“providing shelter, protection and a home for a wife is part of what makes a marriage” well, no, having mutual trust and love makes a marriage. Women with a solid head on their shoulders do not need to have a man to provide for them… this is not the 50’s where women need to have a husband to complete their world and greet him at the door with a smile and dinner on the table. YES, I want a husband, but he will be my equal, not my protector and provider. And I already have a home…I bought it by myself in November and gutted it myself and am putting it back together myself. (Yes, I have had help, but I have had my hands in every part of the process.)
michelle, I want to see before and after pics when you’re done. Make sure to let us know!
Man I’m feaking out about this - there seems to be an epedemic of “Startup” marriages around. All my friends and cousins wives have fucked off on them. I’ve been married for 2 years and my wife is now starting into the same fucking thing as the rest. I’m 28 she’s 23 and now she’s saying she feels trapped, that she would like to go to Australia for a year to figure shit out, and now I’m getting shit like I’m not affectionate enough and we dont talk anymore. Like Brock she came from NOTHING - a life she hated and now she has everything. Women are fucked in the head - If you ever find a woman who sayes she knows exactly what she wants in life - she’s lying.
To Different Guy, Brock and perhaps others. You did very nice things for women who needed help. Regardless of the situations. They obviously don’t know better and are thowing it away. From the standpoint of the extremely independent person that I am (sometimes too independent, but I’m working on that) here is something to think about: These women needed help and maybe some guideance, those two things develop maturity. Being protected creates an adult child, someone with money and power and expensive toys… now they are acting like what they are: children. Please don’t take this as a slam, it is GOOD to help people, it is not good to pick someone up dust them off and give them a lollipop… they don’t learn that way. I have perspective on this, I did the exact same thing you did. I completely supported my ex, payed his bills, fed him, housed him… he repayed me by being abusive to me and to my dog. I got out of that and learned a hard lesson, just learn from this and don’t let it make you into a cynical person. You know what to look for now.
nephorm - I’m in the process of completely building one stove from two non working antique stoves. I still have to tear up the kitchen floor and get it ready for tile and start making my mouldings. Then gut the upstairs bathroom… It’ll be a while!!!
I’ve gotta say that I have absolutely nothing to disagree about Doogie has to say. He has qualified everything with the knowledge that Brock’s case may be different due to individual circumstances, but every comment has been right on. Women who behave badly almost ALWAYS show signs before marriage; most of us who fall for them are too smitten to see the flaws. Brock should have never put up with 6-9 months of crap. As someone who has had some issues in marriage and have overcome, I say, never agree to let your spouse move out to work shit out. That is merely the first step towards divorce (statistics bear this out, though the exact numbers escape me right now). At one bad juncture in our marriage, my wife wanted to move out to get some perspective, but I said “No.” “You move out, it is divorce.” I said, “I want you to stay and work things out.” We stayed together, and we are happy now (for now anyway, but marriage is a life-long project). Statistics show that 80% of troubled couples who stay together, report being MUCH happier within five years, with the most unhappy couples showing the most improvement. All this even without counseling. Sorry to digress, but I say, sure you should be nice, but you should also be strong and set some ground rules.
Thanos, alimony serves to purposes. 1. to support somene who is lazy . 2. does not hav the skills to provide for themselves . 3. pissed off and wants to hurt there former partner. 4. All of the above. Giving someone unconditonal trust is not the same as showering them with money and gifts. Buying a mink coat, a SUV, this is more than just providing for a spouse. When you are to trusting of a person you set your self up to get screwed. Trust is good but always be on guard so that you can limit the pain.
First of all, this guy is NOT nice. He’s stooooopid. For allowing something so blatantly obvious take control of him and ANY good sense he may have had. Don’t confuse nice with being stupid. And in this day and age, women can be as confident and cocky as their ball carrying counterparts -so if the guy is nice BUT lacks confidence - uh, ain’t interested. I can certainly see the difference between confidence and just plain obnoxious dick-like behaviour, okay? Oh, and you think it’s just “nice guys”? Well, most of these “nice guys” have a “nice girl” whom they confide in, as they try to figure out why all these other gals aren’t interested in them. While maybe, just maybe, these nice girls who are like “one of the guys” could be pinning away for THEM. But nope, these guys aren’t into the nice girls - just that gal that uses them and blows them away. Hmmm- I guess it goes BOTH ways, right? Well, I’m with a “nice guy” - quite happily. BUT, he’s confident AND my equal. We’re TWO people who take care of EACH other. Not one taking care of the other and vice versa. If that was the case, that would be messed up…right?
sound like she’s young… sometimes people only go for what they cannot have, it’s called a challenge. That’s a big part of relationships, especially when you’re young. It also has to do with low self esteem, not yours, hers. She may only go where it’s not so easy. Be yourself, be nice, be decent…but draw the line and call the shots. Have you heard the phrase " have her cake and eat it too?" Well, that’s what she’s doing and she’ll do it as long as you allow it. You deserve more, if she’s your friend she’ll respect that, best to stay away from her or down the road you’ll really feel used. Toughen up and move on.
“‘providing shelter, protection and a home for a wife is part of what makes a marriage’ well, no, having mutual trust and love makes a marriage.” If you had read the sentence that you quoted from my post rather than just quoting it, you would have noticed the existance of the words “part of what makes”. Instead you go on some idealic “I am Woman, hear me roar” diatribe. I never said that it was the ONLY thing that made a marriage; I only stated that it is a PART. Its know its easy to be all highminded from a distance, but I imagine the situation would be different if you married a great guy that you love and trusted and a year after the wedding he promptly quits his job, gains 80 lbs, and expects you to support him and your children for the rest of his life because you “love” him. I don’t want to highjack this thread by going off on a tangent, but I think there is a reason why “unmarried, self-sufficent, do it myself” women tend to remain “unmarried, self-sufficent, do it myself” women. Just food for thought…
Actually Thanos, that WAS my point, I don’t need to be provided for. Yes, I am looking forward to getting married - sorry, this “unmarried, self-sufficent, do it myself” actually DOES have a man waiting … infact I have two, the one I’m with and the one who wants me back (long story, the details are not relevant) As for your little senerio… been there done that. Read the post above. When I met him he was built like a truck, in school on track to a good job, and a hard worker. Then he moved in with me and decided to take a semester off and work… once he realised I could pay the bills he decided that he didn’t really need to find a job, so sat home got fat, and turned into the violent asshole that I somehow made excuses for. In my blind ‘I love you’ fog, I almost did marry the guy because he was working hard at convincing me to go to a judge and get married because - and I quote - “If we are married it will be cheaper for me to go back to school because you’ll be the only one working and I’ll get more loans” The reason women like me often remain single longer than our ‘take care of me for I am a delicate flower’ counterparts is because we have to find guys who understand that we are their equals, not weak women needing shelter and protection from their big strong man.