The irony is that we were “lucky” in that way by NOT hoping for that. Neither one of us wanted a romantic relationship. We had both gotten out of a toxic relationship at the time and had zero interest in another romantic relationship. We were happy to have found a friend that “got us”.
It’s The Tao. The Tao that can be spoken of is not the true Tao.
In that case, I’m on the right track. I have no interest in a romantic relationship, but am looking for a best friend. If that best friend happens to be male, then we’ll see how things pan out. If they don’t, I’ll just go back to writing papers
Can confirm, pwn and dagill are spot on when talking about how good relationships form. Met my wife when both of us were about 3 months removed from trainwreck relationships and just trying not to mess anything up since she was leaving in a few months to study in Europe and I had just started a job where I had to travel 60% of the time. Hung out a few times and accidentally stuck together. 8 years later and it’s still getting better.
I think a lot of people mess up with the “you should marry your best friend” notion because there’s two ways of accomplishing that. You can try and date your opposite sex friends (which was a horrible idea for me but works for others), or develop a romantic and platonic relationship at the same time (which accidentally worked for me).
Nailed it.
Once one sets a goal of establishing a relationship of any variety, it’s already built on an artificial construct and doomed to failure. Real relationships form organically. And I’m sure statements like that cheese off a lot of folks that had success with dating apps and such, but I’m also glad I found my wife before those were a thing.
Fun fact, I tried an app once and the whole thing felt slimy and dirty. Not to mention it introduced me to the absolute most toxic group of people I’ve met in my life. But that awful experience got me to quit trying, leading to me not messing things up with my wife. Worth the suffering x100.
I could have sworn you were in a long-term committed relationship. Guess I was wrong.
I was saying this more as a joke than anything, but yeah I agree with you. The point of a date is to me, to determine weither each person finds the other suitable for a relationship/friendship/neither.
Personally I find this quite annoying, I don’t have the time anymore for much mindgames.
Yeah, most of my relationships were done this way. Then let’s take my example, all the girls I know through friends, school or work are taken/not to my taste/I’m not to their taste/freaking 18 lol. Then what? I’m not going to wait that the waves of fate bring a suitable companion to my shores… It might never happen.
Why would you think that?
Yeah I tried twice for a week, really not my cup of tea. Interactions feel forced and weird, you have to be quite agressive in your wording.
Yeah I feel quite about the same as you there. Also on the non very desirable person. So I’m not doing much effort. But you know, I kinda miss it. I certainly have more experience being in a couple, and I’d like to find that again. The other day, I even had some kind of incel thought. Because I hang out with two guys who are very successful with apps and Instagram and the like, spending the night with different girls every week (or sometimes sevral in a day) and the girls beg for more! Begging them to be in a couple, to have sex with them and all ahahah.
Of course this is not what I want, but at the same time feeling like a “normal, nice” guy, and having zero success, I wonder if there is indeed something wrong with me or that I’m doing this wrong.
I really don’t get the youth’s dating scene ahahah.
I guess I’m really too old fashioned because I don’t think I ever kissed on the first date (maybe once) and even less had sex (and she said she wanted to lol)
There, it was my way of talking about this because I can’t in my log cause I said so to @ChongLordUno teeheeheeeee
It’s for your own good cupcake 
Despite my aversion to social media I’ve used dating apps. And I live in a city where I believe most of the users are actually, potentially, looking for something serious. At least the women, I hear bad things about the guys out there.
On these apps, the “guaranteed” common ground is “we both want a relationship/don’t want to be lonely” but that alone is in my opinion inadequate to serve as a foundation on which a relationship can be built.
This inherently implies that I, as a user, would have to be very conscious in my usage. But since matching is bidirectional, I can just swipe right on everyone, and only need to pay attention once I match with another. Read their profile, see if there is any alignment whatsoever. I don’t do this, but that’d be the smart strategy rather than doing that “work” pre-emptively.
There is a time cost to doing this. And there is no guarantee at success. And there is a lot of room for error, making the wrong judgement call, etc.
Instead, I could spend my time on something I want to do regardless anyway in a space where I’d necessarily meet people that much like me want to be in that space for a reason ensuring we have something in common. I still might not meet someone, but the time I invest is already being invested into something that I definitely want to do, that don’t risk exposing me to toxic people (as much), that don’t allow me to devolve in to a shallow person, and that doesn’t constitute additional minutes of my finite life wherein I’m holding a brick up to my face.
It presumably results in fewer dates, but conceivably more friendships and definitely more tangible memories on which to reminisce in the future.
@aldebaran is right: why did I not comment on this first time round?
I’m surprised I missed this sentence.
@Bagsy, I think what we are saying here, me and @dagill2 is that this isn’t an objective evaluation of your merits. And also, you are awesome and you deserve to feel that way about yourself. Sad that your own read of yourself is what @dagill2 quoted. But I get it. Just letting you know, just because you feel that way about yourself does not mean that you are correct — but that’s cool, most people don’t have a good read of themselves.
There are tons of fantastic individuals that don’t view themselves as such, and vice versa. But just because the tendency is to get things wrong that doesn’t mean that if you start saying that you are indeed awesome you wouldn’t be. So,,,
@Voxel as ever, is the cheerleader we all wanted.
Definitely agree. In a world (even pre-COVID) where it seems like most young people are desperate for romance, I feel that I value friendships more than the average person my age.
I’ve certainly have had friends who use these apps, and I don’t judge them for doing so. Hell, so many married couples nowadays first met as a result of them. But I gotta say, if you think they’re grody, imagine a heterosexual woman’s perspective.
Online matchmaking platforms have been around far longer than apps, and while I think they’re not entirely distinct from the current tool, I think what we see now is actually damaging as a whole. Not only do they accentuate the transaction-like nature of these relationships, but it’s also comical to me how the select few straight men who want something more than a hook-up think they make dating easier and nerve-wracking. It makes rejection so much easier because other people are judging you on such limited information, which does no favors in the self-esteem department let alone boost one’s confidence to approach and get to know someone in person, romantic intentions aside.
Well-said.
Haha! I have no idea how I gave that impression.
I think married couples can go on dates with each other.
My criticism of apps aside, this is where they can be useful. That hobby is not for me. I don’t understand how comparing yourself to someone who wants something different from you could make you feel like you’re doing something wrong.
I think these societal rules/norms surrounding what happens on “date number X” silly.
I know there are a lot of pity parties in my log, but I didn’t mean for that statement to read that way. I didn’t want to come across as someone who has had many suitors (I hate that word) and therefore understands at least a little more than the average person how the dating scene works.
Objectively speaking, so appearance and personality aside (and most of my intimacy issues), I don’t go out in non-pandemic times to drink/party/etc. In public I also don’t smile much (unless there is a reason, of course) or pretend to be extroverted. I realize that those things aren’t desirable to most of the male population, or they at least make me look unapproachable. That’s more of what I meant by this. Social norm stuff.
120 cal assault bike 14:03
50 band pull aparts
Super cool day – my name is finally on a published manuscript! It’s a cool yet weird feeling. If only my SSB would ship earlier than expected.
Oh yeah. Unsolicited dick pics abound, coupled with cheese-dick pickup lines and pillow talk that could make Hellen Keller blush. Not that any of those things are particularly bad, but in the context of a total stranger it’s just…offputting.
Also, in the interest of finding someone actually worth your while, this is a good thing to do. You have concept #1 for dating nailed: don’t be anything you’re not in order to attract someone.
I had the misfortune of receiving one a couple of months ago. Definitely affirmed my decision not to allow such squishy cucumbers near me anytime soon
Different strokes for different folks, I guess. I have heard my fair share of hilarious dating app stories that affirm my decision to not use them. Then there are the unfortunate horror stories resulting from them that are absolutely terrifying as well.
Endorsement to be more seemingly anti-social? Got it! The guy I saw has even told me that I am “old on the inside.” But in all seriousness, that’s good advice for sure. Too many people end up miserable in platonic and romantic relationships these days by being dishonest with themselves or others.
There’s several, several things wrong with this (all on behalf of the sender) and several questions I want to ask (none of them relating to your reaction, but to the sender…) but know better. Please accept a very loud “oof” in this trying time 
If I categorised what was going on in this log as this I’d spend zero additional seconds here. But I keep coming back so that tells you what I think.
I enjoy following along these conversations.
That has been said to me for a very long time, even . Kind of a running gag among my friends.
If I may ask: How old are you anyway?