I see dating as a verb. You go out, engage in courtship rituals, get to know each other better, etc etc. For us, we were best friends, and one day I told her I loved her and she felt the same way, and at that point we knew that we were in it for life.
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Sorry but I’d still say that’s dating. I have friends whose relationships started out similar. It may not be the standard that most people refer to when they use the term ‘dating’ but this
can be done on a friendship basis as well (will likely work a lot better because people are more honest), which takes on new meaning in the process. I had to google ‘courtship rituals’ and am not entirely sure but think your referring to the sexual aspect of dating.
Whatever, semantics anyway. What you have obviously worked out wonderfully!
It maybe helps that we don’t have a defined word for dating in my language.
It would seem we have found an area where we will have to agree to disagree then. I find dating to infer an intent of romantic venture, whereas our interest was in developing friendship.
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I have no problem with that. It wasn’t my intention to change your mind against your own believes anyways.
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It’s a little weird to not have a word for dating but to have one for “griefbacon”.
Close enough, but I’d never say we dated. I could tell the story, but I think we’d essentially be repeating the conversation you’re having with Pwn with regards to how you define dating.
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We have all sorts of words to describe dating but not a singular defined one, which might make it easier to describe the individual process. Although nowadays the, especially among the younger generations, a lot of people will use ‘dating’.
I had to google “griefbacon” but yeah we have a lot of very specific expressions for weird food related events.
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I think it would be useful to have so many words for dating because it can mean so many things. I’ve never dated in what I view as “traditional” dating, ie. Setting a time and place where you’ll both be and having awkward “getting to know you” questions designed to decide if you’ll be good life partners. Because that sounds awful. All my longterm relationships have grown out of, essentially, getting to know someone in other settings and a relationship building out of that.
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Naaah really it can be lots of fun! Well sure you must not be horribly shy.
Seems really hard to do. You get to know them where then, school, work?
Yes. Or through friends.
Feels like a limited pool of options…
This sums the point I was trying to make up perfectly!
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I’m just saying what’s happened to me, this is far from a “how to” manual.
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Wow, didn’t expect to spark such an interesting conversation. Disclaimer – take everything I write with a grain of salt. I have been in exactly one relationship in my life over 5 years ago that lasted a few months. I can count with one hand the number of dates, according to my definition below, that I have been on.
The current generation of young adults is so wishy-washy about relationships. I don’t know what it is. I suspect smartphones and the dating industry have played a role in blurring lines, but I can’t say for sure.
Maybe I’m wording myself incorrectly. It wasn’t a date, at least not from my point of view. I cannot say the same for the other person. What constitutes a date for me is mutually and outrightly agreed romantic intention. For clarity, I think the word should be directly part of the request e.g. “Hey, do you want to go on a date with me to X?” However, it’s all too common today to avoid the word “date” altogether and to instead insinuate it ambiguously such that at least one party has a cop-out to deny romantic interest. This is frustrating in some cases where certainty is desired.
It’s very common in the United States for young men to ask someone to “hang out” when they want it to be and might even think it is a date.
I don’t think the ambiguity is bad all the time. In fact, I might even welcome it if the guy were someone I hadn’t met many times before if at all. I don’t use dating apps, so I don’t expect initial meetings to be dates nor would I feel super comfortable in that situation. Some younger people today feel otherwise.
I also realize that people of the opposite sex can develop wonderful friendships and solely remain platonic without issues. “Date” might not ever enter become part of the vocabulary there, but it might be helpful to define expectations. Although I have more female friends, I have a few good male companions, and we get along great without romantic feelings.
Now you’re getting into “dating” versus “date.” I don’t view “getting to know you” as a necessary component of a date. There are even more definitions of “dating,” and I don’t want to even try scratching the surface there. Many similar terms exist that may or may not be viewed as synonymous: “talking,” “seeing,” “hanging out,” etc. I think having all these different terms has made the scene even more confusing. Ultimately, a date is almost always understood by Americans at least as something romantic.
I have to agree with @dagill2. How do you think many people who were able to freely choose partners met each other before the world of social media and dating apps? School, work, and organizations are great ways to develop familiarity with people. Many sorts of companionship develop this way. This is also my preferred way of getting to know someone, regardless of intention. I don’t like feeling interviewed, especially by someone I barely know.
Now, you might all want to write next
But @Bagsy, if you are so adamant about this terminological jargon, why don’t you inquire about the other person’s current intention? It’s 2021!!111!11!1 dont perpetuate gender norms pls
Well, I don’t have a problem with the ambiguity. Having a romantic relationship hasn’t been a huge priority for me for several reasons but mostly because I’m very focused on my career. Though I would eventually like to have a partner, I’m not going out of my way to find one.
Without a doubt I could be misinterpreting. I don’t like to microanalyze things like this. I do NOT claim to be an expert nor do I feel I am a particularly desirable person. I think the latter helps me view the situation more objectively though. I phrased my initial post because the guy in question is someone I’ve known for a good while whom I suspect is not putting the cards on the table. Nevertheless, because romantic intention has not been directly stated, I continue assuming purely platonic motivations even if that is not the case.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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Discussions like these are why I love Tnation
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I spent more time writing that than I would like to admit.
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Tnation has provided me with more “education” than my parents
It’s very culturally taboo to discuss these issues so I’ve been on my own
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The Internet is a powerful tool.
I am not close with my parents and didn’t date in high school, so I never ended up receiving guidance from them on these topics either.
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@anna_5588 @Bagsy my thoughts (as someone who’s been in a relationship for 9 years, and likely suffers from some form of ASD, take from that what you will) are that the same principles of relationship building apply to romantic ones as non romantic ones. The issues and mistakes tend to come when you forget that you’re building a relationship with another fully fledged, complex human being and start seeing it as a transaction or a conquest.
As always, YMMV. These are just the thoughts of one old man
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That’s exactly what my therapist said!
My hope is that I’ll be lucky enough to be in the situation pwn was with his wife.
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