[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
Birthdays suck.
A holiday celebrating your birth is ridiculous. It’s not like you accomplished this yourself.
I told my wife a couple of years ago to forget my birthday and let it pass like any other day.[/quote]
I dunno.
If enough has happened to you, you can celebrate your sheer obstinacy.
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
If you love and wish to protect and cherish your wife, don’t set her up, which both of your scenarios do. It’s mean. Say “hey, what are we doing for my birthday tomorrow?” and then if she seems upset assure her that you know this isn’t like her and that it’s fine, you caught it in time. Then enjoy both your birthday and your happy wife. If she’s dodgy when you bring it up I would assume she’s got something up her sleeve and let it be. Then enjoy both your birthday and your happy wife.
And happy birthday![/quote]
I don’t see how scenario #1 is setting her up. That’s probably how he should handle it.[/quote]
Maybe it is how he should handle it, I don’t know, but this:
…is setting her up.
[/quote]
Yeah well, women play games, every now and then it makes sense to remind them that men could play them too.
If they wanted to.
[/quote]
Yes indeed! I myself love nothing better than to identify unbecoming traits in others and then match them as closely as possible. All of my relationships are depressing and dishonest, but at least they’re equitable!
[quote]bcingu wrote:
[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
Birthdays suck.
A holiday celebrating your birth is ridiculous. It’s not like you accomplished this yourself.
I told my wife a couple of years ago to forget my birthday and let it pass like any other day.[/quote]
I’m with you on this. I just feel awkward when people congratulate me for having been born…[/quote]
Birthday parties: an annual event of getting yanked from a random cunt by a stranger who’'ll slap you on the back and make you cry.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
If you love and wish to protect and cherish your wife, don’t set her up, which both of your scenarios do. It’s mean. Say “hey, what are we doing for my birthday tomorrow?” and then if she seems upset assure her that you know this isn’t like her and that it’s fine, you caught it in time. Then enjoy both your birthday and your happy wife. If she’s dodgy when you bring it up I would assume she’s got something up her sleeve and let it be. Then enjoy both your birthday and your happy wife.
And happy birthday![/quote]
I don’t see how scenario #1 is setting her up. That’s probably how he should handle it.[/quote]
Maybe it is how he should handle it, I don’t know, but this:
…is setting her up.
[/quote]
Yeah well, women play games, every now and then it makes sense to remind them that men could play them too.
If they wanted to.
[/quote]
Yes indeed! I myself love nothing better than to identify unbecoming traits in others and then match them as closely as possible. All of my relationships are depressing and dishonest, but at least they’re equitable!
[/quote]
Deliberately ambiguous as I very often am, trying to divine the worst into my mumblings is probably not good for your soul.
To be as unambiguous as possible, yes, every relationship has aspects of a power struggle and no woman is going to respect you if you at least could not best her every now and then.
Remember that I did not make women, I just try to make the best of it.
I am sure that your relationship with men is not that much different.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
If you love and wish to protect and cherish your wife, don’t set her up, which both of your scenarios do. It’s mean. Say “hey, what are we doing for my birthday tomorrow?” and then if she seems upset assure her that you know this isn’t like her and that it’s fine, you caught it in time. Then enjoy both your birthday and your happy wife. If she’s dodgy when you bring it up I would assume she’s got something up her sleeve and let it be. Then enjoy both your birthday and your happy wife.
And happy birthday![/quote]
I don’t see how scenario #1 is setting her up. That’s probably how he should handle it.[/quote]
Maybe it is how he should handle it, I don’t know, but this:
…is setting her up.
[/quote]
Yeah well, women play games, every now and then it makes sense to remind them that men could play them too.
If they wanted to.
[/quote]
Yes indeed! I myself love nothing better than to identify unbecoming traits in others and then match them as closely as possible. All of my relationships are depressing and dishonest, but at least they’re equitable!
[/quote]
You’re so hostile I just wanna cuddle you all up.
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
If you love and wish to protect and cherish your wife, don’t set her up, which both of your scenarios do. It’s mean. Say “hey, what are we doing for my birthday tomorrow?” and then if she seems upset assure her that you know this isn’t like her and that it’s fine, you caught it in time. Then enjoy both your birthday and your happy wife. If she’s dodgy when you bring it up I would assume she’s got something up her sleeve and let it be. Then enjoy both your birthday and your happy wife.
And happy birthday![/quote]
I don’t see how scenario #1 is setting her up. That’s probably how he should handle it.[/quote]
Maybe it is how he should handle it, I don’t know, but this:
…is setting her up.
[/quote]
Yeah well, women play games, every now and then it makes sense to remind them that men could play them too.
If they wanted to.
[/quote]
Yes indeed! I myself love nothing better than to identify unbecoming traits in others and then match them as closely as possible. All of my relationships are depressing and dishonest, but at least they’re equitable!
[/quote]
Deliberately ambiguous as I very often am, trying to divine the worst into my mumblings is probably not good for your soul.
To be as unambiguous as possible, yes, every relationship has aspects of a power struggle and no woman is going to respect you if you at least could not best her every now and then.
Remember that I did not make women, I just try to make the best of it.
I am sure that your relationship with men is not that much different. [/quote]
I try to treat people as I like to be treated, men and women alike. Yes, romantic relationships contain elements of power and control, but these should be clean and open, not sneaky. Sex is a good outlet for this sort of thing, for example. I do respect a man who can best me, but through physical dominance or intellectual superiority, not through coy, bitchy games.
Feminine does not = bitchy. Masculine also should not = bitchy.
[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
If you love and wish to protect and cherish your wife, don’t set her up, which both of your scenarios do. It’s mean. Say “hey, what are we doing for my birthday tomorrow?” and then if she seems upset assure her that you know this isn’t like her and that it’s fine, you caught it in time. Then enjoy both your birthday and your happy wife. If she’s dodgy when you bring it up I would assume she’s got something up her sleeve and let it be. Then enjoy both your birthday and your happy wife.
And happy birthday![/quote]
I don’t see how scenario #1 is setting her up. That’s probably how he should handle it.[/quote]
Maybe it is how he should handle it, I don’t know, but this:
…is setting her up.
[/quote]
Yeah well, women play games, every now and then it makes sense to remind them that men could play them too.
If they wanted to.
[/quote]
Yes indeed! I myself love nothing better than to identify unbecoming traits in others and then match them as closely as possible. All of my relationships are depressing and dishonest, but at least they’re equitable!
[/quote]
You’re so hostile I just wanna cuddle you all up.[/quote]
I have that effect on men! It’s WEIRD, is what.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
If you love and wish to protect and cherish your wife, don’t set her up, which both of your scenarios do. It’s mean. Say “hey, what are we doing for my birthday tomorrow?” and then if she seems upset assure her that you know this isn’t like her and that it’s fine, you caught it in time. Then enjoy both your birthday and your happy wife. If she’s dodgy when you bring it up I would assume she’s got something up her sleeve and let it be. Then enjoy both your birthday and your happy wife.
And happy birthday![/quote]
I don’t see how scenario #1 is setting her up. That’s probably how he should handle it.[/quote]
Maybe it is how he should handle it, I don’t know, but this:
…is setting her up.
[/quote]
Yeah well, women play games, every now and then it makes sense to remind them that men could play them too.
If they wanted to.
[/quote]
Yes indeed! I myself love nothing better than to identify unbecoming traits in others and then match them as closely as possible. All of my relationships are depressing and dishonest, but at least they’re equitable!
[/quote]
Deliberately ambiguous as I very often am, trying to divine the worst into my mumblings is probably not good for your soul.
To be as unambiguous as possible, yes, every relationship has aspects of a power struggle and no woman is going to respect you if you at least could not best her every now and then.
Remember that I did not make women, I just try to make the best of it.
I am sure that your relationship with men is not that much different. [/quote]
I try to treat people as I like to be treated, men and women alike. Yes, romantic relationships contain elements of power and control, but these should be clean and open, not sneaky. Sex is a good outlet for this sort of thing, for example. I do respect a man who can best me, but through physical dominance or intellectual superiority, not through coy, bitchy games.
Feminine does not = bitchy. Masculine also should not = bitchy.
[/quote]
Who said anything about bitchy?
You can let a woman run into a wall in the most firm and friendliest way.
And you should, at least once.
Anyhow, I believe you that you try to be on your best behavior, but you do not judge a man on how he reacts to that.
You judge him on how he deals with you when you fail.
And you do, inevitably.
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
If you love and wish to protect and cherish your wife, don’t set her up, which both of your scenarios do. It’s mean. Say “hey, what are we doing for my birthday tomorrow?” and then if she seems upset assure her that you know this isn’t like her and that it’s fine, you caught it in time. Then enjoy both your birthday and your happy wife. If she’s dodgy when you bring it up I would assume she’s got something up her sleeve and let it be. Then enjoy both your birthday and your happy wife.
And happy birthday![/quote]
I don’t see how scenario #1 is setting her up. That’s probably how he should handle it.[/quote]
Maybe it is how he should handle it, I don’t know, but this:
…is setting her up.
[/quote]
Yeah well, women play games, every now and then it makes sense to remind them that men could play them too.
If they wanted to.
[/quote]
Yes indeed! I myself love nothing better than to identify unbecoming traits in others and then match them as closely as possible. All of my relationships are depressing and dishonest, but at least they’re equitable!
[/quote]
Deliberately ambiguous as I very often am, trying to divine the worst into my mumblings is probably not good for your soul.
To be as unambiguous as possible, yes, every relationship has aspects of a power struggle and no woman is going to respect you if you at least could not best her every now and then.
Remember that I did not make women, I just try to make the best of it.
I am sure that your relationship with men is not that much different. [/quote]
I try to treat people as I like to be treated, men and women alike. Yes, romantic relationships contain elements of power and control, but these should be clean and open, not sneaky. Sex is a good outlet for this sort of thing, for example. I do respect a man who can best me, but through physical dominance or intellectual superiority, not through coy, bitchy games.
Feminine does not = bitchy. Masculine also should not = bitchy.
[/quote]
Who said anything about bitchy?
You can let a woman run into a wall in the most firm and friendliest way.
And you should, at least once.
Anyhow, I believe you that you try to be on your best behavior, but you do not judge a man on how he reacts to that.
You judge him on how he deals with you when you fail.
And you do, inevitably. [/quote]
Setting someone you love up to feel badly just for kicks strikes me as small. It becomes bitchy when your motivation for doing it is to become one-up in a secret power struggle.
But aside from that I have no quarrel with what you’re saying. However, I think your point applies to both women and men. Should I not allow my man to hit walls? Ought I not be friendly when he does? And, uh, firm?
I fail all the time. I forget things and I make mistakes. I am sometimes late and occasionally cranky. I expect him to be generous with my mistakes and oversights, patient when I occasionally cause frustration, and flatly disallowing of nasty behavior (this is the place for “firm,” no?). He does stupid shit, too, though. Different kinds from me, usually, because we’re different, but still stupid. But never because i’ve set him up to look like an ass.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
If you love and wish to protect and cherish your wife, don’t set her up, which both of your scenarios do. It’s mean. Say “hey, what are we doing for my birthday tomorrow?” and then if she seems upset assure her that you know this isn’t like her and that it’s fine, you caught it in time. Then enjoy both your birthday and your happy wife. If she’s dodgy when you bring it up I would assume she’s got something up her sleeve and let it be. Then enjoy both your birthday and your happy wife.
And happy birthday![/quote]
I don’t see how scenario #1 is setting her up. That’s probably how he should handle it.[/quote]
Maybe it is how he should handle it, I don’t know, but this:
…is setting her up.
[/quote]
Yeah well, women play games, every now and then it makes sense to remind them that men could play them too.
If they wanted to.
[/quote]
Yes indeed! I myself love nothing better than to identify unbecoming traits in others and then match them as closely as possible. All of my relationships are depressing and dishonest, but at least they’re equitable!
[/quote]
Deliberately ambiguous as I very often am, trying to divine the worst into my mumblings is probably not good for your soul.
To be as unambiguous as possible, yes, every relationship has aspects of a power struggle and no woman is going to respect you if you at least could not best her every now and then.
Remember that I did not make women, I just try to make the best of it.
I am sure that your relationship with men is not that much different. [/quote]
I try to treat people as I like to be treated, men and women alike. Yes, romantic relationships contain elements of power and control, but these should be clean and open, not sneaky. Sex is a good outlet for this sort of thing, for example. I do respect a man who can best me, but through physical dominance or intellectual superiority, not through coy, bitchy games.
Feminine does not = bitchy. Masculine also should not = bitchy.
[/quote]
Who said anything about bitchy?
You can let a woman run into a wall in the most firm and friendliest way.
And you should, at least once.
Anyhow, I believe you that you try to be on your best behavior, but you do not judge a man on how he reacts to that.
You judge him on how he deals with you when you fail.
And you do, inevitably. [/quote]
Setting someone you love up to feel badly just for kicks strikes me as small. It becomes bitchy when your motivation for doing it is to become one-up in a secret power struggle.
But aside from that I have no quarrel with what you’re saying. However, I think your point applies to both women and men. Should I not allow my man to hit walls? Ought I not be friendly when he does? And, uh, firm?
I fail all the time. I forget things and I make mistakes. I am sometimes late and occasionally cranky. I expect him to be generous with my mistakes and oversights, patient when I occasionally cause frustration, and flatly disallowing of nasty behavior (this is the place for “firm,” no?). He does stupid shit, too, though. Different kinds from me, usually, because we’re different, but still stupid. But never because i’ve set him up to look like an ass.[/quote]
I know it is a bit obnoxious to zero in on that, but do you judge a man on how he reacts to you when you are trying to be nice, or when you fail?
That is not a trivial question because I can practically guarantee that the men you deal with on friendly terms are not the ones you really, really want.
You want the ones who can best you when you are at your worst and you can complain to all your girl friends (off, to, damn English prepositions).
And that is neither wrong nor something to be ashamed of, it just is.
[quote]Chushin wrote:
Just stopped in to say that I’m glad Emily is back.
Read the thread, and recalled why I like her so much.
To Orion: How long have you been in your current long-term relationship (I wanted to say “marriage,” but maybe that’s not fair)? How long has your longest been?[/quote]
That would be debatable, but of you ask me 5-6 years.
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Setting someone you love up to feel badly just for kicks strikes me as small. It becomes bitchy when your motivation for doing it is to become one-up in a secret power struggle.
But aside from that I have no quarrel with what you’re saying. However, I think your point applies to both women and men. Should I not allow my man to hit walls? Ought I not be friendly when he does? And, uh, firm?
I fail all the time. I forget things and I make mistakes. I am sometimes late and occasionally cranky. I expect him to be generous with my mistakes and oversights, patient when I occasionally cause frustration, and flatly disallowing of nasty behavior (this is the place for “firm,” no?). He does stupid shit, too, though. Different kinds from me, usually, because we’re different, but still stupid. But never because i’ve set him up to look like an ass.[/quote]
I know it is a bit obnoxious to zero in on that, but do you judge a man on how he reacts to you when you are trying to be nice, or when you fail?
That is not a trivial question because I can practically guarantee that the men you deal with on friendly terms are not the ones you really, really want.
You want the ones who can best you when you are at your worst and you can complain to all your girl friends (off, to, damn English prepositions).
And that is neither wrong nor something to be ashamed of, it just is. [/quote]
Well, sure, I want a guy who is self-assured enough not to take crap from me or anyone else. Someone I can respect. It’s equally important to me that when I come to him with a smile and a desire to be close that he be open and welcoming. Someone I can love.
Shouldn’t I want it all? Shouldn’t he? He’ll want me to be self-confident, but also warm and receptive, I expect.
[quote]Chushin wrote:
Just stopped in to say that I’m glad Emily is back.
Read the thread, and recalled why I like her so much.
To Orion: How long have you been in your current long-term relationship (I wanted to say “marriage,” but maybe that’s not fair)? How long has your longest been?[/quote]
Thank you, Chushin! Time is always in short supply lately, it seems.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Setting someone you love up to feel badly just for kicks strikes me as small. It becomes bitchy when your motivation for doing it is to become one-up in a secret power struggle.
[/quote]
QFT
Just to end the thread, I dropped the hint which triggered her memory and she could save face. However, if I hadn’t said anything she would have forgotten. I could tell that she felt bad about the whole thing, but I’d never want her to feel guilty in any way over something so trivial as this.
Power in a relationship must be balanced between both parties to promote growth and to keep self esteem at a healthy level.
[quote]Cuso wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Setting someone you love up to feel badly just for kicks strikes me as small. It becomes bitchy when your motivation for doing it is to become one-up in a secret power struggle.
[/quote]
QFT
Just to end the thread, I dropped the hint which triggered her memory and she could save face. However, if I hadn’t said anything she would have forgotten. I could tell that she felt bad about the whole thing, but I’d never want her to feel guilty in any way over something so trivial as this.
Power in a relationship must be balanced between both parties to promote growth and to keep self esteem at a healthy level.[/quote]
Instead of “reminding” her like a selfish little boy, you should have just let the day pass. Then in a week or however long it takes her to realize she missed your birthday, she’ll most likely go overboard in making it up to you.
[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
[quote]Cuso wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Setting someone you love up to feel badly just for kicks strikes me as small. It becomes bitchy when your motivation for doing it is to become one-up in a secret power struggle.
[/quote]
QFT
Just to end the thread, I dropped the hint which triggered her memory and she could save face. However, if I hadn’t said anything she would have forgotten. I could tell that she felt bad about the whole thing, but I’d never want her to feel guilty in any way over something so trivial as this.
Power in a relationship must be balanced between both parties to promote growth and to keep self esteem at a healthy level.[/quote]
Instead of “reminding” her like a selfish little boy, you should have just let the day pass. Then in a week or however long it takes her to realize she missed your birthday, she’ll most likely go overboard in making it up to you.
[/quote]
And let her feel guilty about it for an extended period of time? I think that that is how a “selfish little boy” would do things.
She knows that I know she forgot it…and she’s been acting very nice to me. Besides that she respects me even more because I didn’t play that “selfish little boy” shit with her.
I’ll grant you one thing…it could have been interesting!
[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
[quote]Cuso wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Setting someone you love up to feel badly just for kicks strikes me as small. It becomes bitchy when your motivation for doing it is to become one-up in a secret power struggle.
[/quote]
QFT
Just to end the thread, I dropped the hint which triggered her memory and she could save face. However, if I hadn’t said anything she would have forgotten. I could tell that she felt bad about the whole thing, but I’d never want her to feel guilty in any way over something so trivial as this.
Power in a relationship must be balanced between both parties to promote growth and to keep self esteem at a healthy level.[/quote]
Instead of “reminding” her like a selfish little boy, you should have just let the day pass. Then in a week or however long it takes her to realize she missed your birthday, she’ll most likely go overboard in making it up to you.
[/quote]
???
Dropping a little reminder like "Wow, I can’t believe I’m going to 48 tomorrow is not acting like a selfish little boy. It allows her to gracefully save face. There’s nothing wrong with that.
I see a lot of mountains out of mole hills in this thread.
[quote]Cuso wrote:
[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
[quote]Cuso wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Setting someone you love up to feel badly just for kicks strikes me as small. It becomes bitchy when your motivation for doing it is to become one-up in a secret power struggle.
[/quote]
QFT
Just to end the thread, I dropped the hint which triggered her memory and she could save face. However, if I hadn’t said anything she would have forgotten. I could tell that she felt bad about the whole thing, but I’d never want her to feel guilty in any way over something so trivial as this.
Power in a relationship must be balanced between both parties to promote growth and to keep self esteem at a healthy level.[/quote]
Instead of “reminding” her like a selfish little boy, you should have just let the day pass. Then in a week or however long it takes her to realize she missed your birthday, she’ll most likely go overboard in making it up to you.
[/quote]
And let her feel guilty about it for an extended period of time? I think that that is how a “selfish little boy” would do things.
She knows that I know she forgot it…and she’s been acting very nice to me. Besides that she respects me even more because I didn’t play that “selfish little boy” shit with her.
I’ll grant you one thing…it could have been interesting![/quote]
I should have added that you could have acted like YOU forgot as well. Of course she’ll feel guilty knowing that YOU know, so acting like you forgot puts you in the same boat and diminishes her guilt.
Aw, hell. I like you Cuso. I didn’t meant to come across sounding like a dick.