Hey Pwn do you think it’s stupid how there’s a fixed “healthy” bodyweight based on age and height?
Edit: actually it isn’t stupid. But it is kinda weird for anyone that has quite a bit of muscle mass.
Apparently a healthy body weight for me is supposed to be 170 or 180
@anna_5588
I don’t know what’s going on but your body looks great anna. You will definitely reach the level you want (without harming urself).
Regrettably, a lot. But this is not my log and someone else’s.
I wanted to commend you on writing all of this, I found it personally very valuable to read.
I have concerns about this also.
Again, maybe I’m not the one that should thank you for writing all of this but thank you.
To be fair, I’m not arguing that you have to do what she had to. Maybe you would have to, maybe not. But, I think that very often we as people tend to look at things as immediate fixes. Maybe we try and bump our carbs, or our calories, and if we are not magically better in a week or two then it wasn’t “the fix”. The fix can take time, depending on the damage.
Define
I understand. I know a lot theoretically about training and diet, but I do not have the results to show for it, as I’ve been yo-yoing between fed/not for too long. I’m genuinely embarrassed and ashamed. A theme I think Steven raised, albeit not from that angle.
Careful. Maybe Anna is immune to this kind of comment, but I once had a commenter on these boards highlight that I didn’t even look as if I lifted and I was finally starting to have an okayish view of myself in the mirror.
Where are you hearing this? “From what I’ve heard” set points can change, within reason.
Do you like what you look like now? Some people actually start liking their body at a greater level of body fat. I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned on these boards how it appears as if, at least anecdotally, being underfed is a cause for body image dysmorphia.
Lovely analogy.
Maybe other things can help you think, also. A nontrivial amount of your writing and homework might be facilitated through other mechanisms as well.
I worry that comments such as this can add fire to her views of how lean/not lean she is.
BMI works as intended: across populations
Right. There are so many other possible stressors, and I’m pretty sure we have pointed this out to her before. The eating disorder is one stressor, but, like many people, Anna has more of them. The difference is that while her body proves that they are unmanageable, she denies the signs. It doesn’t matter because change does not fit Anna’s agenda to stay at an unhealthy bodyfat percentage.
This is like what Steven said on the podcast. He looked back on old photos of himself and couldn’t believe how he looked and, more importantly, felt at that time. Once in a while I stumble upon such photos of myself and say the same things. I can only hope Anna can one day know what that feels like.
This whole log is filled with your cherrypicked “reasons” as to why you somehow defy human biology. I find it interesting you, as someone who values logic so much, can have these “nuh-uh” responses on a topic for which you seem to care so little. If you truly wanted to acknowledge what is at play, you would not say something like this. It’s your eating disorder talking – not logic.
People change. My current body composition differs from that of when I had a consistent period in high school. This isn’t how life works.
Excuse my language, but what the fuck? Anna, I don’t want to have kids either. I’m not a fence-sitter. But at this point it is entirely about your life rather than any hypothetical life. There are plenty of childfree women out there, and I assure you that none of them are using your current strategy to avoid having children. There are different methods for that. You’re not doing this because you don’t want to have kids. You are doing this because you want to rationalize your crippling eating disorder.
Is having a period fun? No. I don’t know any woman who would willingly have one. But it’s nice to know that my body doesn’t think I am killing it. Maybe you had painful periods when you were younger, which, though common, are not normal. I know you’re going to say that you’re some kind of anomaly, though, as if manageable periods are impossible for you. It’s not unlikely that the reason is your eating disorder.
@Koestrizer, I appreciate your perspective on this topic. Your last several posts leave no doubt in my mind that if a female friend or family member of yours were struggling, you would not be afraid to speak up and say the right thing.
Anna, don’t you think it’s a little silly that a man can speak more intelligently about women’s health topics than you? Something is clearly not right. I don’t recommend running away from that any longer.
I think this is one of the first things you should share with a professional if you ever choose to take that route seriously.
Yep, Anna would have to go all in if she were to fix anything. It’s heartbreaking to read stories of women who try for so, so long to get their periods back yet still cannot. It’s a different kind of heartbreaking to read the anecdotes of someone like Anna who is so entrenched in her ways that she tosses all of the logic aside, in one ear and out the other, in favor of an eating disorder.
While she remains fixated on a bodyfat percentage, I think something else nags her on a deeper level. Something damaged her at some point and fuels her eating disorder, and that is something for Anna to explore with someone offline.
Yeah. My experience has been with substance abuse and recovery from it, but there seems to be a great deal of overlap on the root causes.
To get into recovery was a 100%, all in effort. I’ve never seen a toe dipper even come close to making any headway, other than to find out that toe dipping doesn’t cut it.
There were a couple of hard parts. One was actually asking for help. Meh, that gets like a 6/10 on rpe. But the really hard part was accepting it. That was 10/10.
This has actually happened rather recently. Your assumption was proven to be correct. I am happy that the girl in question is taking the right steps and is currently gaining weight.
I don’t know if and to what extent I played a role in that, but it still makes me happy.
I also have a very good friend who has struggled basically her whole life with a form of ED and the underlying issues. She is very intelligent and knows full well about the mechanisms of her mental health issues. I haven’t known her for very long but I know she nearly died from her disease more than once. It’s very frustrating and sad to sit by and all you can do is offer a helping hand when you know she is currently struggling. But ultimately I know this isn’t something that can be solved from the sideline. Still, I try to be a puzzle piece in the greater picture of a functioning social circle and look out for her.
Since she is very knowledgeable, I actually described/ summarized what I see in this very log and asked if she had an idea how I could help Anna better. The short answer was: I can’t.
Conceivably, I hope that she tries to work on that at some point.
I can at least relate to the point that you are raising, and feel that it applies to me. As far as “something” being damaging, there’s been quite a lot of things, and a worrying theme is I have no working memory of my childhood. The very few things I recall are messed up.
I find that when the boat is rocking too much that the fact that training can be very rewarding, and at times when other things are not, it can become a crutch for emotional regulation, emotional outlet, and in that context it becomes a rare feel-good factor and it is easy to abuse it.
Having spent some university years deep in bottles I see a similar overlap as @SkyzykS Personally, I replaced alcohol with training and obsessive behaviour.
Yeah. There is that obsessive element. And the neurotic drive to try harder, but doing so just drives further into self defeat, which in turn triggers the impulse to drive harder, etc. Lather, rinse, repeat to death.
It’s amazing. I’ve seen some really brilliant people literally drink themselves to death. Smart too. One doctor I knew would come in to the meetings, smashed of course, knowing everything. He knew his eyes were yellow, his liver cirrhotic, pancreas like a football, but it was all under control. Plebes like me couldn’t possibly know…
He’s dead.
The goal wasn’t to discredit her body or be negative. I just wanted to highlight the incongruence of how she speaks about her body to justify the narrative she is putting out. She was justifying the unhealthiness of her decisions because its given her an “enviable” body when less than 24h she was complaining that women who don’t train have better legs than her despite her killing herself with the amount of work she does.
Again not meant to encourage her just stating that it appears more likely that the issue has to do more with her overworking than her specific body fat level. But I agree I should perhaps be more careful about how my words can be taken.
I don’t. The stuff I’ve read about recoverning periods and have heard from my doctors is that you typically have to return (or exceed) where you were previously
This isn’t a strategy. The point is that one big reason women suffering amenorrhea want their periods back is to have children
I did not. Mine were regular and painless
maybe.
Nothing from my childhood except that I was heavier than the other girls (never bullied though)
Always wanted to do gymnastics but wasn’t coordinated enough
Exactly!
I was very lucky in that I did not go that route.
Something about drugs and alcohol always turned me off
I should clarify, I get compliments quite regularly.
I also tend to store more fat in my legs and I’m wearing tights most of the time so it masks it.
Their legs don’t look more muscular, just more defined and less jiggly
TO be clear, I don’t think I’m fat right now (except my legs)
I can see why 
Excellent !!
You didn’t have to grow up being beaten and screamed at to have something from your childhood stick with you. A not-so-great relationship between your parents can 100% create some issues that stick with you.
You internalize whatever helps perpetuate your eating disorder. Talking to you is like talking to an anti-vaxxer.
I don’t look like my high school self when I had a consistent period. I also don’t look my early college self when I didn’t have a period. My weight has not changed dramatically over the years, but my eating and exercise habits as well as my stress management skills have evolved over the past decade or so. Call your doctors because I must be a genetic outlier. I know you are still going to ping-pong back with a “but I . . .” comment. Honestly, just save it.
Doctors often reference a past state because they at least know at that point that your body felt safe enough to menstruate. No one knows what your body will look like six months or five years from now if you decide to change things. Clearly during your time here you have more often than not felt miserable about your appearance and academic performance. During that same time frame you have done almost nothing to remedy your eating disorder. Coincidence? I think not.
Anna, I’m not naive. Don’t try to educate me on a topic you actively avoid. I did not strive to regain my period so that I could bear children. Again, the problem is that you have found no reason to restore menses, which indicates a deeper problem that no one here can solve.
You are only interested in walking a tightrope to maintain abnormal behavior and working yourself to death – not having a period serves you well. You implied that your eating disorder is convenient because it aligns with your decision to not have kids. Childfree women aren’t starving themselves to render themselves sterile (yes, I know you identify as asexual).
You have a problem with food and exercise, and you continue to do nothing about it.
This is exactly what a professional would help you explore.
I don’t think I can discuss this issue with you here any longer, Anna. I hope it is not the case for you, but a devastating event is often prerequisite for people who are so entrenched in their disorder to make a change.
Look, I don’t want to discuss this.
I use this log to log my lifting and talk about school.
these conversations extremely stressful and put me in a bad mood
I usually don’t really care how much engagement my log gets, but this time it really did bum me out when I hit some big PRs and most of the focus was on was on my lack of improvement mentally
Week 8: day 7
Was going to take the day off but gym buddy finished midterms and wanted to go, didn’t feel too bad so tagged along
Rows: 5x(6-40kg+30sec mountain climbers)- 60sec rests, he did rows with push-ups. I wanted to get a cardiovascular stimulus so I did high knees
Powercleans: 5x2-45kg
3x(3chin ups-1020tempo+16tricep pull downs- 22,5lbs)
Handstand walk practice
How is this going for you?
. You didn’t ask, but don’t underestimate the power of a simple headstand to help you increase and improve your body awareness in handstands.
Not very well, but I haven’t been putting much effort into this so can’t complain
Thank you!! I’ll practice that!
I think I definitely need more practice being upside down if I am to improve.
You’ve now done at least 8 workouts in a row (+30k steps per day) on a 3 day per week program.
If I had to guess, malnutrition and low body fat are not preventing your period, it’s ^^^
It’s very hard for me to stay still
When I’m bored and or sad, I go to the gym.
Also, a lot of my extra “workouts” are easy cardio or quite low intensity lifting where I spend 2+min between sets of RPE 6-7 talking with friends. That, or I half arse a 10 min “conditioning” workout and dick around while doing “accessories” at rpe 5. Most ppl wouldn’t even consider them workouts.
It was midterms last week so assignments eased off considerably (studying is done the week before). Had way more extra time than anticipated