[quote]kardon wrote:
What if the erotomaniac is female and the victim is male?[/quote]
From what I skim of the passage, I must recommend the same no contact policy. In my unfortunate experience it is far easier to intimidate random tough guys than crazy uglies. And if she is crazy and cannot be intimidated into behaving herself, gloating over and bullying the female is not worth it, as the fundamental problem is that in addition to her many other faults she is shockingly ugly and the male only hurts himself by having to think about it.
I am frankly embarrassed and ashamed of that situation. What a disgrace.
EDIT Having read the passage more closely I must admit that it was an unnatural situation. I’d naturally arrogantly ignore her, problem solved, but the thing was, at the time she was effectively a suitemate. I was forced to interact but to no avail. Ended up having to cover my eyes every time I went out, lmao[/quote]
No, I have one of those. This is more of a spiritual one, sir. I mean, I did go into the BOI thread, which means there will be footage at some point. Relax buddy.I’m not dodging you or anything like that, evident in my “T-Day”. Now, um can you not clog this thread with your pointless detective work? I really think Debra’s situation is more serious than a picture of me. Ease up boy, you just need to ease up.
[quote]WolBarret wrote:
For those who say Public Humiliation is the way to go:
That can backfire. If you embarrass him in front of his co-workers/buddies, it could push him into a violent state of mind.
[/quote]
That may be, and I am too tired to think about this delicately. Now, I may gladly risk death but a woman is perhaps not quite in the same position.
Such a wicked person is not to be trusted, you must get protected, and in the end, such behavior must be punished. Even if only by freezing out
[quote]WolBarret wrote:
For those who say Public Humiliation is the way to go:
That can backfire. If you embarrass him in front of his co-workers/buddies, it could push him into a violent state of mind.
[/quote]
That may be, and I am too tired to think about this delicately. Now, I may gladly risk death but a woman is perhaps not quite in the same position.
Such a wicked person is not to be trusted, you must get protected, and in the end, such behavior must be punished. Even if only by freezing out[/quote]
Reporting him to the police = NOT public humiliation
Reporting him to HR = NOT public humiliation
Telling his wife = NOT public humiliation, but very close
Getting weapons and preparing yourself = NOT public humiliation
Gathering all his co-workers together with him included and calling him out = Public humiliation which could piss him off to the point of violence. This could turn an average stalker into a would be attacker. This tactic has the greater chances of backfiring.
[quote]rcfromdb wrote:
Definitely report this to HR. YOU are not ruining anything for him, he ruined it for himself.[/quote]
Agreed. This guy created the situation, not you. He had every opportunity to simply not contact you when you asked him to stop.
If anything, it may be better that his wife finds out now, rather than hearing about her husband’s arrest on the 6 o’clock news.
Reporting him to the police = NOT public humiliation
Reporting him to HR = NOT public humiliation
Telling his wife = NOT public humiliation, but very close
Getting weapons and preparing yourself = NOT public humiliation
Gathering all his co-workers together with him included and calling him out = Public humiliation which could piss him off to the point of violence. This could turn an average stalker into a would be attacker. This tactic has the greater chances of backfiring.
[/quote]
Totally agree with all of this advice, especially the telling the police and getting weapons part. You do not know what he’s capable of and I’d even the playing field based on worst case scenario. He has already shown he doesn’t respect your boundaries.
Edit, obviously I do not understand this groovy new quote system.
From a cops point of view, call the RCMP they are good at what the do. I do not know the laws in Canada but hopefully they have a TRO, temporary restraining order, that could be helpful. If you can avoid him do that. I would not recommend the public humiliation it can backfire and if he loses the job and is embarassed he may feel like he has nothing more to lose. Once police are involved if he does not back off and go away at least you have started the criminal investigation.
Weapons can be a good idea as long as you can be pretty sure it can not be taken from you and then turned on you. Might take a lesson from the bikers on this one. A flashlight like a mag light is a decent impact weapon and you can use it to light up dark areas to and from your car. Other personal security you are probably aware of. Change the time and route to and from work, get a ride have a friend with you as often as possible. Building security is a good idea. Can you light up the area you walk into and out of your house/apartment.
Most of all take it serious because if you are wrong you are not out anything but a little extra time and precaution, if he does escalate you are ready. Not to run down my profession but when you really need a cop right now, they are minutes away.
Thanks again for all the advice. I’ve been watching this thread and not getting any work done today. My HR rep got my email and swooped in. I went home early but she was meeting with some lawyers and will contact me tomorrow. I didn’t go to the RCMP though. I just wanted to get home and think about it more tomorrow. I will go tomorrow though. I just didn’t want to today. I feel fuckin ill. Hopefully he waits another day for me to talk to the cops before cutting my phone lines and calling me from the attic
But seriously though it’s possible I may have ruined or severely damaged a man’s career. Not that he doesn’t deserve it or that he didn’t really do it himself but that doesn’t make it feel any better! I am pretty sure this is not going to end well.
Oh by the way the public humiliation was just me saying that’s what I want to do because I’m pissed but not that I ever thought it was a good idea. Thankfully I’m not that compulsive and think three times before ever doing anything!
[quote]debraD wrote:
Th
But seriously though it’s possible I may have ruined or severely damaged a man’s career. Not that he doesn’t deserve it or that he didn’t really do it himself but that doesn’t make it feel any better!
[/quote]
[quote]BSrunner wrote:
…This is tough, because on one hand this guy is creepy (and a potential danger to your wellbeing) and on the other, you mess up his wife and child if you do anything…[/quote]
The only one doing something to him is him. Her reporting this isn’t.
The only person responsible for his behavior is him. Even if he’s loonie, that just means reporting him is helping him get help for that.
The guy obviously hasn’t taken the repeated and clear-cut hints that his behavior is unacceptable, and he’s possibly escalated (stalking gmail info). Reporting him seems the prudent choice.
I just hope whatever this guy has done is completely deserving of what’s in store for him. Don’t get me wrong, it seems as though he has it coming, but he doesn’t sound like lucifer just yet either. He sends you emails you don’t want to get, join the club, my Dad sends me 5 a day. Does he threaten you in them? What is the content of the emails?
He has left you voicemails…again, not the most cumbersome thing in the world to remedy - DELETE - What does he say on those? Does he tell you he’d like to shove his face between your thighs, or does he say something completely innocuous like, Just wanted to say Hi!
You said yourself you haven’t had eye contact with him for like a year! Which means he’s not cornering you in the stairwell and trying to grab your tits, he’s not walking up behind you when no one’s looking and grabbing your ass. What has the guy really done other than cause you to hit the delete button 17 instead of 16 times.
Now you said you’re PRETTY sure he has followed you home, or followed you to work, that is creepy, IF you are right. I’m not doubting you, I’m just saying…is it possible you’re wrong about that? And if so, how bad is this guy, that everyone on here practically wants him dead. Just be sure you’re doing the right thing.
[quote]VealChop wrote:
I just hope whatever this guy has done is completely deserving of what’s in store for him. Don’t get me wrong, it seems as though he has it coming, but he doesn’t sound like lucifer just yet either. He sends you emails you don’t want to get, join the club, my Dad sends me 5 a day. Does he threaten you in them? What is the content of the emails?
He has left you voicemails…again, not the most cumbersome thing in the world to remedy - DELETE - What does he say on those? Does he tell you he’d like to shove his face between your thighs, or does he say something completely innocuous like, Just wanted to say Hi!
You said yourself you haven’t had eye contact with him for like a year! Which means he’s not cornering you in the stairwell and trying to grab your tits, he’s not walking up behind you when no one’s looking and grabbing your ass. What has the guy really done other than cause you to hit the delete button 17 instead of 16 times.
Now you said you’re PRETTY sure he has followed you home, or followed you to work, that is creepy, IF you are right. I’m not doubting you, I’m just saying…is it possible you’re wrong about that? And if so, how bad is this guy, that everyone on here practically wants him dead. Just be sure you’re doing the right thing.[/quote]
You’re out of your mind. This guy is a textbook stalker. So she should wait until he escalates? No. Act now. She’s already set boundaries that this guy has ignored.
Yes, this guy IS a textbook stalker, and what I’m saying is…BIG DEAL. She set a boundary, and he crossed it by what, sending her another email??? LET’S KILL HIM!!!
