Dealing with a Nut-job at Work

Off Topic
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[quote]Nick Danger wrote:

Oh wait, turns out only a few friends have access to her gmail.

Oh wait, you’re intentionally misrepresenting – again.

Oh wait, you’re intentionally being a douchebag.

Kids these days…[/quote]

[quote]debraD wrote:

This is why there’s been a packet sniffer on his workstation for months. From what I can tell he hasn’t been anywhere near here but I’m going to go through those logs thoroughly today.

I just got an e-mail from a friend who thinks she knows how he might have gotten the gmail address because of a distribution list we’re on. [/quote]

Her gmail was on a company distribution list jackass. And I’m not saying that gives him the right to use it, but it certainly doesn’t seem he had to hack the universe to get it.

Let me know how the posse comes along, I’ll bet not a one of you tough-typers would do a single thing even if you were within 5 minutes of where OP works.

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[quote]FlameofOsiris wrote:
More seriously, I’d say that you should confront him, as few others have said, and let him know that you really mean business this time, and that he has to stop messing around. Most of you are just fear-mongering, sadly. Relating him to Ted Bundy and other serial killers? Come on. Get a fucking clue. The stats just aren’t there. I would take precautions, but I wouldn’t exactly worry about it. I realize that it’s easy for me to say because I’m not close to the situation, but it also gives me a clear perspective. I was jumped and robbed on 2 separate occasions, and after each time, I was really scared of walking home from the train (I have to walk through Brooklyn). I wasn’t afraid at like 3AM, but from like 9PM-2AM, I definitely was. I was afraid of everyone I saw. This, of course, was before I started working out. Take precautions, but don’t worry about him killing or hurting you. He won’t. [/quote]

Everyone who knew him said Ted Bundy was a “nice guy” and Deb said her stalker appears to be nice when, in fact, he is not. Clue enough for you?

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You really want to hang him? Don’t perverts like asphyxiation?

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[quote]SirenSong61 wrote:

Everyone who knew him said Ted Bundy was a “nice guy” and Deb said her stalker appears to be nice when, in fact, he is not. Clue enough for you?[/quote]

Yes, “nice guy” plus creepy tendencies = mass murder EVERY TIME! Didn’t they say Jeffrey Dahmer was the “quiet type”…Deb, this guy isn’t also sort of quiet is he? Listen, I know I already said my piece, but now I’m truly worried. It escaped me that this guy is NICE!

Forget the cops and forget HR, what can they do to protect you from this deranged killer, and possibly cannibal??? You must quit your job and move at least 5 states away, change your name and appearance, and lay low for a few years. Arm yourself at all times, and DO NOT SLEEP!!! That’s when these psycho “nice” guys always get you.

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[quote]VealChop wrote:

[quote]SirenSong61 wrote:

Everyone who knew him said Ted Bundy was a “nice guy” and Deb said her stalker appears to be nice when, in fact, he is not. Clue enough for you?[/quote]

Yes, “nice guy” plus creepy tendencies = mass murder EVERY TIME! Didn’t they say Jeffrey Dahmer was the “quiet type”…Deb, this guy isn’t also sort of quiet is he? Listen, I know I already said my piece, but now I’m truly worried. It escaped me that this guy is NICE!

Forget the cops and forget HR, what can they do to protect you from this deranged killer, and possibly cannibal??? You must quit your job and move at least 5 states away, change your name and appearance, and lay low for a few years. Arm yourself at all times, and DO NOT SLEEP!!! That’s when these psycho “nice” guys always get you. [/quote]

I would not be heartbroken if that bungee cord in your avatar snapped. Of course, if this happened to some family member of yours, you would be singing a different tune.

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And I would not be heartbroken if your mother fell down the stairs and landed on her face. I don’t know what’s wrong with you people out there. Most of you are blowing this way out of proportion, and when someone simply points this out, you want him dead too? I mean wake the fuck up, within a few pages of posts about a woman dealing with a creep at work, you’re comparing him to Ted Bundy because he’s “nice”???

If this was someone in my family, I’d deal with it my own way, but that still wouldn’t make this guy Ted Bundy. From the start, my point was only to warn against overreacting to this. People were advising OP to bring the guy’s wife and kid into the matter, go to the police, get restraining orders, buy guns…and you all don’t see the ridiculousness of all that? That is just bad advice, and in my own sarcastic way, I’m trying to point that out, for fear that “Deb” is going to take a bad situation, and because a bunch of idiots on the internet scared the crap out of her, make it 5 times worse.

So kiss my ass Russell Crowe, at least my picture is actually me, actually bungee jumping, or do you really think you’re a Roman Gladiator? Hmmm…maybe people you work with should watch out for you too, delusions of grandeur combined with violent thoughts…didn’t John Wayne Gacy have that???

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I agree with VealChop.

When I have a problem with someone, there ‘might’ be an email telling them that (just so I can prove I told them), but I WILL confront them face to face, and I WILL make it crystal fucking clear what the problem is and that they need to stop it (if it’s something they are doing).

I would NEVER involve management, HR, friends, co-workers, wives, husbands, etc… until I have done that. Especially not HR or management. Yeah, you might get what you want this time, but now you’re the problem child running to them, and that’s how they’ll see you; as a shit stirrer.

If it continued after my face to face, I’ll even give them one more. I’ll say, “listen, we talked about this once already. If it doesn’t come to a screeching halt, my next step will be to involve a third party, like HR, or even the police.”

You almost have to do it this way. What if this guy is just a big dork and has a mild crush or infatuation with you? Maybe he wants to ask you something innocent, but can’t do it because he’s insecure. Who knows. You can’t automatically assume he wants to make a lamp-shade out of the skin on your ass. Because if it is innocent, and you go all HR on his ass, you are destroying his career, his family, and pretty much his whole life. And a man with nothing more to lose is way more dangerous than what you are dealing with now.

JMO.

I don’t know what has exactly transpired so far because I didn’t bother to read all 9 pages of drivel and banter… but the above is my take on it.

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Deb,
I had a stalker once. I took a Tai Bo class. Now, I’m confident I can defend myself in any situation. Maybe you should try that?

DB

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[quote]Mitchel wrote:
I agree with VealChop.

When I have a problem with someone, there ‘might’ be an email telling them that (just so I can prove I told them), but I WILL confront them face to face, and I WILL make it crystal fucking clear what the problem is and that they need to stop it (if it’s something they are doing).

I would NEVER involve management, HR, friends, co-workers, wives, husbands, etc… until I have done that. Especially not HR or management. Yeah, you might get what you want this time, but now you’re the problem child running to them, and that’s how they’ll see you; as a shit stirrer.

If it continued after my face to face, I’ll even give them one more. I’ll say, “listen, we talked about this once already. If it doesn’t come to a screeching halt, my next step will be to involve a third party, like HR, or even the police.”

You almost have to do it this way. What if this guy is just a big dork and has a mild crush or infatuation with you? Maybe he wants to ask you something innocent, but can’t do it because he’s insecure. Who knows. You can’t automatically assume he wants to make a lamp-shade out of the skin on your ass. Because if it is innocent, and you go all HR on his ass, you are destroying his career, his family, and pretty much his whole life. And a man with nothing more to lose is way more dangerous than what you are dealing with now.

JMO.

I don’t know what has exactly transpired so far because I didn’t bother to read all 9 pages of drivel and banter… but the above is my take on it.[/quote]

Maybe next time you should read before making an ass of yourself.

DB

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Don’t have time for drivel - like yours for instance. Maybe you should try posting something of value.

Tai-Bo? Really?

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Wow debraD, I’m sorry to hear about you going through this…

I went through something very similar about 20 years ago when I started working for this one place, except I’m the exception to the rule about sexual harassment, where I’m male and the stalker/provoker was female…

My story is a tad different, for I had my young, single male friends telling me I was a nut not to jump into bed with this psycho…

She would deliberately bump into me on my coffee break, would park her car next/near mine so she could meet me at my car after work, etc. She got my parents phone number (thinking it was mine) and called when she was all loaded up on booze (that was a fun one trying to explain to my dad that it must have been a wrong number)…

HR pressed harassment charges on my behalf when management witnessed her doing something highly inappropriate (I won’t go into details) and believe me, it was scary meeting with HR and I was the victim… I’m surprised he hasn’t smartened up after he first met with them.

But then again, HR is an odd bunch… I used to work for a company where a contractor assaulted a co-worker of mine… My friend was able to get away, but it was pretty intense to say it lightly… What did HR do? Told us that he’s a “nice guy”, a “family man” and “has kids” and that we (our entire team that witnessed the assault “need to be sensitive, as this was a mans career we were talking about”… In the end, they gave him a paid vacation of 2 weeks and brought him back at the end of 2 weeks with a “don’t talk to that group of developers” speech. My buddy that was assulted and the rest of us that were emotionally affected by what happened (yes, you actually do get affected by such a thing, regardless of how macho you think you are and there’s a lot of scientific evidence on this as well), were given an afternoon off to “think about it” and if we needed more time, to go see a doctor and get a report from a doctor for any additional time off…

What a crock…

A friend of mine had a nut-job ex-boyfriend that stalked her all the time… He’d drive by her house, drive by her parents house, call her and leave messages all the time on her answering machine, etc… She ended up having to get a restraining over from the RCMP over it all… It all came to a head one night when I was with her a club in town with a bunch of my friends and he had “his friends”… I ended up escorting my friend out and safely to her car to get out of the situation and then went back… In essence it was us vs. them and I swear, when the guy is lifted off the floor by his neck and his buddies were pushed back by my friends, he got the message. If it wasn’t so clear then, I told him if I ever saw him, his friends, or anyone bothering my friend again, or so much as LOOK at her wrong from 3 blocks away, I was coming back and would deal with the situation my way…

Never saw the guy again… LOL…

As for you and your situation, I’m really sorry to hear about this happening and you must be really turning you inside knowing what could happen…

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[quote]VealChop wrote:
And I would not be heartbroken if your mother fell down the stairs and landed on her face. I don’t know what’s wrong with you people out there. Most of you are blowing this way out of proportion, and when someone simply points this out, you want him dead too? I mean wake the fuck up, within a few pages of posts about a woman dealing with a creep at work, you’re comparing him to Ted Bundy because he’s “nice”???

If this was someone in my family, I’d deal with it my own way, but that still wouldn’t make this guy Ted Bundy. From the start, my point was only to warn against overreacting to this. People were advising OP to bring the guy’s wife and kid into the matter, go to the police, get restraining orders, buy guns…and you all don’t see the ridiculousness of all that? That is just bad advice, and in my own sarcastic way, I’m trying to point that out, for fear that “Deb” is going to take a bad situation, and because a bunch of idiots on the internet scared the crap out of her, make it 5 times worse.

So kiss my ass Russell Crowe, at least my picture is actually me, actually bungee jumping, or do you really think you’re a Roman Gladiator? Hmmm…maybe people you work with should watch out for you too, delusions of grandeur combined with violent thoughts…didn’t John Wayne Gacy have that???

[/quote]

For this to have gone on as long as she pointed out, I don’t think she should take it too lightly. She has already taken action, but it hasn’t worked. She has taken the high road being the better person, and still no dice. I am from the camp, where if I can fix things while being nice, then so be it. But if not, I can be not so nice, and fix it. There is a point where enough is enough, and no one deserves to live in torment. You are also a guy, and are unable to comprehend how traumatic this can be for a woman.

People are not subject to doing things YOUR way, you clearly have enough struggles just being you. Have some guy twice your size or more break your balls for a year or so, and then ask yourself if the above suggestions are over the top.

I am not exactly known for being politically correct, so if your fragile sensitivities are offended, gimme just a moment to gather myself [sarcasm]. You seem to be new here on TN, so in case you haven’t noticed, we speak our mind here. There is no sugar coating here, if it bothers you, bring a Kotex when you log on.

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You know, I don’t understand why a couple of you (especially VealChop) seem so adamantly against her doing anything.

Nothing he is doing is just him being awkward. What he is doing is intentional, and as such, something is wrong with him. Something being wrong with him doesn’t mean that he is dangerous or is going to harm her, but the thing is…

SHE HAS NO WAY OF KNOWING THAT.

Seriously. He might be nothing. He might be something. If you don’t know the answer, you guard yourself against the something and wish for the nothing.

Jeez.

My parents lived near a registered nutcase/pedo who was starting to act very odd towards them. They told him very bluntly to go away. He went away, and wasn’t ever a problem the entire time they lived there.

A friend worked in a college computer lab and was constantly harassed by her nerdy (nasal voice and everything) boss, who would tell her that he wanted to do her and email her and leave notes in her personal server space and other things, and she never reported him because she felt that he was all talk and no action. Two years went past and one Saturday while she was loading XP onto the computer lab computers, he walked in the room, locked the door, and ram it up her backside.

I’d honestly have never imagined that the nerd would do it. Point is, neither of us had any idea what was actually going on inside his nerdy brain, so we should have taken precautions against the possible (if improbable) scary stuff just in case.

Again, he is invading her life. Going to HR, getting a restraining order is not extreme. If she doesn’t want to deal with him, she shouldn’t have to.

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[quote]Vegita wrote:
Deb,

My wife had a stalker when I first started dating her. Supposedly some big dude who everyone said was a crazy mofo. He graduated in her class and everyone was telling me to watch out cause this kid was crazy and looking for me or whatever. He was some sort of a wannabe rapper and wrote a song about her, the typical bullshit how she ruined his life and she is such a whore and how he is going to kill her bullshit. We didn’t call the cops. I simply know some people he knows and they were the ones telling me to watch out. I responded with comments like “whats taking him so long, he knows where I am.” I mean when push comes to shove, you have to be willing to hurt someone who wants to hurt you.

I would not go to the police at this point but I would go to HR. The police do not prevent crimes, the investigate them after the fact. You and your ability and willingness to perpetrate violence against another human being is all that you can count on to keep yourself safe. Something as simple as carrying mace or a knife can dramatically increase your survival chances if he does try to attack you. Get a gun if you can, Get a knife, get spray and make sure you are willing to use them. If you have time and or energy, training courses in the use of said implements are really effective.

If you want to just scare the absolute shit out of the guy, buy a katana, meet him in the parking lot, take it out of your car and unsheath it. Tell him if he wants his balls cut off and stuffed in his mouth and then decapitated after that, to keep fucking with you. Guns don’t scare people nearly as much as a sword does. I second getting a brother, father, cousin, male friend etc… to go “talk” to him. He has to believe that if he keeps this course of action up, he will und up buried in a shallow grave, or at the bottom of a lake, or sold as a meatpie in chinatown. If you plan on taking it to him outside of the law, you have to be believeable and you might actually have to follow through with some violence, or someone on your behalf might have to.

I personally hate stalkers. This other dude never actively stalked her once I started dating her, but I had to hear about it, and I had to worry about it. At the time she worked at a gas station and closed often, with one other girl at 11:00 at night. I didn’t like that and would routinely come to the store to get something and hang out till she was safely driving down the road. I even had some nightmares about it. I have never woken up with such bloodlust in my entire life. I mean seriously it infuriates me to no end. People actively trying to ruin another persons life is shit I just cannot stand. I can undertsand why people mug other people, why passion crimes happen, why people break into houses and steal shit, possibly kill someone who got in the way. I can understand most crime. Stalking is just twisted fucks deriving pleasure out of making someone else’s life a miserable hell and I want to terminate these types of people.

Sorry for the rant, but like I said, this has hit close to home for me. And remember, nobody stalks a lunatic with a bloodlust. If you dig deep enough you can find the part of you that wants to make this guy suffer and you can call upon it when you need to. I would have access to that part of you in case you need it.

V[/quote]

x3

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my advice stop all company email to the point of cancelling personal email. as for the stalking contac the police he’s stalking you! it’s a serious crime! sexual harrassment contact the EEOC and they mabe able to
help due the extreeme atmosphere of abuse. there are things you can do, like youve said kept email and other
correspondence. keep a log as well times and dates this will help in t elong run. the fact that HR does not try to help is a serious issue consult with an attorney again you must be willing to do what it takes to survive this predator and put him in prison, if you dont you may get hurt or worse you could die… the choice is yours and hope you make the right choice so that you can get on with youe life and some what a normal life. good luck!

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[quote]VealChop wrote:

[quote]debraD wrote:

This is why there’s been a packet sniffer on his workstation for months. From what I can tell he hasn’t been anywhere near here but I’m going to go through those logs thoroughly today.

I just got an e-mail from a friend who thinks she knows how he might have gotten the gmail address because of a distribution list we’re on. [/quote]

Her gmail was on a company distribution list jackass.[/quote]

Where does she say it’s a company distribution list, jackass? Maybe it is, maybe not, but you’re making shit up to again intentionally misrepresent and underplay.

If someone walked up to someone, looked mean at them, shot them, and was then arrested, you’d complain he was arrested for looking mean at the guy – oblivious to the reality.

Kids these days…

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[quote]Mitchel wrote:

I don’t know what has exactly transpired so far because I didn’t bother to read all 9 pages of drivel and banter… but the above is my take on it.[/quote]

Did you read Deb’s first post on page 1?

How is your advice different from what she did there?

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[quote]Mitchel wrote:

I don’t know what has exactly transpired so far because I didn’t bother to read all 9 pages of drivel and banter… but the above is my take on it.[/quote]

Nothing except for a guy that has continually bothered Deb for a long time. He continually emails her and communicates with her when she has expressed that he leave her alone. He has followed her to her house and gone to great lengths to get her email address and etc. There’s more but according to you it’s drivel.

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[quote]dollarbill44 wrote:
Deb,
I had a stalker once. I took a Tai Bo class. Now, I’m confident I can defend myself in any situation. Maybe you should try that?

DB[/quote]

lol!