Dating Advice

Off Topic
261

[quote]orion wrote:
Ha!

You have the same problem I had, they think you know but you dont.

In that case you get no second date because you are not sexually aggressive enough, you act like you “dont get it”.

More flirting, more touching, more boundary pushing.

If a girl wants to be banged on the first date and you do not even make a move, you are out.

Always err on the side of too much, to soon, not on side of timid waiting for the stars to align just so…[/quote]

To piggyback on this line of thought, here’s where having sisters can potentially hamper one’s display of maleness.

Because completely asexual relations with some females is completely normal, it’s easy to unconsciously lapse into that same vibe in the wrong context. The asexual vibe can actually become a default – it does get reliably and automatically triggered in certain contexts, and without exception – and so it’ll take conscious awareness (at least at first) to maintain the maleness vibe needed for dating.

So in real-world terms, u know ur on track when u got her thinking to herself, “What makes him think he can just do that??”

262

Good job
Can dance
Good looks
Personality
A sense of style
Can dance
Moved to a new city
Doesn’t have a high “number”
I’ll assume you can at least kinda cook, given your BB lifestyle
CAN DANCE
Has leadership qualities (choreographer/club president)
Personable

Motherfucker, you have more shit going for you than 90% of guys in Chicago. Learn some ‘game’ and you will be knee deep in poon.

Seriously, I’d bet $100 bucks that you could get a little drunk and head out to a club, dance with girls, and go home with one of them this weekend in only you tried.

263

[quote]chillain wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:
Ha!

You have the same problem I had, they think you know but you dont.

In that case you get no second date because you are not sexually aggressive enough, you act like you “dont get it”.

More flirting, more touching, more boundary pushing.

If a girl wants to be banged on the first date and you do not even make a move, you are out.

Always err on the side of too much, to soon, not on side of timid waiting for the stars to align just so…[/quote]

To piggyback on this line of thought, here’s where having sisters can potentially hamper one’s display of maleness.

Because completely asexual relations with some females is completely normal, it’s easy to unconsciously lapse into that same vibe in the wrong context. The asexual vibe can actually become a default – it does get reliably and automatically triggered in certain contexts, and without exception – and so it’ll take conscious awareness (at least at first) to maintain the maleness vibe needed for dating.

So in real-world terms, u know ur on track when u got her thinking to herself, “What makes him think he can just do that??”

[/quote]

Also right on point. I have a few older sisters and no brothers. At the earliest age I could comprehend it, I also found out my mother was raped when she was younger. Needless to say what was born was an overly protective view on women. Most notably PROTECTING THEM FROM MYSELF! So I’ve always been so careful not to cross that threshhold that makes them uncomfortable–even if it means sacrificing sexual interaction with them. When out I’ve even been known to keep an eye on guys crossing the line on complete strangers, often finding ways to intimidate the guys away by stepping in or just giving a menacing look.

Even in my last relationship, my ex was always complaining that I needed to be more aggressive in bed and, while gentle was nice most of the time, sometimes she wanted to be man handled.

On a side note, this thread has been awesome. Alot of this stuff has lead to some serious moments of clarity. I hope some guys in similar situations are getting something out of reading it as well.

264

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
[
Even in my last relationship, my ex was always complaining that I needed to be more aggressive in bed and, while gentle was nice most of the time, sometimes she wanted to be man handled.

[/quote]

I’m confused. So you have had sexual relationships before but just not dated? I thought you were new to the whole thing.

265

[quote]Testy1 wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
[
Even in my last relationship, my ex was always complaining that I needed to be more aggressive in bed and, while gentle was nice most of the time, sometimes she wanted to be man handled.

[/quote]

I’m confused. So you have had sexual relationships before but just not dated? I thought you were new to the whole thing.[/quote]

Sexual relations with one girl, who I dated for 4 years.

I was referring to being a virgin to casual dating. My few serious relationships were born out of friendships–and they were pretty much all with girls I didn’t even like for all the aforementioned reasons from this thread. I ended up not taking the opportunity to sleep with a few of them, because I realized I wasn’t that into them, and broke up shortly after because that wouldn’t be fair to them to go through with it–some of them virgins like me at the time.

For argument sake, think of me effectively as a virgin–in attitude and level of experience. To me the prospect of scoring a hook up any time soon is more improbable than getting my NPC pro card.

266

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
For argument sake, think of me effectively as a virgin–in attitude and level of experience. To me the prospect of scoring a hook up any time soon is more improbable than getting my NPC pro card. [/quote]

The easiest thing you can do is to stop saying shit like this.

Even just forcing out positive thoughts in your head will make you feel better and eventually change your mindset.

If you don’t go in with the mindset that this is going to work it won’t. If you do, it eventually will.

267

[quote]therajraj wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
For argument sake, think of me effectively as a virgin–in attitude and level of experience. To me the prospect of scoring a hook up any time soon is more improbable than getting my NPC pro card. [/quote]

The easiest thing you can do is to stop saying shit like this.

Even just forcing out positive thoughts in your head will make you feel better and eventually change your mindset.

If you don’t go in with the mindset that this is going to work it won’t. If you do, it eventually will.
[/quote]

Ok. I’ll stop.

Women would be lucky to score a guy like me. This I believe; it’s just a matter of convincing them of this!

268

[quote]jskrabac wrote:

[quote]therajraj wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
For argument sake, think of me effectively as a virgin–in attitude and level of experience. To me the prospect of scoring a hook up any time soon is more improbable than getting my NPC pro card. [/quote]

The easiest thing you can do is to stop saying shit like this.

Even just forcing out positive thoughts in your head will make you feel better and eventually change your mindset.

If you don’t go in with the mindset that this is going to work it won’t. If you do, it eventually will.
[/quote]

Ok. I’ll stop.

Women would be lucky to score a guy like me. This I believe; it’s just a matter of convincing them of this! [/quote]

Close :wink:

You’re not convincing or persuading women. You ARE a naturally attractive man who women naturally flock to.

269

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:

[quote]Depression Boy wrote:
OR go do some activities that women love, learn to dance the salsa for example. Girls love that, and very few of them are good at it. Once you DO get proficient at it, you can double up as a part-time instructor and you’ll slowly have the “body language” to communicate your intentions to women. Heck I’ve seen butt-ugly guys become lady killers in a single summer, NO KIDDING.
[/quote]

As a butt-ugly guy, I’d second this. Cubby Bear on a Sunday night is packed with women who all salsa, and would love nothing more than another guy to dance with.

In a previous post I asked where jskrabac is meeting girls because it may just be he’s new to the city and isn’t finding people worth moving out of his comfort zone for.[/quote]

Sorry for missing that. I hang out alot in Old Town and River North on the weekend. I do meet the occasional girl from my gym too. Also, from taking improv classes at Second City. Not alot of cute girls drawn to do comedy though…unfortunately.

270

[quote]therajraj wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:

[quote]therajraj wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
For argument sake, think of me effectively as a virgin–in attitude and level of experience. To me the prospect of scoring a hook up any time soon is more improbable than getting my NPC pro card. [/quote]

The easiest thing you can do is to stop saying shit like this.

Even just forcing out positive thoughts in your head will make you feel better and eventually change your mindset.

If you don’t go in with the mindset that this is going to work it won’t. If you do, it eventually will.
[/quote]

Ok. I’ll stop.

Women would be lucky to score a guy like me. This I believe; it’s just a matter of convincing them of this! [/quote]

Close :wink:

You’re not convincing or persuading women. You ARE a naturally attractive man who women naturally flock to.

[/quote]

I could see that. But then when, for example, a random girl at my gym is like “Hey what’s your name?” as I’m leaving one day, and the next day is like “Hey, can you teach me some stuff. You seem like you know what you’re doing.” and the next day is like “Oh btw, here’s my number” my fall back thought is “Hey, she’s very friendly.” Not she wants me.

P.S. And how do you know that wasn’t just me being that confident I’m gonna tear it up in the NPC some day?!!! pssssh

271

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
P.S. And how do you know that wasn’t just me being that confident I’m gonna tear it up in the NPC some day?!!! pssssh[/quote]
That’s exactly what I was thinking hahaha!

272

Lesson # 1:

If a girl goes out of her way to initiate a conversation, or speak to you, mentally in your mind, tack on the words, “wanna fuck?” after any thing she says. For example:

“Hey, can you teach me some stuff. You seem like you know what you’re doing, WANNA FUCK?.”

“Oh btw, here’s my number, WANNA FUCK?”

“Wow, you sure have nice arms, WANNA FUCK?”

“You’re a great dancer, WANNA FUCK?”

She’s NOT “being nice”. She’s expressing interest.

273

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
It sucks when I lose motivation from it, and I’ve become completely terrified of approaching women I find attractive anymore…feeling “unworthy” or whatever…and then the even more terrifying long term fear of ending up alone for my entire life.
[/quote]

You have got to change this way of thinking. It sounds like you are self defeating, and jumping the gun in your mind.

There are two ways you can do this.

  1. When you go up to a woman, go with the intention of talking, not the intention of dating/marrying/sleeping with her. Be very straight forward, and be yourself. Talk about her interests/job/family/etc. Just use a good opener/timing and you’re into a good conversation.

Think about it. Why would you be interested in talking about yourself? You know all about yourself, and she isn’t going to be able to have a good conversation about that topic. Make it 100% about her. If it is all about you, then she will feel like you are self centered. So, show interest in her.

In this situation you are seeing if she is even worthy of getting a shot at all that is jskrabac, not like a frat boy trying to impress a drunk sorority girl. If she asks about you, she is interested. Answer vaguely (don’t give too much info, she needs something to be interested in) and then politely/cleverly redirect the conversation toward her.

Aim to enjoy the conversation that you are having with her, get as much info as you can from her, use it to your advantage to make more good questions, and then decide if she is even worth your time based on that information. Listen a ton. People will tell you more than they intend if you just stay queit, plus you wont burn up your questions in 5 seconds.

Women respect this. You will enjoy talking to more women and subsequently probably meet a few that you like who want to know more about this charismatic and mysterious jskrabac fellow.

  1. Just go right up, tell her she is pretty, and that you would like to see if she has a good personality to match her good looks.

You’re swinging for the fences here, but who cares. You will either strike out or go yard. You’re probably not ever going to see this woman again, so who gives a shit. Plus 99% of these conversations are hilarious and awkward. Don’t use a line, just go up and say it like it is. It works sometimes. Women can be very, very curious to find out just who thinks they are appealing.

Both of these styles rely on you having a great sense of self worth. I mean come on. YOU’RE THE FUCKING MAN…right? Just go out there and be awesome, be good to others, and be yourself. Have a good time and women will like that.

Everyone is looking for different stuff man. Some girl may be out there thinking “man, I want jskrabac’s stuff,” and she just doesn’t know it yet. Enlighten her.

274

[quote]jskrabac wrote:

[quote]chillain wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:
Ha!

You have the same problem I had, they think you know but you dont.

In that case you get no second date because you are not sexually aggressive enough, you act like you “dont get it”.

More flirting, more touching, more boundary pushing.

If a girl wants to be banged on the first date and you do not even make a move, you are out.

Always err on the side of too much, to soon, not on side of timid waiting for the stars to align just so…[/quote]

To piggyback on this line of thought, here’s where having sisters can potentially hamper one’s display of maleness.

Because completely asexual relations with some females is completely normal, it’s easy to unconsciously lapse into that same vibe in the wrong context. The asexual vibe can actually become a default – it does get reliably and automatically triggered in certain contexts, and without exception – and so it’ll take conscious awareness (at least at first) to maintain the maleness vibe needed for dating.

So in real-world terms, u know ur on track when u got her thinking to herself, “What makes him think he can just do that??”

[/quote]

Also right on point. I have a few older sisters and no brothers. At the earliest age I could comprehend it, I also found out my mother was raped when she was younger. Needless to say what was born was an overly protective view on women. Most notably PROTECTING THEM FROM MYSELF! So I’ve always been so careful not to cross that threshhold that makes them uncomfortable–even if it means sacrificing sexual interaction with them. When out I’ve even been known to keep an eye on guys crossing the line on complete strangers, often finding ways to intimidate the guys away by stepping in or just giving a menacing look.

Even in my last relationship, my ex was always complaining that I needed to be more aggressive in bed and, while gentle was nice most of the time, sometimes she wanted to be man handled.

On a side note, this thread has been awesome. Alot of this stuff has lead to some serious moments of clarity. I hope some guys in similar situations are getting something out of reading it as well. [/quote]

You dont want her to feel too secure and comfortable.

Physically secure yes, though I crossed that boundary and got laid too.

Think about that, a girl can literally be a little scared, still go out with you again and have a screaming orgasm one week later.

You can be aggressive and dangerous and a challenge and it does not hurt you one bit, timid and secure and comfortable will hurt you plenty.

You can give her the bodice ripping fantasy but you know its all bullshit anyway because if she REALLY wants you to stop you will.

275

Also, you should be able to find copies of “The Game” pretty easily on the web. It is a very interesting read, and has a lot of great stories in it. It reminded me of one of the older atomic dog articles that I used to read on here.

That reminds me. If there are mods reading this, would you tell TC to bring back Atomic Dog?

276

[quote]trivium wrote:
Also, you should be able to find copies of “The Game” pretty easily on the web. It is a very interesting read, and has a lot of great stories in it. It reminded me of one of the older atomic dog articles that I used to read on here.

That reminds me. If there are mods reading this, would you tell TC to bring back Atomic Dog?[/quote]

Sometimes I seriously wonder whether TC does look at the world and does not write one last Atomic Dog, because all he could write is that you better hoist the Jolly Roger and man the cannons.

Cause being a decent man dont work no more.

277

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]trivium wrote:
Also, you should be able to find copies of “The Game” pretty easily on the web. It is a very interesting read, and has a lot of great stories in it. It reminded me of one of the older atomic dog articles that I used to read on here.

That reminds me. If there are mods reading this, would you tell TC to bring back Atomic Dog?[/quote]

Sometimes I seriously wonder whether TC does look at the world and does not write one last Atomic Dog, because all he could write is that you better hoist the Jolly Roger and man the cannons.

Cause being a decent man dont work no more.[/quote]

He would do no better than to quote Mencken:

“Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.”

278

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
Lesson # 1:

If a girl goes out of her way to initiate a conversation, or speak to you, mentally in your mind, tack on the words, “wanna fuck?” after any thing she says. For example:

“Hey, can you teach me some stuff. You seem like you know what you’re doing, WANNA FUCK?.”

“Oh btw, here’s my number, WANNA FUCK?”

“Wow, you sure have nice arms, WANNA FUCK?”

“You’re a great dancer, WANNA FUCK?”

She’s NOT “being nice”. She’s expressing interest.[/quote]

When I was at Fort Benning many many years ago, there was a dude in our platoon who had tattooed “LET’S FUCK” on his earlobe.

He was about five-foot-three, little dude, not terribly attractive.

He got pussy like nobody’s business.

279

Seriously tall, BBing white guy. Getting women is 10x easier for you then ANY other type of men. Get your shit together OP.

280

[quote]Depression Boy wrote:
OR go do some activities that women love, learn to dance the salsa for example. Girls love that, and very few of them are good at it.[/quote]