Advice About My Kid

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[quote]orion wrote:
There is something, and I will get shat on for this but, here I go…

Dont get me wrong, best of luck with a difficult situation.

But, not getting in it the first place, that would have been nice?

I mean, he did not turn into a turd over night, he was exactly that from the beginning.

Unfortunately, that does get da panteez wet.

The best thing would have been to not have sex with him at all (yeah, I am an asshole) but if it was inevitable to use contraception (yeah, again, asshole, me), or finally abortion, adoption, the whole shebang.

Kids who grow up without a somewhat decent father have shitty cards in live and I do have a rough idea what I am talking about, I have nothing to say regarding dealing with his father, but this boy needs a male role model like a starving refugee needs bread. [/quote]
Son of a bitch…

Having gone 7 years without falling for another shitty man like this guy I think she’s learned her lesson without your help.

Unless you’re in the process of inventing a time machine, your post is pretty fucking useless. Also given how much she love’s her son I doubt Jenn would have changed a thing anyway. It’s just something people have to deal with sometimes. If you have nothing to say regarding the kid’s father (which is the problem and the point of the thread), then you probably shoulda just kept your goddamn mouth shut.

Also don’t tell people it would have been best had they aborted their kid for fuck’s sake.

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[quote]orion wrote:
[T]his boy needs a male role model like a starving refugee needs bread. [/quote]

Well, I do agree with this part.

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[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:
[T]his boy needs a male role model like a starving refugee needs steak. [/quote]

Well, I do agree with this part.[/quote]
Me too

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[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:
[T]his boy needs a male role model like a starving refugee needs bread. [/quote]

Well, I do agree with this part.[/quote]

Yep, sports, scouting, Big Brothers, cool uncles, whatever. Get him consistently around one or more solid, positive dudes ASAP.

IMO this is really helpful for a little guy who has a good dad in the picture and it’s imperative when that is absent. No matter how great a mom you are, you simply cannot be that to him. Women cannot initiate boys into manhood any more than men can breast feed. Their simply not built for it.

As far as whether or not you should have gotten together with the guy in the first place, as well as being moot, it bears remembering that only you two together on that day could have produced the person that your son is. Unless you would wish your son out of existence, you cannot wish that you had made a different choice in that regard.

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[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]Spock81 wrote:
Wow, honestly I think this thread has restored my faith in humanity.

Some really wonderful posts in here, and I really appreciate everyone taking the time to respond to me.

I know right now in my kid’s eyes I am mother of the year just because I play minecraft with him every night, LOl. He is my best friend you know? I have never known anyone I could hang out with or talk with quite like him. And I guess maintaining that type of bond is probably the most important factor in the long run.

Really, thanks again friends.
I do feel quite relieved even though the situation is still pretty shit-tackular. Like not quite so useless I suppose. [/quote]

You dont even have a Blaze or Skeleton XP farm.

I have both.

Plus Diamond boots.

There is something, and I will get shat on for this but, here I go…

Dont get me wrong, best of luck with a difficult situation.

But, not getting in it the first place, that would have been nice?

I mean, he did not turn into a turd over night, he was exactly that from the beginning.

Unfortunately, that does get da panteez wet.

The best thing would have been to not have sex with him at all (yeah, I am an asshole) but if it was inevitable to use contraception (yeah, again, asshole, me), or finally abortion, adoption, the whole shebang.

Kids who grow up without a somewhat decent father have shitty cards in live and I do have a rough idea what I am talking about, I have nothing to say regarding dealing with his father, but this boy needs a male role model like a starving refugee needs bread. [/quote]

I agree completely but in all fairness, she was something like 16 at the time.

Hey Jen, is it too late to charge him with rape or anything? What’s the age of consent there?

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[quote]orion wrote:
or finally abortion, adoption, the whole shebang.
[/quote]

If only your mother could have taken her unborn sons advice.

For someone who acts like he’s got it all figured out, you seem pretty focused on controlling things that are completely out of any of our control. You know, like, the past.

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[quote]rrjc5488 wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:
or finally abortion, adoption, the whole shebang.
[/quote]

If only your mother could have taken her unborn sons advice.

For someone who acts like he’s got it all figured out, you seem pretty focused on controlling things that are completely out of any of our control. You know, like, the past.[/quote]

Well, they are in our control.

I get that once it has happened it is a fact of life, but this is a circle that goes round and round and round…

Meaning, stuff like this will happen over and over again, with the same predictable problems, and it does make sense to repeat over and over again that bearing the child of HarleyMcBadboyAlpha gets a bit difficult down the road.

But lets be constructive:

The worst thing she could do is to make sure that her boy “will not be like his Dad.”.

That produces promise keepers:

I would know, I was one.

My Dad bedded around 100 women on a conservative estimate, and I tried so hard not to be like him and for a time I succeeded so spectacularly.

A boy raised by a woman alone will fall for the female imperative hook, line and sinker.

While she might think that it is right because it feels right to her, it might cripple him for life emotionally.

This is not something she can entirely control either, she has emotional needs and her kid is fine tuned to pick up on them, he has no choice.

He needs, needs, needs a male role model as a counter weight.

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[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:
There is something, and I will get shat on for this but, here I go…

Dont get me wrong, best of luck with a difficult situation.

But, not getting in it the first place, that would have been nice?

I mean, he did not turn into a turd over night, he was exactly that from the beginning.

Unfortunately, that does get da panteez wet.

The best thing would have been to not have sex with him at all (yeah, I am an asshole) but if it was inevitable to use contraception (yeah, again, asshole, me), or finally abortion, adoption, the whole shebang.

Kids who grow up without a somewhat decent father have shitty cards in live and I do have a rough idea what I am talking about, I have nothing to say regarding dealing with his father, but this boy needs a male role model like a starving refugee needs bread. [/quote]
Son of a bitch…

Having gone 7 years without falling for another shitty man like this guy I think she’s learned her lesson without your help.

Unless you’re in the process of inventing a time machine, your post is pretty fucking useless. Also given how much she love’s her son I doubt Jenn would have changed a thing anyway. It’s just something people have to deal with sometimes. If you have nothing to say regarding the kid’s father (which is the problem and the point of the thread), then you probably shoulda just kept your goddamn mouth shut.

Also don’t tell people it would have been best had they aborted their kid for fuck’s sake.[/quote]

Its nice that you zero in on this, but personal responsibility starts so much earlier, like not banging AlphaMcDouchebag, or BillyGarageBandDrummer, or, like condoms.

I think that should be the bulk of preventive measures, but you had to go all girly on me, didnt you?

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[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:
There is something, and I will get shat on for this but, here I go…

Dont get me wrong, best of luck with a difficult situation.

But, not getting in it the first place, that would have been nice?

I mean, he did not turn into a turd over night, he was exactly that from the beginning.

Unfortunately, that does get da panteez wet.

The best thing would have been to not have sex with him at all (yeah, I am an asshole) but if it was inevitable to use contraception (yeah, again, asshole, me), or finally abortion, adoption, the whole shebang.

Kids who grow up without a somewhat decent father have shitty cards in live and I do have a rough idea what I am talking about, I have nothing to say regarding dealing with his father, but this boy needs a male role model like a starving refugee needs bread. [/quote]
Son of a bitch…

Having gone 7 years without falling for another shitty man like this guy I think she’s learned her lesson without your help.

Unless you’re in the process of inventing a time machine, your post is pretty fucking useless. Also given how much she love’s her son I doubt Jenn would have changed a thing anyway. It’s just something people have to deal with sometimes. If you have nothing to say regarding the kid’s father (which is the problem and the point of the thread), then you probably shoulda just kept your goddamn mouth shut.

Also don’t tell people it would have been best had they aborted their kid for fuck’s sake.[/quote]

Also…

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[quote]orion wrote:
Its nice that you zero in on this, but personal responsibility starts so much earlier, like not banging AlphaMcDouchebag, or BillyGarageBandDrummer[/quote]
I agree, but there’s a difference between trying to teach someone personal responsibility and kicking them when they’re down.

[quote]orion wrote:
you had to go all girly on me, didnt you?[/quote]
Yes. Yes I did. You know I agree with just about all your logic on how things work between the sexes. The difference I think between you and me though is I actually derive some kinda sadistic pleasure in having to make a greater sacrifice for the entitled damsels. I think that’s what men were made for; to bear the burden. Evolutionarily women are more important, and it’s always cool to be the underdog.

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[quote]csulli wrote:

Yes. Yes I did. You know I agree with just about all your logic on how things work between the sexes. The difference I think between you and me though is I actually derive some kinda sadistic pleasure in having to make a greater sacrifice for the entitled damsels. I think that’s what men were made for; to bear the burden. Evolutionarily women are more important, and it’s always cool to be the underdog.[/quote]

Do that for a few years and you will end up just where I am at.

You are aware, you see, things dont just happen.

You can only play the court jester for so long, and that is the role assigned to you.

Well, that and plough horse.

Or, worse, oxen.

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Ok, what I am going to say is maybe not the most evident things to hear.

At his age, wanting to kill his father is a “normal” unconscious process in the Oedipus. The fact that he is expressing it is disturbing but in my opinion (I am not a psychiatrist, just studying) he may be just expressing his fantasy of killing the father and loving the mother.

The fact that he is freely expressing it to you is another issue. I am stepfather myself and struggle in taking the father’s role instead of the “good friend” role… It s difficult to put clear limits to a kid behavior. However, he needs the limits.

If it was me, I would ask “why ?” but say “You cannot do this / I don’t want to hear this / You have to respect your father”. Remember that at its age, he is not able to clearly dissociate facts / actions / limits, he is trying to build his limits. As long that he does not perpetrate violence (self violence or violence to other people), it is not alarming.

Due to the difficult context, it would be wise to seek advice from a counselor or a child psychiatrist.

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[quote]orion wrote:
Do that for a few years and you will end up just where I am at.

You are aware, you see, things dont just happen.

You can only play the court jester for so long, and that is the role assigned to you.

Well, that and plough horse.

Or, worse, oxen. [/quote]
See oxen sounds the best though. Oxen are badass. They’re the only animal I know of to have a “strong as…” saying attached to them.

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[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:
Do that for a few years and you will end up just where I am at.

You are aware, you see, things dont just happen.

You can only play the court jester for so long, and that is the role assigned to you.

Well, that and plough horse.

Or, worse, oxen. [/quote]
See oxen sounds the best though. Oxen are badass. They’re the only animal I know of to have a “strong as…” saying attached to them.[/quote]

They are also castrated, which in a world where women hava bit too much power simply will not do.

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Great scott! This thread changed slightly overnight…

Yes, yes, I am well aware that my young virgin self made some really stupid fucking decisions way back when.
It’s not like I look back and think, ya know Jenn, fucking that horrible person without ever using protection for 2 months straight was a really wise move and made a lot of sense at the time. Being so young and without financial security and all…

But then again, it’s not like I really look back and think FUCK you stupid bitch, how could you be so retarded?! You messed up your whole life!! You created this fucking child who is going to go through life with emotional issues and wreak havoc on society when he gets older!!

I just don’t really look back.
This is my reality, and if it wasn’t this, there’d surely be some other hardships and stresses to deal with.
But if I had to chose, I’d chose this one because I think Gabe is going to have a good life and be a good person, not because I fight like hell to keep him from becoming life his father, just because I think he is naturally just a kind, caring individual.

You know his teacher told me at the year end assembly he was going to be winning an award for his character and that I should come. I thought that was cute all the little kids got some random awards to make them feel special, but when I got there, I didn’t see any of the other parents from gabe’s class. It was just a random mixture of about 30 of us. I asked my mom where all the other mom’s from gabe’s class were and she was like “…Uhh… not everyone is getting an award, Jenn”

It was just a few select children, and none of the other ones got awards for their character. Some got it for reading and other shit like that, but gabe was singled out because of how honorably he conducted himself.
I honestly never had to work so hard to fight back tears when I realized that. I have never felt so proud in my entire life. I do not have to do anything to ensure he will not be like his father. He’s his own unique individual, and I really don’t feel the need to worry about that.

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[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:
Its nice that you zero in on this, but personal responsibility starts so much earlier, like not banging AlphaMcDouchebag, or BillyGarageBandDrummer[/quote]
I agree, but there’s a difference between trying to teach someone personal responsibility and kicking them when they’re down.

[quote]orion wrote:
you had to go all girly on me, didnt you?[/quote]
Yes. Yes I did. You know I agree with just about all your logic on how things work between the sexes. The difference I think between you and me though is I actually derive some kinda sadistic pleasure in having to make a greater sacrifice for the entitled damsels. I think that’s what men were made for; to bear the burden. Evolutionarily women are more important, and it’s always cool to be the underdog.[/quote]

This is OK IMO, some of the time. However, it cannot form real basis for a healthy relationship or social dynamic, which is where we’ve gotten off the rails. Rendering voluntary service to your lady is good, right and honourable. Being bonded in perpetual servitude to her based on some flawed and incomplete romantic notion is as damaging to her as it is to you, even if it seems to be to her advantage in the short term.

Sometimes when she gives you shit or demands sacrifice, it’s good to bear it with humour, grace and long suffering. Sometimes it’s necessary to push back. Men are for bearing burdens, but they’re also for maintaining boundaries. If you cannot or will not uphold your own boundaries in at least some of your dealings with her, you are not fulfilling this critical part of your male heritage. If you yield completely every time she pushes you are letting yourself down, but you are also letting her down. I suppose this is what Orion refers to as a “shittest”. It is real, IME, and women, even good ones, can’t seem to help but do it from time to time. They need you to stand up and hold the line. Boys need to see you stand up and hold the line. Society needs you to stand up and hold the line. You need to stand up and hold the line. Sometimes.

As Orion pointed out, an Ox is an animal that lives out it’s days in drudgery and castrated servitude doing the bidding of others, however “strong” they may be. You seem like a bright guy, I would urge you to set your sights a little higher.

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[quote]Spock81 wrote:
ity, and if it wasn’t this, there’d surely be some other hardships and stresses to deal with.
But if I had to chose, I’d chose this one because I think Gabe is going to have a good life and be a good person, not because I fight like hell to keep him from becoming life his father, just because I think he is naturally just a kind, caring individual.
[/quote]

My mother fought like hell to make me as much not like my father like it was humanly possible.

She did not even succeed 100%, the 30 to 40% she could accomplish were more then enough to fuck up a lot of things for me.

And this kind caring stuff, it did not do me a lick of good.

Honestly, you cannot make a man out of him, just some sort of effeminized Beta schmuck.

Which is exactly what you did not fall for.

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For the record I wanna be a non-castrated ox.

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[quote]csulli wrote:
For the record I wanna be a non-castrated ox.[/quote]

That would be a bull.