Why are you talking about Anna instead of to her? Seems disrespectful to me. This is her log.
I have no doubt about this but often times it clouds one’s judgement. I also have no doubt she loves you as much as she possibly can.
It took me a long time to realize some of the toxic things my father did/does to my brother and I. I do not love him less than before I discovered these things, but I now realize why I have some of the issues that I do (no one has their crap 100% together - that’s a media illusion).
One hallmark of toxic people is that others that they are toxic to (please note toxicity and love can exist together) often come to their defense (I excused my fathers crap behavior for years).
No doubt!
I loved my dad too. But it was probably about 10 years after his death I started having some misgivings about how he was as a father.
After learning a little more about it, turns out he was devastatingly broken in a number of ways, and the way he treated me (us) growing up was really extraordinarily bad.
But being right in it and never knowing anything else as a child- it all seemed completely normal. Not great by any stretch of the imagination, but normal.
Learning these things didn’t diminish my feelings for him, but did change the way I viewed the relative terms that I would use to describe both him and the upbringing.
Don’t feel sorry for complaining. I’m not suggesting you toss your mom out of your life like I did. Yours sounds like a concerned parent based on previous anecdotes and for good reasons. Your mother’s behavior sounds not unlike my mother’s. Some parents provide zero, a little, or a lot of emotional, financial, and physical support, in many different ways. You can appreciate however your mom expresses either or both of those while still being reasonably and objectively critical.
All in all, having honest conversations with your mom, your therapist(s), and yourself sounds to me like a not so terrible plan if you decide to take any additional action. That’s all up to you. We only get to imagine a glimpse of what your relationships are like. No one knows the full story except for you.
I’m sorry you feel disrespected on Anna’s behalf. I like to think that I put some thought and honesty into my posts, especially the many that can be found in this log. The floor is yours should you feel that your words do a better job. I love to read great writing.
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Oh no, I’m sorry. I thought you might reread your post and understand my point. It’s fine that you don’t.
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Week 12: Day 5
Press: 8x11-55lbs
4x(4gorilla rows/side-45lb KB+8KBS- 45lb KB+16 diamond pushups)
BTN press: 3x8-45lbs
KBs: 1x100 alternating-25lbs
- felt pretty good, wanted 2min rests, but that didn’t happen after the fourth set, btn press a LOT easier than expected
@EmilyQ @cyclonengineer
Turns out my little bro is into working out now. As much as I want him to be fit and look good, it’s also really stressful to me that he’s lifting. There’s a chance it’ll just be a passing phase (he has trouble comitting to stuff), but there’s also the chance that he’ll actually stick with it
How come? We’ve talked about this before, so I think I understand where you’re coming from, but do you view lifting as “your thing” and not want him to possible become better than you?
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Might could use him as the scape goat. “Mom boys need more weight, I need all my weights, bench, and bars” lol might work
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That’s the confusing part, it seems to be specific to lifting and getting lean.
A couple of years ago when I was really into running, he was training for crew and beat my mile time by a wide margin , but I didn’t mind. He also got into his dream school early admission as well as a couple of other very competitive schools and I didn’t but I was nothing but happy for him. He’s also taken an interest in writing and research, but I don’t mind either
Dad tried this… didn’t go over well 
Week 12: Day 6
20-1 of KBS w/ 45lb KB, 15 pushups+20 alt lunges btw sets
- absolute killer, this is one of my “bucketlist workouts” that I finally knocked out, inspiration from @antiquity, wanted to quit after the first set, but just kept going and kind of forgot to quit
@jskrabac you mentioned how sensitive you are to stress. how do you tell when your weight gain is bc stress or real weight gain
I weighed myself this morning and am up 2lbs since coming back from pgh around 2 weeks ago. I’ve been feeling pretty stressed, I feel more tired than usual and my digestion has been really messed up (bloating , blocked up)
When each set is “easier” than the last, it makes it more tolerable to keep going. I really don’t know how some people here can just will themselves to knock at a wall of burpees or swings with no end in sight. For me, I need mental games to compensate for my laziness.
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Week 13: Day 1
Front Squat: 6x6- 135lbs
Back squat: 4x4-135lbs,3300 tempo
Lunges: 3x4 alternating, 135lbs
4x(50 air squats+30sec rest)
- wasn’t really feeling it but decided to try and get something done, front squats felt really good on legs, core and upper back but by the third rep of every set, I’d get a very annoying twinge in my neck, the plan of 10x6 wasn’t going to happen
, didn’t feel like doing high rep stuff so did pauses and heavy lunges, which went really well, still slacking on conditioning
@TrainForPain @simo74 I promise to do curls tomorrow
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I’ve been meticulous with my diet so long I can just sorta tell water+stress weight from real weight. When my calories haven’t changed week to week, and I suddenly jump 3lb I know it’s virtually impossible to be real weight. For me personally, dead giveaway is my face. It’ll no longer be drawn in and look softer than usual. The only way you’ll really know though is if things return to normal a week or two later.
Are you eating enough fiber?
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There is no tomorrow!
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Tomorrow is an upper body day
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I weigh out my food the best I can and count calories pretty tightly but I can’t be sure, although I am sure that I’m not eating enough to warrant so much weight gain. The thing is that the weight hasn’t come off. This happened most of last year. I’d eat and my weight would spike randomly and it wouldn’t come off
definitely
Do you ever take a week off?
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No, I get really stressed if I skip workouts.
I don’t really mind the weight gain in itself, it’s the not knowing why that bothers me
Oh yeah, then you’re missing a crucial diagnostic tool there. Week off = reduction in cortisol = drop in water weight has been my experience. Then you’ll know.
You may be in a perpetually cortisol elevated state which isn’t conducive to any of your goals. It’s gonna lead to a very noisy data set as far as determining what kind of weight you’re gaining. And I’m not talking about skipping workouts, I’m talking about a PLANNED week off 
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