[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
I’m 49 and have no friends to hang out with either. Like X said, as my friends got married, I barely see them. The one friend I had I haven’t seen in years… even though he lives 20 minutes away. He ONLY calls when he needs some professional advice - which I selflessly give.
But I’m okay with this. My world is small, my wife is truly my best friend, and I really love hanging out with her and her sisters and cousins.[/quote]
We can hang out if you do not mind me lording over you from my great height.
[quote]phatphit wrote:
i have many acquaintances but no close friends at all…noone to hang with etc. is this normal???me and wife arent very close either so im effed…curious if its unusual.[/quote]
Why aren’t you close to your wife?[/quote]
Get close to your wife, at least try.
I have perhaps 3 close friends other than my wife but only one lives in the same continent as me.
I’ve found as time goes on that family for me have gotten closer and closer and I’m happy about that.
OP, do you have siblings? Cousins that you are close to? Other relatives?
Looks like I am not that weird here after all. I also don’t have any friends to hang out with. I get all of my social interaction from work/gym/misc. Best friend is the wife and I don’t feel the need to socialize anymore than that. I pretty much get along with everyone and get invited to things but usually turn them down, I do find most people annoying after a while which is probably why I avoid friendships.
[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
I’m 49 and have no friends to hang out with either. Like X said, as my friends got married, I barely see them. The one friend I had I haven’t seen in years… even though he lives 20 minutes away. He ONLY calls when he needs some professional advice - which I selflessly give.
But I’m okay with this. My world is small, my wife is truly my best friend, and I really love hanging out with her and her sisters and cousins.[/quote]
Is your wife the same way? Mine is opposite of me and does have friends to hang out with, new ones too not just people she has known a while. We moved to a different state so both restarted friendship wise.
I only have one friend here in Taiwan other than my woman of 8 years. He’s alright, but more of an aquaintance than a friend. I have friends back in Winnipeg that I see when I go back, but I remember on my last vacation it’s hard to get some buddies to come out.
After a while you just sort of settle down and stick to your woman…and dogs of course.
That’s why I have seven dogs…one drinking buddy for each day of the week.
[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
I’m 49 and have no friends to hang out with either. Like X said, as my friends got married, I barely see them. The one friend I had I haven’t seen in years… even though he lives 20 minutes away. He ONLY calls when he needs some professional advice - which I selflessly give.
But I’m okay with this. My world is small, my wife is truly my best friend, and I really love hanging out with her and her sisters and cousins.[/quote]
Is your wife the same way? Mine is opposite of me and does have friends to hang out with, new ones too not just people she has known a while. We moved to a different state so both restarted friendship wise.[/quote]
My wife is like yours. She maintains friendships she’s had since grade school.
[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
I’m 49 and have no friends to hang out with either. Like X said, as my friends got married, I barely see them. The one friend I had I haven’t seen in years… even though he lives 20 minutes away. He ONLY calls when he needs some professional advice - which I selflessly give.
But I’m okay with this. My world is small, my wife is truly my best friend, and I really love hanging out with her and her sisters and cousins.[/quote]
Is your wife the same way? Mine is opposite of me and does have friends to hang out with, new ones too not just people she has known a while. We moved to a different state so both restarted friendship wise.[/quote]
Ditto. I’m just short of a recluse, and my wife would probably know someone in any state we traveled to. She’s very good with names, faces and how people are related (the whole friend of a friends’ brothers’ ex-wife, etc…). I still fuck up names of people I work with.
OP, are you generally just a busy guy? I don’t have close friends because I don’t have time for them. I work with people who I trust my life to, but just don’t see them outside of work.
I have acquaintances at the gun club, the gym, kids school etc. but wouldn’t consider any of these people friends.
If you’re really busy doing your own thing and have a family, you just won’t have the time to invest in true friendships, especially new ones.
I find it funny at what I used to consider friends when I was in my younger years to what I consider friends now. I have tons of acquaintances but maybe 5 people I truly consider friends. The word friend means alot more to me now, even with the true friends I have now that have lasted the test of time I may only see them a handful of times throughout the year.
I do think its troublesome that your not close to your wife…I find my wife as my safe haven my wife as my one true source of genuine companionship that if I didnt have I would be extremely lonely, but since I have her I dont mind being alone…I dont know if that makes sense, I guess Im saying that one genuine best friend and person I have in my life allows me to do almost everything else I do alone and I never feel lonely.
Try to salvage that relationship with wifey and maybe this thread becomes irrelevant.
I’m 22 and I only have two people that I would consider best friends. People that would take a bullet for me or help me bury a body. Everyone else is just fluff.
I hate fluff, “Hey how’s it going what are you up to?” When inside you don’t give a rat’s ass lol.
[quote]Professor X wrote:
If you are over 35 and have even 2 real friends you call “family” I am sure you are doing better than 98% of the other people on the planet.
People let their true colors show the longer you know them.
They aren’t always pretty.
[/quote]
This is quite fucking true.
No offense, but at least you know your acquaintances are not your friends and are not under any illusions. A real friendship is cultivated over time; one of my two closest friends I have known since pre school, and the other since I was about 18.
I don’t think that at 40 it will impossible to make new friends I just think it may prove difficult, people tend to become jaded by their negative experiences as they grow older, and therefore may well be more weary of letting relatively new people into their lives.
Many, many people are good at accepting support when they are experiencing difficulty and playing ‘the man’ when everything is going is their way, yet as soon as the roles are reversed they suddenly lose their memories…
And yes, many people stop making an effort when they get married or even start a new relationship; very unhealthy if you ask me…
To answer your question: no, I don’t think it is that uncommon.
do you do anything outside work? my dad is 50+ (ancient) and has loads of friends because of hobbies like amateur dramatics. if you arent ‘out there’ you wont make any friends because you simply wont meet people
[quote]Professor X wrote:
I would find it odd to make it through life and meet no one at all like that unless you aren’t a good friend yourself.[/quote]
This is without a doubt the base of friendship. You have to give to get and the longer you’ve been giving the greater that relationship will become…or, as X said, it will crumble under the weight of learning someone’s true face.
I lost contact with all my highschool friends when I left the states (back before the internet was commonly used) but managed to luckily fall into a group of guys my cousin hung out with since his school days. 20 odd years later and the six of us are all pretty damn close; email each other every day, play games together, have BBQ’s (when the damnable Scottish weather allows) and go camping twice a year where we raise hell and let off city steam and frustrations. We’ve had our fair share of fall-outs but we’ve always tackled the issues and put them to rest as we value each other’s friendship very highly. These fallouts and 'ins, as one might suspect, also brought us closer together as a group. And neither women, nor weans, has put a stop to us getting together and enjoying each other’s company.
I am by nature, it seems, quite hermetic. As is Mrs Stern. If it wasn’t for that group of guys up above I wouldn’t say I had any close friends and I’m certainly, at this stage in my life, not overly concerned with making new ones. Casual friends I’m quite happy to make and I’m always up for meeting kind, like-minded individuals with the same passions. Close friendships however take time to grow. And with most of my time being devoted to my bestest friend ever, Mrs Stern, I just don’t have the time nor energy to make that commitment.
That being said I too find it unusual the Op isn’t that close to his wife. Seriously, if your wife isn’t your best friend then you need to address that issue cause that’s pretty fucking serious. I couldn’t live with someone I wasn’t incredibly close to and I am by no means unique in that way I’m sure.
FWIW: of all the forums I’ve frequented I have to say this one has the biggest bunch of interesting characters I’ve seen and I’m very thankful I found it a couple of years ago. Some of you are dicks. Some of you are hilarious. Others are wise and knowledgable and nutty. But most of you are incredibly passionate people and that, to me, makes this place special because I absolutely adore passion.
[quote]biglifter wrote:
The wife one seems odd, but lack of close friends doesn’t surprise me. I fucking hate most people and am perfectly content with a great family, video games and atlas stones. I could care less that someone feels the need to post on FB that their kid fell down and had to be rushed to the ER for rug burn. I was at the grocery store today and some bitch just stopped dead in her tracks at the self serve checkout after she was all done paying, just to show off her baby to anyone who would pay attention. She could’ve moved 5 steps forward so others could checkout, but no, miss mother fucking oblivious to the fact that others exist on the same planet decided to clog the aisle and show off her little fucking tax credit. A little off tangent there, but common sense and civility are foreign to most of the population. I like people who squat, bench and deadlift more than me. Maybe that counts.
[/quote]
Good post. I also cringe at the “taking up too much space in the aisle because you forgot other people exist as you and your 500lbs kin can stand next to each other like bellowing plump cattle” people.
I get the feeling some people do things like that so they feel…significant. It’s cool to be proud of your kid. It’s fucked up to hold people hostage so they notice your kid.
[/quote]
Don’t even get me started, I’ve had these twats show up and have what looks like a fucking family reunion in front of my meat case so no one can buy anything.
As for the friend thing I’m sort of in the same boat. A lot of my friends from high school moved over the last few years or are still into shit I don’t want to be around ie drugs. I do think its weird not to have at least a handful of good friends. Hell one of the reasons I’m joining a gym soon is so I can meet people that have some similar interest.
Maybe its unusual, I have at least half a dozen friends that I would (and have) trust with my life. I’m not naive about human nature and the qualities of mankind, but I haven’t been proven wrong (yet). I think it has something to do with serving together and also with making a effort to be a good friend. My wife is also one of my best friends.
[quote]Edgy wrote:
my one and onlyest friend in the whole world.
[/quote]
Liar!
I thought we were buds?!?!?[/quote]
were you there when my Pop had a stroke?
were you there when my Mom fell down and couldn’t get up?
were you there when I was close to splitting with Mrs Edgy?
were you there when I installed my backyard pavers?
were you there to help me cheer the Raiders in a losing season?
Did you call me on my birthday?
do you send me emails throughout the day of nekkid wimmenz in hot poses?
Although I consider you an eternal positive force in my life, Chushie - Unfortunately you are limited to acquaintance status.
