[quote]treco wrote:
Maybe the man should do a better job of due diligence before marriage and fathering children, instead of accepting crazy as a cost of getting great, wild, abundant sex. It isn’t like people with caravans of emotional baggage are able to hide it or suppress it if you hang around them long enough. And by long enough - I would guess within a very few weeks.
[/quote]
You want men to take responsibility for their choices and actions. GTFO!
lol
[quote]treco wrote:
Maybe the man should do a better job of due diligence before marriage and fathering children, instead of accepting crazy as a cost of getting great, wild, abundant sex. It isn’t like people with caravans of emotional baggage are able to hide it or suppress it if you hang around them long enough. And by long enough - I would guess within a very few weeks.
[/quote]
But then you dont understand how that works.
Dude, you are the best, the greatest, nobody understands you like she does, the sex is awesome…
You have found THE ONE!!!
Until she has her hooks into you.
[quote]treco wrote:
Maybe the man should do a better job of due diligence before marriage and fathering children, instead of accepting crazy as a cost of getting great, wild, abundant sex. It isn’t like people with caravans of emotional baggage are able to hide it or suppress it if you hang around them long enough. And by long enough - I would guess within a very few weeks.
[/quote]
Not only are they able to hide it, but they’ve become adept at hiding it. The emotional stakes - and stress - at a beginning of a relationship are very low. Once those stakes increase, the crazy increases geometrically.
[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
It’s really heartbreaking, and it makes me sad to see the way they’re spoken of on these boards. ^^^
[/quote]
In my observation, the ones speaking harshly of people with BPD are those who were in a relationship with one. They’ve been through the abuse, and the manipulation, and the gaslighting, and the inane arguements, and at some point decided they wanted off the emotional roller coaster.
Having been in a relationship like that, having compassion for someone with BPD is a bit like having compassion for a tornado because it’s simply the result of certain weather patterns…while ignoring the destruction of 30,000 homes and 200 dead.
Additionally, ime people with BPD do not recognize the behavior in themselves. There’s actually a term for it to distinguish it from mental illness that the sufferer does recognize but I can’t think of it right now. The person with BPD does not want compassion, they do not want understanding. From their perspective, they’re not the one with the problem, the other person is. It makes therapy incredibly frustrating. On more than one occasion my ex stormed out of the office after being told her behavior was less than ideal.[/quote]
Fucking bullseye dude. Damn.
Orion and Dr Pangloss
Your replies are exactly my point - Are men so desperate for sex that they conveniently can’t see crazy until it is too late?
Sure they are hiding it. Either they need a provider or refuse to self evaluate as Dr wrote.
But I blame the man for falling into that spiderweb of deceit, rather than taking the necessary time to make a better choice.
Disclosure - 20 years married last month to a wonderful wife, but had live in relationships with a couple of crazies that I was wise to part ways with, and fortunate to have neither married nor impregnated.
[quote]treco wrote:
Orion and Dr Pangloss
Your replies are exactly my point - Are men so desperate for sex that they conveniently can’t see crazy until it is too late?[/quote]
Who said anything about sex?
[quote]Sure they are hiding it. Either they need a provider or refuse to self evaluate as Dr wrote.
But I blame the man for falling into that spiderweb of deceit, rather than taking the necessary time to make a better choice.[/quote]
I don’t think it’s necessarily a function of time; I dated my ex 6 years before we were married. The single best defense against a crazy woman is strong boundaries, not time. But I don’t disagree that responsibility for one’s life ultimately falls to one’s self.
Congrats on the anniversary. It’s a wonderful feeling to know you’ve met the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
[quote]treco wrote:
Orion and Dr Pangloss
Your replies are exactly my point - Are men so desperate for sex that they conveniently can’t see crazy until it is too late?
Sure they are hiding it. Either they need a provider or refuse to self evaluate as Dr wrote.
But I blame the man for falling into that spiderweb of deceit, rather than taking the necessary time to make a better choice.
Disclosure - 20 years married last month to a wonderful wife, but had live in relationships with a couple of crazies that I was wise to part ways with, and fortunate to have neither married nor impregnated.[/quote]
It’s not always an act either. Sometimes that shit doesn’t even manifest until after they pop a kid out. Post partem has a way of kicking the bipolar swings into motion.
Just find a woman that makes more money than you and has more money than you. Then if things go south, you get the alimony and sweet end of the deal.
[quote]Bauber wrote:
Just find a woman that makes more money than you and has more money than you. Then if things go south, you get the alimony and sweet end of the deal.[/quote]
[quote]treco wrote:
Orion and Dr Pangloss
Your replies are exactly my point - Are men so desperate for sex that they conveniently can’t see crazy until it is too late?
Sure they are hiding it. Either they need a provider or refuse to self evaluate as Dr wrote.
But I blame the man for falling into that spiderweb of deceit, rather than taking the necessary time to make a better choice.
Disclosure - 20 years married last month to a wonderful wife, but had live in relationships with a couple of crazies that I was wise to part ways with, and fortunate to have neither married nor impregnated.[/quote]
Congrats on your 20 year. May you and your Missus enjoy 20 more.
Regarding the crazies you had live-ins with, did you move in with them before “a very few weeks” (as per your earlier post) or did it take a little longer to realize that they were crazy or did you suspect they might be somewhat crazy but they were hot/sex was good so you were prepared to overlook a measure of crazy until after you moved in and realized just how deep the rabbit hole went?
Not meaning to be a dick, just curious. This is a slippery slope where it’s easy to misstep, especially as a guy in your early-mid 20’s where most of us guys are a touch crazy ourselves just a developmental phase…
[quote]pushharder wrote:
[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
…The single best defense against a crazy woman is strong boundaries, not time…
[/quote]
Very guru-ish.[/quote]
Agreed. Actually, one could argue that one of the most important qualities for any man in any situation is strong boundaries.
Establishing and defending boundaries and hierarchies of space, both on a large and small scale, is one of the most basic male imperatives and has been since time out of mind. Many (most) of us seem to completely abandon this crucial frame when confronted with a nice face and/or a perky pair of boobs. Then we wonder how it all goes sideways for us. Go figure…
[quote]
marriage really does not offer any real benefit to a man [/quote]
Prior to getting married I knew very little about women. After getting married I learned a lot.
I spend more time now with women than I ever did before marriage. I am approached by women pretty much everywhere I go whereas before marriage they all tended to flee from me. The idea of strange pussy is very appealing, but until She Say pulls the trigger on the 3-sum I have no need for another va jay jay.
I have a beautiful wife who I would not trade for any woman.
I can honestly say that getting married to She Say was the greatest thing I ever did.
[quote]pushharder wrote:
[quote]batman730 wrote:
Establishing and defending boundaries and hierarchies of space, both on a large and small scale, is one of the most basic male imperatives and has been since time out of mind. Many (most) of us seem to completely abandon this crucial frame when confronted with a nice face and/or a perky pair of boobs. Then we wonder how it all goes sideways for us. Go figure…[/quote]
And the Batman delivers again.[/quote]
You know I love you, but does this apply to you and Meesus Push?