[quote]CircaThursday wrote:
I’m not a bottom feeder. I think my advice is practical for a 26 year shy and awkward guy like OP. He does not have to approach women cold there are less innocuous or uncomfortable ways.[/quote]
He has to break out of his shy, awkward behaviour.
Throwing himself into unfamiliar and uncomfortable situations is a big part of rectifying the problem
That was a brilliant post altogether.
And that’s key with most people, not just women… but especially magical with women.
[quote]theBeth wrote:
lezmobile.[/quote]
Spacious. Plenty room for scissoring on that back seat. 
My advice was awesome though…RIGHT!!!
And I would totally do Beth if I never made that promise to myself that Alanis Morissette was the only woman I’d ever sleep with.
If you’re reading this Alanis…
helloooooooo
[quote]Waittz wrote:
[quote]CircaThursday wrote:
I’m not a bottom feeder. I think my advice is practical for a 26 year shy and awkward guy like OP. He does not have to approach women cold there are less innocuous or uncomfortable ways.[/quote]
like chloroform?
If you cant walk right up to a girl you find attractive, smile and say “Hello my name is ____, is there someplace quiet we can talk?” you will always be a nobody in many aspects of life. Grow a pair. [/quote]
no like friends of friends. Or girls at bars. I just think op needs to ask more girls any way that works best for him in case he hates walking up. And its easier when you know they are single
[quote]CircaThursday wrote:
[quote]Waittz wrote:
[quote]CircaThursday wrote:
I’m not a bottom feeder. I think my advice is practical for a 26 year shy and awkward guy like OP. He does not have to approach women cold there are less innocuous or uncomfortable ways.[/quote]
like chloroform?
If you cant walk right up to a girl you find attractive, smile and say “Hello my name is ____, is there someplace quiet we can talk?” you will always be a nobody in many aspects of life. Grow a pair. [/quote]
no like friends of friends. Or girls at bars. I just think op needs to ask mote girls any way that works best for him in case he hates walking up[/quote]
Sure, but the end goal should still be to get to a point where a cold approach is easily doable.
[quote]jskrabac wrote:
…'er more like getting dates advice.
I’ll just come right out and say I’m 26, and I’ve never been on a date. This isn’t to say I haven’t been approached, or I haven’t gotten girls phone numbers, or that I haven’t even gotten girls numbers who AGREE to go out with me only to cancel, “reschedule,” or the classic no-reply-cuz-i-dun-wanna-hurt-his-feelings.
Hell, most recently the girl approached me and gave me her phone number. We exchanged a few texts and as soon as actually setting up a time and place to meet came up…crickets.
I have come to a forum full of strangers for real advice, men and women’s perspectives both welcome. Of course I’ve approached family members and close friends with this one, but always get a biased shrug-it-off reply like “you’ve got nothing to worry about. You’re a great guy, just give it time.”
So I humble myself before those who have the experience I do not, but want. I am naive and don’t have a fucking clue how to get the ball rolling. I don’t have a type and haven’t even been able to figure out what I want in a significant other, because I haven’t even had the opportunity to see what’s out there in any kind of romantic context.
It sucks when I lose motivation from it, and I’ve become completely terrified of approaching women I find attractive anymore…feeling “unworthy” or whatever…and then the even more terrifying long term fear of ending up alone for my entire life.
[/quote]
Women cut into gym time. Get a bitchin’ car and lift.
[quote]CircaThursday wrote:
[quote]Waittz wrote:
[quote]CircaThursday wrote:
I’m not a bottom feeder. I think my advice is practical for a 26 year shy and awkward guy like OP. He does not have to approach women cold there are less innocuous or uncomfortable ways.[/quote]
like chloroform?
If you cant walk right up to a girl you find attractive, smile and say “Hello my name is ____, is there someplace quiet we can talk?” you will always be a nobody in many aspects of life. Grow a pair. [/quote]
no like friends of friends. Or girls at bars. I just think op needs to ask more girls any way that works best for him in case he hates walking up. And its easier when you know they are single [/quote]
He just moved halfway across the country to a major city. How many “friends of friends” do you think he has? Girls in bars are the exact reason he needs to practice approaching women.
Not to mention, the more women he approaches, the easier it’ll become in ANY situation.
Unsuccessful guy:
joins a group of some sort - extracurricular, group of friends, church whatever. Eyes a girl then plans for 6-8 weeks on how to ask her out. He Finally builds up the courage but gets rejected.
When he notices the cute girl eying him in the elevator, he does everything in his power to avoid eye contact with her.
Successful guy:
On the way to work, he flirts with the girl next to him on the subway.
Tries to pickup cute Barista at Starbucks during his coffee break
hits on the girl standing beside him at the cross walk
When he’s out at a bar he talks to cute girls even if it’s a “boys night out,” friends birthday or whatever.
The successful guy constantly has leads trickling in, while the unsuccessful guy constantly specializes and gets depressed when things don’t pan out.
The successful guy doesn’t care if he gets rejected and accepts it as part of life. The unsuccessful guy is effected for weeks even months by rejection.
[quote]therajraj wrote:
Unsuccessful guy:
joins a group of some sort - extracurricular, group of friends, church whatever. Eyes a girl then plans for 6-8 weeks on how to ask her out. He Finally builds up the courage but gets rejected.
When he notices the cute girl eying him in the elevator, he does everything in his power to avoid eye contact with her.
Successful guy:
On the way to work, he flirts with the girl next to him on the subway.
Tries to pickup cute Barista at Starbucks during his coffee break
hits on the girl standing beside him at the cross walk
When he’s out at a bar he talks to cute girls even if it’s a “boys night out,” friends birthday or whatever.
The successful guy constantly has leads trickling in, while the unsuccessful guy constantly specializes and gets depressed when things don’t pan out.
The successful guy doesn’t care if he gets rejected and accepts it as part of life. The unsuccessful guy is effected for weeks even months by rejection.
[/quote]
This is great and applies to success in general. Fail forward.
[quote]therajraj wrote:
Unsuccessful guy:
joins a group of some sort - extracurricular, group of friends, church whatever. Eyes a girl then plans for 6-8 weeks on how to ask her out. He Finally builds up the courage but gets rejected.
When he notices the cute girl eying him in the elevator, he does everything in his power to avoid eye contact with her.
Successful guy:
On the way to work, he flirts with the girl next to him on the subway.
Tries to pickup cute Barista at Starbucks during his coffee break
hits on the girl standing beside him at the cross walk
When he’s out at a bar he talks to cute girls even if it’s a “boys night out,” friends birthday or whatever.
The successful guy constantly has leads trickling in, while the unsuccessful guy constantly specializes and gets depressed when things don’t pan out.
The successful guy doesn’t care if he gets rejected and accepts it as part of life. The unsuccessful guy is effected for weeks even months by rejection.
Exactly…outcome is not important. And being friendly is important. It sends out the vibe that it’s okay if they say no.
[/quote]
OP, what are you being for halloween?
[quote]therajraj wrote:
Unsuccessful guy:
joins a group of some sort - extracurricular, group of friends, church whatever. Eyes a girl then plans for 6-8 weeks on how to ask her out. He Finally builds up the courage but gets rejected.
When he notices the cute girl eying him in the elevator, he does everything in his power to avoid eye contact with her.
Successful guy:
On the way to work, he flirts with the girl next to him on the subway.
Tries to pickup cute Barista at Starbucks during his coffee break
hits on the girl standing beside him at the cross walk
When he’s out at a bar he talks to cute girls even if it’s a “boys night out,” friends birthday or whatever.
The successful guy constantly has leads trickling in, while the unsuccessful guy constantly specializes and gets depressed when things don’t pan out.
The successful guy doesn’t care if he gets rejected and accepts it as part of life. The unsuccessful guy is effected for weeks even months by rejection.
[/quote]
Yes. The ‘its a lifestyle change’ actually works well in this context.
Its also why I recommended the Tinder app – an efficient way to streamline years of dating experiences into months literally, and to get over (the fear of) rejection and keep it moving.
You should be trying to start a conversation with EVERYONE not just women you are attracted to. I can guarantee you if you are this awkward with girls you probably aren’t a social butterfly either. Since you are new in town (thought I read that?), you should be chatting up everyone. Not only will this make it more comfortable for you to pick up chicks but it will also get you connected with people and making friends.
Have you made any progress OP?
[quote]therajraj wrote:
Unsuccessful guy:
joins a group of some sort - extracurricular, group of friends, church whatever. Eyes a girl then plans for 6-8 weeks on how to ask her out. He Finally builds up the courage but gets rejected.
When he notices the cute girl eying him in the elevator, he does everything in his power to avoid eye contact with her.
Successful guy:
On the way to work, he flirts with the girl next to him on the subway.
Tries to pickup cute Barista at Starbucks during his coffee break
hits on the girl standing beside him at the cross walk
When he’s out at a bar he talks to cute girls even if it’s a “boys night out,” friends birthday or whatever.
The successful guy constantly has leads trickling in, while the unsuccessful guy constantly specializes and gets depressed when things don’t pan out.
The successful guy doesn’t care if he gets rejected and accepts it as part of life. The unsuccessful guy is effected for weeks even months by rejection.
[/quote]
Killing it with your posts in here man. Appreciate it.
A cute girl working at a Panera gave me a 1.5 USD cup of sweet tea for free once.
What does that mean?
[quote]magick wrote:
A cute girl working at a Panera gave me a 1.5 USD cup of sweet tea for free once.
What does that mean?[/quote]
She wants the D.
Hey Jake,
You seem like a decent guy. I think a lot of the PUA-type advice here isn’t very good because it’s majoring in the minors. But take what I say with a grain of salt because I’m not that great with the ladies yet. That said, I definitely have firsthand experience with how difficult the situation you’re in is. But I’m getting better and I can see that I’m making steady progress in the right direction. I think that’s what’s important.
Waittz and rrjc gave you some good advice.
I think its important to re-frame your mindset about approaching women. I used to be crushed if I was rejected. I feared it. So I developed a phobia of approaching that I’m still working on fixing. Now, when I approach, things are different. No matter what the outcome is, I walk away congratulating myself. Even if I get rejected, I consider it a victory because it means that I am doing something positive for myself, and this is one step closer to becoming the person I want to be. It means that I overcame my natural instinct of fear. I think a lot of this is like lifting. You don’t hit a PR every time you lift, but all the training sessions where you don’t hit PRs are certainly not worthless!
The honest, genuine type approach that Waittz suggests is really good stuff. Unless you’ve got something genuinely witty and unique to the situation to say, I think the best thing you can do is approach before you have time to think (and thus doubt yourself!). I’ve noticed that if you come off as genuine and aren’t a douche, even if you do get rejected, you will most likely be rejected in the nicest way possible. Even if you bring up a sexual vibe. Flirting won’t turn you into a “creepy perv”.
Things that will also help:
Practice being more social to everyone.
Dress well. You certainly won’t hurt your chances by dressing sharply, and it might make you feel a little more confident too.
