Dating Advice

Off Topic
221

[quote]jskrabac wrote:

[quote]rrjc5488 wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
Kind of a big moment of self-discovery last night.

  1. I do not love myself.

  2. I do not believe woman are sexually attracted to me.

  3. I won’t believe it until something happens.

  4. From what I understand, 3 won’t happen until 1 and 2 do.

My catch 22. I’m stuck in a very unhappy loop here.

And sure, everyone will say the same thing. Work on 1 and 2. But how? I’m 26 and it’s still not there. [/quote]

Six Pillars of Self Esteem, STAT!

Also, if you keep telling yourself 1 and 2, you’ll believe them. If you keep telling yourself that you love yourself and that women are sexually attracted to you, then you’ll believe that.

A good friend of mine has/used to have self esteem issues and social anxiety pretty bad. One day, I used her bathroom and on her mirror, she wrote “I am whole. I am complete. I am enough.” I asked her about it and she said that every morning and every night, she looked in the mirror and repeated those words to herself out loud until she believed it. Sometimes it took repeating it only once or twice, but some days it took her twenty or thirty times, but she said she never starts her day or goes to sleep before looking at herself in the mirror and convincing herself that she is whole, complete, and enough.

Not only did she say it completely changed the way she feels about herself, I tried it and it really helps change the way you look at yourself. It’s unbelievable what people can convince themselves of, so why not convince yourself of something positive?[/quote]

I’ve actually tried stuff like this before with no success. I’m an overly analytical scientific person. I believe things based off of real tangible evidence. To me that’s women starting to show interest in me, if that makes sense.

I believe I am awesome. I also believe I’m attractive and have a better physique than 98% of the guys I meet. I just don’t believe WOMEN think I’m awesome or find me sexually attractive. And when my life doesn’t have the things I really want in it, I cannot love myself. [/quote]

Ok Mr. Scientific person, logically,

If you have better physique than 98% of men
And plenty of these men are having sex with women
And you don’t believe women think you are sexually attractive

Then we can conclude that women’s attraction to you (or lack of) is not due to looks because the other guys are still getting some.

#1 problem: you’re getting hung up over rejection too much man. There are a lot of posts on game here but I don’t think I saw it posted the game has largely to do with numbers. It teaches you how to approach MORE and it also can serve as a filter to eliminate girls not interested. If you don’t get hung up over rejection you WILL find an interested party.

I think you anticipate failure, which is a huge buzz kill for everyone around you. If you interact with a women and you believe yourself that you are not interesting to women, they will infer it. Sincerely ask yourself. “Am I enjoying my interactions with women? Do I enjoy the company of a woman and the contrast she brings?” I’m assuming in your interactions you have a lot of shit running through your head and you need to just LET GO. Have fun and don’t worry about what will happen in the future. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy her being. And if you can’t, move on to another person with whom you can. Enjoy bringing positive energy and negative energy to the interaction. Do separate her and interact alone in your own space, but for now don’t even look at her as potential date/sex material – just have fun together. First focus on making the interaction fun for yourself, then focus on also making it fun for the girl.

Once you can do this you will take huge steps forward.

222

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
Kind of a big moment of self-discovery last night.

  1. I do not love myself.

  2. I do not believe woman are sexually attracted to me.

  3. I won’t believe it until something happens.

  4. From what I understand, 3 won’t happen until 1 and 2 do.

My catch 22. I’m stuck in a very unhappy loop here.

And sure, everyone will say the same thing. Work on 1 and 2. But how? I’m 26 and it’s still not there. [/quote]

  1. Try to respect yourself.

  2. Thats true for most of them. You are missing the “just not all of them part”.-

  3. You know that that is horseshit, ultimately its a numbers game. Just sarge through the slump get laid by a few different women and a lot of this nonsense is gone.

Do NOT get into a serious relationship until you know that you can always find another and that sex is not that big of a deal or she will ride all over you.

223

[quote]Depression Boy wrote:

IMO you can’t teach game, no matter how convinced you are youve “seen the light”. But you don’t NEED game to hook up, and if the OP realizes that, he’ll see some progress.

[/quote]

You can.

Most men cannot be taught it because they cannot bear to see all the pretty lies die.

224

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]Depression Boy wrote:

IMO you can’t teach game, no matter how convinced you are youve “seen the light”. But you don’t NEED game to hook up, and if the OP realizes that, he’ll see some progress.

[/quote]

You can.

Most men cannot be taught it because they cannot bear to see all the pretty lies die.[/quote]
don’t you think you Can fuck pretty girls without knowing the game? as long as you are a cool, good looking guy with a job? I think so

225

[quote]CircaThursday wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]Depression Boy wrote:

IMO you can’t teach game, no matter how convinced you are youve “seen the light”. But you don’t NEED game to hook up, and if the OP realizes that, he’ll see some progress.

[/quote]

You can.

Most men cannot be taught it because they cannot bear to see all the pretty lies die.[/quote]
don’t you think you Can fuck pretty girls without knowing the game? as long as you are a cool, good looking guy with a job? I think so[/quote]

I completely agree but what has that to do with “Game cannot be taught”?

226

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]CircaThursday wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]Depression Boy wrote:

IMO you can’t teach game, no matter how convinced you are youve “seen the light”. But you don’t NEED game to hook up, and if the OP realizes that, he’ll see some progress.

[/quote]

You can.

Most men cannot be taught it because they cannot bear to see all the pretty lies die.[/quote]
don’t you think you Can fuck pretty girls without knowing the game? as long as you are a cool, good looking guy with a job? I think so[/quote]

I completely agree but what has that to do with “Game cannot be taught”?[/quote]
I just wanted to see what you think. bad timing lol

227

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
Kind of a big moment of self-discovery last night.

  1. I do not love myself.

  2. I do not believe woman are sexually attracted to me.

  3. I won’t believe it until something happens.

  4. From what I understand, 3 won’t happen until 1 and 2 do.

My catch 22. I’m stuck in a very unhappy loop here.

And sure, everyone will say the same thing. Work on 1 and 2. But how? I’m 26 and it’s still not there. [/quote]

You don’t need a woman to be happy. You may think you do, and society repeatedly tells you that you do, but you don’t. It’s important to wrap your mind around that. (That’s not to say that women don’t greatly enhance life, but it’s an important distinction between ‘want’ and ‘need’)

Learning to be, and being happy with yourself is a lifelong quest. It’s something you keep working toward. Don’t feel like “I don’t love myself enough, therefore I can’t…” Just start down that path and work on it. There’s no specific threshold you have to reach before you can do other stuff.

Regarding the second point, I don’t think you really have a grasp over what women find sexually attractive. Physical attraction is a piece of it, but it’s just a piece of it. Really, if you can make her laugh, keep her smiling, and make her feel sexy, you’re pretty well set. Looks, success, money, those are icing on the cake, but most of it comes down to how you make her feel when she’s around you.

If you’re just focusing on “was she clearly physically attracted to me”, you’re missing the bigger picture.

It’s also important to learn to how to keep her talking about herself. For the sake of practice, see how little you can share about yourself, while still keeping her talking. (It’s worth working on that skill in a professional sense too. In general, the more people talk about themselves to you, the more they’ll like you.)

And then work on little things like teasing her a bit, joking around, offering tidbits of knowledge, sharing the occasional experience, pushing the conversation one way or another if her mood starts to go in a bad direction. When you’re talking with a guy, your focus is usually on the subject of the conversation. When you’re talking with a girl, your focus should be on her mood… and, yes, while also paying attention to what she’s saying. But it’s not really about what she says, it’s about what she feels. You’re the guy, you set the tone.

These aren’t skills you’re going to pick up from reading stuff online. You’ve got to just get out there and learn from experience.

228

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
Kind of a big moment of self-discovery last night.

  1. I do not love myself.

  2. I do not believe woman are sexually attracted to me.

  3. I won’t believe it until something happens.

  4. From what I understand, 3 won’t happen until 1 and 2 do.

My catch 22. I’m stuck in a very unhappy loop here.

And sure, everyone will say the same thing. Work on 1 and 2. But how? I’m 26 and it’s still not there. [/quote]

  1. Try to respect yourself.

  2. Thats true for most of them. You are missing the “just not all of them part”.-

  3. You know that that is horseshit, ultimately its a numbers game. Just sarge through the slump get laid by a few different women and a lot of this nonsense is gone.

Do NOT get into a serious relationship until you know that you can always find another and that sex is not that big of a deal or she will ride all over you. [/quote]

I don’t follow how #3 is horseshit. I would love to get laid by a few different women. Just don’t know how.

I guess I don’t understand what you’re saying. Sounds like you’re actually agreeing with me.

229

[quote]jskrabac wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
Kind of a big moment of self-discovery last night.

  1. I do not love myself.

  2. I do not believe woman are sexually attracted to me.

  3. I won’t believe it until something happens.

  4. From what I understand, 3 won’t happen until 1 and 2 do.

My catch 22. I’m stuck in a very unhappy loop here.

And sure, everyone will say the same thing. Work on 1 and 2. But how? I’m 26 and it’s still not there. [/quote]

  1. Try to respect yourself.

  2. Thats true for most of them. You are missing the “just not all of them part”.-

  3. You know that that is horseshit, ultimately its a numbers game. Just sarge through the slump get laid by a few different women and a lot of this nonsense is gone.

Do NOT get into a serious relationship until you know that you can always find another and that sex is not that big of a deal or she will ride all over you. [/quote]

I don’t follow how #3 is horseshit. I would love to get laid by a few different women. Just don’t know how.

I guess I don’t understand what you’re saying. Sounds like you’re actually agreeing with me. [/quote]
NOOOOOOOOOOOO…

Could have posted Vader gif, but as far as I am concerned, those movies dont exist.

You can reframe 1 and 2 and that would not even be cheating, just embracing reality, but as far as number 3 is concerned, play the numbers game.

You are bound to get laid eventually.

You virtually cannot lose.

Gird your trained loins in Waltz approved armor and something is bound to land on your dick.

Cereally.

230

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
Kind of a big moment of self-discovery last night.

  1. I do not love myself.

  2. I do not believe woman are sexually attracted to me.

  3. I won’t believe it until something happens.

  4. From what I understand, 3 won’t happen until 1 and 2 do.

My catch 22. I’m stuck in a very unhappy loop here.

And sure, everyone will say the same thing. Work on 1 and 2. But how? I’m 26 and it’s still not there. [/quote]

  1. Try to respect yourself.

  2. Thats true for most of them. You are missing the “just not all of them part”.-

  3. You know that that is horseshit, ultimately its a numbers game. Just sarge through the slump get laid by a few different women and a lot of this nonsense is gone.

Do NOT get into a serious relationship until you know that you can always find another and that sex is not that big of a deal or she will ride all over you. [/quote]

I don’t follow how #3 is horseshit. I would love to get laid by a few different women. Just don’t know how.

I guess I don’t understand what you’re saying. Sounds like you’re actually agreeing with me. [/quote]
NOOOOOOOOOOOO…

Could have posted Vader gif, but as far as I am concerned, those movies dont exist.

You can reframe 1 and 2 and that would not even be cheating, just embracing reality, but as far as number 3 is concerned, play the numbers game.

You are bound to get laid eventually.

You virtually cannot lose.

Gird your trained loins in Waltz approved armor and something is bound to land on your dick.

Cereally. [/quote]

Well hasn’t happened for me yet and I’m 26 so…don’t see things changing any time soon.

I still don’t know what you mean by numbers game when I can’t even get 1.

It’s like telling someone who’s unemployed, hey you just have to earn tons of money! lol

231

Numbers… approach more women → more phone numbers → more dates → getting laid more

Increase throughput, find the bottlenecks.

It’s one approach. Not an outlook I particularly like, but yeah. However, even if you’re focusing on quality, it’s the same process.

232

[quote]LoRez wrote:
Numbers… approach more women → more phone numbers → more dates → getting laid more

Increase throughput, find the bottlenecks.

It’s one approach. Not an outlook I particularly like, but yeah. However, even if you’re focusing on quality, it’s the same process.[/quote]

Gotcha.

233

[quote]jskrabac wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
Kind of a big moment of self-discovery last night.

  1. I do not love myself.

  2. I do not believe woman are sexually attracted to me.

  3. I won’t believe it until something happens.

  4. From what I understand, 3 won’t happen until 1 and 2 do.

My catch 22. I’m stuck in a very unhappy loop here.

And sure, everyone will say the same thing. Work on 1 and 2. But how? I’m 26 and it’s still not there. [/quote]

  1. Try to respect yourself.

  2. Thats true for most of them. You are missing the “just not all of them part”.-

  3. You know that that is horseshit, ultimately its a numbers game. Just sarge through the slump get laid by a few different women and a lot of this nonsense is gone.

Do NOT get into a serious relationship until you know that you can always find another and that sex is not that big of a deal or she will ride all over you. [/quote]

I don’t follow how #3 is horseshit. I would love to get laid by a few different women. Just don’t know how.

I guess I don’t understand what you’re saying. Sounds like you’re actually agreeing with me. [/quote]
NOOOOOOOOOOOO…

Could have posted Vader gif, but as far as I am concerned, those movies dont exist.

You can reframe 1 and 2 and that would not even be cheating, just embracing reality, but as far as number 3 is concerned, play the numbers game.

You are bound to get laid eventually.

You virtually cannot lose.

Gird your trained loins in Waltz approved armor and something is bound to land on your dick.

Cereally. [/quote]

Well hasn’t happened for me yet and I’m 26 so…don’t see things changing any time soon.

I still don’t know what you mean by numbers game when I can’t even get 1.

It’s like telling someone who’s unemployed, hey you just have to earn tons of money! lol
[/quote]

Go out ALONE( yes I said alone ) every weekend for a year and interact with strangers and hit on girls in bars, discos etc. You are probably going to hook up with some girls, get some new friend/psuedo friends, have some fucked up storys to tell and be a bit better at interacting with complete stranges and girls. It worked okay for me and I was a short, skinny, in my early 20s( but looked like I was 16 at the time ).

Point being going out alone over years helps improving social-skill because you are forced to approach people as to not be alone all night and on some rare occasion you are allowed to join the girl home :wink:

Ps. It also helps to get drunk or atleast a good buzz.

234

[quote]jskrabac wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
Kind of a big moment of self-discovery last night.

  1. I do not love myself.

  2. I do not believe woman are sexually attracted to me.

  3. I won’t believe it until something happens.

  4. From what I understand, 3 won’t happen until 1 and 2 do.

My catch 22. I’m stuck in a very unhappy loop here.

And sure, everyone will say the same thing. Work on 1 and 2. But how? I’m 26 and it’s still not there. [/quote]

  1. Try to respect yourself.

  2. Thats true for most of them. You are missing the “just not all of them part”.-

  3. You know that that is horseshit, ultimately its a numbers game. Just sarge through the slump get laid by a few different women and a lot of this nonsense is gone.

Do NOT get into a serious relationship until you know that you can always find another and that sex is not that big of a deal or she will ride all over you. [/quote]

I don’t follow how #3 is horseshit. I would love to get laid by a few different women. Just don’t know how.

I guess I don’t understand what you’re saying. Sounds like you’re actually agreeing with me. [/quote]
NOOOOOOOOOOOO…

Could have posted Vader gif, but as far as I am concerned, those movies dont exist.

You can reframe 1 and 2 and that would not even be cheating, just embracing reality, but as far as number 3 is concerned, play the numbers game.

You are bound to get laid eventually.

You virtually cannot lose.

Gird your trained loins in Waltz approved armor and something is bound to land on your dick.

Cereally. [/quote]

Well hasn’t happened for me yet and I’m 26 so…don’t see things changing any time soon.

I still don’t know what you mean by numbers game when I can’t even get 1.

It’s like telling someone who’s unemployed, hey you just have to earn tons of money! lol
[/quote]

Alright, they wont literally land, but they be circling all around for someone to flag them down.

They want your dick.

Dont deny them.

235

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
Well hasn’t happened for me yet and I’m 26 so…don’t see things changing any time soon.

I still don’t know what you mean by numbers game when I can’t even get 1.

It’s like telling someone who’s unemployed, hey you just have to earn tons of money! lol
[/quote]

I’m probably a terrible source of advice for this, but if you’re job hunting then it doesn’t matter how many rejection letters you get, all you need is that one job.

Extrapolate.

236

[quote]238 wrote:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
Well hasn’t happened for me yet and I’m 26 so…don’t see things changing any time soon.

I still don’t know what you mean by numbers game when I can’t even get 1.

It’s like telling someone who’s unemployed, hey you just have to earn tons of money! lol
[/quote]

I’m probably a terrible source of advice for this, but if you’re job hunting then it doesn’t matter how many rejection letters you get, all you need is that one job.

Extrapolate.[/quote]

Well…

Your are better than most…

237

[quote]jskrabac wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:
Numbers… approach more women → more phone numbers → more dates → getting laid more

Increase throughput, find the bottlenecks.

It’s one approach. Not an outlook I particularly like, but yeah. However, even if you’re focusing on quality, it’s the same process.[/quote]

Gotcha. [/quote]

Actually, if we do look at it that way, down the road, it helps to have a few girls in each of those different stages.

By doing that, it leaves you some options. You can work to promote a girl from one stage to another, or keep things where they are.

It sounds absolutely ridiculous to me to phrase it like this though. I’ve never really thought about it that way, but apparently that’s what I’ve been doing.

There’s girls I see occasionally and chatted with, girls who I have their numbers, girls I’ve gone out with, and girls I’ve slept with.

For years though, my problem was being able to “hang out” with a girl, but not get her number. I worked on my life, became more interesting, improved my clothing, demeanor and conversation skills, and now most numbers I get are because the girl gives her number to me. Out of that, a few of those I’ve gone out with, but haven’t pursued further. And then there’s my girlfriend.

So huh. That was insightful. Maybe helpful to you too.

238

[quote]HolyMacaroni wrote:
I went on a date once[/quote]

I went on a date once

240

[quote]paulieserafini wrote:

[quote]HolyMacaroni wrote:
I went on a date once[/quote]

I went on a date once[/quote]

I got a chick’s phone number once… But then she didn’t call me back. So I got another one.

NEXT! is an essential attitude at the beginning.