Dani's Rebel Log

[Dani_Shugart]

Friday’s Workout:
DB Incline Bench
T-Bar Row
Banded Rotator Cuff things
Rear Delt Flye
Abs

Today’s workout:
Abs + Cardio

Friday Night Hikes

This time around, we had a group of 17 and it was almost a completely new rotation of people with the exception of maybe 4-5. All upbeat, delightful people. We started with some scripture that tied in to what our church has been studying, and Chris prayed over the group before we set out. Pretty cool way to get into nature.

Next time we’ll hit a slightly more challenging trail involving waterfalls and bridges, so hopefully the kiddos from our first group will make it.

Dog Hikes and Baby Slings

And then the next morning, I took the dogs on their own special hike while Chris ran errands and did chores.

Roxy had trouble the whole time. Her back paws are not doing well. She’s had paw problems since we got her 7 years ago. But I can’t fathom taking only Kipper on hikes and leaving her at home alone. It would absolutely break her heart.

And that’s why we now have a “baby wrap sling carrier” on the way from Amazon. That’ll hopefully make it easier to carry her. So, it’d be great if this thing works. I promise to take pictures of Chris wearing it if it does.

Magical Plant Shops and the Search for a Ficus Benjamina

Chris took me to multiple plant shops, which, even if you don’t buy anything, it’s basically a love language for plant ladies. These places are mesmerizing!

But I was hunting for a Ficus Benjamina (weeping fig) because my grandmother had one in her living room for as long as I can remember. And finally I found one that was tall enough to look like a tree, but short enough to transport home without having to borrow someone’s truck.

And here she is in the corner of our living room.

I also came home with a few other cuties like this arrowhead plant.

Plus this Hope Philodendron and this adorable little Goldfish plant that I took a chance on.

Apparently, when it blooms, the flowers look like goldfish crackers in both shape and color.

[QuadQueen]

@Dani_Shugart

You are such an adventurer! I’m just amazed at your athleticism.

I love the mountains, but my athleticism is questionable. My stupidity on the other hand, knows no bounds. lol

@Dani_Shugart

Oh, and have you started The Housemaid is Watching?

Not yet! But it is on my short list. I can’t wait! I love Freida’s books too! I did just finish The Next Mrs. Parish by Liv Constantine. It’s the sequel to The Last Mrs. Parish and it was really good! I highly recommend both of those!

[Dani_Shugart]

@QuadQueen

My stupidity on the other hand, knows no bounds. lol

Highly disagree!

@QuadQueen

I did just finish The Next Mrs. Parish by Liv Constantine. It’s the sequel to The Last Mrs. Parish and it was really good! I highly recommend both of those!

Ooooooh thank you for the recommendations! I’ll start those next!

[QuadQueen]

@Dani_Shugart

Highly disagree!

I’ll tell you some stories when we talk. You may change your opinion. lol

[Dani_Shugart]

Do I have a bully?

Okay, maybe “bully” is too dramatic, but there’s this man who seriously won’t leave me alone. During shooting classes or competitions, he zeros in on what I’m doing wrong and makes up insulting names for me, or shouts unhelpful commands at me during my turn in the middle of competitions.

And it’s not really fair because this is the same type of shout you’d hear when a range officer wants you to stop. So he’s caused me to pause and look around because I thought something was wrong. Nobody else receives this treatment from him, just me.

At first, I was a good sport about it. I’d laugh and agree with him about how bad my performance was or how I needed to work on the thing he was criticizing, but it’s become such a pattern that his rudeness has finally started to get in my head. It’s caused me to miss a couple events and I’m kinda not looking forward to shooting tonight. This whole situation is discouraging.

Here’s the thing though. It’s not like I can’t come up with shitty things to say right back to him. It’s just that I have a freaking conscience. And hurting an old man’s feelings would keep me up at night.

When it comes to competing I have just enough energy to work on getting better and enjoying other people’s company. I don’t have enough energy to navigate a private conversation with a man who’s going to gaslight me and say, “I was just teasing, you need to learn to take a joke!”

So. Ugh. My plan at tonight’s competition is to stay completely silent. Just not react or even look at him. His constant insults will be like resistance training for my brain. If I can resist falling to his level or giving him attention, I win.

I’ve considered every other course of action including giving it right back to him, calling him out, pulling him aside, or having my husband tell him to stop, and I think the most effective thing would be for him to just not have my attention.

Why? Because addressing his behavior will give him the impression that his words have an effect. And I don’t want him to have that power. So, I’ll let you know how that works out.

Thank you for coming to my journal entry.

[Brant_Drake]

He’s a bully. And an asshole.

Good men teach, respect when it’s time to shut up, and encourage others. Weak men latch onto something they feel makes them threatening and cosplay who they want to be.

And he’s an idiot to do it a a gun range. You literally have a gun.

My sons have both been written up their schools for not internalizing what it means when someone says stop.You can’t think its silly, because respecting “No” is kind of important.

And my wife and I have had blowups where she needed it to make me listen - but that sucks for both of us.

@Dani_Shugart

“I was just teasing, you need to learn to take a joke

I hate this shit. Put on a blank face and keep asking him to explain the “joke” until he slinks away.

[DoesTheHeavyLifting]

There are two types of people.

The columnist David Brooks recently published his latest book, How to Know a Person (2023). The thesis is straightforward: a contrast between people he calls illuminators and those he calls diminishers. Here is how he describes the difference:

“In any collection of humans, there are diminishers and there are illuminators. Diminishers are so into themselves, they make others feel insignificant. They stereotype and label. If they learn one thing about you, they proceed to make a series of assumptions about who you must be.

Illuminators, on the other hand, have a persistent curiosity about other people. They have been trained or have trained themselves in the craft of understanding others. They know how to ask the right questions at the right times—so that they can see things, at least a bit, from another’s point of view. They shine the brightness of their care on people and make them feel bigger, respected, lit up.

Illuminators are a joy to be around.”

Diminish the amount of time and attention that you give to diminishers.

[QuadQueen]

@Dani_Shugart

So, I’ll let you know how that works out.

I love your plan and definitely let us know if it works!!

[Dani_Shugart]

@Brant_Drake

Good men teach, respect when it’s time to shut up, and encourage others. Weak men latch onto something they feel makes them threatening and cosplay who they want to be.

This is beautifully stated.

@Brant_Drake

My sons have both been written up their schools for not internalizing what it means when someone says stop.You can’t think its silly, because respecting “No” is kind of important.

Your sons are so lucky to have you as a dad.

@Brant_Drake

And he’s an idiot to do it a a gun range. You literally have a gun.

Ha! Hadn’t thought of that.

His behavior has been puzzling, but I think maybe he’s just never experienced popularity. So finally when he feels respected by a community of people, he doesn’t quite know how to act. He cracks demeaning jokes and goes over the top to get attention.

I wonder if he somehow got the impression that negativity and criticism would make me respect him more. What’s weird is, I already did respect him! I thought we were buddies!

Chris says I need to stop trying to psychoanalyze him, but I can’t help it! It’s too weird!

[Dani_Shugart]

@Brant_Drake

I hate this shit. Put on a blank face and keep asking him to explain the “joke” until he slinks away.

Oh that’s a fantastic strategy. Definitely keeping this in my back pocket.

[Dani_Shugart]

@QuadQueen

I love your plan and definitely let us know if it works!!

It worked!! It was completely out of my comfort zone to give someone the cold shoulder but I avoided eye contact with him and didn’t acknowledge anything he said before the competition even started. This was tough to do when at first there was only three of us.

But he behaved himself.

Turns out my mom’s advice to me in middle school – “just ignore them” – works better in your forties than it does in your preteens!

[tlgains]

Shooting him could work.

[Dani_Shugart]

You’re too funny!

[Dani_Shugart]

@DoesTheHeavyLifting

The thesis is straightforward: a contrast between people he calls illuminators and those he calls diminishers.

Very eye opening! Thank you so much for posting it here. I wonder if people switch from one to the other depending on how insecure they are or whether or not they feel a compelling sense of purpose.

I’m certain that I’ve been a diminisher, and it makes me want to throw up. But just being aware of the contrast between the two is pretty moving. Who wouldn’t want to be an illuminator?

I’ll have to add that book to my Kindle. Thanks again!

[Dani_Shugart]

A Quick Follow-Up

Ignoring my “bully” worked. I competed and did great for the first two stages, but then royally screwed up the third stage. Luckily none of my blunders were caused by someone else getting in my head. They were my own.

He did make a couple harmless jokes and those were fine. But I gave him the impression early on that I wasn’t in the mood to be his doormat.

The thing that’s been on my mind though is this idea:

If they’re not making fun of you to your face, they’re doing it behind your back.

So I never want to become hypersensitive and mistake playfulness for meanness. Being able to laugh at yourself is essential. But he crossed a line when he started yelling disparaging things at me while I was shooting.

And now I know my boundaries. So this was actually a good thing.

[DoesTheHeavyLifting]

Of course people are complex. Many people are neither illuminati nor diminishers; some people are both depending on circumstances as you say. The actual book is much better than this simple thesis, and probably worth your time.

[simo74]

@Dani_Shugart

I’ve considered every other course of action

did this include accidentally shooting him… just saying

[Dani_Shugart]

@simo74

did this include accidentally shooting him… just saying

Ha! Not at all. I take practical shooting very seriously as a sport that will help me become more efficient if someone breaks into my house and threatens my dogs.

Kidding kidding. But am I?

[marine77]

Pets are more reliable than humans. So yes.

[Dani_Shugart]

Fun fact: We get the dog name “Fido” from the word fidelity. Dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world.