You know you’re a T-Nation Man when…
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You ask your girlfriend to spot you while you take the groceries out of the car trunk.
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You can name all the Mr Olympias, in order, from Larry Scott through to Ronnie Coleman, but you can’t name the last 5 presidents/prime ministers of your country.
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You know the amount of protein and fat there is in 100gr of every mammal, reptile, fish or bird on Earth, but you can’t remember your mum’s cell phone number.
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Your best friend confesses that he’s cheated; you tell him it’s OK, to get back on track and not to worry so long as he follows Berardi’s 90% rule.
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You can squat 400lbs in the morning, but can’t get up from the sofa in the afternoon.
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You’ll have 7 meals a day, but won’t eat even one donut.
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You’re no good at maths, but you know for sure that 3x10 is not the same as 6x5.
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You know 173 ways to cook chicken breast. And you still hate it!
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You drink so much green tea they’re going to name a Chinese province after you.
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You have two fridges in your house: one for your food, and one for the rest of your family’s.
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A PC meal is not about eating politically correct food.
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Your house is burning and the only things you think of rescuing are your training log and your Foreman Grill.
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You ask a girl at a party her dead-lift PR before asking for her phone number.
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Having watched Rocky 25 times is not excessive. Having watched Titanic once, is.
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Your reply to every training question a newbie asks you is “eat, lift, eat, sleep, eat, lift, repeat.”
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Grow! is not just something you shout at plants.
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Your work mates comment on how hot some girl is, and you mutter something about her calves not being in proportion to her quads.
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You know where your ITB and VMOs are.
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You can actually spell iliotibial.
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You don’t consider waxing your chest gay.
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Wearing a pink polo shirt with the collar up, is. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)
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You think veins are sexy.
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You buy your T-shirts 2 sizes too small and tell the shop assistant they’re for your little brother.
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Your wife/girlfriend thinks you’re having an online affair with a woman called Cris.
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You’ll jot down every rep you make and every calorie you eat in your logbooks, but you won’t write down the date and time of your children?s’ dental appointments.
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You own a copy of Pumping Iron - Special 25th Anniversary Edition. You just haven’t told anyone about it.
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You don’t have meals, you have feeds.
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You spend 10 minutes at the grocery store comparing every single packet of pasta to make sure you buy the one with the most fibre and least carbs.
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You’ll consider dolphins collateral damage in your war against scrawniness if your supermarket is out of dolphin-friendly tuna.
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Testosterone is your favourite hormone.
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You actually have a favourite hormone.
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You find your car parked in by another car, you don’t start honking your horn, you dead-lift the obstructing car out of the way.
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You know exactly what you’ll be eating two Thursdays from now at 4:00pm.
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You’ll pay $100 to delay your flight to Cancun by 1 day because you hadn’t carbbed up properly after your 12 week cutting program.
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You have a T-shirt with a big, colourful mandrill on it. And you’re not embarrassed of wearing it.
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You can estimate somebody’s bodyfat % up to 2 decimal places buy simply looking at a blurry photo of them on the net.
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You know T-Dawg is not a rapper.
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You’ve tried living off nothing but protein shakes, fish oil and flaxseed for a month at least once in your life; and you still think Chris Shugart is not crazy.
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You went to John Berardi’s Calorie Calculator when you first joined T-Nation, and entered your stats 3 times because you thought it was broken when it told you you needed 5398 kcals for maintenance.
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You now consider 6000 kcals a reasonable amount of food for a day.
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You don’t workout, you follow a TWA training plan. (TWA: Three Word Acronym)
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The only time parallel is good enough is when you park.
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You walk past a building site and you can’t help doing a few chin-ups on the scaffolding.
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You enquire about someone’s wheels, you’re not asking about their car.
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You know curling in the squat rack is a mortal sin.
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You knew who Arnold was before he became an actor, but you still can’t spell his surname.
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People ask you if you take steroids just because you’re muscular and wear a T-shirt that says “Testosterone” in bright yellow letters.
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You drink an extra litre of water before bed so you’ll be able to wake up in the middle of the night to drink a Grow! shake.
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You don’t consider The Beast an entity to be feared, but you wouldn’t make a pass at Mrs Beast just in case.
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You name your first born child “Biotest.”
