And again: thats the goal, right?
Nah.
Personification applies to inanimate objects, metaphors, and the imaginary.
Like “Jeffrey Dahmer was the personification of evil.”.
What happens with you is that you experience emotional turmoil and manipulate your food/liquid intake and energy output.
Those are real.
THe goal is to gain weight while eating more ie I had been eating 2k and now I’m eating 2.5k to gain
To put it in other words, if I win a game, I want to win because I won, not because the opponent quit, or that there was only 1 other competitor
So is this a statement of regret?
I don’t understand the analogy at all, sorry. You may have to walk me through it.
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Considering you’re things that result in random weight gain and not at all eating in a manner that supports your training, lifestyle or goals, you absolute SHOULD have these results.
And I’ve said all this before.
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Let me put it another way:
A person got killed in a car crash. There are three possibilities
- the person did it themselves (drunk, sleepy…)
- it was an accident
- someone purposely jacked the car or rammed them
The result (person died in car crash) is the same but in the first 2, the death is accidental, while in the third, the death is murder.
In my case, there are 2 ways to weight gain:
- I up calories and/or reduce activity conciously to facilitate it (intentional)
- I don’t know why
Again, the result is the same, but the mindset is different, and that matters to me
Are you still trying to manipulate fluid volumes with diuretics and self imposed restriction?
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According to you, I’d never been doing this.
Look I understand this is frustrating for you. I’m also frustrated. I’m going to see a dietician starting this Friday.
I never used diuretics or manipulated fluid volumes. I drink 3L+/day to stay hydrated (based on pee colour). It was my mum who was concerned that drinking too much water might hurt my kidneys
Okey dokey.
Keep on keeping on!
As @dagill2 said, weight gain is the goal. Maybe I’m wrong but as far as I know, your issues are caused by either a lack of body fat or over exercise or both. I don’t believe that you’re sabotaging the goal because of a lack of control, you’re doing it because you don’t want to gain weight.
Your analogies need some work lol and it’s interesting that you made the comparison of weight gain to death.
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I’ve been watching a lot of crime shows b/c House M.D got too off track
Just a thought here from a passerby that’s a little more detached (and therefore less frustrated) than a lot of people in this log, you included. A potential way to help this reality hit home.
You’re trying to do as little as possible toward your root goal (gain enough weight to get healthy and return your body to normal function → make continued physique and strength progress), because you don’t want to do damage to your perceived progress so far. In doing so, you’ve already delayed real progress much further than if you had just nutted up, gained enough weight to be healthy - both physically and mentally - and then pushed physique and strength.
This presents you with three options:
-
Continue as you have for most of your lifting career
a) make no further progress in physique or strength
b) very slim chance of seeing your 25th birthday -
Continue to microprogress on your health while still trying to minimize fat gain/detriment to physique
a) live a shell existence and miss out on what is supposed to be some of the most
fun/formative years of your life
b) never progress beyond current physique/strength -
Take the time to focus 100% on health (6-12 months, which is nothing in the grand scheme of a full lifetime)
a) learn to enjoy yourself and live all aspects of life
b) make real progress and chase the records you have the potential to break/challenge
I realize that none of this process is rational to you because of your mental state, but this is another potential way for you to look at it and maybe some of it will hit home. I hope so, because there’s a lot of potential with you and there’s a lot of people - both here and in your real life - that want to see you succeed in life and lifting.
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Hopefully from the couch while you chow down on popcorn (and not walking in place)
I’m so confused by that analogy, I really struggle to see that connection.
My take away is that you’re trying to build a nice, simple model for how many calories you “need”, in order to feel in control of the process? Is that about right?
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No. I want control over my weight gain. I don’t feel like I have it right now.
Anyways , I’m going to start seeing a dietician
I’ll give a proper response later- I’m in class
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If you’re honest with the dietician about your health issues and issues around the mental aspect of this process, I think this might actually be a good idea. Hearing what you need to hear from a professional may strike more of a chord with you than from anyone else.
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I am out for right now after this one. You need steady weight gain to get healthy again, which deep down I think you know. Stop chasing vanity and start chasing health.
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