No. I’m tired.
Most days I want to sleep in, stay in bed and eat pounds of meat
The problem is that I won’t be able to get the lost time back and would have to work to undo the caloric surplus and deal with stomach pain
This previously read “damage of overeating”, which I felt was telling, but for someone that wants to get stronger, trying to undo the caloric surplus remains a silly thing.
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I am drowning in readings right now.
Do you believe this might be a response to all the activity that you engage in? And that maybe the meat cravings is because it is one of the foods you allow yourself so your body gives you that craving?
Yeah, you don’t have to go read it. I’m just highlighting the similarity for reasons I’m confident you understand.
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No. Meat is more palatable than other foods and doesn’t upset my digestion as much as most other foods. I can (and have) eaten pounds of meat in one sitting
The usual “cheat foods” like fried stuff, pizza, sweets… aren’t appealing to me
Maybe I should have stopped my post at “Do you believe this might be a response to all the activity that you engage in?”
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Maybe
I didn’t choose that example randomly. I would add to it within the context of the prolonged conversation but I’m interpreting Anna’s response to Bagsy as an expression to stop the topic. I get it and I respect her wish.
I often told myself to stop it on my own and I have over time contributed less and less to it but couldn’t fully ignore it either.
This is the first time that I can recall that Anna has asked us to stop,. Which on the one hand confirms that she in fact has not been ignoring things she didn’t get back to and that she is aware of the situation that we see (otherwise I suspect it wouldn’t bother her to read these things and affect her mood as negatively) and on the other confirms some of my fears (which I’m not going into either for stated reason).
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Not necessarily.
I was frustrated that people seem to ignore my wins. It really really bothered me this time because the squat and press PRs were/are VERY big milestones for me after essentially over 3 years of setbacks (kidney surgery, covid lockdown, mum not letting me have the barbell)
I don’t ignore things, but the non response is accidental most of the time.
I am in class when I read them and can’t respond in an adequate manner, then forget to when I do have time
Gains I have noticed in the past few months:
-Weight up, improved physique
-Some good lifts, some new PRs
-Obvious social improvements
-A bit more acceptance of perceived imperfections
-More openness and honesty
It is not unnoticed, Anna. People have a way of wanting to help people they see as “in need”, so we get carried away. You are doing good.
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Okay but you do get the confusion? Bagsy dug into you pretty harshly (with the best of intentions and I share her intent and opinions, although I wouldn’t have voiced them in the same manner. Pwn found similar drastic words in the past), compared with your feeling that your PRs got ignored, I get the response.
With all the background information that we have, you will probably understand that we take most athletic accomplishments we see in this log, be they as great as they may, with a grain of salt because we think of the price that you’re paying. Kind of how most of us imagined your mother’s response to your athletic efforts (if that is correct or not, we can’t know).
Now with the lack of updates about therapy and your response to Bagsy, I fear that while you understand the situation (if in it’s severity, I can’t know), you’re not willing to work through it. That can open up a scary and steep downward spiral. Also on a personal note I consider it cowardly behavior and I am factoring in that the situation you’re dealing with is not at all easy!
Back to my example in relation to what you told us recently: that you use training as an escape of sorts/ a way of stress management/ a therapy if I may say so (fitting since that’s placated all over the internet).
One, if not the major element of overcoming addiction is the behavioral aspect. Getting off alcohol/ whatever drug is super difficult and depending on how far you’re gone, a task like no other but once you’ve done that and it’s out of your system and what not, why do ao many people fall back into addiction? Because their behavior is structured around the substance they were on.
I know a man who used to frequent a bar I used to work in 10 years ago. I have known him for years. He is an alcoholic. Eventually his problem got out of control and he actually agreed (under pressure from his employer) to go into rehab. The rehab was difficult but successful. Then he got back from the hospital. Now what do you imagine his social circle looked like? All his “friends” were drinkers. They all hang out in the bar. So did he. He didn’t drink but he was around alcohol all the time. I even worked some shifts with him because he helped out as a dishwasher on big events. At first he always drank coffee. Then he switched to alcohol free wheat beer. He drank about 16 of them later on. He still technically didn’t drink alcohol but you see where we’re heading. He wouldn’t have been served in the bar under any circumstances. Eventually he took up pot as a replacement drug. Technically still not drinking. Not long after that he was back to his old self: A miserable alcoholic. He didn’t find a way to modify his behavior enough, so he wouldn’t need alcohol.
If that was too meta, think about smokers. Quitting smoking isn’t physically that hard compared to other addictions (don’t come at me here, people). But you’re so used to having one with xour coffee, when you’re stressed, whenever you’re anxious, after sex… Etc. Finding a way to manage stress/ life without this damaging outlet is the challenge.
I hope I didn’t bore you and still brought across the point that I wanted to make. In the last few posts you provided invaluable information, that a therapist would need to work on cognitive behavioral therapy:
- You feel like you need that workload to manage your deep rooted fear of “getting fat” and justify any calory intake with your acitivy level.
- You use training as an escape mechanism to avoid things you can’t deal with otherwise.
Haha, you are so wrong about this, mate, but your point is nonetheless unchanged =)
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I know that it’s incredibly hard. But more so on the psychological front, then on the physical one (compared to alcohol or other drugs).
I know a good deal of people who quit smoking successfully (literally every male member of my family to start with, haha) but I can’t say the same for other addictions (you don’t hear as many success stories).
But yeah as you know, I needed to make a different point : D
Also third edit: I used to work in a lung clinic. I watched a lot of people die a horrible death because of their smoking. Nevertheless I have never seen a place with more smokers in my life. Not only the dying and the ill. Doctors, nurses, adminitrative staff. It was crazy to see how a doctor could walk out of a eoom where a patient just did his last rassling breath and then light up a cigarette.
So it’s not like I underestimate smoking as an addiction at all
One thing That really gets me is when other posters get praise for doing even more work than me or get praised for pushing through very stressful situations
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We tried time and time again to explain to you how these comparisons make no sense.
You compare what you want to compare and ignore what doesn’t fit your narrative or supports your bias (you’re into science, aren’t you? Try to see it like a study.).
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Yes but hot cold empathy gap
It makes sense until Im considering whether to workout, open the log and see some insane workout
Then don’t do that. Or be aware of the bias at play. Recognize your pattern. That’s step one.
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This is because part of the “even more work” that they do INCLUDES the recovery part.
This is a tough question to ask given the consequences of a “yes” answer, but have you considered that it’s unhealthy for you to be on a fitness forum?
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I know you don’t want to drop names or situations but there is a reason for everything. Very few people on T-nation do as much as you. Those who do have one or more of the following:
- Are men
- Have significantly more experience than you / higher training age
- Are on PEDs
- Are doing lower intensity exercises