[quote]Waittz wrote:
Moral of the story is don’t mess around with girls in the service industry. [/quote]
But they’re so much fun because they think they’re so special. Or maybe I’m just easily entertained.
[quote]GrizzlyBerg wrote:
[quote]Waittz wrote:
[quote]GrizzlyBerg wrote:
[quote]Waittz wrote:
In the past I have dated two girls that I met where they worked, a Bartender downtown and a winghouse server. [/quote]
Please tell me you dated a Ker’s Winghouse girl. [/quote]
Two, first one didnt count because we started dating before she ended up working there. I would actually witness her milk guys while i sat there at the bar some days. The second one ‘picked me up’ by having her friend come to my table where i sat with my buddies watching football and opened up one of the calenders to her month and said “this girl wants your number”. That relationship lasted about a month lol. Funny thing is I went to an NBA game the other day and low and behold she is one of the dancers for the team. These girls think they are special and worth the effort because they look good in there twenties. Meanwhile they make no money and are needy attention whores. They dont realize there are plenty of good if not better looking women with rith jobs and personalities. Moral of the story is dont mess around with girls in the service industry. [/quote]
I’m assuming the relationships were more physical than it was for their ability to hold an interesting convo. [/quote]
First one no, it was a pretty long one. The second one was what it was. A temporary repreive from bordem and bachelorhood in my early twenties and a cool story to tell.
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]Waittz wrote:
Moral of the story is don’t mess around with girls in the service industry. [/quote]
But they’re so much fun because they think they’re so special. Or maybe I’m just easily entertained.[/quote]
Haha they are just easier to manipulate. Compliment their eye shadow or outfit and its like dangling string in front of a cat.
[quote]Waittz wrote:
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]Waittz wrote:
Moral of the story is don’t mess around with girls in the service industry. [/quote]
But they’re so much fun because they think they’re so special. Or maybe I’m just easily entertained.[/quote]
Haha they are just easier to manipulate. Compliment their eye shadow or outfit and its like dangling string in front of a cat. [/quote]
For a “plus one” at a holiday party, they’re fine. Hopefully she leaves with you too.
For a quality relationship… unless she’s in med/law/grad school and works to kill time… you’re probably not going to find that in the service industry.
Pediatricians, lawyers, paralegals, some nurses and teachers (takes some screening), HR staff (at another company… not your own), they’re much better options.
What are you looking for at this point?
It does make a difference if you’re dating for fun/sex/entertainment vs more “serious” dating, looking for a mate. Not that you can’t find both in the same package, but it does change things a bit.
[quote]Waittz wrote:
Moral of the story is dont mess around with girls in the service industry. [/quote]
And if/when u do:
1 - diligently keep “emotional attachment” out of the picture completely
2 - schedule regular STD screens
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
[quote]rrjc5488 wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
To OP, I am very, very for the direction Game is going at the moment, meaning, focusing on building better men, but nobody died, ever, from knowing what a shittest was and how to deal with them.
You need some tools in your toolbox, not just self improvement and a set of balls. [/quote]
This.
OP, once you start consciously recognizing women’s shit tests and learn how to pass them (you’re failing at them, currently), you’ll be golden.
Orion, I didn’t realize the ‘game’ idea was moving in the direction of building better men, mainly because I don’t pay attention to ‘game’ stuff, but if it is actually moving from peacocking with feder boa’s and other such crap to building better men, I’d be interested in any resources you’d recommend. Care to share?[/quote]
RSD.[/quote]
Mark Manson has some good material too.
[quote]usmccds423 wrote:
“The Bible of all things Game”
Jesus Christ…
I can’t stop laughing. [/quote]
You Sir, may have just dissed the Book of Pook.
But, unless you have read this wild, insane, Shakesperian coming of age story, you have no Pook.
And it shows.
Grow a beard. Bitches LUV beards. j/k
I’ll read this and comment tomorrow. Been working too much so I’m late to the party.
Service industry chicks are great for one reason: They are paid to be nice to you. It’s a very easy approach. But the down side is, they are approached all fucking day long, every day of the year. So while it’s easy to initiate, it’s harder (statistically) to close the deal. Not impossible, by any means though. If you can manage to differentiate your self from the sea of sausage she is bombarded with daily, you can perhaps get your dick wet before she jumps to the next shiny thing. It all depends on what you’re looking for. Which I’ll find out tomorrow (hopefully) when I read this, cuz right now, I don’t really know who I’m giving the advice to. LOL
[quote]rrjc5488 wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
To OP, I am very, very for the direction Game is going at the moment, meaning, focusing on building better men, but nobody died, ever, from knowing what a shittest was and how to deal with them.
You need some tools in your toolbox, not just self improvement and a set of balls. [/quote]
This.
OP, once you start consciously recognizing women’s shit tests and learn how to pass them (you’re failing at them, currently), you’ll be golden.
Orion, I didn’t realize the ‘game’ idea was moving in the direction of building better men, mainly because I don’t pay attention to ‘game’ stuff, but if it is actually moving from peacocking with feder boa’s and other such crap to building better men, I’d be interested in any resources you’d recommend. Care to share?[/quote]
That was phase one, that was over 10 years ago or so.
What interests me most now is The Rational Male blog, because he tries to point out how much of our social conventions are rooted in the female imperative.
If they can persuade you that their optimal reproductive strategy is somehow “moral” whereas yours is not, you end up with men who think “tricking” women into sex is bed, ignoring that those maked-up, wonder brad, high heels wearing, game playing creatures are giving it up for douchebags for whom it just comes naturally.
That is game too, letting go of comforting illusions that are a part of your core personality.
Its just really, really hard, so most people stop at parlor tricks.
[quote]Diddy Ryder wrote:
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
[quote]rrjc5488 wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
To OP, I am very, very for the direction Game is going at the moment, meaning, focusing on building better men, but nobody died, ever, from knowing what a shittest was and how to deal with them.
You need some tools in your toolbox, not just self improvement and a set of balls. [/quote]
This.
OP, once you start consciously recognizing women’s shit tests and learn how to pass them (you’re failing at them, currently), you’ll be golden.
Orion, I didn’t realize the ‘game’ idea was moving in the direction of building better men, mainly because I don’t pay attention to ‘game’ stuff, but if it is actually moving from peacocking with feder boa’s and other such crap to building better men, I’d be interested in any resources you’d recommend. Care to share?[/quote]
RSD.[/quote]
Mark Manson has some good material too.[/quote]
Mark Manson, definitely.
[quote]Waittz wrote:
[quote]LoRez wrote:
An example (from real life).
On the way out, walk over towards the waitress you’ve been matching eye contact with off and on all night and get her attention.
Her: “You need something?”
You: “Nah. We’re on our way out, and I just wanted to say bye.”
Her: “You guys have a good night?”
You: “Yeah, we did. Thanks.”
Her: “Sure”
You: “So what nights do you work?”
Her: “Umm… Thursday and Sunday, sometimes Wednesday and Friday”
You: “Huh. So if I were to stop by to see you, which would be best?”
Her: “Definitely Thursday or Sunday”
You: “Well, I might stop by then” and start toward the door
Her: “My name’s A”
You: “Yeah, I got that earlier”, or nod toward her tag or whatever
Her: “What’s your name?”
You: “B”
Her: “Nice to meet you B” – she extends her hand and you shake
You: “I’ll see you around”
Give her a small hug, smile, and leave.
You don’t ask for her number. You build some interest, you tease her a bit, you offer her the possibility of seeing you again, you build some body language and rapport, and then you leave her wanting more. You make her ask for YOUR name, you make her want to know you, not the other way around.
Sure, you opened the conversation, but you made her do the work.[/quote]
NEVER hit on a girl while she is at work if she works in the service industry. Like EVER EVER EVER. She’ll lead you along and milk you for tips making you think there is something going on. You ever see that South Park episode with Raisins?
In the past I have dated two girls that I met where they worked, a Bartender downtown and a winghouse server. Both times they had a co worker come up to me and tell me they were interested and to go talk to them. Unless you are getting a third party invite do not fall for the bait. They girls work for tips for a living, and if they are the slightest bit cute they know how to work men like OP(no offesne Jake) for tip money. [/quote]
She wasn’t my server actually. Just was there for a work meeting or something. She bought me a drink too. Idk if this applies. Maybe just to draw me back to the venue? But then don’t you think she would’ve replied to my text 
[quote]jskrabac wrote:
She wasn’t my server actually. Just was there for a work meeting or something. She bought me a drink too. Idk if this applies. Maybe just to draw me back to the venue? But then don’t you think she would’ve replied to my text :/[/quote]
Maybe, maybe not.
If you’re still interested, stop by there again when she’s working, under whatever premise (anything but to see her), and see if she even notices and remembers you.
Her body language and behavior should tell you enough. If she remembered you, and especially if she apologizes about not replying to the text, that’s a good start. If she doesn’t seem to be aware you sent a text, there’s still a chance. If she doesn’t even seem to act like she remembered you, she’s not worth your time.
(In all honesty, she’s probably not worth your time at all… but for the sake of argument.)
Once you figure that out, you’re still left with a lot of challenges. Your main goal at that point will be to get her to spend time with you outside of her workplace.
You can get straight to the point of finding out when she’s off, then inviting her to do something with you. You’re in Chicago, and you’re new, so the basic “I heard about X, want to check it out with me on Y?” is one approach. Or you can be a bit more subtle.
Either way, you pretty much need to set up a place, date and time, in person. Not over the phone. Especially not over text.
It costs her nothing to spend time with you when she’s at work on the job. It costs her nothing to send a text. A phone call requires at least a bit of time commitment from her. In person requires even more of a commitment.
And take a look at that book orion linked. I’m reading through it, but the “Fifteen Lessons” is a good read. Those are life lessons, just told in the context of “how to pick up women”.
Agreed. This is like getting a 400 pound man who only wants to lose a few pounds on a complicated carb-cycling diet plan with a dozen supplements, when he simply needs to start moving more and eating less.
IMO you can’t teach game, no matter how convinced you are youve “seen the light”. But you don’t NEED game to hook up, and if the OP realizes that, he’ll see some progress.
[quote]Waittz wrote:
you guys are all straight up overcomplicating this.
You are trying to turn him into the dating equivilent of skinny guy who wears belt/gloves/underarmor accesories with a heart rate monitor, nike fuel band, note pad and personal trainer to go to the gym. It’s not that hard. If it was ugly/stupid people wouldnt be reproducing at such an alarming rate.
[/quote]
jskrabac:
Where are you meeting girls? Are these women you meet at 1 AM at Barleycorn’s or at a First Friday event at the MCA? Winter drives the women in Chicago indoors, you have to know where to go to find them.
One small piece of advice, sort of echoing what others have said, but also from my own personal experience:
In the early stages of courting a gal, it’s always better to call her. Texting works if she’s already completely smitten with you, and even then, calling is still better. In college (06-10) I would have girls who would never answer their phone but always seemed to be texting when I was around them, and I learned real quick that those are the types of girls to stay away from. Even if something like phone anxiety causing them to ignore your call, they will put in the effort to get back to you if they care.
Calling shows more confidence, you just have to do it when you know they aren’t working or sleeping. Texting may be the “in thing,” but I’ve found it’s almost always best to wait until a good rapport is built for that.
GLHF.
Kind of a big moment of self-discovery last night.
-
I do not love myself.
-
I do not believe woman are sexually attracted to me.
-
I won’t believe it until something happens.
-
From what I understand, 3 won’t happen until 1 and 2 do.
My catch 22. I’m stuck in a very unhappy loop here.
And sure, everyone will say the same thing. Work on 1 and 2. But how? I’m 26 and it’s still not there.
[quote]jskrabac wrote:
Kind of a big moment of self-discovery last night.
-
I do not love myself.
-
I do not believe woman are sexually attracted to me.
-
I won’t believe it until something happens.
-
From what I understand, 3 won’t happen until 1 and 2 do.
My catch 22. I’m stuck in a very unhappy loop here.
And sure, everyone will say the same thing. Work on 1 and 2. But how? I’m 26 and it’s still not there. [/quote]
Six Pillars of Self Esteem, STAT!
Also, if you keep telling yourself 1 and 2, you’ll believe them. If you keep telling yourself that you love yourself and that women are sexually attracted to you, then you’ll believe that.
A good friend of mine has/used to have self esteem issues and social anxiety pretty bad. One day, I used her bathroom and on her mirror, she wrote “I am whole. I am complete. I am enough.” I asked her about it and she said that every morning and every night, she looked in the mirror and repeated those words to herself out loud until she believed it. Sometimes it took repeating it only once or twice, but some days it took her twenty or thirty times, but she said she never starts her day or goes to sleep before looking at herself in the mirror and convincing herself that she is whole, complete, and enough.
Not only did she say it completely changed the way she feels about herself, I tried it and it really helps change the way you look at yourself. It’s unbelievable what people can convince themselves of, so why not convince yourself of something positive?
[quote]rrjc5488 wrote:
[quote]jskrabac wrote:
Kind of a big moment of self-discovery last night.
-
I do not love myself.
-
I do not believe woman are sexually attracted to me.
-
I won’t believe it until something happens.
-
From what I understand, 3 won’t happen until 1 and 2 do.
My catch 22. I’m stuck in a very unhappy loop here.
And sure, everyone will say the same thing. Work on 1 and 2. But how? I’m 26 and it’s still not there. [/quote]
Six Pillars of Self Esteem, STAT!
Also, if you keep telling yourself 1 and 2, you’ll believe them. If you keep telling yourself that you love yourself and that women are sexually attracted to you, then you’ll believe that.
A good friend of mine has/used to have self esteem issues and social anxiety pretty bad. One day, I used her bathroom and on her mirror, she wrote “I am whole. I am complete. I am enough.” I asked her about it and she said that every morning and every night, she looked in the mirror and repeated those words to herself out loud until she believed it. Sometimes it took repeating it only once or twice, but some days it took her twenty or thirty times, but she said she never starts her day or goes to sleep before looking at herself in the mirror and convincing herself that she is whole, complete, and enough.
Not only did she say it completely changed the way she feels about herself, I tried it and it really helps change the way you look at yourself. It’s unbelievable what people can convince themselves of, so why not convince yourself of something positive?[/quote]
I’ve actually tried stuff like this before with no success. I’m an overly analytical scientific person. I believe things based off of real tangible evidence. To me that’s women starting to show interest in me, if that makes sense.
I believe I am awesome. I also believe I’m attractive and have a better physique than 98% of the guys I meet. I just don’t believe WOMEN think I’m awesome or find me sexually attractive. And when my life doesn’t have the things I really want in it, I cannot love myself.
I’m not going to give any advice regarding chicks.
Just wanted to say to have fun… Late 20s are a great time: finally have some money, enough knowledge not to do anything ridiculously stupid, enough youth to be excused of stupidity, etc.
Yeah, you have some stuff to work on, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun.