Men are basically solitary creatures, we enjoy our own company and are self sufficient by nature… very different to woman who make many friends easily and can be needy - talking generally here of course. Personally I have two close friends the kind I would call in a crisis, probably even moreso than my family.
Also I believe that you do fall in and out of love during the course of a marriage (and I suppose any other type of long term relationship) this is my experience during only 7 years of marriage - but we are very happy and in love together - for the moment haha. What do those of you who are married or in long term relationships think about that?
[quote]JamFly wrote:
Men are basically solitary creatures, we enjoy our own company and are self sufficient by nature… very different to woman who make many friends easily and can be needy - talking generally here of course. Personally I have two close friends the kind I would call in a crisis, probably even moreso than my family.
Also I believe that you do fall in and out of love during the course of a marriage (and I suppose any other type of long term relationship) this is my experience during only 7 years of marriage - but we are very happy and in love together - for the moment haha. What do those of you who are married or in long term relationships think about that?[/quote]
[quote]JamFly wrote:
Men are basically solitary creatures, we enjoy our own company and are self sufficient by nature… very different to woman who make many friends easily and can be needy - talking generally here of course. Personally I have two close friends the kind I would call in a crisis, probably even moreso than my family.
Also I believe that you do fall in and out of love during the course of a marriage (and I suppose any other type of long term relationship) this is my experience during only 7 years of marriage - but we are very happy and in love together - for the moment haha. What do those of you who are married or in long term relationships think about that?[/quote]
Hold up…they have to ask their wives first.[/quote]
I have to wait till she gets off work, I will get back with you
[quote]sufiandy wrote:
For any of you, how would your own father answer this question? This would help explain if its more of a recent trend or has always been normal.[/quote]
[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
I’m 49 and have no friends to hang out with either. Like X said, as my friends got married, I barely see them. The one friend I had I haven’t seen in years… even though he lives 20 minutes away. He ONLY calls when he needs some professional advice - which I selflessly give.
But I’m okay with this. My world is small, my wife is truly my best friend, and I really love hanging out with her and her sisters and cousins.[/quote]
some times the world moves faster than people’s minds and perceptions can change.
I have a crew of bro’s I hang out with and could count on for wingman services or a quick rescue from a drunk wreck on a tree or something and a handful of actual friends i’ve known since like 2nd grade, most of whom aren’t even around much any more. Three are married, all but one live out of state and many of their parents have left the area too, meaning they aren’t “home” on holidays much either.
Anyways, I talk to most of them maybe once a year really and as far as my day to day life is concerned, they play absolutely no part in it but if they need anything, happen to be around or I make a trip to see them it’s like 12 years haven’t gone buy and we still live a block away with our spanish class project being our biggest concern.
Unless their wives inject themselves in to our time, then it’s annoying.
[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
Sometimes I wish Tyler Durden was my best friend. It would be cool to hang with that dude.
But then one day I’d wake up and realize he was just me the whole time.
See what I just did? ;)[/quote]
Be your own best friend? :)[/quote]
Basically, yes.
It seems there are 2 types of social types: those who NEED the constant company of others, and those who do not. I won’t get into the reasons for that, but a person who is very self confident and self-reliant rarely needs the “strokes” that a well-populated social life offers.
Just my 2 cents.[/quote]
I agree with this, also.
My wife and I are similar in that we don’t need to be entertained by each other on a constant basis. We can be in the same area, while doing things separately and just enjoy each others company.
Like you, if someone needs a favor, just let me know and i’ll see what I can do. Otherwise, i’ll go out of my way to avoid asking for help. Plus, i’m not the most social person, so I don’t go out of my way to keep with friends on a regular basis.
[/quote]
SOUNDS LIKE YOU’RE DESCRIBING ME TO A T!
We should hang out sometime, IH!
Then again, I don’t need another friend. I already can’t stand myself.
My Dad is 57 & is basically been in the same boat, (has been I’d say for at least for the last 25+ years). The only difference is doesn’t seem to bother him.
If it was me, yeah, I’m pretty sure it would bother me…then again…over time, people & or their circumstances can change substantially…so…who knows.
My Dad is 57 & is basically been in the same boat, (has been I’d say for at least for the last 25+ years). The only difference is doesn’t seem to bother him.
If it was me, yeah, I’m pretty sure it would bother me…then again…over time, people & or their circumstances can change substantially…so…who knows.
[/quote]
Old age doesn’t sound quite so fun if your ONLY friend is the women you’ve had to look at for decades nonstop.
To those picking up rocks to throw…hell, you have to ask your wife first anyway so I have time to duck.
My Dad is 57 & is basically been in the same boat, (has been I’d say for at least for the last 25+ years). The only difference is doesn’t seem to bother him.
If it was me, yeah, I’m pretty sure it would bother me…then again…over time, people & or their circumstances can change substantially…so…who knows.
[/quote]
Old age doesn’t sound quite so fun if your ONLY friend is the women you’ve had to look at for decades nonstop.
To those picking up rocks to throw…hell, you have to ask your wife first anyway so I have time to duck.[/quote]
I agree…then again, my Dad still has plenty of people he’s chummy with…he just no longer has close friends like I do & hopefully will, at least for the next 50 years or so.
My Dad is 57 & is basically been in the same boat, (has been I’d say for at least for the last 25+ years). The only difference is doesn’t seem to bother him.
If it was me, yeah, I’m pretty sure it would bother me…then again…over time, people & or their circumstances can change substantially…so…who knows.
[/quote]
Old age doesn’t sound quite so fun if your ONLY friend is the women you’ve had to look at for decades nonstop.
To those picking up rocks to throw…hell, you have to ask your wife first anyway so I have time to duck.[/quote]
She is still not off work, I will get back with you on this one also.
My dad is still friends with his college roommate. Not sure too many others are still alive. Outside of my mom, I am probably his best friend. We are both cool with that.
[quote]Tex Ag wrote:
My dad is still friends with his college roommate. Not sure too many others are still alive. Outside of my mom, I am probably his best friend. We are both cool with that.[/quote]
I am sure that as you get older, it comes down to “who is still alive”…but honestly, I’ve been through enough with some of these people that it would be a sad day if I suddenly had no one else to call but one person I’m married to.
I think the fact that he still hangs out with his friend is cool shit.
I think isolation just isn’t healthy…and your wife is used to you being crazy…so I could see someone with no friends just getting crazier as time goes on.
[quote]Tex Ag wrote:
My dad is still friends with his college roommate. Not sure too many others are still alive. Outside of my mom, I am probably his best friend. We are both cool with that.[/quote]
I am sure that as you get older, it comes down to “who is still alive”…but honestly, I’ve been through enough with some of these people that it would be a sad day if I suddenly had no one else to call but one person I’m married to.
I think the fact that he still hangs out with his friend is cool shit.
I think isolation just isn’t healthy…and your wife is used to you being crazy…so I could see someone with no friends just getting crazier as time goes on.[/quote]
He plays golf and generally people are warm to him, a trait I definitely did not get, so he is not isolated. I think some of this is perspective, one I am only beginning to grasp. Consider this, I have been with my wife for ten years and I wish I could see her more given the demands of jobs and kid. Consider also, that beyond wife or kid there may not be anyone you have spent more time with or worked so hard to do right by. If in the final years it is those you treasure most, I cannot see that as shocking.
Plus, the complaint my dad has about old people is they are always complaining about their health.
I do think it is important to have a great friend outside of the marriage, because sometimes you need to be able to talk about it without involving your spouse.
I’m only 18, but I feel like my dad and I act the same way as everyone else in this thread. My girlfriend and mother are pretty much “normal” and need social connection, but me and my father generally stick to the family, the work, and the hobby. Sure, I have maybe 5-6 friends who I hang out with a few times a month, but my time is taken up by school/work/hobby/family. I think it’s important for guys to have a poker game, but women need to have a community. My friends think like this as well, and they’re my age. So maybe it’s something gained by the knowledge of the peace that comes with solitude?
Besides, men tend to get along well with anyone once you throw out all of the youthful hostility (which I still have), so if a guy wants friends, all he has to do is find a community that fits his hobby.
[quote]louiek wrote:
I’m only 18, but I feel like my dad and I act the same way as everyone else in this thread. My girlfriend and mother are pretty much “normal” and need social connection, but me and my father generally stick to the family, the work, and the hobby. Sure, I have maybe 5-6 friends who I hang out with a few times a month, but my time is taken up by school/work/hobby/family. I think it’s important for guys to have a poker game, but women need to have a community. My friends think like this as well, and they’re my age. So maybe it’s something gained by the knowledge of the peace that comes with solitude?
Besides, men tend to get along well with anyone once you throw out all of the youthful hostility (which I still have), so if a guy wants friends, all he has to do is find a community that fits his hobby.[/quote]
Anyone 18 and younger growing up today is in a different world. The lack of communication directly is going to change society in the future. As it stands, we can often speak/type more freely to someone a continent away than the guy sitting behind us.
I rarely just spend hours at someone’s house anymore because I have shit to do…but there is value in having those people you can commune with without any facades or bullshit.
[quote]louiek wrote:
I’m only 18, but I feel like my dad and I act the same way as everyone else in this thread. My girlfriend and mother are pretty much “normal” and need social connection, but me and my father generally stick to the family, the work, and the hobby. Sure, I have maybe 5-6 friends who I hang out with a few times a month, but my time is taken up by school/work/hobby/family. I think it’s important for guys to have a poker game, but women need to have a community. My friends think like this as well, and they’re my age. So maybe it’s something gained by the knowledge of the peace that comes with solitude?
Besides, men tend to get along well with anyone once you throw out all of the youthful hostility (which I still have), so if a guy wants friends, all he has to do is find a community that fits his hobby.[/quote]
Anyone 18 and younger growing up today is in a different world. The lack of communication directly is going to change society in the future. As it stands, we can often speak/type more freely to someone a continent away than the guy sitting behind us.
I rarely just spend hours at someone’s house anymore because I have shit to do…but there is value in having those people you can commune with without any facades or bullshit.[/quote]
I think you hit on something here, where the net allows for coverage, a facade. There seems to be a significant push to devalue what happens online as “never serious” or “always joking” as if these virtual conversations cannot have any meaning at the same time a generation is growing up where this is their main form of communication. If the internet had the social weight as letters used to then how people interact would be different online but more similar in person (if that makes sense).
[quote]louiek wrote:
I’m only 18, but I feel like my dad and I act the same way as everyone else in this thread. My girlfriend and mother are pretty much “normal” and need social connection, but me and my father generally stick to the family, the work, and the hobby. Sure, I have maybe 5-6 friends who I hang out with a few times a month, but my time is taken up by school/work/hobby/family. I think it’s important for guys to have a poker game, but women need to have a community. My friends think like this as well, and they’re my age. So maybe it’s something gained by the knowledge of the peace that comes with solitude?
Besides, men tend to get along well with anyone once you throw out all of the youthful hostility (which I still have), so if a guy wants friends, all he has to do is find a community that fits his hobby.[/quote]
Anyone 18 and younger growing up today is in a different world. The lack of communication directly is going to change society in the future. As it stands, we can often speak/type more freely to someone a continent away than the guy sitting behind us.
I rarely just spend hours at someone’s house anymore because I have shit to do…but there is value in having those people you can commune with without any facades or bullshit.[/quote]
I agree. I think the way I do because I was raised without all of the social-technology stuff so my thoughts on community are more representative of neighborhoods I grew up in and less involved with how many friends I have on MySpace. I only associate with people who are the same, because otherwise it’s just annoying.
I suppose it all depends on a definition of a friend.
I move around alot and I have many friends. I dont do facebook etc, so I dont bother staying in touch with those friends that arent around. Infact I think I am a loner, but that doesnt bother me. I will help out a friend when in need, although one must be aware of leaches or those who will take advantage of your good nature.
At the end of the day a friend is a friend, and family is family. Im getting to the age where I have to consider if I want to get married or not. Im not too sure… I do feel a little like the ‘count’, but also would like to start my own family… as friends are only just friends.