[quote]debraD wrote:
(I posted this on a another forum and it turned into a flamefest about PC crap and sexual harassment. Please don’t do that! lol!)
So I’ve been dealing with this guy from my work has been bugging me for over a year now. Everytime I think he’s done and going to stay away he reappears after about 3 or so months.
It started with weird e-mails at work, then he was following me to work in the morning and then following me home, then weird messages on my work voice mail. So after telling him to leave me alone didn’t work I stuck my boss on him. But he kept following me around and leaving voicemails (‘calling just to hear my voice’-ack!) And someone told HR (not me and against my wishes). And now he’s going to be fired if he bugs me again.
But after 3 months of silence, over xmas, the guy starts sending me weird, unsettling (delusional!) e-mails to my personal gmail account which I have NO idea how he got a hold of because only a handful people have it. I’ve talked to most of them and they don’t know how he got it. I’m really bothered now because it looks like he has gone to some lengths to figure out my e-mail. Which I don’t know what. HR has told me I MUST tell them about ANY unwanted contact. But he will be fired for certain if I do. I think he should be fired but I’m a bit worried about the fallout of this. I head back to work tomorrow and now I’m getting a little stressed about it.
I’m not really afraid of the guy but then again he seems pretty looney. So maybe I should be. I’m tempted to just contact his wife. Or verbally humiliate him in front of his co-workers. But I think he wants any kind of attention from me and I shouldn’t give it to him. I haven’t so much as made eye contact with him since I first told him to cut it out over a year ago. But that doesn’t mean anything because all I ever did was make small talk with him ONCE at the coffee station while I was waiting for it to brew. I guess I have to do what would best make him go away and not what I’m tempted to do because he’s pissing me off.
So, do I go into HR first thing tomorrow morning? Do I just tell my boss? (he might get himself into trouble if I do that) or do I do something else or nothing at all?
I think I have to tell HR but I suppose I’m just nervous and don’t want to make things worse. Him getting fired will be pretty serious. His wife just had a baby and this will probably fuck him up for getting another job since our industry requires a clean background. I know this is not my problem but he might make it my problem!
Any cops or anyone with experience with nut jobs like this?
[/quote]
If you can get me his Address, when he arrives at work and when he leaves usually then I can take care of this problem for you Deb.
Seriously, if you don’t think it’s to the point of going to the police at this point (ie. harmless), then you might address him discreetly (not in front of co-workers) and tell him flat out you know what he’s doing and if he doesn’t stop, you’re going to HR (and/or police).
In this case, going to HR is just a necessity. Forget that he has a wife, family etc. You say you have proof of all this and it’s not you just accusing the guy. If all this is true and documented, he earned the right to be fired at the expense of his family.
How do others perceive this guy at work?
You shouldn’t have to work in a hostile environment like that. If it progresses past that, then a call to the police is warranted. If HR doesn’t do anything or dismisses your evidence call a lawyer.
Now, having said that, get your ass to the firing range!
I’m sorry. I’ll try and stop harassing you, but your so HOT! LOL.
Wow, just wow. I feel bad that anyone has to deal with freaks like this. Hell I may be on your ignore list, god knows I’ve been an ass to you, but this is just plain scary. Serious shit.
Has your boyfriend confronted him?
I suggest that you go with a variety of the collective advice. SRT08, leaving and going to work in groups, pepper spray or anything to protect yourself, and tell EVERYONE you know!!
This guy could careless about his family or he wouldn’t be pursuing you like this. The last thing you should do is feel sorry for him. In doing so you are inadvertanly letting your gaurd down. I’m sure there are alot of scary things running through you head but sometimes you have no choice but to confront it head on. You shouldn’t have to live in any level of fear. HR is worried about protecting the business ass, but they should not let you work in a hostile enviroment. Doing nothing is not an option. Protect yourself!!!
Good Luck
p.s. Give us his email and we can flood it letting him know that the collective power of tnation is watching him
I think the first thing for me to do will be to talk to my boss and co-workers and then HR. I will then stop by at the RCMP station on my way home and at the very least give them the scenario and get their advice.
I do think he needs to be fired and don’t feel sorry for him in the least. My only concern is what damage an out of work obsessed db admin could do but the more I think about it he is more dangerous to me working in my building especially after showing up in my gmail account. I would punch him in the face if I thought it might help.
HR had previously asked me to keep quiet but I never complied with that and made sure all the people who work closely with me were aware of the situation. HR was worried there might be a problem with one of these guys deciding to ‘talk’ with him and if you imagine my co-workers are on average about 65% Dwight you might see it as a valid concern. But I know it’s better for me to not have it be a secret.
He already does know where I live because he has followed me to and from work already. He doesn’t live anywhere near me and has no reason to be hanging around here.
SteelyD, he is very quiet, fairly new to the company and the city and nobody seems to know much about him. He ‘seems’ like a nice normal guy.
Good luck. No one should have to deal with crap like this and I hope you manage to get him to back off.
Worst I’ve had to deal with was a staff writer on the first magazine I worked on. I was reviews ed at the time, and despite the fact he sat opposite me, he had my byline photo as his Windows wallpaper. Fortunately he was sacked fairly quickly for being chronically late. However, I later found out from a flat mate of his that he had slackened his custard over my chair while I was out of the office. Classy.
I had a nutjob from work in CO try to visit me in OK four years after we’d worked (and talked) together.
[/quote]
I hope there’s more to this story. From what you’ve posted it sounds like a former coworker tried to reconnect.[/quote]
We didn’t talk for four years. I don’t know how he got my number, but while I was at school one day, he called and left me four voicemails saying he was on his way and would be in Norman to see me by 8.
He thought we were meant to be together because he was born with four toes and I was born with six toenails on my right foot. Serious.
[quote]debraD wrote:
Thanks for all your responses!
I think the first thing for me to do will be to talk to my boss and co-workers and then HR. I will then stop by at the RCMP station on my way home and at the very least give them the scenario and get their advice.
I do think he needs to be fired and don’t feel sorry for him in the least. My only concern is what damage an out of work obsessed db admin could do but the more I think about it he is more dangerous to me working in my building especially after showing up in my gmail account. I would punch him in the face if I thought it might help.
HR had previously asked me to keep quiet but I never complied with that and made sure all the people who work closely with me were aware of the situation. HR was worried there might be a problem with one of these guys deciding to ‘talk’ with him and if you imagine my co-workers are on average about 65% Dwight you might see it as a valid concern. But I know it’s better for me to not have it be a secret.
He already does know where I live because he has followed me to and from work already. He doesn’t live anywhere near me and has no reason to be hanging around here.
SteelyD, he is very quiet, fairly new to the company and the city and nobody seems to know much about him. He ‘seems’ like a nice normal guy. [/quote]
looks like you’ve got a good plan. make sure you follow through with talking to the cops…from my perspective (as a police officer), if you file a report, and something happens, then it’s much easier for us to react and handle it. if you wait, something does happen, then we might not have anything to go with.
If he found your gmail account, I’m surprised he has not found you on here. Imagine what he will do with your pictures. If he is unstable, he could even try to turn things around by saving your pics and telling authorities you sent them to him.
[quote]debraD wrote:
SteelyD, he is very quiet, fairly new to the company and the city and nobody seems to know much about him. He ‘seems’ like a nice normal guy. [/quote]
I can’t quite put my finger on it, but for some reason this alone sets off alarms for me.
I’ll second what everybody else has said. Good luck talking with the police, hopefully this all goes well.
Seems like a huge majority of people on here are suggesting that OP takes action, i.e. go to the police, go to HR, restraining orders, get him fired, tell his wife… I think she should be extremely careful about doing stuff like that. MANY TIMES, it is that exact action that causes the perpetrator to escalate HIS own actions as well.
The link included in a previous post is just another example of this. That woman was stalked for 4 years!! but it was not until the DAY BEFORE the restraining order hearing that her stalker busted into the work place and blew away 7 people.
There are many stories like this, and most of them share this exact type of timeline. The victim escalates the matter, and then, out of frustration, fear, anger, lunacy, so does the stalker. What I’m saying is, IF he’s the type of guy that would blow away 7 people in the workplace, going to the cops, getting him fired, etc. is what’s going to push him to do that!
You want this guy to go away? Do exactly the OPPOSITE of what everyone is telling you…Come on to him, you’ll never hear from him again.
[quote]VealChop wrote:
Seems like a huge majority of people on here are suggesting that OP takes action, i.e. go to the police, go to HR, restraining orders, get him fired, tell his wife… I think she should be extremely careful about doing stuff like that. MANY TIMES, it is that exact action that causes the perpetrator to escalate HIS own actions as well. The link included in a previous post is just another example of this. That woman was stalked for 4 years!! but it was not until the DAY BEFORE the restraining order hearing that her stalker busted into the work place and blew away 7 people.
There are many stories like this, and most of them share this exact type of timeline. The victim escalates the matter, and then, out of frustration, fear, anger, lunacy, so does the stalker. What I’m saying is, IF he’s the type of guy that would blow away 7 people in the workplace, going to the cops, getting him fired, etc. is what’s going to push him to do that!
You want this guy to go away? Do exactly the OPPOSITE of what everyone is telling you…Come on to him, you’ll never hear from him again.
[/quote]
seriously? that’s terrible advice…you only hear about the times that the victim does something and the offender overreacts-you don’t hear about how some ass-clown will victimize someone for years and years without anyone knowing about it. and when they finally do something, it gets all jacked up in court, because the first question they’re asked is “why did you wait so long?”
[quote]cycobushmaster wrote:
looks like you’ve got a good plan. make sure you follow through with talking to the cops…from my perspective (as a police officer), if you file a report, and something happens, then it’s much easier for us to react and handle it. if you wait, something does happen, then we might not have anything to go with.
good luck![/quote]
Thank you! This is what I was hoping to hear.
[quote]Katiekate wrote:
If he found your gmail account, I’m surprised he has not found you on here. Imagine what he will do with your pictures. If he is unstable, he could even try to turn things around by saving your pics and telling authorities you sent them to him.[/quote]
This is why there’s been a packet sniffer on his workstation for months. From what I can tell he hasn’t been anywhere near here but I’m going to go through those logs thoroughly today.
I just got an e-mail from a friend who thinks she knows how he might have gotten the gmail address because of a distribution list we’re on.
[quote]debraD wrote:
SteelyD, he is very quiet, fairly new to the company and the city and nobody seems to know much about him. He ‘seems’ like a nice normal guy. [/quote]
I can’t quite put my finger on it, but for some reason this alone sets off alarms for me.
I’ll second what everybody else has said. Good luck talking with the police, hopefully this all goes well.[/quote]
Ok after reading through this I’ll chime in. Having been in a management position before, the company isn’t just trying to CYA itself from the perp but also from litigation from you. Since every company has anti-harrassment rules on the books they have to act (I think PMPM could probably expand on this from a legal perspective).
You’ve reported it and it’s time to go back to HR and let them know it’s happening again. When you do go in I would advise requesting the police be called in to speak to you while in their office, I mention this only because he has followed you home. Also HR usually says to keep this “confidential” but honestly the more people that know and can keep an eye out for you (to ensure nothing happens) would be best. It happens all too often that obession turns into crazy really quick.
And as for being cocerned about his family, obviously he isn’t so why should you? Time to think about protecting yourself.
[quote]Chickenmcnug wrote:
Edited: I decided to edit my post because i figured if you wanted to read my horrifying story you could just follow the link.
You need to take this seriously. You need to be aware that this sort of thing can escalate out of control very very fast. You shouldn’t give two shits about this guy’s job, family, or anything. Your main concern should be your safety. I suggest you talk to HR, then follow up with the police. Get some pepper spray and look into conceiled carry laws in your state. Also make sure IT knows of your predicament and monitors your computer. Looking into getting a company approved laptop would be a better idea so you could always have it on you and it won’t be tampered with. Let as many people know what the situation is as possible.
Something similar happened at a company that i worked at approximately 10 years before i worked there. A girl was stalked for approximately 4 years, ending in multiple murders. The story is here, but be warned it will probably scare the shit out of you:
Are you intruding on his personal information with the packet sniffer? Or is it there for the reasons you have brought up at work?
I would hire some person to throw a brick through his window. But if you do it and finds the suggestion on this board, your going to have to buy a new window.
