Dating Advice

[Waittz]

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
Kind of a big moment of self-discovery last night.

1. I do not love myself.

2. I do not believe woman are sexually attracted to me.

3. I won’t believe it until something happens.

4. From what I understand, 3 won’t happen until 1 and 2 do.

My catch 22. I’m stuck in a very unhappy loop here.

And sure, everyone will say the same thing. Work on 1 and 2. But how? I’m 26 and it’s still not there. [/quote]

1. Try to respect yourself.

2. Thats true for most of them. You are missing the “just not all of them part”.-

3. You know that that is horseshit, ultimately its a numbers game. Just sarge through the slump get laid by a few different women and a lot of this nonsense is gone.

Do NOT get into a serious relationship until you know that you can always find another and that sex is not that big of a deal or she will ride all over you. [/quote]

I don’t follow how #3 is horseshit. I would love to get laid by a few different women. Just don’t know how.

I guess I don’t understand what you’re saying. Sounds like you’re actually agreeing with me. [/quote]
NOOOOOOOOOOOO…

Could have posted Vader gif, but as far as I am concerned, those movies dont exist.

You can reframe 1 and 2 and that would not even be cheating, just embracing reality, but as far as number 3 is concerned, play the numbers game.

You are bound to get laid eventually.

You virtually cannot lose.

Gird your trained loins in Waltz approved armor and something is bound to land on your dick.

Cereally. [/quote]

Everytime someone spells Waittz(pronounce ‘weights’) as Waltz(a dance I cannot do) a button falls off of an expensive made to measure jacket somewhere. Do you part guys.

EDIT- you dont have to love yourself to pick up girls. When I was in my self destructive phase it was like fishing with dynamite. Lose moral women love broken men. They view them like pound puppies who they really think will turn into great dogs with just some love and grooming.

[csulli]

[quote]Waittz wrote:
EDIT- you dont have to love yourself to pick up girls. When I was in my self destructive phase it was like fishing with dynamite. Lose moral women love broken men. They view them like pound puppies who they really think will turn into great dogs with just some love and grooming.
[/quote]
Haha my college roommate and I used to talk about this all the time. He used to always say “Women love a project. She thinks she’s gonna fix me.”

[angry_chicken]

[quote]jskrabac wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
Kind of a big moment of self-discovery last night.

1. I do not love myself.

2. I do not believe woman are sexually attracted to me.

3. I won’t believe it until something happens.

4. From what I understand, 3 won’t happen until 1 and 2 do.

My catch 22. I’m stuck in a very unhappy loop here.

And sure, everyone will say the same thing. Work on 1 and 2. But how? I’m 26 and it’s still not there. [/quote]

1. Try to respect yourself.

2. Thats true for most of them. You are missing the “just not all of them part”.-

3. You know that that is horseshit, ultimately its a numbers game. Just sarge through the slump get laid by a few different women and a lot of this nonsense is gone.

Do NOT get into a serious relationship until you know that you can always find another and that sex is not that big of a deal or she will ride all over you. [/quote]

I don’t follow how #3 is horseshit. I would love to get laid by a few different women. Just don’t know how.

I guess I don’t understand what you’re saying. Sounds like you’re actually agreeing with me. [/quote]
NOOOOOOOOOOOO…

Could have posted Vader gif, but as far as I am concerned, those movies dont exist.

You can reframe 1 and 2 and that would not even be cheating, just embracing reality, but as far as number 3 is concerned, play the numbers game.

You are bound to get laid eventually.

You virtually cannot lose.

Gird your trained loins in Waltz approved armor and something is bound to land on your dick.

Cereally. [/quote]

Well hasn’t happened for me yet and I’m 26 so…don’t see things changing any time soon.

I still don’t know what you mean by numbers game when I can’t even get 1.

It’s like telling someone who’s unemployed, hey you just have to earn tons of money! lol
[/quote]

jskrabac, I smell what you’re stepping in. From what I have gathered from the information you’ve provided in this thread, you have several things going on at the same time that are having a synergistic effect working AGAINST you.

-Low self esteem
-Too much “left brain” not enough “right brain”
-Lack of experience
-Lack of mature boundary function (i.e. thin skin)
-Improper “frame” of how you walk through the world as a man

The good news is, ALL of these things can be addressed and improved upon and as you work on them, you’ll see exponential improvement in your interpersonal relationships - with both men and women.

Now you’ve gotten a lot of advice in this thread, and to be honest, I skimmed some of it (I worked a 90 hour week), read some of it twice and have noticed that people have blown some of the good stuff off. So I’ll re-iterate some of it now. You need to take a two fold approach in your evolution: an INWARD journey and an OUTWARD journey. I use the word “journey” because you will essentially be undertaking a metaphorical “hero’s journey” similar to that of many myths and pieces of literature. You will fight demons. You will find gold. It will be hard to start. It may lead to more adventure.

Before I spend several hours typing this out, I have some questions for you:

1. Are you serious about changing and willing to take risks to do so?
2. Do you have the TIME in your life to dedicate to daily work?
3. Are you willing to be held accountable (cuz that’s the only way you’ll actually do it)?

Frankly, If it’s not something you are serious about, I really don’t have the time to give you much more than a “read this, do that” kind of response. But you sound as if you are really suffering and I do think that you would be able to overcome EVERYTHING you are currently frustrated about if you are pointed in the right direction and were willing to step out of your comfort zone.

[spar4tee]

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
Kind of a big moment of self-discovery last night.

1. I do not love myself.

2. I do not believe woman are sexually attracted to me.

3. I won’t believe it until something happens.

4. From what I understand, 3 won’t happen until 1 and 2 do.

My catch 22. I’m stuck in a very unhappy loop here.

And sure, everyone will say the same thing. Work on 1 and 2. But how? I’m 26 and it’s still not there. [/quote]

1. Try to respect yourself.

2. Thats true for most of them. You are missing the “just not all of them part”.-

3. You know that that is horseshit, ultimately its a numbers game. Just sarge through the slump get laid by a few different women and a lot of this nonsense is gone.

Do NOT get into a serious relationship until you know that you can always find another and that sex is not that big of a deal or she will ride all over you. [/quote]

I don’t follow how #3 is horseshit. I would love to get laid by a few different women. Just don’t know how.

I guess I don’t understand what you’re saying. Sounds like you’re actually agreeing with me. [/quote]
NOOOOOOOOOOOO…

Could have posted Vader gif, but as far as I am concerned, those movies dont exist.

You can reframe 1 and 2 and that would not even be cheating, just embracing reality, but as far as number 3 is concerned, play the numbers game.

You are bound to get laid eventually.

You virtually cannot lose.

Gird your trained loins in Waltz approved armor and something is bound to land on your dick.

Cereally. [/quote]

Well hasn’t happened for me yet and I’m 26 so…don’t see things changing any time soon.

I still don’t know what you mean by numbers game when I can’t even get 1.

It’s like telling someone who’s unemployed, hey you just have to earn tons of money! lol
[/quote]

jskrabac, I smell what you’re stepping in. From what I have gathered from the information you’ve provided in this thread, you have several things going on at the same time that are having a synergistic effect working AGAINST you.

-Low self esteem
-Too much “left brain” not enough “right brain”
-Lack of experience
-Lack of mature boundary function (i.e. thin skin)
-Improper “frame” of how you walk through the world as a man

The good news is, ALL of these things can be addressed and improved upon and as you work on them, you’ll see exponential improvement in your interpersonal relationships - with both men and women.

Now you’ve gotten a lot of advice in this thread, and to be honest, I skimmed some of it (I worked a 90 hour week), read some of it twice and have noticed that people have blown some of the good stuff off. So I’ll re-iterate some of it now. You need to take a two fold approach in your evolution: an INWARD journey and an OUTWARD journey. I use the word “journey” because you will essentially be undertaking a metaphorical “hero’s journey” similar to that of many myths and pieces of literature. You will fight demons. You will find gold. It will be hard to start. It may lead to more adventure.

Before I spend several hours typing this out, I have some questions for you:

1. Are you serious about changing and willing to take risks to do so?
2. Do you have the TIME in your life to dedicate to daily work?
3. Are you willing to be held accountable (cuz that’s the only way you’ll actually do it)?

Frankly, If it’s not something you are serious about, I really don’t have the time to give you much more than a “read this, do that” kind of response. But you sound as if you are really suffering and I do think that you would be able to overcome EVERYTHING you are currently frustrated about if you are pointed in the right direction and were willing to step out of your comfort zone.

[/quote]
I love you, man.

[RATTLEHEAD]

[quote]csulli wrote:
Haha my college roommate and I used to talk about this all the time. He used to always say “Women love a project. She thinks she’s gonna fix me.”[/quote]

Any girls I’ve had was due to that philosophy.

[CircaThursday]

I think the OP just needs to play the numbers game and not doubt himself. lots of normal girls give pussy away nowadays. You have to start somewhere.

[jskrabac]

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
Kind of a big moment of self-discovery last night.

1. I do not love myself.

2. I do not believe woman are sexually attracted to me.

3. I won’t believe it until something happens.

4. From what I understand, 3 won’t happen until 1 and 2 do.

My catch 22. I’m stuck in a very unhappy loop here.

And sure, everyone will say the same thing. Work on 1 and 2. But how? I’m 26 and it’s still not there. [/quote]

1. Try to respect yourself.

2. Thats true for most of them. You are missing the “just not all of them part”.-

3. You know that that is horseshit, ultimately its a numbers game. Just sarge through the slump get laid by a few different women and a lot of this nonsense is gone.

Do NOT get into a serious relationship until you know that you can always find another and that sex is not that big of a deal or she will ride all over you. [/quote]

I don’t follow how #3 is horseshit. I would love to get laid by a few different women. Just don’t know how.

I guess I don’t understand what you’re saying. Sounds like you’re actually agreeing with me. [/quote]
NOOOOOOOOOOOO…

Could have posted Vader gif, but as far as I am concerned, those movies dont exist.

You can reframe 1 and 2 and that would not even be cheating, just embracing reality, but as far as number 3 is concerned, play the numbers game.

You are bound to get laid eventually.

You virtually cannot lose.

Gird your trained loins in Waltz approved armor and something is bound to land on your dick.

Cereally. [/quote]

Well hasn’t happened for me yet and I’m 26 so…don’t see things changing any time soon.

I still don’t know what you mean by numbers game when I can’t even get 1.

It’s like telling someone who’s unemployed, hey you just have to earn tons of money! lol
[/quote]

jskrabac, I smell what you’re stepping in. From what I have gathered from the information you’ve provided in this thread, you have several things going on at the same time that are having a synergistic effect working AGAINST you.

-Low self esteem
-Too much “left brain” not enough “right brain”
-Lack of experience
-Lack of mature boundary function (i.e. thin skin)
-Improper “frame” of how you walk through the world as a man

The good news is, ALL of these things can be addressed and improved upon and as you work on them, you’ll see exponential improvement in your interpersonal relationships - with both men and women.

Now you’ve gotten a lot of advice in this thread, and to be honest, I skimmed some of it (I worked a 90 hour week), read some of it twice and have noticed that people have blown some of the good stuff off. So I’ll re-iterate some of it now. You need to take a two fold approach in your evolution: an INWARD journey and an OUTWARD journey. I use the word “journey” because you will essentially be undertaking a metaphorical “hero’s journey” similar to that of many myths and pieces of literature. You will fight demons. You will find gold. It will be hard to start. It may lead to more adventure.

Before I spend several hours typing this out, I have some questions for you:

1. Are you serious about changing and willing to take risks to do so?
2. Do you have the TIME in your life to dedicate to daily work?
3. Are you willing to be held accountable (cuz that’s the only way you’ll actually do it)?

Frankly, If it’s not something you are serious about, I really don’t have the time to give you much more than a “read this, do that” kind of response. But you sound as if you are really suffering and I do think that you would be able to overcome EVERYTHING you are currently frustrated about if you are pointed in the right direction and were willing to step out of your comfort zone.

[/quote]

1. I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life. This is basically the one mountain left to climb for me as far as being the man I want to become. I am willing to take risks, though I can’t promise I’ll jump in right away without some hesitation and resistance at first. It’s a pretty severe anxiety that clings to me when I approach an attractive woman. Risks that affect my professional life, I am not willing to take.

2. I do work a 55 hour/week job; however, my weekends are completely mine, and I live in a big city so I see several women everyday just riding the bus, grocery shopping, going to the gym, etc.

3. Yes, absolutely.

[jskrabac]

And just to paint a more complete picture.

It seems to have been indicated at some points of the thread that I am “shy” or “socially awkward.” I am neither. I work in the corporate world, and actually make friends quite easily. I’ve taught classes for several years and performed improv comedy on stage back in cali. I umpired baseball for 8 years at one point in my life too, from pee wee leagues to some semi-pro crap, been approached with a baseball bat, had clip boards thrown at me, shit like that.

I’m close to my family, great with my little nephews, all my older sisters friends just love me, blah blah blah, etc.

I just don’t quite know how to be sexual or approach the girls I want to boink. And it’s kind of debilitating. I also have let it become the focal point of my self-esteem though I wish that weren’t true.

[CircaThursday]

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
And just to paint a more complete picture.

It seems to have been indicated at some points of the thread that I am “shy” or “socially awkward.” I am neither. I work in the corporate world, and actually make friends quite easily. I’ve taught classes for several years and performed improv comedy on stage back in cali. I umpired baseball for 8 years at one point in my life too, from pee wee leagues to some semi-pro crap, been approached with a baseball bat, had clip boards thrown at me, shit like that.

I’m close to my family, great with my little nephews, all my older sisters friends just love me, blah blah blah, etc.

I just don’t quite know how to be sexual or approach the girls I want to boink. And it’s kind of debilitating. I also have let it become the focal point of my self-esteem though I wish that weren’t true. [/quote]
since we don’t know you we don’t know your behavior. ask your friends if you have quirks or weird behaviors.
you seem like a cool guy if you do improv comedy that shows you have communication skills, creativity and humor. You NEED to keep asking girls out. don’t necessary become a different person to get dates. maybe be neutral (don’t try too hard or anything extreme) when you are getting to know girls (don’t scare
them away from dates.)

why do YOU think girls cancel dates on you? are you needy? are the girls lame? do you not text enough? some girls really expect guys to show you are fully interested.

don’t keep stressing about “you don’t have sexual approach.” that is an acquired skill for you that will come with experience.
-play it cool
-go on a date
-have fun
-make her laugh or feel good
-kiss her good
-things will escalate over the subsequent dates

[jskrabac]

[quote]CircaThursday wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
And just to paint a more complete picture.

It seems to have been indicated at some points of the thread that I am “shy” or “socially awkward.” I am neither. I work in the corporate world, and actually make friends quite easily. I’ve taught classes for several years and performed improv comedy on stage back in cali. I umpired baseball for 8 years at one point in my life too, from pee wee leagues to some semi-pro crap, been approached with a baseball bat, had clip boards thrown at me, shit like that.

I’m close to my family, great with my little nephews, all my older sisters friends just love me, blah blah blah, etc.

I just don’t quite know how to be sexual or approach the girls I want to boink. And it’s kind of debilitating. I also have let it become the focal point of my self-esteem though I wish that weren’t true. [/quote]
since we don’t know you we don’t know your behavior. ask your friends if you have quirks or weird behaviors.
you seem like a cool guy if you do improv comedy that shows you have communication skills, creativity and humor. You NEED to keep asking girls out. don’t necessary become a different person to get dates. maybe be neutral (don’t try too hard or anything extreme) when you are getting to know girls (don’t scare
them away from dates.)

why do YOU think girls cancel dates on you? are you needy? are the girls lame? do you not text enough? some girls really expect guys to show you are fully interested.

don’t keep stressing about “you don’t have sexual approach.” that is an acquired skill for you that will come with experience.
-play it cool
-go on a date
-have fun
-make her laugh or feel good
-kiss her good
-things will escalate over the subsequent dates
[/quote]

No quirks or weird behaviors. In fact, whenever I’ve opened up with close friends about my “issue” both male and female they are typically shocked and tell me they were under the impression I did quite well with women from the way I carry myself. So it’s very frustrating!! I don’t think I come across needy, my texts are generally cordial and basic, just following up from our previous interaction.

That’s really tough to answer since I can’t ask them why they cancel or are unresponsive. In my honest opinion, I think it’s partially that yes, they are lame, and also upon first impression nothing about me comes across as dangerous or in need of fixing. I’ve got it together.

Another issue could be my tendency to go after low-hanging fruit, because I don’t believe I deserve any better…or the ones I really want are out of my league. I have no doubts women are reading my “I take what I can get” attitude at the moment.

[Depression_Boy]

Your problem is a lack of experience, and the only cure is experience.

try to look at it as a social experiment and be “detached” about the outcome, getting feedback from your forays and experiences.

OR go do some activities that women love, learn to dance the salsa for example. Girls love that, and very few of them are good at it. Once you DO get proficient at it, you can double up as a part-time instructor and you’ll slowly have the “body language” to communicate your intentions to women. Heck I’ve seen butt-ugly guys become lady killers in a single summer, NO KIDDING.

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
And just to paint a more complete picture.

It seems to have been indicated at some points of the thread that I am “shy” or “socially awkward.” I am neither. I work in the corporate world, and actually make friends quite easily. I’ve taught classes for several years and performed improv comedy on stage back in cali. I umpired baseball for 8 years at one point in my life too, from pee wee leagues to some semi-pro crap, been approached with a baseball bat, had clip boards thrown at me, shit like that.

I’m close to my family, great with my little nephews, all my older sisters friends just love me, blah blah blah, etc.

I just don’t quite know how to be sexual or approach the girls I want to boink. And it’s kind of debilitating. I also have let it become the focal point of my self-esteem though I wish that weren’t true. [/quote]

[Dr_Pangloss]

[quote]Depression Boy wrote:
OR go do some activities that women love, learn to dance the salsa for example. Girls love that, and very few of them are good at it. Once you DO get proficient at it, you can double up as a part-time instructor and you’ll slowly have the “body language” to communicate your intentions to women. Heck I’ve seen butt-ugly guys become lady killers in a single summer, NO KIDDING.
[/quote]

As a butt-ugly guy, I’d second this. Cubby Bear on a Sunday night is packed with women who all salsa, and would love nothing more than another guy to dance with.

In a previous post I asked where jskrabac is meeting girls because it may just be he’s new to the city and isn’t finding people worth moving out of his comfort zone for.

[jskrabac]

[quote]Depression Boy wrote:
Your problem is a lack of experience, and the only cure is experience.

try to look at it as a social experiment and be “detached” about the outcome, getting feedback from your forays and experiences.

OR go do some activities that women love, learn to dance the salsa for example. Girls love that, and very few of them are good at it. Once you DO get proficient at it, you can double up as a part-time instructor and you’ll slowly have the “body language” to communicate your intentions to women. Heck I’ve seen butt-ugly guys become lady killers in a single summer, NO KIDDING.

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
And just to paint a more complete picture.

It seems to have been indicated at some points of the thread that I am “shy” or “socially awkward.” I am neither. I work in the corporate world, and actually make friends quite easily. I’ve taught classes for several years and performed improv comedy on stage back in cali. I umpired baseball for 8 years at one point in my life too, from pee wee leagues to some semi-pro crap, been approached with a baseball bat, had clip boards thrown at me, shit like that.

I’m close to my family, great with my little nephews, all my older sisters friends just love me, blah blah blah, etc.

I just don’t quite know how to be sexual or approach the girls I want to boink. And it’s kind of debilitating. I also have let it become the focal point of my self-esteem though I wish that weren’t true. [/quote]
[/quote]

True story, I was president and choreographer for Notre Dame swing club as an undergrad. I’ve also taken several hip hop classes, so I actually can dance quite well and have videos on youtube to prove it, haha.

[orion]

Ha!

You have the same problem I had, they think you know but you dont.

In that case you get no second date because you are not sexually aggressive enough, you act like you “dont get it”.

More flirting, more touching, more boundary pushing.

If a girl wants to be banged on the first date and you do not even make a move, you are out.

Always err on the side of too much, to soon, not on side of timid waiting for the stars to align just so…

[red04]

[quote]jskrabac wrote:

Another issue could be my tendency to go after low-hanging fruit, because I don’t believe I deserve any better…or the ones I really want are out of my league. I have no doubts women are reading my “I take what I can get” attitude at the moment.
[/quote]

Let’s be real here, even the scientist in you knows(should know) that is all bullshit. You know you’re good looking, you know you make good money(assumption here, but multiple people have now alluded to your job putting you at good status without you correcting), you sound like you have personality, you are literally the cliche ‘catch.’ Quit sabotaging yourself with this pessimism, it is certainly manifesting itself in ways you don’t even realize, which is playing no small role in the rejection you’re currently experiencing. These women that are ‘blowing you off’ are probably confused as hell why someone they thought was a gift from god himself is so unsure of himself and afraid to be awesome.

Quit being afraid to be awesome.

[jskrabac]

[quote]orion wrote:
Ha!

You have the same problem I had, they think you know but you dont.

In that case you get no second date because you are not sexually aggressive enough, you act like you “dont get it”.

More flirting, more touching, more boundary pushing.

If a girl wants to be banged on the first date and you do not even make a move, you are out.

Always err on the side of too much, to soon, not on side of timid waiting for the stars to align just so…[/quote]

BINGO! I definitely come across like I get it…hahaha.

[jskrabac]

[quote]red04 wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:

Another issue could be my tendency to go after low-hanging fruit, because I don’t believe I deserve any better…or the ones I really want are out of my league. I have no doubts women are reading my “I take what I can get” attitude at the moment.
[/quote]

Let’s be real here, even the scientist in you knows(should know) that is all bullshit. You know you’re good looking, you know you make good money(assumption here, but multiple people have now alluded to your job putting you at good status without you correcting), you sound like you have personality, you are literally the cliche ‘catch.’ Quit sabotaging yourself with this pessimism, it is certainly manifesting itself in ways you don’t even realize, which is playing no small role in the rejection you’re currently experiencing. These women that are ‘blowing you off’ are probably confused as hell why someone they thought was a gift from god himself is so unsure of himself and afraid to be awesome.

Quit being afraid to be awesome.[/quote]

Shit dude, that was real. Made me think.

[LoRez]

Also, get rid of this idea that there are girls out of your league.

You’re never going to do better than you think you can. That’s actually a pretty logical concept when you think about it.

[spar4tee]

[quote]LoRez wrote:
Also, get rid of this idea that there are girls out of your league.

You’re never going to do better than you think you can. That’s actually a pretty logical concept when you think about it.[/quote]
Also Jake, compound this with the fact that you are in that league. Your potential is great. I forgot what I was going to say.

[LoRez]

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:
Also, get rid of this idea that there are girls out of your league.

You’re never going to do better than you think you can. That’s actually a pretty logical concept when you think about it.[/quote]
Also Jake, compound this with the fact that you are in that league. Your potential is great. I forgot what I was going to say.[/quote]

Yeah, they should be the ones worried about not being in your league. But, one step at a time.