Wife Has Completely Lost Her Sex Drive

Off Topic
1

I’ve been with my wife for around five years, married over a year.

I’d say for the first half of our relationship things were great from an intimacy perspective. She was always super passionate. But for the previous 2-3 years she’s become increasingly disinterested in sex to the point she could now go without it.

It’s something we’ve spoken about on a few occasions. She’s not been able to give any reason why she’s feeling this way. She was on antidepressants for a while and has been on many different contraceptives, so I’m not sure if one of those screwed something up. She’s been to the doctors and they’ve not been able to find any issues from a medical perspective, so they’re assuming it’s a mental issue. She’s due to start seeing a sex therapist next month.

I was just wondering if anyone has been in a similar position? I’ve personally found it very difficult, but am trying to be as supportive as possible. I feel like communication is important, but at the same time I can see it effects her a lot whenever it’s brought up and I don’t want to pressure her.

I miss the passion and intimacy we used to have and I’m worried whether this is it now for the rest of our lives. I feel like it’s been a knock to my confidence as well the fact the doctors think it’s psychological. Any advice would be appreciated.

2

Does this include birth control bills and has she stopped taking them any time during the relationship?

3

Yes she’s tried a few different types. She went 6 months free from birth control pills but didn’t find that made any difference.

4

Not a Dr and don’t have a time line of when what was taken and when the sex issue came up but I do know that Birth control pills do fuck with women’s ‘attraction’. As in women on birth control can be with a man super attracted to him etc and the moment she goes off (to start a family for example) she is no longer attracted to him.

5

And how old are you and your wife?
By the way, with the men and friends I’ve talked to, everyone has shared that their wife is no longer the one she was at the beginning. They have a desire for sex, but many of the things they used to do have now stopped. If in the beginning it was a porn movie, then it looks like some sweet romance.

6

Both these have been found to have rather long lasting impacts on sex drive

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7

We’re both 30, so we’re reasonably young. I thought it would be unusual for sex drive to drop off so substantially at this age.

8

You could try doing some curls, getting a haircut and bringing her some flowers.

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9

It has nothing to do with age. At least not in this sense. Anything manufactured can also have an impact to sex drive to some degree, but by and large this is a mental and emotional thing going on with your wife.

What all do y’all talk about? Do you know of things she struggles with? Body image issues? What stresses her out? How is sex like between the two of you? Is sex something that is more of an emotional thing for her? Does she know how to address and express mental and emotional disturbances?Does she seem inclined to be in a particular head space leading up to sex? Has she begun to associate sex with something else? How do you respond with the little bits of info she does give you? Is sex fair between the two of you? Do you ask how she feels without you hinting you want sex from her?

A lot of the times within marriage, things are quite regular and we will meet our partners halfway. It isn’t so much that things have changed, but that somewhere along the way we stop compromising, either with ourselves, or with our partners, or both; or we stop trying to ignore what we have been ignoring at the beginning of the relationship. Hence me asking those plethora of questions.

This isn’t a sex thing. So to speak. It’s a mind thing. As a husband, but also as a friend, you’re going to have to meet your wife somewhere wherever she is.

I’m really not trying to step on toes here, but this is a “You and Her” thing. If things get uncomfortable, that’s okay. If things get very deep that’s also okay, but support her regardless. You’re not only her husband, but her friend.

As a therapist (the “and how does that make you feel” kind), just make sure that it’s getting clearly expressed HOW she’s viewing sex. What we associate sex with, can go both ways, in either direction.

And comfort her as well. All of this can make someone feel like there’s something wrong with them. Sure, in retrospect there’s something to be fixed, but she’s not defective, she’s not broken, or this thing that’s malfunctioning. She’s experiencing life. Both of you are.

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10

I think it’s awesome that ya’ll are taking action right now. It seems like a lot of people just continue living in sexless marriages as they age… without a second thought.

Sometimes a simple nutritional tweak can make a big difference for women: getting adequate iron, vitamin D, fish oil, limiting alcohol, etc. And even when those are straightened out, there’s still a psychological component.

Women sometimes need to get psyched up for sexy time, and that can be hard to do when their minds are trying to juggle a dozen different things at once.

I’ve found that edibles actually work wonders in this area during those stressful occasions. The body becomes more sensitive to touch, and the mind is relaxed enough to forget about anything that might stop us from enjoying it.

But there are a lot of ways for women to get psyched up for it. There’s a podcast called “Sex With Emily” that’s pretty informative in this area. It might help her/you clear this temporary hurdle, but I’m betting your sex therapist will be able to nip it in the bud.

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11

Well, the whole curls, flowers, and you initiating intimacy mentioned above is probably the most obvious solution.

It always could be hormonal, but i think that should be one of the last things to check. Still, if all else fails - get her hormones checked. Defy Medical does a lot for HRT stuff and can help, but medical intervention should be the last stop on this road.

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12

Fats and vitamins in the diet for hormones

Watch out for contraceptives that contain estrogen

Weed

I agree with the ladies.

13

Trade her in for a working model

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14

Sexual humanoids will solve the problem in the near future

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16

It doesn’t. @dagill2

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