Advice About My Kid

Off Topic
61

[quote]Spock81 wrote:
Should I really be trying to speak positively to him about his father and try to convince him that he’s kind/wonderful/should be loved when it would all be a blatant lie? I would feel as though I were deceiving him. I thought I was doing the right thing by supporting him and letting him know it’s okay to feel however he feels.[/quote]

OK, here is the advice from someone who effectively your son many moons ago.

  1. Yeah, lie a little, or at least bend the truth. Your son is 1/2 this POS and will have traits from him. He will identify with the father and his hatred of his father is also hatred of himself. The father had some good qualities or you would not have slept with him. Talk about those. My mom always talked about how charming my father was to her and how smart he was. Yeah, he was charming to basically any good looking woman he might bed – and I have 11 1/2 brothers and sisters from 8 different women as a result — but emphasize the positive.

  2. Get good male role models around him, ASAP. I had a great step-father and a great maternal grandfather. We did guy things like hunting, fishing, and building cars. CRITICAL.

Ideas: sports teams, Boy Scouts, church groups.

  1. Never been a counseling type, but, go for it just to steal coping ideas.

  2. I have several good friends that went to military school (New Mexico Military Institute). This may sound a bit hard, but it really gave boys who had no structure really good structure. Plus, they all ended up being total quiet badasses in the best way possible. All ended up entrepenuers, doctors, lawyers, and only one lifetime professional soldier.

+++++

There are going to be issues with your son. I am probably about as bad as Orion’s father (and my father) with my tendancy to sleep around. I’ve got this under control, but it required my life to get really fucked up.

62

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:
I’ve got this under control[/quote]
for serious?

63

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:
I’ve got this under control[/quote]
for serious?[/quote]

Indeed. Even flushed a fake paternity case, just today, in fact.

(Got the negative results, anyway, which I knew would be the result. Official aperwork floating through system. Lawyer says will be final in 30 days or so.)

64

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:
I’ve got this under control, but it required my life to get really fucked up.[/quote]

Soooo ehem… any chance you’re no longer mad at a certain someone? Maybe even feeing a bit of gratitude?

66

Jenn,

I really think you should be listening closely to what Ruff has been saying in this thread. My life, both growing up and with children has always been the complete family picture so I don’t have direct experience, but my 48 years of general life experience tells my Ruff is right on.

Another poster a page or so back talked about how his mom handled a similar hand she was delt in life. I’d say that poster’s mom hit the nail on the head too.

67

[quote]orion wrote:
The worst thing she could do is to make sure that her boy “will not be like his Dad.”.
[/quote]

It sounds like the boys dad is a total piece of shit. You can be “alpha” as you like to put it, without being a total piece of shit. AngryChicken, David DeAngelo, Tucker Max ALL recommend not being a piece of shit liar to bed women.

I agree with this, but your first post was still about as cunty as it gets.

Spock, as much as I hate to agree with this, you’re in a situation where you CAN cripple Gabe emotionally. It’s what happened to me (and possibly my two brothers) growing up with a mom who raised us by herself (past ages 9, 13, and 15, respectively). Your motherly instinct will be to coddle him (like my mom did us) because of how he feels about certain things (namely his dad), but too much coddling is what turns boys into the ‘effeminate betas’ that Orion speaks of. You don’t want him being that, nor does he. I promise. I’ve got a laundry list of emotional issues from my mom that you won’t want for you or your son, and at some times, those issues have turned into flat out resentment and anger towards her.

I’m sure, that as a mother, it’s hard watching your son fall on his ass and make mistakes, but it’s what he needs. It’s part of growing up as a boy. (I think it was AngryChicken who said “the most dangerous boy is one who grew up without scrapes on his knees” or something to that effect, but I could be wrong.) And for the record, the ‘scrapes on his knees’ are meant as both literally and figuratively.

Reading Iron John, in my (humble, non-parent) opinion, would be one of the healthiest things you could do regarding raising Gabe. Which is obviously why I recommended it in the first place.

I think the whole “mother knows best” adage, in the case of a single mother, can be complete bullshit, if not completely damaging to a boy.

This is really the best lesson you can take home. You’ve responded since some of the other recommendations, but haven’t mentioned if you have brothers/male friends/male role models that could spend some time with him. If you do, I will second/third/whatever number that he starts spending some time with him.

From your post about him winning an award for his character (which speaks volumes about what sort of parent you are - “it’s incredibly hard to get a child to listen to his parents, but incredibly easy for them to get him to act like his parents”), it sounds like he’s a great kid. Maybe introduce him to something like the wounded warrior project where it would be mutually beneficial. Although, he might be too young for something like that - I really don’t know.

68

I see you in the park, you’re always wearing Dodger blue.

69

Maddoggin me and anyone from any other crew…

70

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
Maddoggin me and anyone from any other crew…
[/quote]

You win.

71

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
Maddoggin me and anyone from any other crew…
[/quote]

You win.

[/quote]
!???!

I didn’t know something like that could be won.

My kid loves the Chili Peppers. He grabs on to the speaker and dances to the beat.

One of my favorites-

72

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:
I’ve got this under control, but it required my life to get really fucked up.[/quote]

Soooo ehem… any chance you’re no longer mad at a certain someone? Maybe even feeing a bit of gratitude?[/quote]

Unlikely.

On the bright side, I have for sale a slightly used platinum engagement ring, lady’s size 7, 4.5 carret center stone (round but squarish – think it’s called “pillow”), VVS1, F color (slight blue in my eyes), with two 3/4 triangle shaped side stones, same quality.

Looks like this:

Serious enquiries only.

73

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:
4.5 carat center stone[/quote]
That is motherfucking enormous.

74

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:
I’ve got this under control, but it required my life to get really fucked up.[/quote]

Soooo ehem… any chance you’re no longer mad at a certain someone? Maybe even feeing a bit of gratitude?[/quote]

Unlikely.

On the bright side, I have for sale a slightly used platinum engagement ring, lady’s size 7, 4.5 carret center stone (round but squarish – think it’s called “pillow”), VVS1, F color (slight blue in my eyes), with two 3/4 triangle shaped side stones, same quality.

Looks like this:

Serious enquiries only.[/quote]
Hold on I keep thinking more about this, how the fuck much did that cost? Is that not like a quarter of a million dollar ring?

75

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:
I’ve got this under control, but it required my life to get really fucked up.[/quote]

Soooo ehem… any chance you’re no longer mad at a certain someone? Maybe even feeing a bit of gratitude?[/quote]

Unlikely.

On the bright side, I have for sale a slightly used platinum engagement ring, lady’s size 7, 4.5 carret center stone (round but squarish – think it’s called “pillow”), VVS1, F color (slight blue in my eyes), with two 3/4 triangle shaped side stones, same quality.

Looks like this:

Serious enquiries only.[/quote]
Hold on I keep thinking more about this, how the fuck much did that cost? Is that not like a quarter of a million dollar ring?[/quote]

$44,895 plus tax. I do have retail appraisals for a lot more (one because insurance demanded it), but nothing like what you are talking.

76

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:
I’ve got this under control, but it required my life to get really fucked up.[/quote]

Soooo ehem… any chance you’re no longer mad at a certain someone? Maybe even feeing a bit of gratitude?[/quote]

Unlikely.

On the bright side, I have for sale a slightly used platinum engagement ring, lady’s size 7, 4.5 carret center stone (round but squarish – think it’s called “pillow”), VVS1, F color (slight blue in my eyes), with two 3/4 triangle shaped side stones, same quality.

Looks like this:

Serious enquiries only.[/quote]
Hold on I keep thinking more about this, how the fuck much did that cost? Is that not like a quarter of a million dollar ring?[/quote]

$44,895 plus tax. I do have retail appraisals for a lot more (one because insurance demanded it), but nothing like what you are talking.[/quote]
Huh. I thought a diamond of that size and quality was like insanely expensive. Isn’t 4.5 carats like practically half an inch across?

77

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:
I’ve got this under control, but it required my life to get really fucked up.[/quote]

Soooo ehem… any chance you’re no longer mad at a certain someone? Maybe even feeing a bit of gratitude?[/quote]

Unlikely.

On the bright side, I have for sale a slightly used platinum engagement ring, lady’s size 7, 4.5 carret center stone (round but squarish – think it’s called “pillow”), VVS1, F color (slight blue in my eyes), with two 3/4 triangle shaped side stones, same quality.

Looks like this:

Serious enquiries only.[/quote]
Hold on I keep thinking more about this, how the fuck much did that cost? Is that not like a quarter of a million dollar ring?[/quote]

$44,895 plus tax. I do have retail appraisals for a lot more (one because insurance demanded it), but nothing like what you are talking.[/quote]

Good god! I gave my wife my grandmother’s engagement ring ($0) and asked her to pick out her own wedding band (the sky was the limit). She picked a $10 band. Shipping was included.

78

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:
I’ve got this under control, but it required my life to get really fucked up.[/quote]

Soooo ehem… any chance you’re no longer mad at a certain someone? Maybe even feeing a bit of gratitude?[/quote]

Unlikely.

On the bright side, I have for sale a slightly used platinum engagement ring, lady’s size 7, 4.5 carret center stone (round but squarish – think it’s called “pillow”), VVS1, F color (slight blue in my eyes), with two 3/4 triangle shaped side stones, same quality.

Looks like this:

Serious enquiries only.[/quote]
Hold on I keep thinking more about this, how the fuck much did that cost? Is that not like a quarter of a million dollar ring?[/quote]

$44,895 plus tax. I do have retail appraisals for a lot more (one because insurance demanded it), but nothing like what you are talking.[/quote]
Huh. I thought a diamond of that size and quality was like insanely expensive. Isn’t 4.5 carats like practically half an inch across?[/quote]

More like a 1/4 to 1/3 of an inch, I think. It gets bigger in all directions, not just across.

I can measure it when I get home, maybe put a dime or something next to it so you can see the size, if you really care.

79

[quote]setto222 wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:
I’ve got this under control, but it required my life to get really fucked up.[/quote]

Soooo ehem… any chance you’re no longer mad at a certain someone? Maybe even feeing a bit of gratitude?[/quote]

Unlikely.

On the bright side, I have for sale a slightly used platinum engagement ring, lady’s size 7, 4.5 carret center stone (round but squarish – think it’s called “pillow”), VVS1, F color (slight blue in my eyes), with two 3/4 triangle shaped side stones, same quality.

Looks like this:

Serious enquiries only.[/quote]
Hold on I keep thinking more about this, how the fuck much did that cost? Is that not like a quarter of a million dollar ring?[/quote]

$44,895 plus tax. I do have retail appraisals for a lot more (one because insurance demanded it), but nothing like what you are talking.[/quote]

Good god! I gave my wife my grandmother’s engagement ring ($0) and asked her to pick out her own wedding band (the sky was the limit). She picked a $10 band. Shipping was included. [/quote]

Very nice. Not an option I had for many reasons.

80

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:
I’ve got this under control, but it required my life to get really fucked up.[/quote]

Soooo ehem… any chance you’re no longer mad at a certain someone? Maybe even feeing a bit of gratitude?[/quote]

Unlikely.

On the bright side, I have for sale a slightly used platinum engagement ring, lady’s size 7, 4.5 carret center stone (round but squarish – think it’s called “pillow”), VVS1, F color (slight blue in my eyes), with two 3/4 triangle shaped side stones, same quality.

Looks like this:

Serious enquiries only.[/quote]
Hold on I keep thinking more about this, how the fuck much did that cost? Is that not like a quarter of a million dollar ring?[/quote]

$44,895 plus tax. I do have retail appraisals for a lot more (one because insurance demanded it), but nothing like what you are talking.[/quote]
Huh. I thought a diamond of that size and quality was like insanely expensive. Isn’t 4.5 carats like practically half an inch across?[/quote]

More like a 1/4 to 1/3 of an inch, I think. It gets bigger in all directions, not just across.

I can measure it when I get home, maybe put a dime or something next to it so you can see the size, if you really care.[/quote]

I care. Just out of curiousity, would love to see what a $50,000 diamond looks like.