I’m a huge fan of American high school and college flicks, I totally adore them and watch them as often as I can. It doesn’t matter if they’re cheesy and immature, it’s the spirit and feel of them that I love. I mean… why have a real life when you can live vicariously through tacky American pop culture, yes?
I’ve probably been averaging 1-2 of these movies for the past 3-4 months, so I can pretty much give you some recommendations if you want to get up to speed on this glorious genre. I’m currently on the fourth Bring it on! movie and also starting on the TV series Undeclared.
So… is it like that in real life too? The feel of these flicks is so heroic and epic. You have football jocks, geeks, Pontiacs, burger joints, snappy dialogue, hilarious schemes and pranks, people boinking apple pies, beer bongs, frat houses, Prom, Homecoming, roadtrips, etc. I love it! It would break my heart if Hollywood had given me an overly embellished idea of the real thing!
So, let’s discuss American high school. What’s it really like?
I am actually considering a career in the high school/college movie genre. I guess I would have to move to the US and work my way up, but talent-wise I think I do have the chops for writing the next American Pie, Ferriss Bueller or Breakfast Club. Anyone have any connections?
Real life sucks and High School isn’t as cool as you think.
-Geeks never get the girl
-Being smart doesn’t pay off until after high school
-Being dumb, popular, beautiful, and a jock is the best way to be
-No one knows how to fight
-Shit is not as serious as you think. High school problems are nothing more than a wet fart.
Ferris Beuller and Breakfast Club are more accurate than any movies from the past decade. Most of the chicks are not in their late 20’s with huge breasts, for one thing.
My high school experience was very dull. Tons of immature assholes and boring nerds. (not a lot of inbetween) I took all honors courses, did every band activity you can imagine, but no sports. The dances are lame as hell, you’re not allowed to do anything fun. Everything is standardized for the retarded masses, and your college acceptance/rejection is dependant on some gpa number in a database. And all you have to hope for after your schoolwork is a shitty job at Burger King.
Oh and everyone simulatenously breaks out in song at random times to express their love for their bff.
I bump into American college students quite a bit around here. I’m often praising America, asking them how many guns they own, what country singers they like, if they played football, etc. They often seem to think that I’m being facetious and dissing them, when I’m actually dead serious and in awe
Guess Americans are used to being ridiculed when overseas?
[quote]AHA wrote:
I bump into American college students quite a bit around here. I’m often praising America, asking them how many guns they own, what country singers they like, if they played football, etc. They often seem to think that I’m being facetious and dissing them, when I’m actually dead serious and in awe
Guess Americans are used to being ridiculed when overseas?
[/quote]
Most of the people who own guns, love country music, and played football won’t leave the country unless they’re on business.
The ones who leave the country for pleasure are usually liberals or dudes looking for foreign pussy(This will be me one day)
[quote]AHA wrote:
I bump into American college students quite a bit around here. I’m often praising America, asking them how many guns they own, what country singers they like, if they played football, etc. They often seem to think that I’m being facetious and dissing them, when I’m actually dead serious and in awe
Guess Americans are used to being ridiculed when overseas?
[/quote]
I’m surprised to see that you have such lackluster feelings for American high school. My love for it is pure and immaculate, hehe.
I’ve been discussing doing a road trip through the US where we would, among other things, visit some high schools. It would be like a Pilgrimage to the Holy Land for me and my friends. If you want to chaperone around a bunch of hard-drinking and America-loving Scandinavians, gimme a holler. Bonus points if you can somehow get us into prom night
[quote]
Most of the people who own guns, love country music, and played football won’t leave the country unless they’re on business.[/quote]
To-do: find a way to get American businessmen interested in Sweden…
Yeah, there might be some truth to that. I’ve had some conversations with Americans where they think I am a total weirdo for saying stuff that most people in the US would agree with. I guess they expect everyone to be commies when they come to Sweden.
Oh btw, might I recommend my article “Booze, blondes and blizzards: why Americans should study in socialist Sweden”
Booze, Blondes And Blizzards: Why Americans Should Study In Socialist Sweden
By AHA
Ever heard of Sweden? You know, the land of IKEA furniture, blonde supermodel nymphomaniacs, ancient Viking vampires, and polar bears in the streets. Ah yes, good old Sweden. Known to neighboring Denmark as “Forbudslandet” (“prohibition country”). The place to be if you lust for safety-approved adventure, hot chicks and a socialist cornucopia of free stuff. Come to Sweden and have the sixth best time of your life, or something like that.
The objective is pure Pareto Principle: to get the Swedish experience with as few cash outlays as possible while maximizing fun and games. The most reliable attack vector is obviously to become a student, getting your share of the plunder as well as a decent education.
Why is this directed at Americans? For the following reasons:
They really like going to college.
They have some very odd pre-conceptions about Europe, that can readily be exploited.
To make them feel special.
I know y’all are busy people so here’s the powerpointized sales pitch:
Free education. You can’t beat this really. Paying tuition is an unknown concept in Sweden. The government takes care of everything. You still have living expenses, though. Swedish students get something called CSN, which is 25% free money and 75% discount student loan. You don’t get it, however, so you will have to rely on scholarships, personal savings or working. But hey, if you’re reading this magazine you are probably a resourceful individual. You always hear about the exchange student n00bs who camp out in the city park and eat the ducks and stuff like that…
There are, to my knowledge, two ways to get into Swedish uni: as an exchange student or as a free mover. The advantage of the former is that you are more likely to have cash and living arrangements taken care of. There is fierce competition for some courses like medicine and law, but most are quite lax with admittance. Any way you slice it, you are pretty much guaranteed to get admitted to something. And it’s free, so why the hell not?
Quality of education. There’s no equivalent of Yale or Harvard, but Swedish tertiary education is generally very good. You will have to be smart about this. Some courses are junk, and others aren’t applicable to your career when you go back. You can’t go wrong with hard stuff like medicine or engineering. If you’re just looking to put some college stuff on your CV, liberal arts in Sweden is surely more exotic than the same in Bumfuck, Montana.
Nature. Here’s everything you need to know. No polar bears or penguins to be found, but plenty of green goodness. A love of nature is one of those Swedish cultural quirks that pops up all the time (another one would be the pagan midsummer ritual of going out into the boondocks, frog-dancing around gigantic phallic symbols and getting shot to hell on strong alcohol). Swedish cities are full of parks, trees and mountains. There are lots of skiing resorts. Swedes spend more time with their pets than they do with other people. The German national sport is collecting Swedish “beware of the moose” road signs. The weather is like your psycho ex. She was all nice and warm for 6 months while she lulled you into a false sense of security, then she went insane and tried to kill you by pummeling you with large chunks of ice.
Culture. Sweden is not exactly a huge warehouse of ancient culture. If you want to max out on castles, paintings, museums, and the cool grace of the Occident then go to Italy or something. Sometimes you’re in the mood for your supermodel girlfriend’s homely cousin from the country, know what I’m saying? The most interesting part of Swedish culture isn’t castles, the royal family or native food (mostly rotted fish and Absolut Vodka) but rather the people themselves, their mannerisms and ways of thinking. This is something unique that you won’t find anywhere else. Even other Scandinavians consider Swedes to be… special.
Close to Denmark. If you are in the mood for a bender, Denmark has all those things that you can’t easily acquire in Sweden: cheap & legal hookers, anarchist communes, buying booze in regular stores, decriminalized weed, smoking in bars, biker gangs upholding the public order, etc. And where do you think Danish pastries were invented? Tim Ferriss, our patron deity and all-round sexy beast, has of course written about this, just google “tim ferriss happiest country denmark”.
College subculture. And a huge one, at that, seeing as how some cities are 50% college students. Swedish fraternities (“studentnationer”) have managed to circumvent the usual byzantine rules about serving alcohol by pretending to be a members-only society dedicated to protecting students’ rights. In reality, their main activity is to arrange parties and night clubs, and to provide a complex hierarchy of cool staff titles so nerds can get laid. If you want to drink for free and look cool, contact the head of the Nation and volunteer to be a bartender.
English compatibility. A lot of college courses are given in English. And you can always charm some girl in class into translating the materials for you anyway. Swedish people have seen more episodes of Sex and the City and American Idol than you have. They will effortlessly switch to English and no one will expect you to learn the local language. Swedes love Americans, just make sure you voted for Obama. Also, be prepared to discuss the works of a brilliant documentary maker called Michael Moore.
Very (socially) liberal, Obviously, hookers and drugs are the exception here (see point 4) but other than that, Sweden is exactly like the decadent euro stereotype. If you like your abortions, legal 15 year olds, unabashedly promiscuous women, gay parades, stem cell labs, free government-issue contraceptives, tolerance towards minorities, free health care, etc, then Sweden is your place. Beware, however: libertine does not mean libertarian. Think Brave new World, not Declaration of Independence. Swedes are basically to PC what Batman is to crimefighting, and they sure do love their taxes.
Expat-friendly. Sweden gives out citizenships like candy, and you will get paid by the government to learn the language. You can’t fall back on teaching kids basic English like you can in Asia, however.
Girls. Swedish girls are definitely what you would call very attractive. Not everyone is a blonde moviestar, of course, but you will find that the baseline quality is really good. Swedish girls generally have pleasant and non-manipulative personalities, albeit a bit on the feminist side. As a bonus, Swedish men are too timid and drunk to be serious competition in the field. Basically, you can have your pick of an unlimited babestream of blondes if you so desire. Bonus: all Swedish girls are bisexuals.
Cyberpunk country. Origin of the first Pirate Party. High-speed broadband for everyone. Some of the most advanced government cybersurveillance measures in the world. Monolithic faceless bureacracies and state-subsidised corporations ruling your life. The combination of ubiquitous high technology and a natural tendency towards social reclusion has not been kind to the Swedish male. You may find yourself wishing Swedes would do less WoW raids and more IRL Viking ones, just to spice things up a bit.
Further reading:
Where to meet Swedes online:
Flashback.info - This infamous and huge Swedish forum is total freedom of speech mixed with Swedish discipline to make it sure it doesn’t devolve into 4chan.
Spray Date - Swedish dating site.
E-kontakt - More dating, mainly MILFs.
Mötesplatsen - See above.
Knullkontakt - Like Adultfriendfinder.
Bodycontact - See above.
Snyggast.nu - Like Hotornot, mainly teens.
Lunarstorm - Swedish Myspace.
Facebook - Yes, 99% of Sweden is on Facebook.
IRC - Swedish channels are usually appended with “-se” on Freenode.org, like #ubuntu-se for instance.
We’re actually doing a sequel to this called “Football, firepower and fratboys: why you should study in capitalist USA”. It’s going to be written by Houston07 here on T-Nation and you’ll probably see it in issue 5.
[quote]AHA wrote:
I’m surprised to see that you have such lackluster feelings for American high school. My love for it is pure and immaculate, hehe.
I’ve been discussing doing a road trip through the US where we would, among other things, visit some high schools. It would be like a Pilgrimage to the Holy Land for me and my friends. If you want to chaperone around a bunch of hard-drinking and America-loving Scandinavians, gimme a holler. Bonus points if you can somehow get us into prom night
[/quote]
For me, high school sucked. Otherwise, I loved being a kid and had a good time while it lasted.
[quote]AHA wrote:
I bump into American college students quite a bit around here. I’m often praising America, asking them how many guns they own, what country singers they like, if they played football, etc. They often seem to think that I’m being facetious and dissing them, when I’m actually dead serious and in awe
Guess Americans are used to being ridiculed when overseas?
[/quote]
Most of the people who own guns, love country music, and played football won’t leave the country unless they’re on business.
The ones who leave the country for pleasure are usually liberals or dudes looking for foreign pussy(This will be me one day)[/quote]
You said most… but I still would consider that false. Don’t believe everything on tv… I myself own many guns, hunt every year, listen to country music, and played football. I also travel to Iran and other foreign countries on a yearly basis for “pleasure.” I am liberal so I guess that fits the mold.
But as far as high schools go… my high school was nothing like Hollywood portrayed, but there are 2 high schools that my friends went to that are pretty much exactly what you see on tv.
[quote]AHA wrote:
I bump into American college students quite a bit around here. I’m often praising America, asking them how many guns they own, what country singers they like, if they played football, etc. They often seem to think that I’m being facetious and dissing them, when I’m actually dead serious and in awe
Guess Americans are used to being ridiculed when overseas?
[/quote]
