Dealing with a Nut-job at Work

Off Topic
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[quote]pushharder wrote:

[quote]on edge wrote:
Violence or threats are not the answer for this guy. He knows his family and career are at stake and he still can’t control his compulsion. Do you guys really think the threat of bodily harm will stop him? [/quote]

Yes, I do in most instances.[quote]

I think Deb is handling it perfectly. She’s going through the proper channels and taking steps to protect herself…

[/quote]Having said that above you may indeed be right.

I’m built along the lines of Veg, however. You cannot imagine the things I can imagine when it comes to one that would harm my loved ones.
[/quote]

If you’re saying you would disable him so he couldn’t continue stalking, yes I’m sure that would be quite effective. I’m saying the fear of such a consequence will have no effect on this guy. He’s already shown he will risk everything that should be important in his life.

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Don’t worry On Edge. Last night I watch Enough! and Jlo kicks ass btw, but after shadow boxing and training all morning I’m ready to hit to the office, jam the printer and lure him over there and while he’s yelling 'Fucking PC LOAD LETTER WTF???" KAPOW! Battle royale with office supplies…damn boxes of paper are heavy! …POST-ITS, in your face!!! Eat those fucking post-its buddy!

:wink:

But more seriously I have months of banked time so I took the rest of the week off and I’m letting all those HR types deal with it. I’ll bet they appreciate me bringing them in to deal with this nonesense on their Xmas holidays and then I take the week off…but that’s what they get paid for and get the feeling they just live for this shit. Once they tell me what they’re going to do then I’ll decide if I’m happy with that or not.

Veg, I do have my own violent fantasies but I try not to indulge in them too often :wink: I do agree with on edge in that I don’t believe that tactic would be effective, at least not from anyone but me, because part of the delusion these guys sometimes have is that their stalkee is also in love with them and the boyfriends, bosses, brothers and cops are just obtacles. I don’t know what the result may be if I personally caused him the pain. If a visit from someone is what I wanted my boyfriend is ready and willing to have a ‘talk’ but him getting arrested is not an outcome I want from all of this and the same goes for myself. Getting myself involved in any kind of police matter in fact would possibly put my job on the line anyway because I have to have a clean record. And someone getting arrested is very probable if I chose to go that route. Plus becoming an active participant in this is something I think is better to avoid.

I also suspect (just a gut feeling) what he might be trying to get is an interaction of any kind, violent angry or otherwise. I don’t know. I am tired of thinking about it now. :frowning:

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[quote]pushharder wrote:
I’m forming a posse. Situation will be resolved quickly and effectively. Who will ride with me?[/quote]

LOL I said this exact thing to IH last night! We get all you good guys (You, IH, Sen Say, Max, the other awesome husbands and big guys) on here and some of the military types together (HolyMac, Renee)…problem solved!

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[quote]Vegita wrote:
If you want to just scare the absolute shit out of the guy, buy a katana, meet him in the parking lot, take it out of your car and unsheath it. Tell him if he wants his balls cut off and stuffed in his mouth and then decapitated after that, to keep fucking with you. Guns don’t scare people nearly as much as a sword does. [/quote]

Not sure how this will help her out?

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[quote]VealChop wrote:
Wait, now he’s clogging up her GMAIL account too??? Hurry! There’s no time to waste, restraining order for that son of a bitch! Oh wait, turns out everyone has access to her personal email.[/quote]

Oh wait, turns out only a few friends have access to her gmail.

Oh wait, you’re intentionally misrepresenting – again.

Oh wait, you’re intentionally being a douchebag.

Kids these days…

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[quote]pushmepullme wrote:

[quote]Vegita wrote:
If you want to just scare the absolute shit out of the guy, buy a katana, meet him in the parking lot, take it out of your car and unsheath it. Tell him if he wants his balls cut off and stuffed in his mouth and then decapitated after that, to keep fucking with you. Guns don’t scare people nearly as much as a sword does. [/quote]

Not sure how this will help her out?[/quote]

haha! I actually thought of this Katana.

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[quote]Grneyes wrote:

[quote]pushharder wrote:
I’m forming a posse. Situation will be resolved quickly and effectively. Who will ride with me?[/quote]

LOL I said this exact thing to IH last night! We get all you good guys (You, IH, Sen Say, Max, the other awesome husbands and big guys) on here and some of the military types together (HolyMac, Renee)…problem solved![/quote]

Yes she did.

I laughed when I saw Push’s post.

Deb’s got it under control.

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[quote]pushharder wrote:
I’m forming a posse. Situation will be resolved quickly and effectively. Who will ride with me?[/quote]

Saddling up, and the dog is coming along too.

Yippie Ki-Yay Motherfucker!

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I would first off all go for the person protection gear… psychos are psychos and you dont want to end up in a fist fight with him… so pepper spray… even a handgun wouldnt be a bad idea if you really think hes crazy…a restraining order isnt much more than a piece of paper after all.

I would also do some research about how to deal with him psychologically… find methods to get him away from you and to forget you while not turning him even more crazy.

I would not worry about his wife and kid… hes crazy so its better for his wife to know.

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[quote]valiant knight wrote:

[quote]kardon wrote:
What if the erotomaniac is female and the victim is male?[/quote]
From what I skim of the passage, I must recommend the same no contact policy. In my unfortunate experience it is far easier to intimidate random tough guys than crazy uglies. And if she is crazy and cannot be intimidated into behaving herself, gloating over and bullying the female is not worth it, as the fundamental problem is that in addition to her many other faults she is shockingly ugly and the male only hurts himself by having to think about it.

I am frankly embarrassed and ashamed of that situation. What a disgrace.

EDIT Having read the passage more closely I must admit that it was an unnatural situation. I’d naturally arrogantly ignore her, problem solved, but the thing was, at the time she was effectively a suitemate. I was forced to interact but to no avail. Ended up having to cover my eyes every time I went out, lmao[/quote]

[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:

[quote]kardon wrote:
What if the erotomaniac is female and the victim is male?[/quote]
In my opinion, the male ego would be more accepting of this (I would, lol). If that’s not the case the same “stalling” out thing is for sure the way to eliminate attention, either gender. [/quote]

And if ignoring doesn’t work?

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Take his soul

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[quote]kardon wrote:

[quote]valiant knight wrote:

[quote]kardon wrote:
What if the erotomaniac is female and the victim is male?[/quote]
From what I skim of the passage, I must recommend the same no contact policy. In my unfortunate experience it is far easier to intimidate random tough guys than crazy uglies. And if she is crazy and cannot be intimidated into behaving herself, gloating over and bullying the female is not worth it, as the fundamental problem is that in addition to her many other faults she is shockingly ugly and the male only hurts himself by having to think about it.

I am frankly embarrassed and ashamed of that situation. What a disgrace.

EDIT Having read the passage more closely I must admit that it was an unnatural situation. I’d naturally arrogantly ignore her, problem solved, but the thing was, at the time she was effectively a suitemate. I was forced to interact but to no avail. Ended up having to cover my eyes every time I went out, lmao[/quote]

[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:

[quote]kardon wrote:
What if the erotomaniac is female and the victim is male?[/quote]
In my opinion, the male ego would be more accepting of this (I would, lol). If that’s not the case the same “stalling” out thing is for sure the way to eliminate attention, either gender. [/quote]

And if ignoring doesn’t work?[/quote]

you are about to cross the line and owe me Clinical hours.

With the characteristics in Debra;s situation, ignoring is the most effective option. Emails and phones both have blocking features which make contact impossible. Typically, the erotomaniac will go into a dreamland where they’ll continue to think of the target but forget the actual person. Its an extreme form of puppy love. They get stuck in the first stage of physical attraction and from there develop ideas without really meeting the person. Annoying, yes, rarely harmful. Harmful after humiliation or any sign of rejection. That’s another reason why ignoring works, it decreases the chance of you telling them off and sending them into the violent spiral.

It just takes a while for them to detach you from their idea of you. That’s the reason you’d say it won’t work, but it is really the most effective process. Time is the only real solution.

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Debra, good luck with this crap.
I was threatened with a pistol once, damn near pushed me over the edge.
Most suggestions have been offered, so I say go with your gut and stick with it.
I do like Push’s idea though. I’d be the fat guy on the mule with the long barreled rifle.
My best,

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As others have said, buy a mace. This fucker oughta do the trick:

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More seriously, I’d say that you should confront him, as few others have said, and let him know that you really mean business this time, and that he has to stop messing around. Most of you are just fear-mongering, sadly. Relating him to Ted Bundy and other serial killers? Come on. Get a fucking clue. The stats just aren’t there. I would take precautions, but I wouldn’t exactly worry about it. I realize that it’s easy for me to say because I’m not close to the situation, but it also gives me a clear perspective. I was jumped and robbed on 2 separate occasions, and after each time, I was really scared of walking home from the train (I have to walk through Brooklyn). I wasn’t afraid at like 3AM, but from like 9PM-2AM, I definitely was. I was afraid of everyone I saw. This, of course, was before I started working out. Take precautions, but don’t worry about him killing or hurting you. He won’t.

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[quote]FlameofOsiris wrote:
More seriously, I’d say that you should confront him, as few others have said, and let him know that you really mean business this time, and that he has to stop messing around. Most of you are just fear-mongering, sadly. Relating him to Ted Bundy and other serial killers? Come on. Get a fucking clue. The stats just aren’t there. I would take precautions, but I wouldn’t exactly worry about it. I realize that it’s easy for me to say because I’m not close to the situation, but it also gives me a clear perspective. I was jumped and robbed on 2 separate occasions, and after each time, I was really scared of walking home from the train (I have to walk through Brooklyn). I wasn’t afraid at like 3AM, but from like 9PM-2AM, I definitely was. I was afraid of everyone I saw. This, of course, was before I started working out. Take precautions, but don’t worry about him killing or hurting you. He won’t. [/quote]

How does this help?

You are an idiot. How do you know what he will or won’t do?

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[quote]pushharder wrote:
I’m forming a posse. Situation will be resolved quickly and effectively. Who will ride with me?[/quote]

I’m in.

Threats of violence work pretty well when dolled with with an appropriate look that tells them you will fucking bury them.

Of course, sometimes these guys are really just a nuisance, other times they go out on a limb and do some really crazy/creepy shit.

And that, right there, is the problem. When someone’s nutty you don’t have a clue what the hell they’ll do next.

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[quote]pushharder wrote:
I’m forming a posse. Situation will be resolved quickly and effectively. Who will ride with me?[/quote]

I’m down.

Sorry to hear about your situation Deb. I would be filling out a police report if I were you.

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[quote]Ghost22 wrote:

And that, right there, is the problem. When someone’s nutty you don’t have a clue what the hell they’ll do next. [/quote]

E-zackly. This is why all the rationalizing about what he will/will not/might/might not do is silly. Prepare for crazy. This is not being irrational, it’s being smart. If he’s not crazy, good. But you’re definitely not stupid for having hedged your bets.