[quote]nephorm wrote:
[quote]Broncoandy wrote:
I also take issue with the idea that alimony recipients “sacrificed” their career so they could stay home with the kids (or to watch Opera and eat bonbons)and needs to be compensated, while the breadwinner sacrifices time at home with his kids, took on whatever occupational health problems come with his field, etc… to go and win the bread and receives nothing in compensation, because clearly he was the lucky one to be toiling away while she was at home pushing the kids on the swing.
Being a stay at home mom / house wife is it’s own reward. They don’t need to be comped for their careers after divorce. They get compensation every single day they’re not at work, and should be nothing but grateful after the fact.[/quote]
Being a stay at home parent and keeping house is not its own reward, especially when it provides leisure time to the other spouse he or she wouldn’t have had if they were both working and had to split those duties. If the person is actually working, it can be hard and demanding. It is a luxury for the couple if one of them can work within the home, assuming the stay at home spouse is actually working.
What about the situation where the man hits his fifties and decides that his twenty-two year old secretary is a better fit for his lifestyle than his homemaker wife of twenty-five years? She’s been out of the job market for that long and probably has no current marketable skills. Should she get nothing while she tries to get back on her feet and find a job? I’m not talking about perpetual alimony, here.[/quote]
I agree with most of this, though I do think there is an intrinsic reward for a parent able to be home to care for children and home. Leaving an infant to return to work is very difficult, and I would say that both parents are happier when their newborn can avoid daycare to remain in its nice, clean home environment. I think going forward that it’s nice to take a kindergartener to its first day of school, chaperone field trips, etc. This all assumes a dedicated stay-at-home mom, obviously. A lazy or indifferent one is not an asset to the family, but then in what context is a lazy, indifferent person an asset? No team welcomes them.
I think Broncoandy and I have a different view of outside work, as well. I find that intrinsically rewarding, too, though I recognize that there are jobs I’d be miserable doing. Still, a job well done brings much more reward than television and candy, imo.
Further, it’s very nice to come home to a hot dinner. My evening leisure time seems much longer when an hour of it isn’t spent cooking. To be able to come in and change, put my stuff away, and look at mail while dinner is being made is probably not going to rocket me to greater success in my career, but it does make me a happier worker. I will probably hire someone to come in a clean eventually, because we’d rather do other things on the weekends. I’d be overjoyed if someone took on my laundry to boot. There are, of course, people who do that and the cooking, but they are out of my price range.
I don’t see it as “sacrificing” a career when a parent stays home, I see it as a mutual decision. The downside of that decision only comes in the event of a divorce or marital dissatisfaction (e.g. she’s a shitty SAHM and won’t get a job). But then, many women find themselves with men who leave something to be desired, work-ethic-wise.