked to most of them and they don’t know how he got it. I’m really bothered now because it looks like he has gone to some lengths to figure out my e-mail.”
Your characterization of the situation is disingenuous and inaccurate. Following someone to/from work is serious and a warning sign.
Debra, your statement “HR has told me I MUST tell them about ANY unwanted contact.” suggests that if you don’t report his contact you could face some sort of problem from HR. If his behavior escalates and you didn’t tell HR of this latest contact you could be putting yourself at some sort of risk. Maybe not, but when liability/legalities come to bear it’s best not to give them the opportunity to do the wrong thing.
You are in danger. Where is your man? Hard action is necessary. I only hesitate calling for his head because killing outright tends to be impractical and after that idea’s shotdown the rest is in the details, which I am short on because of admitted exhaustion. And there are things a man can do and face which a woman cannot. I would hesitate to expose people to danger due to an overly cavalier attitude
You will regret having your peace of mind disturbed and your life wasted if you simply let him continue. You may not even have occasion to regret if he escalates. He has misbehaved, not you. Such disrespect must not be tolerated. He would make you a slave. Such behavior must cease. Such behavior must be punished
Get protected, miss. Men are prone to violence
Wait, now he’s clogging up her GMAIL account too??? Hurry! There’s no time to waste, restraining order for that son of a bitch! Oh wait, turns out everyone has access to her personal email.
Geez, she already got the ball rolling again with HR, whenever they’re back in the office, they should handle it. They have to earn their pay somehow, this is part of the reason they are a corporate department. Done.
[quote]VealChop wrote:
Look, a majority of people on here are all for contacting his wife, getting him fired, bring the police into it, getting restraining orders, basically ruining his life. [/quote]
Correct. This could ruin his life. “This” however, was brought on by his own decisions. He could [God forbid] ruin Deb’s life.
It’s one of those situations that can VERY EASILY be taken care of/avoided with a simple step. In this case, it’s Deb making sure she protects herself by contacting police/HR.
Deb, I agree with Nick Dangers last paragraph. If you were told you MUST contact HR, and you don’t, you’re putting yourself in a bad situation. If something happens and HR hears about, finds out you knew about it, and had documentation (in an email, voicemail, whatever) that they ordered you to fill them in on his situation… and you DON’T let them know, they will defend themselves by saying “we were unaware that [X altercation (for lack of a better term)] occurred.”
Tell HR everything that happens. You really need to get over this “what if I ruin his life” bullshit. Because that statement IS bullshit, HE ruined his life… You need to do what’s best for you.
Vealchop, come on. Get a grip, you’re completely too lax about this situation. I bet you’d be giving different advice if your wife/mother/daughter was in Deb’s situation.