This wasn’t my experience, but I don’t know that I was a “good guy” in my 20’s.
I realize how dangerous it can be to say certain things in our modern time, but women like to be “taken”. Not to be confused in any way with forced of course, but taken. Good guys are usually actually pussies who won’t initiate, so it doesn’t work out for them. They become friends. Then, in their 30’s, they can demonstrate a sense of “provider” if they’ve played career cards right but it’s a whole different thing. And likely why they have sexless marriages.
It seems to me people try to tie feelings of “love”, attraction, excitement, initial exploration et cetera to sex with a forever partner and this will never work. Once you commit you’re going to go through chapters together, and they aren’t all romance and shaved balls.
Love is impossible to define first of all and kind of morphs through relationship phases. Butterflies turn in to shared routine, commitment pulls you through hard times vs. always keeping your best impression foot forward et cetera. Not a bad thing at all, and shows depth beyond initial attraction. Don’t tie sex to a closed chapter. Learn to enjoy it in the chapter you’re living now. You can’t go back.
Because you need to subtract 10-15 years from a man’s actual age to get his emotional age. There’s this weird phenomenon, maybe it’s a mental illness, in America where men don’t want to be adults. They don’t want the responsibility or obligations. Look how most men dress, they dress like kids. They wear hats indoors. My grandmother would tell me to be a gentleman. Who the hell tells their sons this anymore? I still open the car door for my wife. Do guys even look at themselves? You wear a hoodie, jeans, sneakers and a baseball cap. You’re 35 years old. You think a woman sees you and dreams of having you sweep her off her feet? Buy some decent clothes, get them tailored so they don’t look like you borrowed someone else’s clothes, wear shoes, a watch too. You’ll at least look like you care and women like men who care about how they look. Something else, smile and stand up straight.
As a general rule, women should marry men who are older and men should marry women who are younger. Of course, a 20 year old man shouldn’t marry a 15 year old girl but he probably shouldn’t be getting married at all.
I think so many marriages struggle with sex because the matrix-y system is designed to make you and your girl struggle and too many people give it too much influence in their lives. I know it sounds crazy but stick with me…
If you’re a man who acts like a man (which is what girls want deep down) society is programmed to label it “toxic masculinity”.
But men who act feminine and weak are celebrated.
If you’re a woman who acts like a man you’re celebrated (boss babe).
But if you act like a woman and want security, and to take care of a man and a family you’re not celebrated.
Have sex as a woman outside of marriage…. Celebrated by society.
Have tons of sex in marriage and take care of your husband… crickets by society… in fact you get attacked for it.
So how do you have more sex? You need to make you and your wife aware of all of this programming and remove anything that’s poisoning your body or mind.
So remove all the junk as best as you can that’s messing up either of your health, hormones, sleep, etc.
Then cut out the junk messaging that’s making you be weak and passive and her be masculine and dry.
You have teach your girl to take care of you sexually and then give her praise and rewards for doing so, because if you don’t, society will reward her for treating you poorly.
You need your influence to be stronger than theirs in your home and within your family.
If you can do this, all of the “high drive low drive” “Venus/mars” BS will fade away, it’s all a distraction anyway.
I would argue that most men are more mature than most women as an outcome of our burden of responsibility. I would further argue that most adult men that aren’t mature were raised in a single mother home.
So is it that men are too immature to get female attention until they’re 30, or is it something else?
Perhaps that IS the case as I often find myself the odd one out being romantic while guys around me could give a crap about their lady.
I’ll be damned. I been with mine 37 years since we were 17 and 16, and married 34 of em. She’s willingly charged through Hell for me and by my side, so I still put in every bit as much effort as I did when we were teenagers.
And, after all this time I still find her striking and she gives me butterflies like before our first kiss.
For ladies especially yes foreplay starts in the morning. However, it’s not impossible to keep that switch turned on all the time I promise it can be done if you’re in love still. If you’re not, maybe you should put your effort there instead of in her pants.
You know, I see other husbands like me and recognize it. Then I see the others and kinda feel bad for their wives BUT everyone knows what they’re willing to tolerate.
I find tolerating things to be intolerable.
Tell ya wat. Do some study on the chivalric codes of medieval times. The knights. Heard of ladies who want a “knight in shining armor”?
Back in my day, we weren’t required to consider those women as potential partners. Best wishes. I’d bet you’ve had many opportunities to apply the X factor.
Exactly. This is what I said in the other thread, though sans studies. Women go sexually dormant more easily than men. Lack of consistent interest on the part of our partners or lack of palatable sex tend to turn her sex drive way down, or in the case of disagreeable sex, snuff it completely.
Disagreeable sex would include disinterest in hygiene (don’t ask for a BJ after a long, sweaty day; brush your teeth, etc), selfish sex, refusal or inability to hear instruction, etc. When she softly moans “gently,” she means “GENTLY!”
I also could not agree more with the “start at breakfast thing,” but I think this more accurately sums it up:
Well said. Completely agree!
I agree with this also, but I don’t see it as romance that we’re necessarily after. More an easy, fun friendship that holds awareness that we’re sexy to one another. To me, that’s romantic. Though I do like romantic gestures, of course. My husband once wrote a list of “10 things I love about you” for an anniversary or something (I think he forgot to buy a card). On it were the usual - beautiful, kind, blah blah - but he also listed “fast runner” (!!!) and “knows lots of words.” I loved it. For Valentines Day last year we shared a bottle of wine and passed a journal back and forth, taking turns writing similar things. Some were sexy, some silly. I treasure it. We’ve gone to the card aisle at the grocery store and each picked the card we would buy, if they weren’t so stupidly expensive, and exchanged. Then put them back and left.
So…a sexy friendship, I guess. We like each other. [Disclaimer: Usually.)
I should have added fun to romance. About three years ago, we replaced and old bathtub with a walk-in shower and glass doors (that we keep crystal clear.) “To save water” we have been taking showers together for the last year and a half. You would think we were a couple of 10 year old kids. I start my shower first, then she joins me a little later. I wash her back. She… I get out of the shower first, when I look back at her, many times she is pressing her boobs against the glass door.
That’s awesome, RT! And exactly what I’m talking about.
I forgot to post what I came in here to talk about earlier. From the Hot Takes thread:
I sort of agree, but I think you mean a level of attractiveness that I think is mostly unnecessary, unless you’ve chosen a woman who shares that as a priority. For most people “attractive” means well-put-together. Clean, dressed nicely (again to the standards shared by the couple), well groomed. Most people aren’t fitness-obsessed, so don’t prioritize that in real life. In qualitative studies about attraction? Sure. In their own sedentary, overweight lives? Not so much.
Most people would choose @Brant_Drake’s food over a plate of Denny’s in a theoretical, but regardless, the Denny’s parking lot is never empty when I pass by.
I need to talk about the crazy bullshit in this thread, but it’ll have to wait.
So I feel like everyone is more or less saying similar things.
Nurture the relationship itself and don’t misread a lack of libido as a standalone issue if there are deeper, underlying causes to fix.
Don’t get confused by today’s gender bullshit dialogues. Be an assertive man and let nature handle the rest (assuming point one is in line)
Keep her engine on, both mentally/emotionally and physically. In my experience this can sometimes even be the same thing. I’m sure we’ve all fucked some attitude right out of a woman at some point (mental), and sex in love always brings a bonded feeling. Oxytocin if you need science for sex.
Remember how many women were super in to Shades of Gray? It was all of them.
Tap in, at least to individual tolerance levels. Take her. In an assertive way, not a rapey way.
I actually meant what you said here. I can speak through my own experiences that attraction from the opposite sex can go downhill at a certain point of muscularity. With about 15lbs less muscle, I was getting more looks from women (lets say on the 6-8/10 scale). Now I get significantly less looks from women in that range, but more looks from women in the 8+ range, although there are far less women that fit into that category.
I know of at least 1 other individual who had this experience as well, and it mirrored my own… there was a theory (strong emphasis on theory) where if you’re benching >170% of your bodyweight, you’re probably hurting your attractiveness level for most women.
Anyways, not trying to make this about me.
I agree that most people are fine with going to Denny’s for breakfast and would occasionally like to go to Mr. Drake’s restaurant.
Using this example though, wouldn’t most people be settling for Denny’s (average looks) while wanting Brant Drake’s food (top 10% looks)?
I would further argue that the ‘average’ group for marriage is not what should be strived for. Something like 30% of marriages are sexless and something like 50% of marriages end in divorce. The average of that sounds… not desireable.
If Danny DeVito was Christian Grey, the movies would have been casted into the Horror Movie section. As it were, the main actor was a very handsome multi-millionaire.
The girls who complain about guys staring at them in the gym? They only complain about the unattractive guys staring at them.
