DarkDescartes TRT Recovery Log

Pharma TRT
142

Still the same as last week, 50mg twice a week.

Before TRT:
Clomid & Nolva
HCG (No effects after first ever shot)
HGH (worked for a week)
Armour Thyroid (Made my stomach feel AWFUL)
T3 (Dont think i was on long enough)
Proviron

Post TRT:
HGH Again
Blast and Cruise dosages
Masteron
Prami (works but not a long term solution, increased libido but not penile sensitivity)

There have been times on trt where erectile function and libido were better at some points than others, but by better i dont mean noticeably better to the point of feeling like going out and such. But better in terms of maybe waking up with some wood every now and then or feeling like masturbating. Talking with a girl and actually getting a chub, etc.

I just dont know if i should take it as a sign of encouragement that ive had times where things were a tad better or discouraged because it hasnt been strong or lasted.

I currently feel low testosterone on this 100mg dose. Even yesterday at work it took EVERYTHING i had to do my job.

When i saw my doc in july, he suggested i do his dose: 100mg e5d.

At first i was turned off by the idea. 1) my twice a week worked during my cycling days and 2) i worried about the trough.

I think id be interested in trying that procedure now, it may or may not work, but id love to inject less frequently and maybe itll help having larger doses spaced out for me.

I’m thinking of postponing bloodwork. I already have the sheet anyways so why do it now? I dont know if i can handle another month of this, i literally can’t think and this is the lowest dose ive ever used. Don’t think its for me.

I made sure to get a full thyroid panel on my next set of bloods too. I’m willing to try t3 again if my bloodwork comes back the way id predict it to be.

143

100mg is a very small dose. Why not go higher if lower isn’t producing results?

144

I think I’ll have to.

Obviously I know the importance of keeping to 1 protocol for an extended period of time.

However I just finished a blast and can’t raise dose of 250mg to 100mg.

I didn’t want to stay on the 250mg dose knowing I couldn’t possibly get any relevant bloodwork, so I decided to want to go down to my original prescribe dose of 100mg.

I was waking up with morning wood and my erectile function was at a point where I wondered if I could mess around with women again should another opportunity be thrown my way. Ultimately I decided I needed to wait cuz it’s certainly not where it needed to be.

After a few weeks, my morning wood stopped, my penis started to numb out, I became increasingly unhappier, much Loren tired etc.

Maybe for me personally that dose is too small. You’re not the first person to mention it.

I’ll bump it to 125mg and stick it out. I really wanna go 150, but I’ll baby step the process out.

145

Just took a 125mg dose.

I feel more upbeat and more positive already, looks like dose was too low indeed.

I’ll doing 125mg E5D and we’ll see how that works in 8 weeks. Large, less frequent dosing might be for me, after all I’ve been introduced to testosterone through large doses to begin with.

Guess we’ll have to see in due time.

I’m gonna really tighten up my diet too. I still got my supplement stack; lets see how we do over the next few months.

1 Like
146

TRT RTR (Road To Recovery) Log Week 12

After some thinking i decided to adjust my protocol to 75mg test e4d.

Unfortunately this came right after i decided and took a 100mg shot thinking id do that e4d, but i thought my levels would be too high.

IDK, shit is getting annoying. I had a girl at my restaurant job the day before leave me her number on the receipt. Very cute, would’ve loved to follow up with her if my dick had the juice.

Just yesterday i have a whole table of guys chilling with people trickling in through out the night as they watched the yankee game. As the night progressed a few girls came and the hottest one already was feeling it. I always know when they decide to touch me to get my attention or take my order. We had some back and fourth banter but i kept it light.

As the night of the night these guys were telling me they were the best server they ever had! A couple of girls were in the background. I formally introduced myself to them having a good talk and i noticed that hot girl looking at me, wanting me to introduce myself to her as well. But seeing no point as i know how she wanted the convo to progress, i walked away.

I went home and screamedddddddd into my pillow in frustration.

I have everything in my life that i worked for and wanted. To be a likeable respectable guy, attractive women, socialable, intelligent with a career that i can excel in, everything that i dreamed of having and i feel stuck with no relief in sight.

All because i did 1 too many cycles.

I’m not stressing but i look through my last bloodwork constantly. Search forums, searching for similar stories but can’t really find any.

I search Low T3 hoping to find something im not considering but nothing really.

This eats at my soul. I grew up thinking that TRT was the worst thing that could happen if you misuse test. However if i knew that THIS situation could happen, I would take a hard pass!

All i can do is wait but what am i waiting for? I’ve had enough ebbs and flows that give me encouragement, but enough that also discourages me.

Right before i did 100mg protocol. I was doing a B&C at 250mg. I think i was about 3 weeks in or 4, not sure, but i had gotten to a point where i would wake up with morning wood and I would feel horny, at mostly in the morning upon waking but at least it was something. I had gotten to a point where i wondered if i could make due with my dick, but i decided i needed more time.

I knew i couldn’t stay at that dose so i went down to 100mg and thats when all benefits disappeared and i felt like shit.

Hoping 75mg E4D gives me a happy medium. 150mg total a week with an extra moment of trough hopefully keeps me at a reasonably high level of test. My shbg was high last test so i need a bigger shot with less frequency to help it out.

I’ll also add 5mcg of t3 every morning. Maybe bump up to 10 in 2-3 weeks but I’m wondering if i can get any benefit from a small dose without fully suppressing my thyroid and rather supplement it.

i have a quiet confidence about this protocol but idk what to think anymore. All i can do is let the time pass and hope for the best.

I’ll get bloodwork next month, lets see how this new protocol goes.

147

I don’t buy the SHBG determines injection frequency bullshit. You know what does work? If less frequent isn’t working try more frequent.

148

Why don’t you buy it?

When i read SHBG and inection frequencies, logically it did make sense to me when you think about it.

When people have low SHBG, they tend to ED or EOD injections as to prevent it from plummeting lower. In theory, the opposite should be true, no?

149

Based on my tests 10 mcg T3 daily only suppressed me 25%. My TSH went from 1.04 to 0.74. Still within normal range.

150

@darkdescartes

You’ll notice a lot of what seems to make sense turns out not to because there are 8,000 other variables. I don’t have low SHBG and I feel best at daily. There are guys with low SHBG that like twice a week best. SHBG is only one of many things going on. In the end it doesn’t matter why it works only that it does. If one way isn’t working try another, and another until you get there.

151

yeah makes sense dude.

If things worked the way they should seem then i should’ve been A-OK by now.

It was obvious 50mg wasn’t doing much for me and honestly i was shocked. It was my original prescribed dose and I’ve never really done it because i feared it was too low. My original test was 800 with high shbg so i assumed 100mg would be perfect. However high shbg disguised real test levels.

I need some consistency. 1 thing i definitely know is that the few flashes i had of libido came from consistent or decently consistent dosages.

Plus ive always had this thing about 150mg being “it”

I feel very comfortable being on this dosage and i don’t think it should lead to the symptoms i had on 100mg. Staying consistent shouldn’t be a problem.

I also realized not too long ago that i wasn’t doing the Mon-Thurs split correctly. People inject Monday morning and Thursday evening, i just did them in the mornings.

Although I’ve never really had a problem with that, I’d rather not risk it being inefficient; i need to make every protocol count.

Its unfortunate that 125mg is supra-physiological because it actually felt like i was about to be in full remission sooner than later. It’s moments like these that give me some hope.

150mg will have to do and even then i hope my trough is reasonable.

Tomorrow is shot 1, week 1. Let’s hope there are finally some results!

I have a career i wanna be able to work on efficiently and a christmas party on december 15th with a few female co workers that have been eyeing me quite a bit.

As soon as I’m better I’m going face deep in all the poon i can consume, I’ve been starved for far too long.

152

Nope. They are limiting the amount of free T by doing this. A bigger shot gives bigger free T and greater opportunity to aromatise E2. It is a way of controlling E2 without an AI, and avoiding really high free T which seems to be a negative for some guys. SHBG is far from a constant, and is a ridiculous thing to base a protocol on. You find what works for YOU, numbers are a guide not a decision maker.

2 Likes
153

I don’t understand. Your symptoms seem to go away at 250mg but you’re not doing that anyways?

Shit. I’d be doing 250mg a week until there was a reason for me not to. Don’t be scared.

154

Dude. I can’t live, at least not a very long life, on 250mg test every week.

Albeit this time ill be doing it with HCG so maybe it’ll be a tad lower, but I’ll definitely be supraphysiological. I can’t live on high T levels forever, thats easily 2000+ and a heart attack waiting to happen.

If i need to go back to that dose, I’ll work on spacing it out and seeing how the trough looks.

In the meantime, I’d rather try out lower dosages that’ll be easier on the body. To be honest, i dont really have a desire to be on a super high dose of test.

E4D seems like a healthy spacing for myself and 75mg should be a good place to start.

Let’s see how this shit goes gents

155

What leads you to believe a dose of 250mg a week and 2k TT is a heart attack waiting to happen? I bet @unreal24278 could chime in and provide study based analysis on higher levels of test and cardiovascular risk.

156

Will reply tomorrow. Tis late here, a TT of 2k for most isn’t the healthiest option, however to stipulate it’d cause myocardial infarction in the short to intermediate and even perhaps long term future is ludicrous. If that was the case, people like Sylvester Stallone would’ve died like what… forty years ago?

People run 200mg for decades, 250mg isn’t particularly far off. I’d hypothesise polycythemia to be a far bigger risk (of which can lead to stroke or in the diseased heart, myocardial infarction).

And who says 250mg = 2000+ TT, for me, 250 is looking at 13-1600

Obviously I don’t recommend 250mg/wk long term (even though I typically run 200mg), however there’s far more dangerous things out there (in my opinion)… it’s not like you’re smoking a pack a day… unless you are, in which case… you should smoke less lol, or perhaps not at all

157

For ME, 250mg is a light steroid dose that’ll put my levels at 2000+. I’ve had bloodwork that’s proved that sentiment.

You’re assuming but that Stallone was living years on end at super high doses of test, I’m sure he had his periods of lowering to normal human levels as well.

If people could live with super high test dosages, then there would be no need for B&C periods.

Plus you kind of just proved my point. Maybe you’re right and a heart attack isn’t a DIRECT result of high test, but indirectly still could cause one, amongst stroke and other things.

So to circle back to the original point, I can’t live on such a high dose of test and live a long life. Otherwise I would’ve stayed at that dose and hopefully would’ve progressed to a point where I’m feel great and live happily ever after.

158

Wellllllllllllll not exactly. Donating blood regularly and/or opting for therapeutic phlebotomy largely removes the risk of polycythemia. complication would be Ferrari’s crashing/iron deficiency anaemia in which case a break would be required

Agh, I need to go to sleep, so I’ll just end with this. The relationship between AAS and cardiac hypertrophy is a controversial one. Rodents given large doses develop enlarged hearts, moreso than when compared to exercise alone, and within said hearts degenerative change is present along with hypertrophy. However, rodents have vastly different antioxidant profiles and elimination enzymes compared to us… as a matter of fact, the addition of certain antioxidant supplements within these rodent models (grape seed extract etc) has been shown to almost completely amoreliate the cardiotoxic effects.

Anabolic steroids exert much of their hypertrophic stimuli via gene expression through AR binding. Cardiac myocytes contain androgen receptors, thus it makes sense to stipulate that if stimulated enough, androgens will cause the heart to grow. At what dose this occurs, whether the changes are sub clinical, pathological or highly malignant are unknown, data is conflicting in humans, to the extent that some even indicate anabolic steroids aren’t associated with significant cardiac dysfunction or cardiac dysfunction at all, while others concluded they greatly increase the risk of congestive heart failure.

Most studies in which highly detrimental effects are detected claim the dosages used were 600-1000mg+/wk for 6-10 years+ (time on). Not to say lower dosages aren’t harmful, furthermore testosterone isn’t the anabolic used, far more cardiotoxic agents such as trenbolone, methasterone etc are used within much of these cohorts along with beta 2 agonists, growth hormone, amphetamines, cocaine (you get my drift)

Whether one can get away with X dose is unknown, and genetic factors likely play a large role. Some get away with using super high dosages for many decades on end, and some will die after one cycle, it’s Russian roulette, with one bullet in a chamber holding far more than six rounds. The question begs whether the improvement in quality of life is worth it, and whether you wish to take a risk or not. Regular cardiac monitoring could be implemented.

Other mechanisms in relation to cardiac pathology may be high blood pressure, beta adrenergic receptor upregulation (increased sensitivity to catecholamine uptake, thus predisposing one to arrhythmia), I paired vasoreactivity and autonomic dysfunction (lowest dose I’ve seen this demonstrated via clinical study was 475mg/wk.

Someone like systemlord certainly wouldn’t get away with running 250mg/wk with even a singular injection, he is merely too sensitive to the drug, while physiologik could probably run such a dose indefinitely

159

You don’t need that much anyway. At 100 mg a week I peaked at 1244 ng/dl

160

You nadir at around 600 then if this is 1x/wk, testosterone is individualistic in response, think of it as a bell curve. I can guarantee on 100mg I’m not peaking at 1200, perhaps 600-700 max

My nadir on 110mg/wk was like 12.5nmol (around 350ng/dl) if I recall

Peak from a shot of sustanon (the day after) was 1500, however this was when it hadn’t built up, so let’s say my peak was actually 2000 or so, in which case nadir would be 800-900ish (sustanon has a good deal of test prop in it, leading to cavg of around 1400

161

TRT RTR (Road To Recovery) Log Week 13

So today marks 5 days off cannabis as i decided that the pros no longer out weighed the cons.

I recall the days as a young 18-19 year old where i’d light up with friends, get a huge rush of euphoria and calmness, hear something hilarious, and laugh until my abs were burninggggg.

Now i smoke, especially when it comes to flower, and Im riddled with emotional numbness and anxiousness.

The last straw was this past thursday and i took just 1 pull from the one hitter as i was going to do some work. I felt decent for the first 10 minutes then felt supremely anxious afterwards for another half hour and then lazy and unmotivated the rest of the night. That was it. I threw out all my weed and tossed my oils, it was time to move on.

I did stop for like 3 days before and thought i’d just do it maybe once or twice a week. But i slowly worked my way back up and it wasn’t enjoyable either way.

5 days out, i seem to be able to function much better. I can work longer and think a clearer. I’m much more patient and less antsy too. Sleep is still a bitch but i bought taurine and plan to take ZMA along with melatonin at night.

The topic of this discussion is dopamine and i always wondered if that was my problem. My symptoms matched up pretty well with deficiency symptoms and I’ve read that weed can deplete dopamine over time, however knowing so many who smoke every day without any noticeable ill effects, at least none that i know of, gave me cause to eschew that data.

However everyone is different and for me, it just wasn’t good for me anymore.

1 thing i noticed in particular was the last 2 nights, i woke up around 4-5 am with CRAZY libido. I’m talking like can’t fall back to sleep because i wanna spluge my load that badly. It’ll last into the morning around noon and subside.

it’s nice! however I’m not necessarily excited either. i don’t know what to make of it.

Does that mean my problem was weed depleting my dopamine the whole time? Will this get better? Is this the start of getting things balanced along with a consistent trt protocol?

I should mention i went 100mg e5d. I took my shot today of my protocol and this is the first time where i have NO URGE to change it or feel agitated that i don’t feel anything, etc etc. I took my shot and I’m perfectly content and understanding that i have to wait till sunday, and then friday, so on and so forth.

It’s clear that cutting out cannabis was the right thing to do and will be instrumental to my recovery.

My educated guess is that maybe being a daily smoker for almost a decade had contributed to depleting my dopamine storage.

So its only natural to take supplements over time to help replete my dopamine and nurture my receptors, hopefully within 3-6 months everything ends up okay.

My current supplement stack includes:
Vit D
B Complex
Zinc
Dhea
Pregnenolone
Alcar
Guggul
DHA/EPA
Iron
Taurine
Uridine

Hopefully morning libido expands into the day and leads to better erections and erectile sensitivity. Crossing my fingers this is the beginning of a new trend and the end of all this agony.

See y’all next week!