contact his wife.
humiliate him in front of his coworkers.
tell everyone here, and not on here, whats going on.
contact HR.
file police reports.
get a restraining order.
arm yourself.
tell EVERYONE whats going on. the more people that know, the better.
if you don’t know for certain he won’t come to your house, tell EVERYONE whats going on.
[quote]CBear84 wrote:
contact his wife.
humiliate him in front of his coworkers.
[/quote]
Those are the 2 worst possible things she could do.
[quote]CBear84 wrote:
humiliate him in front of his coworkers.
[/quote]
My only problem with this is that it might push his obsession into hate and there’s no telling how he could react.
[quote]WolBarret wrote:
[quote]CBear84 wrote:
humiliate him in front of his coworkers.
[/quote]
My only problem with this is that it might push his obsession into hate and there’s no telling how he could react.[/quote]
there’s already no telling how he would react. the idea behind my suggestion is that IF, or WHEN, something happens, the more information more people have to give to the police, the better. and, he’s already shown how the word “NO” affects him.
[quote]CBear84 wrote:
[quote]WolBarret wrote:
[quote]CBear84 wrote:
humiliate him in front of his coworkers.
[/quote]
My only problem with this is that it might push his obsession into hate and there’s no telling how he could react.[/quote]
there’s already no telling how he would react. the idea behind my suggestion is that IF, or WHEN, something happens, the more information more people have to give to the police, the better. and, he’s already shown how the word “NO” affects him.
[/quote]
But if she gathers all her co-workers, including him, and announces to everyone what he did then that’s like putting gas on the fire. Public humiliation like that could be what triggers him to be violent.
I’d prefer that the stalker be in a room with HR and during that time, Debra could tell her co-workers the situation. The stalker would think only Debra, himself, and HR know what’s really going on.
And by this time, Debra would have contacted the police and took other safety precautions.
EDIT
Actually, I see what you’re getting at. But the humiliation tactic can really backfire.
Got any friends that are cops? Run a background check on him to see if he has any offenses on record. Also too be very careful of what you disclose to those around you. Theres certain webpages like www.whitepages.com in which you could look up where people live etc.
damn, this is scary stuff you (and all women) have to deal with. I have tons of female friends that get harassed at work or at bars and to be honest, it really makes me want to kill the guys that do so.
Good luck with however you choose to deal with this situation. Please do get some sort of defense to arm yourself against this guy as well as getting a restraining order and contacting HR
Edited: I decided to edit my post because i figured if you wanted to read my horrifying story you could just follow the link.
You need to take this seriously. You need to be aware that this sort of thing can escalate out of control very very fast. You shouldn’t give two shits about this guy’s job, family, or anything. Your main concern should be your safety. I suggest you talk to HR, then follow up with the police. Get some pepper spray and look into conceiled carry laws in your state. Also make sure IT knows of your predicament and monitors your computer. Looking into getting a company approved laptop would be a better idea so you could always have it on you and it won’t be tampered with. Let as many people know what the situation is as possible.
Something similar happened at a company that i worked at approximately 10 years before i worked there. A girl was stalked for approximately 4 years, ending in multiple murders. The story is here, but be warned it will probably scare the shit out of you:
Carefully reading everything you’ve written, If it were me I would talk to the police. Go in and, without (initially) mentioning any names or identifiers, lay out your story and get their opinion regarding whether you should be concerned. I believe they’ll say you certainly should be because this guy is risking everything to find a way to connect with you, knowing he’s being watched, which tells me he has no self-control.
With people like this “no” is just you playing hard to get or you’d back up your no-means-no with concrete repercussions. Trouble is, as anyone who knows anything about domestic violence can tell you, creating repercussions (i.e., a restraining order) can actually result in rapidly escalating behavior.
The police are TRAINED to deal with loonies like this, you are not - and neither are most of the people here. And we know your HR department is all about covering your employer’s ass. So many women in these kinds of situations didn’t trust their inner voice, the one that says ‘something here is really wrong’ and stuff… happens. Get advice from trained professionals, first, then take it from there.
Please, Deb, take my advice. I’m really concerned about this nut. Let me know.
[quote]debraD wrote:
I think I have to tell HR but I suppose I’m just nervous and don’t want to make things worse. Him getting fired will be pretty serious. His wife just had a baby and this will probably fuck him up for getting another job since our industry requires a clean background. I know this is not my problem but he might make it my problem!
[/quote]
I just wanted to add that he crossed the line, not you. If you brought this to management already and they have spoke with him, then he is aware. If he continues from that point, then he is the one risking his job and family. It is not you. I know its hard to not feel empathetic for someone in a situation like that, but just realize that you have already given him plenty of opportunity to cease his actions. You should never feel bad about trying to protect yourself.
Speak to your boss and his boss. Type out an official letter of complaint and make sure they receive a copy and that you have a copy as well. HR will keep these in their records. They will most probably issue him with a warning letter which I suggest that keep a copy of as well.
Also, it would be worth have a male friend speak to him personally. I have done this for a few female friends of mine and it always works. Make sure its a male friend that you trust and looks physically intimidating. Shouldn’t be to hard to find on T-Nation 
Good luck and be safe.
get someone to speak to him.or get someone to send him an email explaining the seriousness of the situation. he sounds like a loser that may be scared off easily. just the level of lunacy needs to be assessed.
any weird response/ non compliance to first contact, report to HR
simultaneously report to the police
stay vigilant.have someone accompany you home from work.carry pepper spray. dont be stressed or weary just be ready just in case. if he loses his job, and is contacted by the police for questioning about harrassment, the final screws may come lose and the last few marbles will roll out of his ears. at that point who knows what direction he will go in.
alternatively and if possible, contact his wife. if she is of no help or somehow equally nutty as he is, and just they form one big crazy peanut butter sandwich of a marriage together, go through the regular route.
i hate guys who cant deal with rejection and harrass females.there are thousands more out there, just move on asshole .
I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to contact him or his wife. Plus, he is clearly obsessed with you and will most likely continue stalking after he is fired. You need to let your attorney/police be the ones to contact him at this point.
I don´t know the guy and what he wrote to you, so I can´t give you advice on how to deal with him.
A general recommendation is to arm yourself as much as possible (gun if allowed, pepper and taser, knife) and take care of security.
Have someone to accompany you to work and home or leave together in groups with other employees.
If you think he can get information on when and where you go out, then you should never go out alone.
Yeesh Deb, sorry to hear you have to deal with this nut case.
I’m with the consensus on talking to the police and HR, as well as what CBear said on letting as many people (as you feel comfortable with) know your situ - that way, in the least, you’ll have others looking out for you.
Also, I wouldn’t get personal with this guy. Its just best to leave crazy-as-fuck alone. But as others stated, you shouldn’t care about his kids or family, or anything like that. This guy is clearly a bit unhinged and your safety should be your first priority.
And if by some chance you leave your gat at home, just remember the TIE method:
Thumbs
In
Eyes
Knee to groin OR headbutt
Run like the dickens
I would confront him in a public space, and in a non-aggressive and factual manner let him know that you feel very uncomfortable with his behavior and fully intend on reporting it to your HR dept. and police Get some pepper spray and take all his correspondence to the police with his name and any other info you have about him. Let him know you mean business and that you will not tolerate his harrasment. That this has gone on for a year is not acceptable.
I understand that taking these measures may get the guy fired, but if it has come to the point that you are concerned about your personal safety, you need to take control of the situation immediately. You are going to have to watch your back, but I don’t really see any other alternative because it doesn’t look like this guy is just going to go away.
I hope it works out for you. I moved to another city at 19 to get away from a nut job like this.
[quote]rcfromdb wrote:
Definitely report this to HR. YOU are not ruining anything for him, he ruined it for himself.[/quote]
I’ll second this… I’d for sure go the restraining order regardless because you can then let a judge decide if this individual needs to find other employment as a result of said order. You’re also covered if this behavior continues to escalate. Being in LE, I’d say that in my experience, if something like this goes unchecked, it will probably escalate… although how quickly and to what extent is anyone’s guess.
I’d actually avoid all the advice telling you to go straight to this guy’s wife, because if you take it outside the workplace with that level of intensity that could drive this whole thing up a few notches. It might even be that to the warped mind that you’ve done this to get him all to yourself. The risk/reward for this guy is obviously out of whack because he’s putting his home life and livelihood on the line to pursue this in the first place. Take your stack of evidence, find a cop, and let them handle it.
You’ve been more than reasonable with how you’ve treated him at this point. It is not your obligation to protect his family, it is your obligation to protect yourself.
I had a nutjob from work in CO try to visit me in OK four years after we’d worked (and talked) together. You cannot predict what an unbalanced individual might do, and it is not your obligation to try.
Tell the cops, then tell HR. Tell all your friends and others who might be looking out for you. Arm yourself. And never talk to this piece of shit again.
I was going to post some stupid reply like “why don’t you foam roll him?” (that’s pretty much all I’m good for here on T-Nation), but honestly, in your situation I would simultaneously report this to HR AND the Police. You might even have someone from HR collaborate your story to them.
At home, get an inexpensive CCTV system (you can pick one up for 120 dollars these days, feeds the video right to your computer) and keep it running when you aren’t home. As you’ve been doing, keep any record of contact this low-life has with you.
Good luck, and has been mentioned, carry pepper spray (at the very least)
I’d immediately go to the police. Screw him and his family, the fact is that he has a family, and shouldn’t be doing this. I’d advise getting a restraining order, so that when he’s outside your house/apt you can call the police and he’ll be arrested.
Otherwise if he continues to stalk you without an order and you do get scared and call the police, there isn’t much they can do, except advise you to get a restraining order. I would definitely inform HR that he’s been contacting you again as well.
edit: and get some bear mace, pepper spray sucks, and bear mace will travel l5-30 feet.
