Cheating: How Did You Deal...

Off Topic
261

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]theBeth wrote:

[quote]conservativedog wrote:

How do some women wind up dating or marrying a guy 15 years older then them?

[/quote]

Good question. My daughter’s father who I was engaged to for 4 years is 17 years older than me. My most recent ex is 13 years older. The LTR before that is 12 years older.

For me it’s an intellect/maturity thing. Being drawn to people who can teach me something, who have broad interests, with whom I can have intellectual discussions/debates, someone who’s got the “wiggles” out and is more stable and knows what they want - which isn’t really the case after 3 failed attempts in this age range. All of these guys seduced me with vocabulary or an impressive catalog of knowledge of somekind.

For other women it’s financial security, and a guy who wants to keep a younger woman is apt to want to take care of her. [/quote]

Something to consider is that while you may feel that your maturity is driving the connection, just as likely it is their immaturity at play. If so, what might happen is that your standard rate of growth ultimately outpaces his, which is stagnant for whatever reason. At which point you no longer match one another.

[/quote]

Maturity is a minefield.

While I do agree that people of matching maturity seem to find each other if at all possible, it gets abused by women who declare all men to be immature who go for “younger, hotter, tighter, free”.

It is very easy to redefine “maturity” to try to shame men into having relationships with women they are simply not attracted to. [/quote]

Sure. But for one thing I disagree with you that same-age women have to be less attractive when all things are considered. The happiest people I know in LTRs are within a couple of years of each other and have both either maintained fitness or have both not. Looking twenty years down the line from 38 dating 25, I don’t see balding, paunchy old men with hot forty-somethings as being happy from either side. He’s got no one to share his childhood music and memories with and she’s with an old man. Or she gives up on taking care of herself and he’s old and paunchy and she’s younger and fat.

Too, at some point the pressure on the older partner to keep up with the younger is shaming also.

262

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]theBeth wrote:

[quote]conservativedog wrote:

How do some women wind up dating or marrying a guy 15 years older then them?

[/quote]

Good question. My daughter’s father who I was engaged to for 4 years is 17 years older than me. My most recent ex is 13 years older. The LTR before that is 12 years older.

For me it’s an intellect/maturity thing. Being drawn to people who can teach me something, who have broad interests, with whom I can have intellectual discussions/debates, someone who’s got the “wiggles” out and is more stable and knows what they want - which isn’t really the case after 3 failed attempts in this age range. All of these guys seduced me with vocabulary or an impressive catalog of knowledge of somekind.

For other women it’s financial security, and a guy who wants to keep a younger woman is apt to want to take care of her. [/quote]

Something to consider is that while you may feel that your maturity is driving the connection, just as likely it is their immaturity at play. If so, what might happen is that your standard rate of growth ultimately outpaces his, which is stagnant for whatever reason. At which point you no longer match one another.

[/quote]

Maturity is a minefield.

While I do agree that people of matching maturity seem to find each other if at all possible, it gets abused by women who declare all men to be immature who go for “younger, hotter, tighter, free”.

It is very easy to redefine “maturity” to try to shame men into having relationships with women they are simply not attracted to. [/quote]

Sure. But for one thing I disagree with you that same-age women have to be less attractive when all things are considered. The happiest people I know in LTRs are within a couple of years of each other and have both either maintained fitness or have both not. Looking twenty years down the line from 38 dating 25, I don’t see balding, paunchy old men with hot forty-somethings as being happy from either side. He’s got no one to share his childhood music and memories with and she’s with an old man. Or she gives up on taking care of herself and he’s old and paunchy and she’s younger and fat.

Too, at some point the pressure on the older partner to keep up with the younger is shaming also. [/quote]

Well, they dont have to be, they just usually are.

Also well, mebbe, but a beta schlub is not my high water mark.

Most men literally take what they can get.

If they could get “younger, hotter, tighter, free” they absolutely would.

Hot 40 somethings?

They exist.

I seem to remember a Mod on this site who must fall in this category by now…

They are the exception.

Also, 20 years down the line?

Mwuahahahahaha…

Any women you could plan 20 years down the line with is in a league on her own to begin with.

263

I was pursued a year or so ago by a man 12 years my senior. He’s in great shape for his age, but when we talk about running he looks a little panicked. He’s a former distance runner; I am a current distance runner. I doubt maturity really comes into play as we are both so totally grown up, but what about the breakdown of his body 12 years before mine?

There are things in his favor; he’s very affluent - if he wants a young woman (a very young woman) he can undoubtedly have one. But he wants a fit, intelligent woman he won’t be embarrassed to introduce to his friends’ wives, the women with whom he went to college and whom he admires and finds attractive.

That makes it more complicated. I would suit, maybe, because I’m interested in fitness, as he is, I’m smart and have an advanced degree, women generally like me as well as men do, his kids would like me, etc. But for all of those reasons I don’t need to accept that sort of difference in age.

264

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I was pursued a year or so ago by a man 12 years my senior. He’s in great shape for his age, but when we talk about running he looks a little panicked. He’s a former distance runner; I am a current distance runner. I doubt maturity really comes into play as we are both so totally grown up, but what about the breakdown of his body 12 years before mine?

There are things in his favor; he’s very affluent?if he wants a young woman (a very young woman) he can undoubtedly have one. But he wants a fit, intelligent woman he won’t be embarrassed to introduce to his friends’ wives, the women with whom he went to college and whom he admires and finds attractive.

That makes it more complicated. I would suit, maybe, because I’m interested in fitness, as he is, I’m smart and have an advanced degree, women generally like me as well as men do, his kids would like me, etc?but for all of those reasons I don’t need to accept that sort of difference in age.[/quote]

Thats his problem.

He would be embarrassed to introduce them to “his friend wives” .

Beta shlub.

There are two possible reactions to the gossip of some jealous spinsters, shame, or a shit eating grin.

Once he has mastered the latter, what power does their disapproval hold over him?

265

[quote]theBeth wrote:

[quote]Brother Chris wrote:

[quote]theBeth wrote:
You and I would not be compatible then I suppose. I’m was raised as a Christian (protestant if you like) and I have a hard time fitting my values to an organization that turned out bastard popes sired by pedophilic bishops and prostitutes, who were simply pawns in a powerplay created by Constantine’s brilliant idea to combine religion and government in order to more completely subjugate the masses. [/quote]

Maybe, maybe not. I am Eastern Catholic, so different than your Catholicism of the west…not as political I guess you can say.

I’d be interested in your thoughts about Eastern Catholic marriage. In the west marriage is for some reason viewed as a “contract” with the contract being the “vows,” though if you look at the actual teachings it is not a contract, but a covenant. However, it seems that marriage has been used as a contract of sorts. I’ve never actually been to a western wedding, but just from popular lore I can understand your view of marriage.

In the weddings I have been to, there are no vows. Though there is a triple crowning of the bride and groom. Marriage is also more of a family affair in Eastern Catholicism, meaning that the wedding is seen as joining two families together, not just two people. And…there is not much about property or ownership like in the west.[/quote]

I’m referring specifically to Roman Catholocism. I guess different cultures express the same religion differently. I’ve read that there are some contemporary Celtic cultures that still practice the one-year trial marriage. I could get on board with that. I do like the idea of joining families - I think that historically this was one of the purposes of marriage, as an alliance between kingdoms, tribes, and families.

So. Are you a virgin?[/quote]

No.

266

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I was pursued a year or so ago by a man 12 years my senior. He’s in great shape for his age, but when we talk about running he looks a little panicked. He’s a former distance runner; I am a current distance runner. I doubt maturity really comes into play as we are both so totally grown up, but what about the breakdown of his body 12 years before mine?

There are things in his favor; he’s very affluent?if he wants a young woman (a very young woman) he can undoubtedly have one. But he wants a fit, intelligent woman he won’t be embarrassed to introduce to his friends’ wives, the women with whom he went to college and whom he admires and finds attractive.

That makes it more complicated. I would suit, maybe, because I’m interested in fitness, as he is, I’m smart and have an advanced degree, women generally like me as well as men do, his kids would like me, etc?but for all of those reasons I don’t need to accept that sort of difference in age.[/quote]

Thats his problem.

He would be embarrassed to introduce them to “his friend wives” .

Beta shlub.

There are two possible reactions to the gossip of some jealous spinsters, shame, or a shit eating grin.

Once he has mastered the latter, what power does their disapproval hold over him?[/quote]

His friends are accomplished and secure, like he is and like I am. Both the women and the men.

You’re very shallow, orion, and it sounds like the people with whom you surround yourself are, too. I think people who have genuine partners - equals - are not impressed with men who go to the bar to score walking, talking masturbatory aids. I believe this to be true of both men and women. Intelligent, fit men want same. We all want to share common experience, which while not maybe a deciding factor, is an attractive trait if other attractive traits are present.

267

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I was pursued a year or so ago by a man 12 years my senior. He’s in great shape for his age, but when we talk about running he looks a little panicked. He’s a former distance runner; I am a current distance runner. I doubt maturity really comes into play as we are both so totally grown up, but what about the breakdown of his body 12 years before mine?

There are things in his favor; he’s very affluent?if he wants a young woman (a very young woman) he can undoubtedly have one. But he wants a fit, intelligent woman he won’t be embarrassed to introduce to his friends’ wives, the women with whom he went to college and whom he admires and finds attractive.

That makes it more complicated. I would suit, maybe, because I’m interested in fitness, as he is, I’m smart and have an advanced degree, women generally like me as well as men do, his kids would like me, etc?but for all of those reasons I don’t need to accept that sort of difference in age.[/quote]

Thats his problem.

He would be embarrassed to introduce them to “his friend wives” .

Beta shlub.

There are two possible reactions to the gossip of some jealous spinsters, shame, or a shit eating grin.

Once he has mastered the latter, what power does their disapproval hold over him?[/quote]

His friends are accomplished and secure, like he is and like I am. Both the women and the men.

You’re very shallow, orion, and it sounds like the people with whom you surround yourself are, too. I think people who have genuine partners - equals - are not impressed with men who go to the bar to score walking, talking masturbatory aids. I believe this to be true of both men and women. Intelligent, fit men want same. We all want to share common experience, which while not maybe a deciding factor, is an attractive trait if other attractive traits are present.

[/quote]

Oh, I wish I was shallow.

You realize that you are accusing me now of lacking maturity because I am pretty sure what gets my dick hard?

Things you do not approve of.

Plus, and to steal from PH " Trust me, I know" there is literally nothing I could do that would shock my friends.

Once you have developed a reputation of sincerely not giving a fuck you are truly free.

268

[quote]Steel

Am I the only one that didn’t know csulli was also Brother Chris? I feel like the last kid to find out there’s no Santa Claus.[/quote]

I believe this is incorrect.

269

[quote]Brother Chris wrote:

[quote]Steel

Am I the only one that didn’t know csulli was also Brother Chris? I feel like the last kid to find out there’s no Santa Claus.[/quote]

I believe this is incorrect.[/quote]

So do a lot of other poster on here have multiple Login names?

270

Emily, we live in a feral society now.

The gif above, featuring Jenna Marbles, if you cannot top that, you dont get to define what is proper behavior anymore.

And I would wish that women like you would get to define that, but ferals gonna feral.

I will not dress up in my white armour to perish, fighting a lost cause.

271

[quote]orion wrote:
I will not dress up in my white armour to perish, fighting a lost cause. [/quote]

272

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I was pursued a year or so ago by a man 12 years my senior. He’s in great shape for his age, but when we talk about running he looks a little panicked. He’s a former distance runner; I am a current distance runner. I doubt maturity really comes into play as we are both so totally grown up, but what about the breakdown of his body 12 years before mine?

There are things in his favor; he’s very affluent?if he wants a young woman (a very young woman) he can undoubtedly have one. But he wants a fit, intelligent woman he won’t be embarrassed to introduce to his friends’ wives, the women with whom he went to college and whom he admires and finds attractive.

That makes it more complicated. I would suit, maybe, because I’m interested in fitness, as he is, I’m smart and have an advanced degree, women generally like me as well as men do, his kids would like me, etc?but for all of those reasons I don’t need to accept that sort of difference in age.[/quote]

Thats his problem.

He would be embarrassed to introduce them to “his friend wives” .

Beta shlub.

There are two possible reactions to the gossip of some jealous spinsters, shame, or a shit eating grin.

Once he has mastered the latter, what power does their disapproval hold over him?[/quote]

His friends are accomplished and secure, like he is and like I am. Both the women and the men.

You’re very shallow, orion, and it sounds like the people with whom you surround yourself are, too. I think people who have genuine partners - equals - are not impressed with men who go to the bar to score walking, talking masturbatory aids. I believe this to be true of both men and women. Intelligent, fit men want same. We all want to share common experience, which while not maybe a deciding factor, is an attractive trait if other attractive traits are present.

[/quote]

Oh, I wish I was shallow.

You realize that you are accusing me now of lacking maturity because I am pretty sure what gets my dick hard?

Things you do not approve of.

Plus, and to steal from PH " Trust me, I know" there is literally nothing I could do that would shock my friends.

Once you have developed a reputation of sincerely not giving a fuck you are truly free. [/quote]

I’m accusing you of making a mistake when you dismiss the importance of mutual respect in a relationship, which it would seem that you do, as you prioritize one thing and one thing only.

If I’m going to wake up every day with the same person, spend my non-work hours with him, and then go to sleep at night intertwined with him after having had him inside of me, it’s pretty important to me that I LIKE him. Money doesn’t create liking any more than youth does. These things are nice to have in a partner, but they’re only a beginning, not the end game. Respect, chemistry, similar goals and values, compatible temperaments - these are essential if you’re after more than sex with someone you don’t like, respect, or trust.

If you’re not after more than that, then by all means, frame it as that you’re winning and others are jealous!

273

Yes I’ve dated guys my own age. I just wasn’t overly impressed. Most of the ones I’ve met are kindof wishy-washy and don’t know what they want. After I had my daughter it seemed like no guy my age wanted to sign up for that baggage.

As far as dating an older guy and having his body break down before mine, that’s not a consideration I make when getting into a relationship. I date them for who they are not the age, money, status. My most recent ex comes from money, has the huge nice house in an affluent neighborhood, all the toys, and is highly respected in a demanding profession.

The breakdown occured in the connection department - I need that emotional connection to keep going or I just shut down and it falls apart. I’m a minimalist and by no means a materialist. I’m happiest with someone who just accepts me for who I am and values family and love as much as I do. That’s not too much to ask I think.

Until then I’m pretty happy rockin out on my own. I think a person has to be ‘whole’ and love themselves before anyone else can. Otherwise you just jump from relationship to relationship carrying your emotional baggage with you. It also takes more than a year to really get to know someone and understand their values. First impressions are intuitive but sometimes it takes a time investment to really decided if something is right for you.

274

[quote]orion wrote:
I will not dress up in my white armour to perish, fighting a lost cause. [/quote]
What!? Who doesn’t want to die a glorious death in battle; fighting the long defeat in a hopeless war. It would be a good death.

275

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:
I will not dress up in my white armour to perish, fighting a lost cause. [/quote]
What!? Who doesn’t want to die a glorious death in battle; fighting the long defeat in a hopeless war. It would be a good death.[/quote]

“A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.”

Oscar Wilde

276

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:
I will not dress up in my white armour to perish, fighting a lost cause. [/quote]
What!? Who doesn’t want to die a glorious death in battle; fighting the long defeat in a hopeless war. It would be a good death.[/quote]

Csulli: Tell me,what is best in life?

277

Sorry i’m late to the party and i’m sorry about your situation, Beth. With my longest relationship, I had a girl cheat on me. I loved and cared about her so much that I decided to give her another chance. That was a dumb mistake on my part.

From that point on to when we finally broke up, things started to disintegrate because I can never really stop thinking about it and the relationship was never the same. You can confront it or just take off but the important thing is to remember that YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.

The person in that relationship fucked things up and ruin what could have been an amazing future. You’re a beautiful woman (judging from your avatar) and from the post I read from you, you have a good head on your shoulder. It hurts like a bitch now but you’ll get over it and you’ll find someone ever better.

Edit: Sorry if this came off as whiteknight as fuck but its an issue I completely understand.

278

[quote]Totenkopf wrote:
Sorry i’m late to the party and i’m sorry about your situation, Beth. With my longest relationship, I had a girl cheat on me. I loved and cared about her so much that I decided to give her another chance. That was a dumb mistake on my part. From that point on to when we finally broke up, things started to disintegrate because I can never really stop thinking about it and the relationship was never the same. You can confront it or just take off but the important thing is to remember that YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. The person in that relationship fucked things up and ruin what could have been an amazing future. You’re a beautiful woman (judging from your avatar) and from the post I read from you, you have a good head on your shoulder. It hurts like a bitch now but you’ll get over it and you’ll find someone ever better.

Edit: Sorry if this came off as whiteknight as fuck but its an issue I completely understand.[/quote]

thank you I really appreciate that. To be perfectly honest, the only thing really hurt is my pride. I’ve exercised poor judgement with my choices and this is the outcome. Sorry about what you went through. So did you find someone even better?

279

[quote]theBeth wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:
I will not dress up in my white armour to perish, fighting a lost cause. [/quote]
What!? Who doesn’t want to die a glorious death in battle; fighting the long defeat in a hopeless war. It would be a good death.[/quote]

Csulli: Tell me,what is best in life?[/quote]

Inspired by the Genghis Khan quote:
“The greatest pleasure is to vanquish your enemies and chase them before you, to rob them of their wealth and see those dear to them bathed in tears, to ride their horses and clasp to your bosom their wives and daughters.”

Also of note Conan the Barbarian was on BBC America last night two times in a row. I watched both times all the way through.

Not joking.

280

[quote]theBeth wrote:

[quote]Totenkopf wrote:
Sorry i’m late to the party and i’m sorry about your situation, Beth. With my longest relationship, I had a girl cheat on me. I loved and cared about her so much that I decided to give her another chance. That was a dumb mistake on my part. From that point on to when we finally broke up, things started to disintegrate because I can never really stop thinking about it and the relationship was never the same. You can confront it or just take off but the important thing is to remember that YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. The person in that relationship fucked things up and ruin what could have been an amazing future. You’re a beautiful woman (judging from your avatar) and from the post I read from you, you have a good head on your shoulder. It hurts like a bitch now but you’ll get over it and you’ll find someone ever better.

Edit: Sorry if this came off as whiteknight as fuck but its an issue I completely understand.[/quote]

thank you I really appreciate that. To be perfectly honest, the only thing really hurt is my pride. I’ve exercised poor judgement with my choices and this is the outcome. Sorry about what you went through. So did you find someone even better?[/quote]
Oh yeah, the pride thing. It was an issue of trust and being totally betrayed that got me. I remember being explain that Love means that you trust someone enough to give them your heart and HOPE that they don’t totally fuck you up. To answer your question, I went through a couple months of soul searching and trying to figure out who I am as a person. Currently, I’m talking to a very gorgeous half white/half Hispanic girl that I met on POF (kinda embarrassing but it works) that seems really cool and I have my eye on this PT at my gym. Blonde hair, blue eyes, absolutely gorgeous. I’m worried about the PT because if I get shot down, it would just be totally awkward. “Hurr, you want to get some coffee?” “Uh…no…”

In hindsight, i’m actually pretty happy that i’m not with that ex anymore. I wouldn’t have taken the time to get as big or as strong as I am now. I’ll put it this way. Back when I was dating her, I could barely bench 150lb and today I easily got 335lb.