Week 10: day3
1- arm push-ups: 3x 5/side !!! @Pinkylifting , 1x2/side- left failed
6x(16rows/side-25lbs+16close grip push-ups +30 alt plank hip drops)-150 jumping jacks as rest
Epic progress. Colour me impressed.
@guineapig
I got a compliment from pinky!
@Voxel
My body has decided to go on strike today. I’m puffy (definition basically gone), digestion off and I feel like I’m moving at half speed
Weird thing is that nothing hurts, so at least it’s civil disobedience 
It’s a huge mental fuck
Sounds like it’s telling you stuff. Planning to listen or will you force it to do a bunch of stuff the second you feel a smidge better and possibly perpetuating what’s going on?
I’ll try my best not to let how I feel affect my nutritional choices. Funny thing, my knees actually feel great for a change
I just wish this stupid bloating would clear
If you actually let yourself gain some muscle some bloating wouldn’t be as noticeable. Food for thought, as you are quite motivated about the future rather than the present.
Honestly, most days, I wish I could curl up in bed with a jar of pb and endless meat and watch movies all day
Unfortunately, I don’t have the power to reverse time, undo all the damage and recoup the lost time
That’s not a great baseline.
I honestly think you need to do less, eat enough, gain some weight, and continue with that for a substantial amount of time before you start feeling any different. Don’t focus on what you can’t undo but what you can do.
I don’t know how to describe this in the abstract, I’m… Tired. So I’ll be concrete. Example, me:
Physically, I’d benefit from removing a training day. I’d recover better. I’d get injured less. It’d be less stressful.
Psychologically, I couldn’t handle removing a day. Like, at all. I worry what other stupid shit I’d end up doing instead (undereating probably, or just being overwhelmed by BADBADNOTGOOD emotions).
Therefore, I opt for the lesser of the two evils here. I can get away with exercising as much as I do, it’s just not the better alternative in that category. I have more bodyfat than you so I’ll be fine enough.
If you consider yourself, the solution to the equation might be the same (i. e. mentally you can’t afford todo what your body needs you to) but I don’t think you have the same leeway to do so. And if you arrive at the same solution to that min-maxing problem you really have to get serious about seeking help.
Random question, do you ever feel like you’re watching your life unfold from a 3rd person perspective?
Sometimes I feel like I’m playing a Sims game
Not sure about the month bit but doing this for at least a week would probably be a good idea for me personally and might be for you to. Not ready mentally though.
And
Nope. I feel as if I experience life very acutely.
Touché
Presumabely in a different way, but yes. Didn’t feel like a Sims game though.
I just feel quite disconnected from reality sometimes. Like, I have to constantly remind myself that I’m actually 19 and can’t make cat noises 
I was about to post what my personal experience with something like that was but I am starting to realize that we might be talking about something entirely different, haha.
If you don’t mind, I’d still love to hear about your experiences
There’s a term in psychology for feeling disconnected from yourself: Depersonalization.
How I personally experienced something like that was best described in “man’s search for meaning” by Viktor Frankl, a book I recommend highly to about anyone btw.
Frankl was an Austrian psychologist who was imprisoned for years in Nazi concentration camps. In this particular book, he used his unique perspective as a psychologist to analyze and describe what the horrors of life and death in concentration camps did to the psyche of his fellow inmates and how some people were always able to see the drop of good and hope in the surrounding ocean of terror.
Anyways he described some of the talks he had with the other prisoners. Some of those were closer to giving up and just letting the terror consume them. They described their daily experience of life as “walking a few feet behind their own corps”.
That’s an exact description of how I felt at that time. I am quite ashamed to use this context as a comparison, since I was never in a comparable situation of unimaginable exterior terror and violence. It is however the most accurate thing I’ve ever come across to use as a comparison.
At the same time I lost a lot of mental capacities and memory function.
I told that to a therapist. She explained to me that depersonalization as well as loss of mental capacities and memory can be part of a very severe depression.
Now I don’t think that this is the case for you and I sincerely hope it never will be, but: You asked.
oh no! that sounds terrible! I hope you’re doing okay
I don’t feel this way. My brain just feels detached from my body sometimes. Like, there’s “me” the cognitive entity, then there’s “me” the physical entity
That’s certainly outside of my pool of experiences but you already know what I would suggest for you to do 
#blessed