Am I a Bitch?

Off Topic
261

[quote]Ronan wrote:

[quote]anonym wrote:
twojarslave,

This thread is a fucking train wreck and you are the dipshit going off on someone for suggesting the survivor call 911.

Have fun tilting at windmills… just don’t forget to sheathe your sword before patting yourself on the back for another good deed done, Lancelot.[/quote]
The more thought I’ve given to his post, the more sense it makes that he himself has seeked out help, & doesn’t feel like the term ‘therapy’ should be tossed around w/no regard.
[/quote]
I think what’s telling is that you found no answer to twojarslave’s last post.

Anyway, if you’re upset about people not telling her to seek therapy, it’s because we ALL tried that already. That’s what we all told her to do first in her log, and every time someone does that, she just gets upset and leaves for a couple months. So we just gave up on that pretty much straightaway. It’s very noble of you trying to save her when the rest of us have given up, but in reality you’re just late to the party and a couple steps behind everyone else.

I recommend you give up on trying to get her to see someone as well. I mean you can see the feeling illustrated perfectly in Jewbacca’s posts. We really like Jenn and wanted to see things better for her, but she ignored the obvious solutions in favor of the same self sabotage as always. That gets old incredibly quickly, and the only thing you can really do to maintain your own sanity is stop bothering. You see this a lot even in people’s own families. It is unbelievably frustrating to them.

262

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]Ronan wrote:

[quote]anonym wrote:
twojarslave,

This thread is a fucking train wreck and you are the dipshit going off on someone for suggesting the survivor call 911.

Have fun tilting at windmills… just don’t forget to sheathe your sword before patting yourself on the back for another good deed done, Lancelot.[/quote]
The more thought I’ve given to his post, the more sense it makes that he himself has seeked out help, & doesn’t feel like the term ‘therapy’ should be tossed around w/no regard.
[/quote]
I think what’s telling is that you found no answer to twojarslave’s last post.

Anyway, if you’re upset about people not telling her to seek therapy, it’s because we ALL tried that already. That’s what we all told her to do first in her log, and every time someone does that, she just gets upset and leaves for a couple months. So we just gave up on that pretty much straightaway. It’s very noble of you trying to save her when the rest of us have given up, but in reality you’re just late to the party and a couple steps behind everyone else.

I recommend you give up on trying to get her to see someone as well. I mean you can see the feeling illustrated perfectly in Jewbacca’s posts. We really like Jenn and wanted to see things better for her, but she ignored the obvious solutions in favor of the same self sabotage as always. That gets old incredibly quickly, and the only thing you can really do to maintain your own sanity is stop bothering. You see this a lot even in people’s own families. It is unbelievably frustrating to them.[/quote]

Upset? Nah. Just find it odd since I didn’t give a caregivers attitude in my post that 2Jar decided to call me down. It’s all good… It is after all only the WorldWideWebz.

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[quote]twojarslave:

[/quote]

And you are the voice of reason?

[/quote]

.

264

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]Ronan wrote:

[quote]anonym wrote:
twojarslave,

This thread is a fucking train wreck and you are the dipshit going off on someone for suggesting the survivor call 911.

Have fun tilting at windmills… just don’t forget to sheathe your sword before patting yourself on the back for another good deed done, Lancelot.[/quote]
The more thought I’ve given to his post, the more sense it makes that he himself has seeked out help, & doesn’t feel like the term ‘therapy’ should be tossed around w/no regard.
[/quote]
I think what’s telling is that you found no answer to twojarslave’s last post.

Anyway, if you’re upset about people not telling her to seek therapy, it’s because we ALL tried that already. That’s what we all told her to do first in her log, and every time someone does that, she just gets upset and leaves for a couple months. So we just gave up on that pretty much straightaway. It’s very noble of you trying to save her when the rest of us have given up, but in reality you’re just late to the party and a couple steps behind everyone else.

I recommend you give up on trying to get her to see someone as well. I mean you can see the feeling illustrated perfectly in Jewbacca’s posts. We really like Jenn and wanted to see things better for her, but she ignored the obvious solutions in favor of the same self sabotage as always. That gets old incredibly quickly, and the only thing you can really do to maintain your own sanity is stop bothering. You see this a lot even in people’s own families. It is unbelievably frustrating to them.[/quote]

silent agreement

265

He Spokiegurl!!

I have been following this thread, and just want you to know that i support your decision to follow your heart and provide some caring for this man in your life.

he sounds like a great guy, and you are so AWESOME that you deserve to have someone that cool in your life.

after all, you get out of life, exactly what you put into, it so go for it for all its worth!

dont listen to these naysayers and pop psychologists on this meathead site - they dont get you or who you are, so fuck 'em all~

i get you , and know that you are doing the right thing~

besides, I always tell my self, that the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care!!

(kisses)

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[quote]Edgy wrote:
He Spokiegurl!!

I have been following this thread, and just want you to know that i support your decision to follow your heart and provide some caring for this man in your life.

he sounds like a great guy, and you are so AWESOME that you deserve to have someone that cool in your life.

after all, you get out of life, exactly what you put into, it so go for it for all its worth!

dont listen to these naysayers and pop psychologists on this meathead site - they dont get you or who you are, so fuck 'em all~

i get you , and know that you are doing the right thing~

besides, I always tell my self, that the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care!!

(kisses)[/quote]

268

[quote]Severiano wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:
No such thing as an equal relationship, one always leads and it should be you. [/quote]

You can lead without dominating. You can follow without submitting.[/quote]

No, you cant.[/quote]

No?[/quote]

No, and I find the squirming in this thread to avoid the word “dominance” amusing.

Yall know that it works, you know that women want it, but for some reason it does not sit right.

Either it must be “playful” and “confined to the bedroom”, or conflated with other stuff, or arranged just so that she is effectively dominating from the bottom…

No.

Its ok to go out and conquer, its ok to try to take control of your environment, its ok swoop up a woman and take her along for the ride and its ok to WANT TO.

Its just not easy, especially not in todays society, which is why men are not born but MADE.

If you lead and she follows, you are dominating her and, since you probably do not have her on a leash in your dungeon, she probably stays because that is the way she likes it.[/quote]

I think this is another example of the manosphere/PUA’s tendency to view the world in black and white. I think leadership is the trait that women seek, not dominance. If you lead and she follows, then she is willing to follow - how does that make her “dominated”? What happens when she chooses not to follow in certain circumstances? Does she have to? Will someone’s fragile sense of self be threatened if she balks?

Women like men who are confident and strong. Feminine women tend to be flexible and agreeable by nature, which may suggest that they are pliable. However, I think men also seek strength and confidence in a partner. Strength and confidence in an agreeable and flexible woman suggest she is NOT dominated, but rather following by choice. Pliable only insofar as she is able to be without compromising her own values.

Dominated = cowed.

Even sexually there is room for female aggression, or at least one hopes there is. While I may not be a able to tackle someone to the ground who outweighs me by 80 lbs, I can certainly try - here is where the playful comes in, no? Because my aggression is met with male size and strength. Very sexy, that.
[/quote]

Yeah, thats dancing around the issue.

Also, if a woman tells you how to do it properly she is dominating from the bottom, which is no bueno…

“I listen to you, but I do not obey you” may be aggravating in the short run but it is sexy as hell and you know it.

It is the same as you trying to tackle him and fail, its “run up against big strong man and see if he can take it” just on an emotional level.

Which would be a nice way of explaining what a shittest is. [/quote]

I’m going to take this to the Feelings thread, so as not to further derail this one. Plus, I have feelings about it.[/quote]

So, you don’t like that women are essentialized this way. I don’t either, nor do I like the end idea of PUA, which basically turns women into dogs, always looking to please their master in the sense that one of the goals of their philosophy is to get women to seek approval and gain a sense of push pull gratification. But, it works and a lot of beta/nice guys seek it out. It will get you laid, but it’s not natural or who that, “nice guy” is.

So, how do we change how women essentialize men? Imo women tend to essentialize men in three big categories… The good guy, the bad guy, and the nice guy.

The good guy is outgoing and good, confident, doesn’t seek approval, doesn’t shy away from sexual tension and is generally positive, he likes putting people in a good mood and often people leave his presence smiling. He leaves a woman in limbo because he makes her question whether she is GOOD enough for him, and tries to live up to his standards.

The bad guy basically neglects women and uses push pull to take advantage. He is late, doesn’t call, treats her like shit and puts her in a position where, she thinks she can change him… This is what I noticed off the bat Spock is into.

Then there is the nice guy. This guy is viewed as a big vagina to women. He rarely has his own opinion and agrees with everything she says. He shows off the bat that he is attracted, leaving no room for a chase and women get bored. Or, he doesn’t sexually escalate once she’s become comfortable.

What’s messed up about this is, the comfort zone is where people can really get to know one another. But, if the guy doesn’t escalate past the comfort zone he’s friendzoned. So, as a result a lot of guys just hook up and find out later whether she is a bitch or not, and she finds out whether he’s a total asshole, or not. I’ve been saying we don’t really know one another, or get a chance to know one another until after we have hooked up… Hooking up itself is mostly facade, you don’t know a persons character with introductions, but with a BIT of time. You don’t know a persons cracks or weaknesses really until you’ve known them for a few months.

Why are men essentialized into these 3 categories? Do you do agree with them? [/quote]

As with my criticism to orion, I think your three categories are fine, but lacking in depth. Too black and white. A good guy can’t be friend-zoned? A nice guy can’t get a woman who’s looking to lead? And what of the timid, slow-moving woman? Who is for her? Not the nice guy falsely pushing; that would offend her.

269

choo choooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

270

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]pat wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]pat wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

You’ll get that special one, don’t worry. And when you do, they tend to not go anywhere, ever. They keep being there whether you like it or not. You soon find out, they aren’t that special after all. They are gross and flawed like everybody else and that which endured you, will annoy the living shit out of you. This story repeats millions of times.

You think you want ‘the one’ now and be done. You don’t. Because once they are there, you’re stuck. You want to go out, do what you always did before, but now you can’t. This whole compromise thing has got you tied down. It’s the oldest story in the book next to prostitution.

This is one of the most depressing things I’ve ever read. : (
[/quote]

It’s not depressing, it’s the real world. If you think there is such thing as eternal bliss and happiness and walking on cloud 9 all the time, you are going to be married and divorce many times.

True love abandons the self and focuses on the other. True love endures. It means you do stuff you don’t like. It means that you trade the “wow” for yourself and you serve the other. True love sits in the ER for 12 hours because your in-law got sick. Compromise means you are giving something up constantly.

It really depends on whether you want to be married for 50 years, or you just need somebody to make you feel good about yourself for a little while. Til death do we part is a long time and it endures much. This is reality. It’s not depressing it’s the fact that the ‘ooo’ and the ‘aah’ eventually wanes. Let’s see what you think love is when you are with the same person for 7,300 days.
[/quote]

I had to get my calculator out - I believe I’ve put in the requisite 7,300 days. We divorced for reasons that were valid despite my willingness to focus on another. It was the right decision. I hope that I will be able now to choose someone more alike to myself and bring the joy and devotion to a good match that I did to a mismatch. I hope my ex will do the same (he’s not very joyous, but he’s got other good qualities).

I honestly believe that I sound more enthusiastic about a marriage that I left than one you call “true love.” I don’t mean to be critical, truly, but I stand by my “depressing.” Nothing you’ve written above makes me think otherwise.

[/quote]

You were married for 20 years? Dang, your older than I thought.
Hey I am not judging your past experience. I get it, sometimes there is no other alternative. Nobody deserves to be absolutely miserable the rest of their lives. Whatever happened, happened and I am sure you did not divorce willy-nilly.
All I am saying, is of all the things about relationships that can be, the biggest thing is hard work, every damn day. There are no days off. If you don’t put in the work, sacrifice, and put others ahead of yourself, you will be miserable.
Relationships are fun, in the beginning. That preps you to endure the rest of the ups and downs.
If you aren’t prepared to put in the work, don’t get married. Anybody who has been married for a long time will say the same things. It’s not easy it’s hard. But if you put the work in, it’s worth it. You are much happier in the end.
If you think I am wrong and relationships shouldn’t be that hard, your in for a big shock or a long painful ride.
If that sounds depressing, too bad. That’s the way it is. It’s the same for everybody. Nobody is better at it than anybody else. You don’t have the magic key to the magic door that will do it ‘different’ than you parents or anybody else.
You want a lasting relationship, be prepared to put in 100%, and sometimes you have to put in 150%, while your partner only puts in 50%.
Sure have your fun in the beginning. It’s always fun in the beginning.
[/quote]

I don’t know Pat; I’ve been happily married for nearly 19 years, and what you describe is a lot more unpleasant that what I’ve experienced.

Yes, it takes SOME work, but there is just as much (if not more) fun to be had.[/quote]

I don’t see this as an unpleasant description of relationships at all. I don’t think it’s depressing or anything. It’s realistic, it’s true and if anything it’s rewarding.
Relationships are hard. And quite frankly I see more people fail than succeed. And all this “happiness” they are showing to the world is nothing more than a veneer. I have seen “happy” marriages come apart at the seams time and time again. If you hang around long enough, half the people you know will get divorced. They may well be the ones you thought the happiest.

And I have some weird quality about me where people like to sit down and tell me their deepest darkest secrets. I have heard more than I ever cared to from both parties, bitching about each other to me, for some unknown reason. I sure as hell don’t ask, they just tell me. I don’t know what about my face compels people to confess this shit to me, but it’s happened a lot; even from people I didn’t know particularly well. Their secrets are safe with me, I usually forget cause I never wanted to know. But I learned that most people aren’t happy in their relationships. The main reason is the other does not fulfill all their needs, what ever they are. They never look at what they have, only what they are missing.

I figured out the number one problem in relationships, the one disease that kills them all. Selfishness.

271

@ Pat Garcia,

And unfortunately addicts, alchoholcs and people who suffer from mental illness are the most selfish people on the planet.

272

.

273

[quote]MattyXL wrote:

[quote]HeavyTriple wrote:
I’m just waiting for the next time this thread happens in 2 months, which will be about the 100th such thread from Spock. I’m pretty sure she’s ascended to master troll status at this point.[/quote]

x2. [/quote]

x3

Holy shit how did I miss this?

274

[quote]RATTLEHEAD wrote:

[quote]MattyXL wrote:

[quote]HeavyTriple wrote:
I’m just waiting for the next time this thread happens in 2 months, which will be about the 100th such thread from Spock. I’m pretty sure she’s ascended to master troll status at this point.[/quote]

x2. [/quote]

x3

Holy shit how did I miss this? [/quote]
Maybe. Although I think this time she may be gone for good.

275

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]RATTLEHEAD wrote:

[quote]MattyXL wrote:

[quote]HeavyTriple wrote:
I’m just waiting for the next time this thread happens in 2 months, which will be about the 100th such thread from Spock. I’m pretty sure she’s ascended to master troll status at this point.[/quote]

x2. [/quote]

x3

Holy shit how did I miss this? [/quote]
Maybe. Although I think this time she may be gone for good.[/quote]

I wouldn’t imagine so.

It seemed she was gone for good last time after being told she needed a tit job, and yet she came back.

276

[quote]pat wrote:
half the people you know will get divorced.
[/quote]

For the 63rd time on this site; about 1/3 of the couples you know will diverse. The diverse stat is skewed by a few people who repeatedly marry and diverse.

277

My parents got diverced when I was a wee lad. Its my theory that children who had parents who got diverced when they were young are much more likely to get diverced when they get married.

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]pat wrote:
half the people you know will get divorced.
[/quote]

For the 63rd time on this site; about 1/3 of the couples you know will diverse. The diverse stat is skewed by a few people who repeatedly marry and diverse.[/quote]

278

[quote]TheJonty wrote:

[quote]sen say wrote:
I scrolled through this whole fucking thread and didn’t see one pic of you…let alone one of you in a bikini or bra and panties…so…4 years ago I would have said you were a bitch as I would have assumed all the comments were my T-Brothers saying No Pics No Advice…however all my T-Brothers have left and all that remains are the waste of their panties (RIP Analog Kid)…so…enjoy sharing your feelings with these homoez.[/quote]
She’s put up pics of herself before, but yeah, times have changed. You’re officially one of the crotchety old bastards.[/quote]

Then that makes me a crotchety old bastard, too. And I’ve only been around since '09. It used to be that a thread like this would make it about half a page before someone chimed in, usually me, with “ass-to-mouth or it didn’t happen”, followed by overt sexual harassment, hurt feelings, accusations of misogyny, sexism, masochism, and obesity, and a general tailspin into crude insults and cock jokes.

Those were the days…

279

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]pat wrote:
half the people you know will get divorced.
[/quote]

For the 63rd time on this site; about 1/3 of the couples you know will diverse. The diverse stat is skewed by a few people who repeatedly marry and diverse.[/quote]

What the fuck does diversity have to do with the divorce rate in this country?

280

[quote]DBCooper wrote:

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]pat wrote:
half the people you know will get divorced.
[/quote]

For the 63rd time on this site; about 1/3 of the couples you know will diverse. The diverse stat is skewed by a few people who repeatedly marry and diverse.[/quote]

What the fuck does diversity have to do with the divorce rate in this country?[/quote]
lol