You know what. I guess I’m just going to have to accept that things suck and stop complaining on here about my diet and fitness…
Are you complaining to vent or complaining to seek answers?
Since you’ve tagged me in your log, you haven’t. Eventually, I decided to walk away, because I was just browbeating you and it seemed mean and unproductive. Then I found out you were adopting my methodologies to kill yourself and it brought me back in because it made me culpable.
Seeing a dietician is great. LISTENING and COMPLYING with the dietician will be better. Being honest with the dietician (and, by extension, yourself) will be best.
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If you start making positive changes now, things will suck in the short term and then get better. If you continue to spin your wheels, things will suck forever.
The worst case scenario from gaining weight is you overdo it a bit and become overweight (looking at your photos, you are a LONG way from this). The worst case scenario from your current situation is organ failure and death. I know which side I’d err on.
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Step 1: powerless and unmanageable.
Usually where most good problem solving starts. 
If you aren’t getting the results you desire, do something different.
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Off week- Day 2
8x(6dbcleans+6squats+3 press)/side-32lbs, 1:1 work rest ratio
5x(10rows/side-25lbs+15 curls-20lbs)
3x(1clean+5press+5squats)/side-32lbs, 1:1 work rest ratio
4x(40sec plank+20sec rest)
4x(40sec glute bridge hold+20sec rest)
PM (Post Midterm(s))
5-1, DB snatch+squats/side- 37lbs
- felt better than expected considering the sprints and jumps yesterday (granted, it was only 800m total), the complexes hit the spot- got HR up and got blood flowing,
- actually did ab work LOL, the glute bridges helped- actually felt my glutes, will be adding this into rotation
- the DB snatch workout harder than expected, felt good though and good to blow off steam
Warning, long post
First, @garagerocker13
I really appreciate the post.
Intellectually I understand this, but it’s so hard to live it day to day. I had to put up with the setback from kidney surgery, now COVID shutdowns. I can’t take it anymore. I feel so left behind and somewhat jealous tbh
The truth is is that I have been successful at recomp and “reverse dieting” before. The best I’ve ever looked was when I first hit 120kg DL junior year. I was 96lbs and lean after getting fluffy through forced refeeding (long story). Lost 10lbs from after the surgery
I feel like I HAVE made progress though. I was hitting PRs before lockdown and I have been progressing (albeit on non- target exercises) throughout lockdown. I even hit pushup PRs despite gaining weight
Thank you
Updates:
Lifting/physique:
- look completely shit. Up until Saturday, I actually thought I looked pretty good. not today, fluffy AF, but I guess that’s what I get for eating over 200g sugar before bed LOL
- I think my work capacity has improved somewhat. not sure I would have done a complex like this in the past
- I bought myself lifting slippers- they are AWESOME!
Life:
- had 2 midterms today- proofs and stats. Stats was beyond easy, as in exam was open note and basically a replica of the practice, the answers to which was posted on the course page. Proofs wasn’t hard, but time pressured and I know I made some big mistakes- optimistic 80. Still on track for a B, which is the target.
- @cyclonengineer @Bagsy I’m SOOOO over the pandemic. It’s getting so hard to concentrate on school work. Also I’m noticing that I’m getting increasingly scatterbrained- I keep misremembering meeting dates
- I don’t know who I am anymore
a) I joined a sorority- It’s a CMU sorority, so no crazy typical greek life stuff- it’s more of a way to make female friends and build potential future connections. I make connections through proximity => most of the ppl I’m close to at school are male b/c econ research club, math classes and gym. @Bagsy talk about male dominated fields, our Econ research club is a freaking Econ Math boys club.
b) Speaking of Econ research club I’m running for an exec position in the Econ Research Club just to get an excuse to spend more time w/ the guy I like. Apparently ppl are noticing my dedication to the club b/c of the 10 or so active members, the head of undergrad activities contacted me to do the “surprise messages” for club leaders???
I also asked him a question as a personality of sorts and he answered EXACTLY the way I would have. AND he puts his work before social life- win- win! He hates working out and isn’t a foodie- also idk about the China condition, so I’m not going to do anything stupid, just keep sending papers and math problems. - I am once again reminded just how lucky I am. Turns out, I am NOT at ALL suited for finance or consulting
@Iron_Condor I’ve noticed business students are just… different… they seem to have an air of confidence and a very, for a lack of a better word, “businesslike” fascade. The way even Freshmen present themselves is quite impressive. Nature or nurture?? I respect that kind of demeanour, but it’s not me
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Off Week- Day 3
2x(50alt pistols-32lbs+50 pushups)-2min rest btw rounds
1x(100 squats-32lbs+50 pushups)-2min rest
1x(50 stepups-25lbs+50 pushups)-2min rest
5x(20sec rows/side+20sec air squats)
- legs didn’t feel great going in, but certainly felt great after, got HR up but didn’t seem too hard in the moment… then started feeling weirdly lightheaded afterwards, wanted 4 rds w/ the pistols, but left inner thigh got very angry so switched, upper back and core pretty dead, had fun though
College will do that. I don’t think anyone at your age really knows who they are yet. It’s part of being a young adult and an experience shared by many. All I am saying is, this is a typical feeling and many go through it.
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Full concur. I radically transformed in college. Like full 180 of personality.
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I am ten years out from college and feel like I am going through another huge transformation right now.
As we (collectively) grow and learn more through life our personalities/perception of ourselves should and do change.
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They’re confident until you try and have an interesting conversation with them and realise they have no personality beyond just wanting to make money in the quickest way possible.
It wasn’t for me either, which is why I’m studying engineering now.
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I’d say this is more of a 45-50 degree shift. I haven’t given up my habits
I’ve did a 180 shift when I was 9 or 10. Before then, I was bubbly, extroverted and hated studying. I went through a phase when I refused to do anything my parents told me, quit Chinese school and watched tv after school instead of do hw (the rule was not tv on weekdays). Then after a while, something changed and I became progressively “less fun”
My MS and HS both did career inventories (probably bs) and both put engineering at the top for me.
With your love of math, engineering is really a good choice and it’s a very broad field. From what you have said, I would think applied mathematics or engineering to be your cup of tea.
I took those tests in high school to and they said I should be either an artist (#1) or an an engineer (#2). I already wanted to be an engineer so it was kind of interesting that it picked that out.
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Love of math accounts for 30 of the 45 degree shift 
… if only I didn’t have to get graded…
I also prefer behavioural science- partly bc it helps me understand some of the social things ppl intuitively “get”.
I guess you could say I “engineer” ppls thoughts 
My pipe dream ( elementary school when they ask) always wanted to be a scientist or marketer. Now I’m on track to be a scientist who’s work will probably be applied to marketing. Things have a weird way of working out
My parents both had multiple engineering degrees. It’s cool for sure… and so… many… options…
Yeah some people really don’t have more to them apart from " I want to make money"…
And OP as a stranger across the pond… I can 100% verify that what you are feeling is just a part of growing into yourself👍
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Welcome!
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Off week- Day 4
2x(800m walk+ 25pushups)-25lbs in pack
2x(800m walk+30 alt lunges)-25lbs in pack
5x(10rows/side+12 alt 1-arm kb swings)-25lbs
- felt good and quick, got HR up a bit but not too intense, love the rows
Update:
I look shit in the mornings but actually look pretty good at night, also, legs seem to be more defined. There’s an annoying blob of blubber in my inner thigh and don’t look like I lift if not flexing, but some more definition when I flex. glutes also blubber
@aldebaran you keel saying how your legs only have “some definition”. I’m pretty sure yours look significantly better than mine
@aldebaran is a dude, and by virtue has less body fat to contend with in the first place. His body is also more inclined to build muscles than yours for the same reason. He is also way taller than you and therefore has a much higher metabolism than you. He also doesn’t do endless cardio which eats into his muscle tissue.
Why you would compare yourself to someone who is basically your total physical opposite…yeah, I don’t get it. I might as well start asking why I can’t also deadlift 1100 pounds when I am using the same straps as Thor and he and I both have two legs.
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Exactly… No point in comparing to someone else. This is spot on
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yeah… it’s really hard for me not to compare. I just gravitate towards comparing myself to ppl/aspects of ppl who are better than me.